Mom to a Princess...Or 3!

Those Darn Stairs

2012-02-12T21:45:00.002-05:00

Well, life as we know it is now over. Bailey figured out how to climb up the stairs this week and it is consuming my life! You may ask, "Why the heck don't you just put up a gate?" What a good question! Our bottom four stairs are open and don't have a wall on both sides. It's hard to explain but my point is that it's impossible to put a gate up until you reach the 4th step... Which is high enough for her to still get hurt if she falls. What a pain!

The gate is a super huge pain in the neck because it's hard to climb over. I usually take it down when Bailey's sleeping and I have forgotten to put it back up several times. One time Brooke came running to the bathroom to tell me Bailey was on the stairs. I was expecting to see her on the bottom step but I was absolutely horrified to see that she had reached the very top of our staircase... She had climbed all 14 steps! I was majorly freaked out after that and have been far more diligent about putting the gate up.

I look forward to the novelty of the stairs wearing off. I'm not sure that will be anytime soon though, I'm afraid. It's amazing how something so common and ordinary can fascinate an almost-11-month-old! It's so exciting to watch them explore and discover the world around them but this just may be a discovery that I could do without!

The Latest

2012-02-05T21:57:00.001-05:00

For the past couple of weeks I have been tirelessly working on photo book Brooke's upcoming birthday. It's one of those books that you can create on Shutterfly and it took me at least 20 hours to get it ready. That explains my absence from the blogging world lately. I'm back, though! Have no fear. Here's the latest...

*Bailey continues to amaze us with her improvement! She has started taking steps and the other day she took 9 steps in a row. Life is really about to get crazy! She's also started taking regular naps again and I feel a tad bit more sane, consequently. I am extremely grateful to have a baby who isn't constantly screaming.

*Brooke was baptized today and it was very, very special. She accepted Jesus into her heart and went before the whole church and made her profession of faith. It was such a precious sight to see our pastor, my dad, baptize her because he baptized me at around the same age. It was such a big day for our girl and it brought tears of joy to my eyes!

*Adrienne hasn't had any "major stepping stones" like her sisters but I can't blog about them and not her! So, I will just say that she is absolutely hilarious lately and she makes life a lot of fun. She can be stubborn and difficult sometimes but her goofy ways and big kisses always make up for it. She melts my heart every single day.

*John and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary last Saturday. I cannot believe that 6 years have come and gone so quickly! I grown even more in love with my amazing man with each passing day and when I think about our future, I get excited. I love knowing that I have my best friend right beside me through each step:-) He and I got to go out for a late night dinner while my sister-in-law sat with the girls after bedtime. It was awesome!

That about sums up the past couple of weeks. I feel like lots more has gone on but these are definitely just the highlights! I hope to post more frequently in the future. We'll see how that goes!

The BIG Day

2012-01-27T21:33:00.002-05:00

Bailey had her tubes put in today. I was obviously a little anxious but I was even more excited for her to have some relief from all of the pain she's been in.My main concern was that she couldn't eat for 4 hours beforehand and I thought that she would flip out from not being able to nurse. It's funny, though, because it really wasn't such a big deal, after all!

When we got to the surgery center it all sank in and I was super nervous. It really helped that Bailey was in surprisingly good spirits and not acting too upset that she couldn't nurse... Though she did try to push the issue a time or 2! I had woken her up in the middle of the night to feed her so she wasn't starving. Once they called us back, they got some vitals on her and we met with her doctor and anaesthesiologist. Before we knew it, she was gone. She gripped on tightly to me when they tried to take her and that was hard but I knew it was for her good.

John and I waited with some people from church who had come to support us. After about 15 minutes I went to go to the bathroom and on the way back I heard my baby flipping out. I peeked in a window of the recovery room and saw them struggling with her and I wanted to go right in and pry her out of the nurses' arms. A nurse walked by and said that someone would come get me when she was settled and I was thinking.. "I'M THE ONE WHO WILL SETTLE HER!!" Only a few seconds later they got me and she was so happy to be able to nurse. She did fuss for about 20 minutes but after that, she was a completely happy and normal baby. Praise God!

The doctor said that he was able to remove a great deal of mucous and fluids from her ears and that her ear drums were stretched and bulging from the pressure. He said that she was probably in a substantial amount of pain all this time. My poor baby! He told us that we should notice a great improvement in her right away and boy, was he right... John and I were amazed today at how happy and content Bailey was. We were able to actually put her down, she took a nap in her crib (usually she has to sleep next to me and nurse!) and she didn't even fuss going to bed. I can't even express how encouraged I feel about her improvement. I look forward to the days ahead!!

I am so thankful that this day that I had been dreading turned into such a great day! It could not have gone better and I feel so relieved for my precious baby.

So Long, Toothless Grin!

2012-01-20T21:34:00.000-05:00

We have been waiting and waiting for Bailey to cut teeth. The other girls got their first teeth when they were 5 months old. Bailey, on the other hand has remained toothless for almost 10 months... Until today, that is! we woke up this morning with on tooth on the bottom. Both of her eye teeth are about to poke through, also!

I must confess... I'm a little sad to say goodbye to Bailey's toothless grin. I've always thought it was kind of cute that she had no teeth, even though all of her "friends" have lots of them. She's also super attached to breastfeeding and I was more than happy to not have to worry about her biting me with actual teeth. It's a little sad to turn the page onto the next chapter. Maybe I'm being a little overly sentimental on this one?

She does have another ear infection and she has this new teething thing going on but she's been pretty happy. I'm encouraged that she hasn't been a basket case. T poor thing must feel like garbage but she's been sleeping through the night and relatively happy. I'm extremely thankful for that!

The best part of Bailey's tooth discovery this morning was her big sisters... They were so excited for her that they couldn't contain themselves. They wanted to tell their grandparents and of course they wanted to feel it but Miss Bailey wouldn't allow that. I hope they're always this excited over one another's accomplishments!

It's A Hard Knock Life

2012-01-13T21:18:00.000-05:00

My poor little Bailey hasn't felt well in so long and it's been very, very challenging around here. There are not words to describe just how thin I feel as though I'm being spread. Everything I do from going to the bathroom to cooking dinner is either done with Bailey in tow or with her screaming in the background. There are very few moments through the day when I'm not holding her and I feel so bad for the other girls who aren't getting the best of me. It's been rough. Mostly, though, I'm just feeling so sad for my baby who has got to be even more sick of this than I am!

It's been another long week... I took Bailey back to the doctor on Monday because she had thrush really bad from the last course of antibiotics she was on for her ears. The doctor discovered that both of her ears were severely infected still. He gave her an antibiotic shot in the office and then prescribed her an oral antibiotic. He told me to bring her back on Thursday to recheck her ears and I was shocked when he told me that her infection looked no better:-( So she had yet another shot and we were sent home with a new antibiotic to take. I have to take her back in tomorrow for another shot, too. It's just been A LOT to take care of.. The constant doctor trips, fighting with her over medicine, and mostly, having her be so grumpy and cranky all day, everyday.

I wish I had other things to write about besides ear infections but these weeks have been a blur! I feel like I'm just surviving and not achieving much these days. I've fallen behind on housework and laundry and various other things that I need to accomplish. I wish I was "Super Mom" during times like these:-(

Tubes

2012-01-07T22:35:00.000-05:00

Bailey has had nothing but ear infection after ear infection for the past five months. It's really no wonder why she's such a grumpy and clingy baby... She hardly ever feels well. The antibiotics for the infections always mess her belly up, too, and this time around she got thrush on top of a super bad diaper rash. It's like three weeks of misery with each infection. So anyways, her doctor referred her to an ENT to figure out a solution to this madness and we finally got some answers!

There was an audiologist who did a test on her ears before we met with the doctor and they found that there was lots of fluid, despite the fact that she had just finished up an antibiotic from the last infection. The doctor said that the medicines are taking the infections away but not removing the fluid, which is why she keeps having issues. Based on the fluid levels, he says her hearing levels are down by 20 to 30 percent. That's the part that really breaks my heart. I can't imagine living in a world where I constantly feel like I'm under water and I can't accurately hear what's going on in my surroundings. It chokes me up just thinking about it for my sweet Bailey girl.

The doctor automatically suggested tubes and my response was, "How soon can she have them put in??" I'm obviously not excited about putting my baby through surgery and all but I would do anything to help her start feeling better. Enough is enough! So we're scheduled for the 27th of this month. I'm anxious about that day but I have to look ahead to her future and not be afraid to do what's best for her. He said that this could have a negative impact on her speech if we don't fix it as soon as we can. It would really be silly to not go through with this.

I'm feeling so many mixed emotions about all of this right now. These past few months have been hard... She hardly ever naps during the days and she always, always has to be held by me. The days are long and I go to bed weary most nights. I'm hoping that these tubes will dramatically change her disposition... So much so that John's already warned me to not be upset if they don't! :-) Lol. He's so sweet. So anyways, these next three weeks of waiting are going to be long. I'm eager to get my girl feeling better... for her sake and mine!

Finally on the Mend

2012-01-02T21:47:00.000-05:00

Since I last posted, Bailey has been very, very sick. Her fever stayed in the 104 range for several days and when I brought her back to the doctor on Friday they were going to admit her into the hospital. She wasn't nursing well, having constant diarrhea and she also had thrush from the antibiotics that she had been on for her double ear infection. They were concerned about her staying hydrated but I assured them that I was on top of her care and that I preferred to treat her from home.

She continued to run a fever on Saturday but it was only in the 101 degree range and it stayed that way on Sunday, as well. Today was the first day that she woke up without a fever since Thursday so I was extremely excited! I had been anxiously praying for the fever to break because they had talked about doing a spinal tap to figure things out if she didn't get any better. I was pretty scared!

Though her fever was down today, she is acting no happier. She pretty much screams the whole day and will sleep nowhere but in my arms. I'm pretty exhausted and I feel bad that the other girls have to suffer from me being spread so thin. I'm hoping she'll be happier within the coming days, otherwise we're headed back to the doctor .She is just NOT herself.

I've asked the question before but I'll repeat it... What do I have to do to keep my children healthy this winter??? It's getting so old for these poor girls!

Post Christmas Update

2011-12-29T21:36:00.000-05:00

We had a wonderful Christmas!! We stayed in on Christmas Eve and had a nice dinner and watched a Christmas movie. Christmas day was packed with three Christmas gatherings, church, tons of awesome food, and lots and lots and lots of presents. I'm always sad to see the Christmas season end though:-(

Since Christmas, we have had never ending, non-stop sickness in this house...

-Bailey started screaming on Christmas night and ended up being up almost all night long. I chalked it up to it just being a busy day.

-On Monday night, Bailey was still up screaming and Adrienne was up doing the same, while running a fever.

-I took both girls to the doctor on Tuesday to find that they both had double ear infections. Bailey has had 5 ear infections in 4 months and her doctor said her ears don't look good at all. He referred us to an ENT to prevent damage, hearing loss and constant ear infections. Poor baby.

-On Tuesday night Adrienne was still up screaming and Bailey was up several times. To add to it, Brooke was up throwing up. I didn't sleep at all. Awful, awful, awful.

-On Wednesday, Adrienne started running a fever and it continued into that night and Thursday.

-All three girls slept well last night... Until Bailey woke up screaming. She didn't stop screaming pretty much all day. I put her down for a nap and she woke up with a 104.9 degree fever. I put her in a tepid bath and her fever only went down to 104.7 and I was freaking out. I took her to the doctor where they did blood work. The doctor said that they would admit her if they showed her white blood count to be elevated. Everything checked out fine, though, so her doctor said it's probably just a virus. Her fever was already up to 104.6 by the time we got back home and I'm a nervous wreck, I'm just not comfortable with her fever being so high. She's been exhausted so she's sleeping soundly now but I can't help but feel anxious:-(

-On top of all of this, all three girls have had nasty colds and coughs.

It's amazing how such a wonderful Christmas can be followed up with such a horrible week. I'm ready for three healthy girls and for life to be back to normal. And most of all, I would really LOVE some sleep.

Pierced Ears!

2011-12-22T22:15:00.001-05:00

Brooke and Adrienne had been asking to get their ears pierced for a while so John and I decided to take them to have it done as part of their Christmas present. I really had no objections to their ears being pierced but whenever we would offer to take Brooke, she would chicken out at the last minute. I think the first time it came up was before her third birthday, so this has been going on for nearly two years!

On Monday, both girls were still interested in having it done so we headed to the mall. John and I planned on keeping the girls separate in case the first one to have it done freaked out. Even though John always does the blood and guts stuff (shots, blood work, IV's), I thought that I would be brave and be the one to actually take them to have it done. It kind of seemed like a mother-daughter type experience anyways so I sucked it up.

We let the girls pick out their earrings and it was so fun to watch them light up as they saw the different choices. After much debate, Adrienne decided on pink flowers and Brooke decided on silver princess crowns. They were both really cute choices and I really, really tried to let them have exactly what they wanted and not give any input. That's not exactly easy for this mama:-)

Brooke was the first one to go and my heart was pounding. She, on the other hand, was as cool as cucumber. She didn't even want to sit on my lap! The lady pierced her ears, one at a time, and my girl was completely and totally unmoved. It was like nothing even happened. I couldn't believe it... And neither could the lady!

Then, it was Adrienne's turn. I was really anxious for her, just as I had been with Brooke. I'm not sure how I lucked out twice but she, too, wasn't remotely bothered by her ears being pierced. She's a tough and brave girl so I assumed she would do great and she proved me right.

The lady who pierced their ears went on and on and about how well behaved and calm my girls were. It makes a mommy proud! This experience that I was so anxious about turned out to be no big deal at all. Their ears really look great and I can't believe how grown up my girls look!

An Unexpected Blessing

2011-12-15T23:04:00.002-05:00

It's been over 5 years since I've had a piano in my home. I inherited my childhood piano when I got married but because our first house was so small, I had to get rid of it when Brooke came along. Though we moved into a much bigger house eventually, buying a piano has never really been a priority for me.

I'm our church's pianist (and have been since I was 12) so I at least get the opportunity to play every week. We have really turned into a worship team or praise band and playing each Sunday is one of my favorite parts of the week. I also play an offeratory every week and I usually end up pulling something out of a book at the last second... Literally. Sometimes even while the ushers are praying over the offering. I even get crazy some weeks and play songs that I've never even played before. I guess when you don't have a piano or an avenue to practice you just hope for the best!

I have wanted a weighted 88 key, hammer actioned keyboard for a long time now. Our church made the switch years ago and I've never longed for a "real" piano ever again. They're super nice because they sound and feel like an actual piano but they're maintenance free so you don't have to worry about strings breaking or keeping them tuned. Each Sunday morning at worship practice I joke that I hope our church's piano breaks so they have to buy a new one and give the old one to me.

You would not believe my shock the other day when I pulled into my driveway from picking Brooke up from school and saw three large boxes on my front porch. When I read the writing on the one box and realized that it was the weighted keyboard I had always wanted, I didn't even know what to think. The other two boxes housed the piano stand and the pedals. Tears came to my house and my hands started shaking. It was like those Publisher's Clearing House commercials when the people find out they've just won all that money. I lugged it into the house, screaming baby and all, and just stared at the boxes. Knife in hand, I didn't even want to open it because I didn't think that it could possibly belong to me. I mean, pianos don't just randomly appear on front porches! I had no clue where this piano came from and nobody in my family confessed to getting it for me. When I opened the box, I saw the gift giver's name on the invoice. This person had wished to remain anonymous and didn't realize that the invoice would give the secret away. I would love to go on and on about this person on here but in respect of the original intentions, I won't. All I can say is WOW! I mean, there are just no appropriate words here.

It's only been a few days since the piano has been in my home but I'm already enjoying it so much. Every spare minute that I've gotten has gone towards bringing out an old piece that's sat in a box for nearly 5 years. I have loved playing through old classical music that I worked so hard to perfect years ago. Those songs were my blood, sweat and tears at one point!

Brooke is already asking me to teach her to play but as much as I love to play, I'm not sure that I could really teach it to anyone. I think we'll start small and do a few basic piano concepts but eventually, a real teacher would suit her much better. I tend to break all of rules with the piano and play whatever I think sounds good and I would like for my girls to be more disciplined about their piano techniques than I am.

There are not words to describe how blessed I feel to have been gifted this piano. It's honestly a dream come true and I am so thankful that I will be able to fill my home with music once again!

It Never Ends...

2011-12-14T21:52:00.001-05:00

Since I last posted, my girls have been nothing but sick, sick, sick. Adrienne started throwing up on Sunday night. On Monday, Bailey got a nasty case of Pink eye that made her completely miserable and that came with sleepless nights. Then last night, Brooke was up throwing up, along with me. GRRR. I'm starting to get frustrated.

Bailey had been screaming and miserable but I thought it was because the Pink Eye virus supposedly makes you feel like garbage. I took her to the doctor today, though, and found out that she has one ear that's infected and the other ear has a ruptured ear drum. My POOR baby! I feel like the worst mother for assuming her constant crying was just because she felt yucky.. She was in lots and lots of pain:-( I could have had that fixed days ago for her earlier and I'm about to cry thinking of the horrible pain she must have been in. She's on a strong antibiotic, along with some drops, and already we've noticed a major improvement in her. It was so refreshing to see her smiling and playing happily tonight for a change!

I'm starting to wonder if my girls are going to play this sick game all winter. It's just ridiculous. We usually get hit hard in the cold months but this year it seems to be starting earlier. I'm pretty sure that has to do with Brooke going to school and bringing all the lovely germs back to us. My poor girl has already missed 8 days of school and each time that she has to stay home it breaks her heart. Today was her day for Show and Tell and it was so sad to tell her she wouldn't be able to go:-( I just don't get why my family gets hit so hard with viruses and bugs... We eat very healthy and my girls get lots of fruits, veggies, whole grains, etc.. They also get plenty of rest. I'm not sure what else I could do to help strengthen their immune systems! I would do just about anything.

I'm about to close my eyes for the night but I'm kind of preparing myself to not get much sleep. I think I would give my right arm for even mediocre rest tonight. That certainly beats being up every hour! Wish me luck...

Hanging By A Thread

2011-12-10T21:23:00.001-05:00

This has been a rough week. John and Adrienne got the stomach bug on Thursday. On Friday, Brooke got Pink Eye and Adrienne was running a fever. Then, today, Adrienne caught Brooke's Pink Eye and I suspect that Bailey has an ear infection. It's just been one thing after the other. Nobody has been sleeping great, to top it all off.

We've been couped up due to everyone being sick but there were some things I had to get from the grocery store today. I thought it would be nice to do something fun with the girls so I promised them we could go to McDonald's for a treat after we ran my errands. Once we got the the grocery store I realized that that was a mistake... Bailey screamed uncontrollably the entire time we were there, no matter what I did. It was a pure disaster. Adrienne was grumpy and difficult and that only added insult to injury. It was not easy lugging a screaming baby around while trying to check out and rush out of there. It was horrible.

I wanted so badly to just skip out on my promise of McDonald's but I didn't want to disappoint the girls. So, like any glutton for punishment would do, I continued on. Bailey was only happy unless I was holding her and it was extremely difficult getting our food and drinks, along with everything else we needed. Not to mention, the line was exceedingly long. I finally got our food and sat down, got everyone's food out and boom... Like clock work, Adrienne had to go potty. After a trip to the bathroom, we sat down again and I'll admit, the girls really enjoyed their chicken nuggets. However, Adrienne spilled her drink and Bailey fussed and grabbed for things, knocking the tray on the ground. I turned around to throw our things in the trash and in that 10 second time frame, Adrienne fall on the ground face first and some random stranger ran over and picked her up. I honestly felt like crying at that point. I have never felt so harried and overwhelmed as a mother like I did today.

This sweet old lady came over to me, put her arm around me and said, "Honey, I promise you, it's worth it. Hang in there during these years." She then had her husband throw out the rest of my trash, zipped the girls' coats and offered to help us out to the car. It was very, very sweet and encouraging to me.

I got in the car and I felt so moody, grumpy and irritable. I kind of set myself on auto-pilot and when the kids would talk to me it was all I could do to respond. I was beyond exhausted and frustrated by the challenges we had met. My goal for the day had been to have fun and spend meaningful time together but it somehow seemed like a total flop.

When we finally got home, I told myself that I would never take all three of them out by myself ever again. There's only one problem with that... That's almost impossible! I keep telling myself that these are just hard years, which they definitely are, and that I will survive the struggles and challenges. That line of thinking bothers me, though, because I don't want to merely survive them, I want to actually enjoy and cherish them. I know that one day I will miss these days but on a day like today, I'm starting to wonder! I have a sign in my house that says, "Don't just count the days... Make the days count. " So here's my resolution to doing just that! It won't always be easy but I do not want to look back on my life with regret.

"It's YOUR Fault!"

2011-12-05T20:37:00.001-05:00

Ah, you gotta love the two-year-old stage... You know, the stage where they have to anything and everything for themselves, by themselves. My stubborn little Adrienne insists on doing things her way and in her time, with absolutely no help from her mama. It requires a great deal of patience on my part and sometimes letting her walk out of the house with her underwear inside out or pants on backwards. It's not worth crushing her spirit, most of the time!

But... The one thing that I DO require for her is to put a Pull-Up on before bed each night! She still doesn't wake up dry in the morning and since she was potty trained so early I haven't really pushed it. I think it's developmental and that she'll get it eventually. So anyways, we gave her her pajamas and Pull-Up and told her to get ready for bed. We tucked her in and called it a night.

The next morning she came waddling down the stairs and I could tell her pajamas were wet. I figured she had just leaked out of the Pull-Up but she looked at me and said, "It's your fault!" I then felt her and realized that she had forgotten to put her Pull-Up on! I laughed hysterically and so did she. It was such a hilarious moment! After a quick bath before breakfast and some clean sheets, we were as good as new.

There is never a dull moment in this house! My girls keep me on my toes and they sure know how to make me laugh:-) Needless to say, we'll be monitoring Miss Adrienne's bedtime attire more carefully!

The Best Birthday Gift

2011-12-02T22:02:00.001-05:00

Today is my birthday and my husband gave me the best gift he could have possibly given me... His time! He suprised me on Sunday night and told me that he didn't have to be back into work until 5 days from then, which is unfortunately tonight. During his glorious break, he gutted my laundry room and built me a beautiful new pantry. It turned out great and I feel so spoiled:-) Having him home was absolutely amazing and it was such a treat to have an unexpected break from the hustle and bustle of his job.

My birthday was very special today! John, the girls and I went to lunch with my parents at Olive Garden and then John took me to Target so I could do some of my coupon shopping. I got paid $15 to buy 23 bottles of shampoo/conditioner so that just about made my birthday! After the thrill of bargain shopping, we went home and had some down time before heading back out to my birthday party with my side of the family. John's birthday is a week from today so it was actually our joint party and my parents bought us a beautiful 32 inch flat screen TV for our bedroom. We are so spoiled!

My girls were awesome today, too, and before putting them to bed they were so happy and goofy together. I couldn't help but sit back and stare at them and feel like the most blessed woman on the planet. I have such a wonderful life!

I'm off to send my husband out the door for work. It's hard not to be sad but I'm so extremely thankful for the incredible week that we had!

With Thanks Overflowing

2011-11-24T22:17:00.001-05:00

We had a Thanksgiving service at church last night and we were asked to share what we were thankful for. I'm rarely a woman who is at a lack for words but last night I was. I couldn't think of one single thing to share because my heart was overflowing with gratitude and amazement over how much God has blessed my family and me. I could sit here for hours naming things, people, opportunities and circumstances that I'm thankful for... And I'm pretty sure the list would never end.

We had such a wonderful day today! The girls and I met my mom and sister at McDonald's for breakfast, which is a Thanksgiving morning ritual. After that, we came home and pigged out on some goodies while watching the parade. As we all sat on the couch together, I couldn't help but sit back and stare at my daughters and my husband in amazement that Lord has blessed me, of all people, with them as my family. It was such a perfect time that we shared and some precious memories were made today!

Our Thanksgiving feast went off without a hitch today. Not only did we have some delicious food and countless desserts, but the love and laughter shared around the table trumped all of that. And I'm pretty sure nobody left hungry:-)

I am mindful, today especially, that I cannot lift my head up off of the pillow in the morning with God. I cannot do anything in and of myself and I acknowledge that it is Him that has given me everything in my life that I hold dear. That is precisely the reason that I am thankful for way too many things to even list.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all! I hope your day was as perfect as mine:-)

Childlike Faith

2011-11-22T21:11:00.001-05:00

My oldest daughter had something huge happen in her life today... She asked Jesus to come into her heart! We have family devotions each night and try to talk with our children about the things of God as much as possible. From that, she started asking John questions about salvation a few weeks back and today, he lead her in a sweet prayer. We truly believe that it was a sincere prayer and are very excited that our daughter has already made the most important decision of her life!

I, too, was very young when I was saved... I had just turned 5. I grew up in a pastor's home, hearing about the Bible and salvation my whole life, and sometimes I take the Bible for granted, I think. I've heard all of the stories countless times and sometimes it's easy to think of them as just that... "Stories" instead of remembering that they really did happen. I love how Brooke is amazed at each story, each scripture and each verse. She takes it all in complete faith. It's so refreshing to see her enthusiasm for the things of God and it's encouraging to me in my own spiritual walk!

The Holiday Season is HERE!!

2011-11-16T21:34:00.001-05:00

Ah, this time of year is so wonderful! I love how the stores have a separate area designated just for holiday baking. I love the Christmas commercials and the way garland and lights are already decorating our small town. I love the small Christmas tree that is lit in Brooke and Adrienne's room. It's the most amazing time of year and everything seems to come alive.

Right now I'm most excited for Thanksgiving. I host John's side of the family each year, which is about 20 people. It's funny to think that I ever thought that seemed like a huge undertaking because after doing it for 4 years I really do have it down to a science. I prep most of the stuff the day before and then, on Thanksgiving Day, all I really have to do is roast the turkey, make the veggies and peel the potatoes. No big deal at all! I really look forward to all the cooking but this year may be a bit more challenging with a VERY mobile baby. I long for the day when the girls are old enough to be my "sous chefs" in the kitchen. They love to "help" now but you know how that goes:-) Anyways, all of my shopping is done for our feast, as of today. Just a few more last minute things need to be purchased and we'll be all set!

I'm also excited because I have at least half of our Christmas shopping done and designated funds for items that have yet to be purchased. I'm so excited to be able to truly focus on Jesus' birthday this year and not have to be shackled with money/shopping worries. It's going to be the best Christmas ever!!

I love this time of year so very much that I'm already sad thinking about it being over. I hope it doesn't fly by so quickly.. But I'm guessing it will. I plan on savoring every last minute!

I'm Going to Miss This

2011-11-12T14:49:00.001-05:00

As I've said before, we're not going to be having any more babies. This decision was prayerfully made and we feel at peace about the family God has given us. It's quite painful to think about never being pregnant again (so I try not to dwell on it) but other than that, I've been pretty eager to move out of these crazy baby years we've been in for so long. I absolutely hate the adjustment a newborn comes with and getting everyone on the same schedule and creating a "new normal" is just not something I enjoy. I've always told John that when Bailey is Brooke's age (she'll be 5 in February), life will maybe, just maybe, be easy again. Lol.... Maybe just a little easier??!?!

Despite not liking new adjustments and adapting to yet another person, Bailey's life has been a wonderful adventure. She's so precious and right now, everything is an awakening to her. She stares at her hands in wonderment, is starting to cruise all over the house, successfully pushes a walker around the living room and is exploring all sorts of new territory. It's great fun to watch her and to see her playing with her big sisters that she adores so much.

I had a moment with my youngest baby yesterday that made me realize just how much I'll miss the fleeting baby years... She heard me running her bath and she came crawling in the bathroom as fast as she could, pulled up on the tub and starting breathing really fast with excitement. She absolutely loves her bath and to see her able to express that me was just priceless. It was just a small little moment but it melted my heart and reminded me of her innocence at this age.

I'm not going to be sad to ditch the infant car seat or the unpredictable napping schedule we deal with some days. It will also be nice when all of my children are able to feed themselves or use the bathroom without help... But for now, this is where we're at in life and I intend on enjoying it to the absolute fullest! I'm pretty sure that when Bailey' older I will miss these precious, crazy years.

Paranoid Mommy

2011-11-11T14:45:00.001-05:00

Wednesday Brooke came home from school and there was a note in her folder about someone in her class having lice. It really freaked me out! I'm new at all of this school stuff, after all. Then, as Brooke and I got to talking about it, I learned that it was the kid that sits NEXT to her. I only know this because she said that he had to go home early. I've never sent my baby anywhere so I was a little unsettled! Suddenly, my head started to itch a little, too. Lol

After inspecting her hair REALLY well, we declared Brooke to be lice-free. However, the fear of it lurking in her classroom had me super freaked out. So... I decided to keep her home from school yesterday. Seeing as how there was no school today, keeping her home yesterday gave her a 4 day break from "Liceville."

Then, I was talking to different, more experienced moms at church and one of them said, "Jillian, if you keep her home every time someone gets lice she's going to be missing lots of school!" Lol. Point well taken... I can't keep my children in a bubble.

While I did end up keeping Brooke home for my own peace of mind.. I probably will be less paranoid next time around. I try so hard to shield my family from bugs (literally, in this case) and sicknesses but as Brooke goes into an environment where I have no control, it's getting harder and harder.

We're only a few months into the beginning of the school years but already I'm learning that there are many more challenges in this stage of life. I'm imagining that it will only get harder, too... I'm sure in a few years I'll look back and laugh that I thought this was so challenging but for now, holy cow, it's a big deal!!

All In A Week's Time

2011-11-04T21:54:00.000-04:00

What a busy week!! Here's all that's gone on...

Bailey has started pulling up! She loves to pull up on the bottom stair and then she falls. It seems like a never ending game that we play all. day. long. It's fun though! She has yet to pull up in her crib and I'm thankful for that. She's also getting faster and faster at crawling and she's pretty much into everything. Life is crazy!
Bailey has tried a variety of different foods lately and oddly enough, she's not in love with much of anything besides sweet potatoes and PEAS. Yuck! I HATE peas so it's shocking that she loves them so much. I thought she would love fruits but she really hasn't liked apples or peaches very much. She still has no teeth so we're pretty much just sticking with purees for now.
Halloween was a load of fun! I got to be a classroom helper for Brooke's class and I had a blast. I loved seeing inside her little world and meeting her teachers and friends. I was very surprised to find that my introverted little girl is actually quite popular and a social butterfly. She is growing by leaps and bounds!
For Halloween costumes we had Brookie as an ice cream cone (with sprinkles!), Adrienne as a cheeseburger (It was hilarious!) and Bailey as a lady bug. I have lots of pictures up on Facebook but have yet to have to energy to put them on here. These things take time, ya know! The big girls went out Trick-or-Treating with John and his family while I stayed here and passed out candy with my little lady bug. We had 162 kids and it was a fun night!
John and I had an ENTIRE afternoon to ourselves on Tuesday. It was therapeutic, let me tell ya! John's mom took all three girls and Bailey did great. She drank milk out of a cup and ate some other foods that I packed for her. It was only for a few hours but it was so nice to be able to have a break. We got lots of Christmas shopping done and went to a nice lunch. Oh yes... And we had an uninterrupted conversation. Imagine that!
John's going to the Bill's game on Sunday!! I would love to be able to go with him but I obviously can't... So I'm just SUPER excited that he gets to take a day and do something for HIM, which he never does. He deserves it!
Everyone has been feeling better (knock on wood!) and sleeping well at night! That is, perhaps, the most exciting update of them all!

I think that about does it! Phew, it feels good to be caught up!

Walking Zombie

2011-10-27T21:35:00.001-04:00

As the saying goes, "When it rains, it pours." On top of all of the bugs and ear infections and sicknesses going through my little family, things only got worse. Bailey got RSV which resulted in her running a fever, wheezing, coughing, and the worst part, not sleeping. She's still not feeling 100 percent better so she's been grumpy and she certainly hasn't been sleeping through the night. It's been quite a challenging 10 days or so. I feel like I could sleep for two days straight if I had the opportunity!

I'm also having a pretty difficult time adjusting to Brooke's school schedule. Before she started, I had this romantic view of how things would work out... I figured that Bailey would take a morning nap, I'd spend quality time with Adrienne, and then we'd just go pick Brooke up. It all sounded so perfect. Well, as it turns out, for me, school means this.. Getting up at 7 (when I'm used to my children sleeping past 8), rushing out the door to drop Brooke off, not having enough time for Bailey to nap because we have to wake her to go pick up Brooke, and not having time to really have a social life. The new wake up time is contributing to my exhaustion and my lack of interaction with people is kind of depressing. I NEED people. Oh my word, do I need people. I used to do things with other moms in the morning but now I'm tied to picking Brooke up at 10:45 each day. To top it off, I really, really miss Brooke being home. She's thriving, though, and she loves school so very much. I love hearing about her day and her new found friendships... They make it all worth it!

I know that I'm not good at change. I always mourn the past whenever a new chapter of my life starts. Everything has just been crazy between the flood (that pushed off school for several weeks) and the girls being sick. I know that our "new normal" is not far away... I just need to find and it and darn it, I just need some SLEEP!!! Lol

Bogged Down

2011-10-23T22:58:00.000-04:00

There are so many things on my mind tonight. I'm sure that it's in part due to the sick children... Adrienne now has an ear infection, Brooke's cough is horrible and Bailey's is even worse. I know that exhaustion is never a good thing for my thought process but somehow I can't seem to shut my mind off.

John just left for work and I'm sitting here in bed thinking that I should be folding the laundry. I should be clipping and organizing today's coupons. I should be mopping the floor. However, it's nearly 11 o'clock and sometimes a break is well deserved! It's extremely hard for me to go to bed with a whole list of tasks to complete but I've been "on the clock" for well over 15 hours now.

I'm also exhausted just thinking about the fact that I desperately need to get some groceries in this house. I despise grocery shopping... It's by far my least favorite duty as a housewife. I feel bad that I usually let our refrigerator run nearly empty before being motivated to go to the store again. I'm also the worst planner in this area because I "fly by the seat of my pants" in the kitchen and I make whatever I feel like eating on any given night. I feel so defeated when I think about my inability to successfully plan a week's menu. Granted, we always have healthy and tasty dinners and I even consider myself to be a good cook... But most of my dinners are thrown together by me defrosting meat in the microwave and then cooking it accordingly. I'm sick of the rush and strain that puts on everyone. Why can't I just plan ahead and take the meat out the night before???? I want to improve in this area but it's so hard to break old habits.

If I really wanted to wear myself down I could think about the applesauce that I haven't jarred yet this year, the elderly neighbor who I haven't brought fresh baked goods to in several weeks, or the linen closet I haven't organized. What I guess I'm saying is that I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. Again, I know it's because we've been sick and I've gotten behind but it's still so hard to not let it get to me. I put so much pressure on myself to run a tight ship around here that when things are out of place at the end of the day it's hard to not feel like I'm doing a sub par job.

For now, though, I think I'll turn off the noise around me (minus the coughing children I'm hearing through the monitor) and "Be still and know that He is God." His grace is what got me through today and I can rest assured that He'll refill my cup overflowing with more to face tomorrow! I'm so thankful for that because I can do absolutely nothing on my own strength... Especially not lately!

A Long Winter Ahead??

2011-10-21T21:31:00.001-04:00

Well, the weather hasn't been cold for all that long and already, we're battling sickness in this house. It's ridiculous! I feel like we always get hard in the cold months but this year it's starting way too early.

Brooke started running a fever last Saturday night and unfortunately, Bailey was also up screaming. She sleeps through the night usually so I knew something was up. I took those two to the doctor on Monday and Brooke turned out to have a virus and her fever was gone the next day. Bailey, on the other hand, had an ear infection. Poor baby! I put her on the antibiotic and that turned out to be a whole other ordeal. She had a really bad reaction to it and she was throwing up, screaming, and having constant diarrhea. She also got a HORRIBLE diaper rash. It was really, really pitiful because she was having a very hard time so the doctor took her off of the medicine. She's been off of it for a few days now and is just finally starting to act like herself again. That was rough!

Now all the girls have a cold. I'm pretty sure Brooke brought it home from school... Which I expect to happen a lot this year. Adrienne just has the sniffles but Brooke and Bailey have horrible, awful coughs and Brooke's is so bad that I've been in her room checking on her a million times a night. Her coughing wakes me up but if she stops coughing I wonder if she's alive. I'm crazy, I know. lol

Now it's my turn... I have bronchitis and an ear infection. Because of my asthma I'm pretty used to not breathing all that great so I don't feel too awful. I would love to take a day and curl up in bed watching movies but we all know that's not going to happen! The worst part is that I'm steroids and they make me SO hungry. It's all I can do to not eat everything in sight, which is not such a good feeling when you're on a diet!

Thankfully the girls have all had their flu shots. I should probably think about getting mine here soon! I'm not really sure why we catch all the bugs in this family... We're healthy, we eat lots of fruits and veggies, we wash our hands, I clean like crazy, etc...Who knows? I think the best bet will be to put us all in a bubble until next Spring!!

Spoiled Rotten

2011-10-15T23:11:00.002-04:00

Last night was incredible! My parents wanted to be a blessing to all of my siblings and me so they gave each of us very generous gift cards to the Outback and volunteered to sit with all of our children. That left them with 7 kids aged 5, 4, 2 (almost 3), 2, 1, 10-months and 6 months. Now I love those children so much but somehow, that night doesn't really sound all that fun for me! However, my parents had such joy and excitement over doing this good deed.

Everyone dropped their kids off at my house and we all rode out to dinner together. The conversations were hilarious and I can't even remember laughing that hard in so long! It's just a lot different than the rushed time we're accustomed to spending together with all the kiddos running around. Words cannot express how freeing and refreshing it was to be out with everyone for a few hours. When we got to the restaurant the hostess asked if there were any kids and we all exclaimed, "NO!" Lol. It was almost weird saying no to that question!

Dinner was awesome and even though the time got away from us, we got back to my house and not one child was fussing or crying. It was incredible! To top it off, every single one of them had been bathed and the house looked immaculate. I was fully prepared to have a night of cleaning ahead of me but my parents spared me of even lifting a finger. It was just incredible.

The best part is that my parents say that they want to do this for all of us every couple of months. The fact that they love us so much that they are willing to do this means the world to me! Two hours out alone when you have three kids is a HUGE deal. I just hope that when my girls are older that I can be an equal blessing and investment into their lives as my parents have been in mine. This is one spoiled girl right here!

Oscar

2011-10-12T22:01:00.000-04:00

I affectionately refer to Adrienne as Oscar, as in Oscar the Grouch, because she's got the be the most grumpy human being I've ever been around. I love her and she lights up my life but for some reason, this is the way she's wired. I find myself asking John if this is just an age related phase for her or if she's going to be a grump for the next 16 years. It's exhausting to even think about her teenage years at this rate! Lol

It's kind of hard to handle such a grump when you're trying to remain upbeat and happy for the family's sake. The other morning Adrienne woke up, came downstairs, looked at Brooke and rudely said, "You're not going to school. " She was mean about it, too. It wasn't like she was joking! She didn't say "Good morning" or anything else... She just automatically started her day with negativity.This is one incident out of about a million that we go through each day and it's hard to not let it wear on me.

I was kind of hitting my head against a wall each day... Sick of feeling defeated by a 23-pound child. Frustrated that she was controlling my mood. Despite endless efforts and spilling out my heart and soul into that child, I started wondering if I wasn't doing such a good job of loving her or making her feel secure in who she is to our family. I then realized that those are lies from Satan who wants me to feel defeated and inadequate as a mother, but I'm not allowing those feelings to get through my brain anymore!

Instead of arguing or getting frustrated with Adrienne, I've started a funny new game with her... Whenever she's in one of her moods I pick her up, squeeze her super tight and joke with her that I won't let her go until she smiles and gives me a kiss. This almost always results in her laughing hysterically and snapping out of her mood. If she's getting grumpy or being mean I say, "Am I going to have to squeeze you super tight and not let you go?" She laughs and for a moment, at least, the world is at peace.

I'm not trying to make it seem like I'm unhappy or like I don't enjoy my daughter. Trust me, there are many wonderful sides to her that make all of these hard times and mood swings worth while. She's witty and silly and she is the type of kid who will just come up and say, "Give me a pish!" ("Kiss" in Adrienne-ese!) I see a lot of myself in her, too.. She kind of marches to her own beat and doesn't much appreciate being told what to do. My goal is to direct those attributes into something positive as opposed to the rebellious side of that spectrum. I smile when I think of her future and who she will become because I know she will have the drive to do about anything she wants to do. Lord, just grant me an extra measure of patience in the mean time!

Beating the Rush

2011-10-10T22:53:00.001-04:00

In case you're unaware of the fact that Christmas is right around the corner, feel free to stand outside my daughters' door and listen to their current CD. Then again, Brooke insists on listening to her Christmas music year-round so it's not really that much of an indicator of the impending season, after all!

I'm super excited about the holiday this year because I'm won't be bogged down with the rushing around and gift buying. We decided to plan much better this year and because of that, I've got a bunch of my shopping done! The best part is that I have an envelope full of cash (that we've strategically put away throughout the past six months or so) so I can randomly pick up gifts for people on my list without having to factor its cost into the family budget. Brilliant! Why didn't we start this years ago????

Every single year I get frustrated by how the true meaning of Christmas seems to get lost in the shuffle. It's the day where we remember the birth of our Savior and His birthday should not be secondary to all of the materialism of the holiday. I'm just thankful that I'm not going to have to be pressed for time this year and that's going to allow me to enjoy the holiday so much more. All I know is that I'm not going to be worrying about money, shopping, or gifts. That is a wonderful feeling!

If You Have Nothing Nice to Say....

2011-10-06T22:10:00.003-04:00

Then don't say anything at all!!!!!!!! Do you know that somebody called my baby a "pork chop??" REALLY? Is that necessary or edifying in any way? I don't just walk around calling people like I see them so why in the world do people seem to think they can say whatever they want to me? I just don't get it!

My sweet Bailey girl is chubby, there's no doubt about it. But ya know what? All of my babies are chubby and then they slim down when they start walking. It doesn't matter, though. They are beautiful, precious girls- skinny or fat, short or tall, blond hair or brown, blue eyes or green, etc.. I shouldn't feel the need to qualify her precious little cheeks or her healthy, pudgy belly with anything. I should just say, "Thank you!" After all, it's MY milk that makes her this way!

I guess I'm just sick of people talking about my baby's weight because she's really not that big. Yes, I know that your baby doesn't weigh as much. That's fine. I know my baby has belly rolls and chunky legs, thanks, I'm not blind. I just hate that people always have to compare or automatically comment on her weight. One stranger at the grocery store said, "She sure must be a good eater." I honestly bit my tongue SO hard to prevent myself from saying, "From the looks of things, so are you." Thank God that I'm working on having a quiet and gentle spirit because the old Jillian would have had to say that!

I think realize one of the reasons that I'm so sensitive about weight comments regarding my baby... When I was a kid I was overweight and I still, to this day, remember mean comments that were said to me and it's taken me a long time to ever feel different than what I was labeled way back then. I know that Bailey's just a baby but I never want my children to ever have any of those feelings that I had as a kid. Ever.

Whether people mean well or not, I still don't think it's anyone's place to make derogatory comments on MY baby. Granted, the majority of comments I get while we're out and about are about how gorgeous my girls are and what a beautiful family I have. It's just those few, big-mouthed people that rub me the wrong way.

Just the Two of Us

2011-10-03T21:18:00.000-04:00

Every couple needs a date night now and then... But when you're breastfeeding an infant it makes it a little bit difficult. Bailey's never taken a bottle so prior to last Saturday, we had only gone out to dinner alone once since her birth. So, since we finally nailed her bedtime down and got her to stay sleeping, we were able to get out after the girls were in bed and it was amazing!

I put Bailey to bed aroudn 7:30 and then John's sister came and spent some time with the older girl before putting them to bed. John and I left around 8 and it felt so weird to be out! I looked over at him as we left and said, "I don't remember the last time I was out this late!" He said, "Babe, it's 8." I said, "I know!" Lol.

As if dolling myself up and getting out wasn't enough of a treat, John also took me to the store and let me pick out a new outfit. After losing weight and having few things that fit me right anymore, it was such a luxury! He patiently let me scan the racks and helped me pick out my outfit, and then he took me to the movies. It was so sweet because I really wanted popcorn but am always way too cheap to spend $6 on it at the theaters. I told him I didn't want any but then he ordered it for me and told me "When we go out, we get what we want!" Ah, I just love him:-) I didn't feel quite as guilty, seeing as how I wasn't the one who ordered it!

We didn't get home until after 1, which felt like 5 A.M. to me! I had to be up for worship practice at 7 the next morning so I was dragging all day Sunday but it was SO worth it.

I love raising babies with John and having a family together but sometimes being alone and taking a time out for us is absolutely wonderful. I felt so refreshed (minus the exhaustion from little sleep) and it was amazing to get out and reconnect with my husband. I feel so lucky to have a husband who I love spending time with so much and also, for having a sister-in-law who was willing to give up her Saturday night to help us for free. I'm one spoiled girl here!

Six Wonderful Months

2011-09-27T23:00:00.003-04:00

My sweet little baby is a whole six months old today!! I have tried so hard to hold onto every stage of her babyhood and enjoy her to my fullest capability but I still feel like her life is flying by way too fast. I just want to savor these remaining months of her infancy!

Bailey is my little social butterfly, I'm finding. She's the baby that will fuss if nobody is talking to her or paying attention to her. She loves to be entertained on a pretty constant basis and that's where her two adoring big sister's come in! If she's fussing they usually cheer her up very quickly. She's also into everything already! Her interpretation of crawling is hilarious and it allows her to get into just about anything she wants. I can't take my eyes off of her for fear of her getting into something or choking on her latest finding. She keeps me on my toes, for sure! My favorite thing about Bailey, however, is the fact that she's a mama's girl, for now anyways. She lights up when she sees me and fusses for me when I walk away. The other girls were never super attached to me so this is kind of new and I'll admit, it's flattering!

She went to the doctor today for her check-up and she weighed in at a whopping 18 pounds and is already 26 inches long! These number put her in the 90th percentile for weight and 50th for height! Wow! For comparison's sake, at six months Brookie was 17 pounds, 9 ounces and Adrienne was 17 pounds, 7 ounces. She's just a tad bit bigger than her sisters were but not much.

The most exciting moment of Bailey's 6-month-birthday was when she had her first rice cereal tonight! She LOVED it. I made just a tiny bit but it clearly was not enough for her liking. She flipped out between each bite and her little hands shook with excitement as she tried to grab the spoon from me! We got lots of cute pictures and I'll try to post them soon. It was so much fun to feed her but at the same time kind of sad that she's already at this point.

I'm so thankful for my healthy, happy, beautiful Bailey girl. The past six months have been amazing with her in our family and I can't wait for the weeks, months, and years ahead as a family of five!

Sleeping Success!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-09-22T21:58:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago I wrote about Bailey's sleep issues... She wasn't napping for me at all unless she was nursing. It made life a little bit difficult because I was essentially "on call" all day long. Then, to make matters worse, the flood happened and we were at my parents' house for about 5 nights. She didn't sleep great there (unless she was with me) and when we got home, that same pattern unfortunately continued. For about a week I was in her room each night nursing her over and over again and some nights it would take 4 tries to get her to stay sleeping. After long days with her, the long nights and evenings were exhausting.

I knew that Miss Bailey was quite capable of sleeping through the night (since she had been doing it for so long!), I also knew that she wasn't nursing for hunger during these wakings because she would quickly fall back asleep upon nursing. That told me that it was time to let her "cry it out." I was hesitant to do so because it's not a fun process and in the midst of it I feel so sad. However, having previous experience with this from the other girls, I decided to go forward with it. I told one of my friends that I felt bad doing this Bailey and she reminded me, "You're not doing it to her, you're doing it for her." That was just enough encouragement to get me going.

So, all throughout this week we have been doing this whole "cry it out" process. I've been nursing her quietly in her room, praying for her, singing her "Sleepy Jean" and then putting her down groggy but awake. I let her cry for increasingly long intervals of time and at the right times I just go in and rub her back, let her hear my voice, and then leave. The first night went great! She only cried for about 20 minutes and it was only fussing on and off. The next night was a little bit more intense, as she cried for about 40 minutes. Last night was only half and hour and tonight? TWO minutes of fussing. YAY!!!!!!!!!! Mission accomplished!

A few added bonuses have come out of this... For starters, all of this has miraculously translated into her naps. She has taken 2+ hour naps every afternoon and this is something she's NEVER done, not even as a newborn. She's also sleeping in later in the mornings. She used to wake up at 5 or 6 in the morning to nurse (and then fall back asleep with me) but now she's sleep in until almost 9. She's a happier, more content baby because she's finally getting the sleep she needs. I'm so thrilled!

I know that the "cry it out" method is controversial to many people... So much so that I almost don't even like talking about it. Sure, I don't love letting my precious baby cry. There's nothing that feels more unnatural to me as a mother... BUT, you cannot argue with results. A few nights of crying will greatly transform her ability to sleep and feel rested and that's definitely in her best interest!

School Days

2011-09-21T21:02:00.002-04:00

Brookie started back at school on Tuesday and she is absolutely loving it so far! I know we're only a few days in but each night she goes to bed with such anticipation and excitement and in the mornings, she's eager and ready to go. I sure hope she continues to enjoy it at this rate!

I must say, her school schedule is sort of running my life. Obviously I signed her up for this program but it's still a lot to manage. She could ride the bus in the mornings but we're not comfortable with that (because there are older kids that ride it) so I have to drop her off by 8. That's an early morning! And because I have to take her into her class, it's not like I can stay in my pajamas, either! Luckily John stays home with the little girls when he gets in so I don't have to dress and feed all three of them, which is nice. Picking her up is a different story, though... We have to be there at 10:45, right in the middle of Bailey's morning nap, and because John's sleeping by then I have to lug all three girls in. It's not so bad right now but it will be in the winter months when I'll have to bundle everyone up for a quick trip.

Brooke has always been an introverted and shy little girl so I was a little concerned about how she would do in school. She is already surpassing my expectations by making friends quickly and today she even told me their names. She's not usually the kind of kid who talks to people she doesn't know but I guess she's doing really well!! She described one of her friends to me today as, "That cute little girl who has a matching backpack with me." Haha. I love it!

Her teacher seems super nice and really mild mannered so I think Brooke will thrive in that environment. They seem to have really great activities for the kids so far and my girl brings home pictures and papers every day.

I really look forward to this year of growth for my sweet girl. I'm sure once we adjust to the new routine life will seem normal again but for now, these early and rushed mornings aren't fun. Nobody said motherhood would be easy though!

Bragging Rights

2011-09-20T21:36:00.002-04:00

I don't like to get all mushy and sentimental about my husband on my blog because I realize that the majority of people don't care about how in love I am or how wonderful my man is, but darn it, this is MY blog so today I'm going to! I am just so filled with love and adoration for that man and he continues to steal my heart each and every day.

Lately I've just been overwhelmingly amazed at how hard he works for our family. Throughout the summer there is overtime galore at his job. In the winter there aren't as many chances to work extra hours so like any wise man would do, he works super hard in the summer to save for winter. He often doesn't get a day off or have time to himself but he never complains. Any man can work hard and become isolated from his family but John doesn't do that... He works hard but the hours he works are at HIS expense, not ours. He's still, very much, a family man who is very present in our daughters' lives. Instead on missing out on things with our family he just goes without sleep. Again, he never complains or moans about how tired he is, like I would, but he serves our family with such joy. He's actually in the midst of a 12 hours shift right now and he's supposed to be off tonight.

He is also faithful and diligent with our family budget, carefully planning and saving, and always seeking to meet our needs. When I see him with his little green calculator working out our expenses each month my heart just bursts with thankfulness for a man that does so much for us. I love how he works all of these hours to meet my needs and never once makes me feel bad for not bringing in an income or like I'm lazy or unworthy of my needs being met.

I also love how my husband never forgets to take the trash or recycling out... Ever. He never leaves the gas tank on empty for me to have to scramble to fill. He never lets the grass get too long or the weeds overtake our garden. In the Fall he rakes and bags all of leaves faithfully and in the Winter, the sidewalks are always shovelled promptly. He is one of the hardest workers I've ever met.

So on top of being an amazing, hard-working cop and providing for the girls and me, he is a servant to so many around him. Lately he's been going to help a family that lost everything in the flood. They have been moving everything out of their house and gutting it and John has been setting time aside to go work with them. He's also been active in our church's effort to distribute meals to the community and again, he never complains or gripes about the time sacrifice.

The thing that most encourages me when I look at my husband, however, is his faithfulness to God. Whenever he wakes up for the day, he reads his Bible before doing anything else. He tries to share with me what the Lord is showing him through scripture and He leads us in a sweet time of prayer each night. He diligently teaches the girls memory verses and about the things of God. It's such an encouragement in my own spiritual walk to see his heart.

My husband isn't perfect, no man this side of eternity is, but I am so thankful that God chose ME to be his wife when so many other women would have been far more deserving. He's everything I'm not and I can truly not think of anyone else that I would rather spend the rest of my life with.

Moving Forward

2011-09-16T21:24:00.000-04:00

It's really hard to "move on" from everything that has happened here in the past week. Everywhere you go there are curbs full of flood victims' cherished possessions, the fire halls are still opened distributing bottled water and meals, we are all still having to boil water before using it and our county is still in a state of emergency. It's still a little tricky getting through some of the towns around here, as everyone is working so hard to get things up and running and the roads get shut down to allow for that. Closest to home for us, perhaps, is that Brooke's school has been closed all week and it won't open until Tuesday. See what I mean? So much reminds us that things aren't "normal" around here.

We have "adopted" a family in the next town over and John and his family have been going down helping them gut their house and clean up the destruction. I have the girls (and bad asthma) so it's hard for me to serve in that way but I've been working at the church most days helping the Red Cross distribute meals to the community. There is so much we want to do but with John working so much and having three small children, it's hard to be helpful as we could be otherwise.

I guess I just don't understand. If you go a mile in any direction from our house you will find complete devastation. Even houses down the road from us got hit pretty bad. Some of our neighbors were helping us pump out our basement and we were told that our basement looked the best out of everyone in town. Most people lost everything in their basements and somehow, our hot water heater survived and the water line stopped about an inch underneath the motor of our furnace. Amazing. We haven't tried turning it on yet (because it's supposed to dry out as much as possible) but we're pretty sure it's fine. I feel so blessed that we have endured so little but I don't get why. It's definitely because of God's goodness and mercy but if things had fared differently for us, He's still just as good and merciful. See where I get caught up?

Tomorrow I'm bringing a hot meal down to our family and I'm so eager to feel like I'm contributing. It's not about ME but it's so hard to feel incapable of making even a small dent in such a massive cleanup. I hope more opportunities to help out come my way! My heart breaks for so many around me.

The Great Flood

2011-09-10T22:03:00.002-04:00

Wow, I don't even know where to begin. Our county, along with several of the surrounding counties, are cleaning up from massive flooding and some are predicting that this process could take several years. There are so many things on my mind... I hurt for my community and so many around me.. strangers and friends, alike. I'm at a loss for the right words.

I guess this all started early this week when the rain came. It was pouring and pouring day after day and it seemed to be non-stop. Brooke's first day of Pre-K (which seems like such a blur now) was on Wednesday and that's the whole flooding situation kind of came to a head. All the schools sent children home early and people were told to get to a safe place. We had been hearing of evacuations but my family and I were seemingly safe in our home. We have a sump pump that keeps water out of our unfinished basement (which only houses our hot water heater and furnace) and we figured that we would remain unscathed from all of the rain unless we lost power. Well, at about 11 P.M. that night the power died and John and I were frantically in the basement bailing out water with buckets, trying to save our furnace. It was not fun!

At around midnight we heard a siren sound in our village and we were kind of curious about what was going on but just kind of passed it off. Then, we heard someone knocking at our door telling us that we needed to evacuate to higher ground. It was very scary and we had to leave our basement, pack a few necessities, and wake up the girls. It was one of the worst couple of hours of my life! We went to the elementary school that's up on a hill in our town and there was no generator, no beds, and nothing to eat or drink . It was the most horrible and restless night I think I've ever had.

The next morning the rain had finally stopped. Our mayor came and told us that our town levy was not expected to withstand the crazy amounts of rains and that we should brace ourselves to lose everything. We were then told that if we wanted to go to our homes and get a few things we had about a half an hour before we had to either find a way out of town or go back up to the school. Let me tell you, rummaging through my home trying to decide what was important and what wasn't was the worst feeling ever. I ultimately decided to just grab the basics because I couldn't think of all of the sentimental things.

We got in the car and just drove. There were flooded roads everywhere and finding ways around was almost impossible. Looking at my family in the car and realizing that our lives might never be the same was very, very challenging as a mother. I can't even express how horrified I was but I had to try to hold it together for the girls. After a long, long drive we ended up at John's parents' house where they had power, internet, etc...

The story ends happily... For us, anyways. The levy shockingly held, despite the fact that it was no supposed to. We may have lost of furnace (but won't know for sure until power is restored) and will be without power and water for up to 2 weeks or so. The circumstances aren't ideal but there are people around us who have lost every single thing they own. They have nothing but the clothes on their backs and no family to turn to. I'm staying with my parents for now because they have power and all and John doesn't feel comfortable leaving me home alone at night while he works because there have been looters coming through and stealing from people. It's just a really tough time right now. Food and gasoline are hard to access. Also, nobody even knows when schools will resume and some districts don't even have hopes of starting back up for at least months.

I'm so thankful that God spared my family and me from losing our home and every possession we have. However, there are so many that weren't spared and who have no hope of a "normal" life for quite some time. It's devastating. I cannot tell you how awful it is to see so many familiar surroundings immersed in water and so many people hurting. Please keep our little corner of the world up in your prayers as we rebuild and try to move towards a brighter future.

Slow Down, Bailey!

2011-09-04T21:59:00.000-04:00

My littlest princess has me completely amazed!! At the ripe age of 5 months she gets up on her hands and knees and rocks back and forth. Then, she inches forward, falls down, and repeats the whole process over again. It's incredible! She also does this crazy thing where she gets up on her toes and her hands, almost like she's doing a push up. I know every mama wants to think her child is a prodigy but speaking from my experience with my other two girls, I've never seen a baby this age do what she's doing!

Life is quite interesting now that Bailey is on the move! She's been known to knock over a block tower or two and thankfully, her sisters still think it's adorable. Hopefully they'll remain as patient when the novelty runs off! It's challenging to do much of anything around the house these days because she is constantly inching into walls and chairs and then screaming because she either bumps her head or can't go forward any further. It's hilarious! I found her gnawing on the vacuum cleaner cord the other day, too, so she's already starting to put crazy objects in her mouth. I had the talk with the older girls about making sure that they don't leave their toys and small things on the ground to keep Bailey safe so now they're constantly bringing me things off of the carpet. Bailey has some pretty awesome sisters!

When Bailey was born I set out to make the most of her babyhood and to enjoy it because she's our last baby. Despite that resolution, however, I feel like time has ran away from us! It's hard to believe that she was ever a newborn and I can't even believe how much she has accomplished in these few months. I sure hope that she doesn't take to walking as quickly as she's taken to crawling! If so, we're REALLY in trouble then...

No Napping Saga

2011-08-31T21:39:00.002-04:00

I am at my wits end and I seriously feel like I'm losing my mind. I mean how many days in a row can a woman go without having any break whatsoever? I love Bailey with all my heart but I'm completely frustrated and exhausted because I cannot, for the life of me, get that child to take naps. She'll happily sleep if I lay next to her and nurse her for the nap's entirety but that obviously not realistic.

I'm not sure if this is just a phase or what. I really felt like we were getting somewhere a few months back but in the area of napping, she's regressing. I feel a little fried because from sun up to sun down there is not a time when I'm not caring for her. My saving grace is that she sleeps through the night so I at least get that time but during the day, she's constantly attached to me. This means that I can't ever make use of nap time and exercise or do laundry or clean. I can never focus solely on the older girls, who sacrifice so much of me as it is. And I definitely can't just relax. Ever.

To make matters worse, the byproduct of a non-napping baby is a grumpy one. It seems like she's always wanting to be held and nursed in the afternoons, and that's because she's exhausted. She'll usually have a meltdown around dinner time where she ONLY wants to nurse and it's kind of hard to sit there doing that when I'm throwing dinner on the table. It's so frustrating because if I do get her to sleep during these times she'll wake up the second I put her in her crib.

I'm not trying to be overly dramatic here but I'm really feeling very discouraged. Life is wonderful and my precious baby lights up my life.. But in this area, I just feel hopeless. I feel like she'll never nap. Like I'll never rest again. Like what I want to do will never get done. Like I could cry.

I'm not opposed to the Cry-It-Out method, when done correctly. We let Brooke cry around 6 months for a similar reason and it worked wonders for her. We had a happier baby and a MUCH happier Mommy. However, letting Bailey cry seems a lot more challenging because now John works nights and I don't want her screaming to interrupt his sleep, though he swears it won't. I also don't want the other girls' nap time to be messed up either. I know that it would just take a couple of days and she would "get it" but those two days seems like climbing Mt. Everest to me right now.

My asthma has been acting up so bad and I've been up at night not being able to breathe. From that I'm beyond exhausted and I know that that most likely lowers my tolerance for having absolutely NO break during the day. I'm trying to take it one day at a time and prevent myself from looking at it like it will never be any different.. ever.. but that's not so easy. It's just hard to wake up in the morning knowing that you will be "on duty" ALL. DAY. LONG.

Here's to finding a solution to this madness.. And FAST. This is one fried mama right here. Holy smokes!

Vacation Recap

2011-08-29T20:55:00.003-04:00

Last week we went on a wonderful vacation to the Poconos. It was only about 2.5 hours away, making it perfect for travelling with little ones. We stayed in a house, fully equipped with all of the conveniences of home, and it was so much nicer than being crammed in a hotel room! The girls had a great time and John and I enjoyed our time together as a family SO much! Because pictures say it all, here are some of my favorites...

4... Going on 20!

2011-08-22T21:33:00.002-04:00

My Brooke has me cracking up lately. For starters, she thinks that she's way older and far more grown up than she actually is. She thinks that she is everyone's mommy and hardly ever seems to act her age.

We were talking about her going to Pre-K the other day and I said, "Are you going to be sad when you go to school?" She said, "Mom, I'm not going to be sad." I then said, "So you won't even miss me??" She acted all frustrated and stated, "MOM!! I am going to miss you but I WON'T. BE. SAD." Lol. It's just so funny to me how she thinks she's so big. We then had another funny conversation about school a couple of days later. I said, "I can't believe my little girl is going to school in a few weeks!" To which she replied, "Mom, I am FOUR. I'm not just a little girl anymore." In that moment I couldn't help but wonder how that same statement will go over when she graduates, on her wedding day, when she has her first baby, etc... I could get choked up thinking about how quickly the time has flown and how it will only continue at this pace... Or faster.

Sometimes I wish my girl knew how short of a time span her childhood is going to be. She's always worried about things that only I should be worried about. She checks Adrienne for accidents, cleans up after Bailey if she spits up (and gets all offended if I try to do it!), prompts me to help her clean up her toys, etc... I'll admit, she's super helpful, but I want her to run free, make messes, be a KID, and enjoy her life. That girl is one of a kind and she completely melts my heart over and over again everyday!

Loving Me

2011-08-17T22:33:00.003-04:00

I have always been self-conscious about my weight. I was overweight in early elementary school and somehow I still feel like that chubby little girl inside. Fortunately, when I was in 5th grade I took it upon myself to lose the weight and I slimmed right down. We also moved from New Jersey to New York about a year after I became thin so I completely started over without people ever knowing that I was once fat. I never really broke free from feeling fat, despite the fresh start.

Throughout high school I was thin, even though I never felt that way. I look back on pictures of myself and wonder why I was ever insecure about my weight. I was never the kind of person who could eat anything and everything I wanted without gaining weight. I always had to be conscious of what foods I took in so I'm guessing that's why my weight was always on my mind.

When I got pregnant with Brooke I gained a lot of weight and when I look back at pictures, my face was SO FAT! It's hard to believe how big I got. Between Brooke and Adrienne I didn't really focus too much on my body because I knew that I would be wanting to get pregnant again relatively soon. After Adrienne was born, however, I dropped most of the baby weight and worked out faithfully. I had finally accepted my body type and I felt pretty decent about my figure.. Until, I unexpectedly got pregnant with Bailey.

Immediately after Bailey was born I was determined to get back to the "old me." Knowing that I would never have to "share" my body again kind of fuelled my motivation to work extra hard on my figure. When I came home from the hospital from delivering her I had automatically lost 27 pounds. Then, when she was just about 2 weeks old I joined Weight Watchers. My goal was to drop another 25 pounds. At the time, it didn't seem possible but week after week I pressed on. The WW plan was awesome and it was actually super easy to lose the weight... Fun, even! I'm only 3 pounds shy of that 25 pound goal and I finally just cancelled my WW subscription because I actually feel confidant enough to do it on my own now.

Here's the problem, though... Here I am, at a weight that I haven't been at in about 5 years and I feel absolutely NO different. My clothes are falling off, people are commenting on my weight loss (which embarrasses me every time!) and I've dropped at least 3 pants sizes. Still, when I look in the mirror I see the same Jillian that I saw 22 pounds ago. I always imagined how I would feel when I was this weight again. I thought that I would feel gorgeous. I thought that I would feel confident in my appearance and proud of the effort I put forth, but somehow I don't.

I'm supposed to be raising confident, secure women in this house, as a mother of three girls. How in the world am I supposed to do that when I don't even feel that way? I would be deeply saddened if my own insecurities about my body ever translated onto Brooke, Adrienne, or Bailey and I found out that they, too, had these feelings. I guess loving me has to come from within and not from what's on the exterior. We're living in a world that bases just about everything on beauty and how thin you are and it's so hard to depart from that in my own personal line of thinking.

I'm learning more and more on this weight loss journey that being a child of the KING is what really matters. Without that, any earthly achievement won't matter. It's okay to want to be thin and healthy but that needs to be secondary to being complete in who Christ wants me to be. My prayer is that I will become content in this imperfect body and focus more on the heart of the issue!

Ready for Fall!

2011-08-16T23:16:00.003-04:00

Fall is by far my most favorite time of the year. I could list endless reasons why, but this year, I am particularly excited to get the girls back into some type of regular routine. This summer has included a new baby, which shook us up quite a bit, and a pretty carefree schedule. I long for the coming days where we'll buckle down into a more solid schedule.

Brookie definitely got the morning class at school, which is great! I look forward to the quality time that I'll have for Adrienne while Bailey naps and Brooke is gone. I think it will be really good for her to have a little bit extra of me... And me a little bit extra of her:)

Adrienne is also going to be starting gymnastics on Tuesday mornings. It's a "Mommy and Me" class so I'll have to go in with her and chase her around, with Bailey in tow, but I think it will be worth it. After all, I did it when Brooke was that age! One of my friends is going to take the class with us. Her daughter is a few days younger than Adrienne so it should be lots of fun!

I'm still not quite so sure what to do with Brooke and gymnastics. She wants to continue going because she loves it but the class that she's been in since she started is on Tuesday mornings. It will be impossible for her to do that with her school schedule. I could take her to an evening class but then we would have to rush out of the house another night of the week. Or, I could take her on Saturday mornings but then we wouldn't have one single morning where we didn't have something to wake up and do. Ya know? Sunday mornings are so busy so I kind of want Saturdays to be a morning to move kind of slow. She's really awesome at gymnastics and is learning so much so I don't want to pull her out if that's what she wants to do. We'll see...

Wow, when I sat down to type this I was excited. Now that I've finished, though, I'm a little anxious. This gives me a lot to think about and take in. Part of me is ready for the change that will come this Fall but now that it's all written down, YIKES! One step at a time, right?? Everything will turn out great... It always does!

The Day Where I Didn't Chose Joy

2011-08-12T22:44:00.002-04:00

I really think that joy is something you have to aim for each day. True joy can only come from the Lord and if it's the real deal, you still have peace inside when your kids are acting up, when the baby won't nap, when getting dinner on the table is utter chaos. When you have joy, you just know it!

Well, this morning, I woke up defeated already. I know what the Bible says about the joy of the Lord being our strength but honestly, I was having a hard time leaning on that today. To put it best, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. The girls were up abnormally early, which is frustrating. I also knew that John would be working overtime tonight (going in at 7 instead of 11) and for some reason, that just makes me cast a dark shadow on the whole day. The morning was rough... Bailey wanted to nurse during her entire nap, even though she always takes a nap in her crib. Brooke had been begging for her nails to be painted and I kept promising her "when Bailey is done eating" and that took a better part of the morning. Adrienne was into the bathroom playing with the water over and over again. A bunch of little things seemed to be causing me stress and I was completely overwhelmed.

At about 9:45 I heard the front door open. I wasn't expecting any company, though I was so lonely that I wanted it desperately. In walked my wonderful Daddy, who is one of my favorite people in the universe. He brought me a huge fountain Diet Coke, which anyone who knows me knows that that's the way to my heart. Lol. It was such a blessing to see him. As if that wasn't enough, he said he had to run out to the car and get something. In he walked with a brand new Kitchen Aid stand mixer in cherry red!!!!!!!! I had mentioned to my parents that I wanted one a few weeks ago and I NEVER expected them to just go get it. I was so excited and felt SO loved that I cried. It was just amazing!

My Dad, who is also my pastor, gave me a great pep talk. Dads are great, aren't they? Especially MY Daddy:-) I felt a lot better afterwards and I was so, so excited to try out my new mixer!

Here's the thing though... I was happy about the mixer. I was happy that my Dad took time out of his busy day to come see me. BUT, as wonderful as those things are, I wasn't full of joy because of them. Not even the best of circumstances can give you joy. I know this because just as quickly as my happiness came it left.. When nap time didn't go quite as I had planned. It quickly diminished throughout the afternoon while the girls fought and while Bailey resisted her second nap of the day.

I was kind of in a fog tonight after John left for work. Exhausted. Frustrated. Lonely. Weary. Some days of parenting are like that. In my 4.5 years of being a Mommy I have learned that for every day like this there are many more awesome ones and you just have to trek through. I would like to say that next time I will chose joy and not let uncontrollable circumstances dictate my mood but I can't promise that. I'm only human and am never going to be the wife, the mom, the daughter, the child of God that I'm called to be. However, tomorrow is a new day and I CAN wake up determined to have joy and not allow this shifting world around me to bog me down!

"Beauty Marks"

2011-08-10T22:22:00.014-04:00

My sweet Bailey has two precious birthmarks. One is on her foot and one is on her left forearm. They are both pretty pronounced but obviously the one on her arm is more noticeable because it's on a more prevalent place of her body. In fact, the very first thing I noticed about my girl when she was born was her birthmark. It just makes her HER! (The above picture was taken shortly after her birth and you can clearly see her birthmark.)

People are so mean and thoughtless. Complete strangers ask, "What happened to her arm?" One lady said, "That baby has a bruise!" But today, when a random lady at the store came up and said, "Oh my word! Your baby got burned!" I almost lost it. Who does she think she is??? I was about to give her a few of my own words when John spoke up. He politely looked at her and said, "It's a beauty mark!" I was thankful that he kindly said something because what was about to roll off my tongue wasn't quite as nice.

I love Bailey's birthmarks! I think it makes her unique and it only adds to her beauty. It makes me sad to think that people will most likely make rude comments about it through the years. When I see her "beauty marks" I am so incredibly thankful that God made Bailey "fearfully and wonderfully" and like nobody else in this massive universe. She is so incredibly special and these birthmarks only add to that!

Sleeping Babies

2011-08-07T22:34:00.004-04:00

Each night after everyone has gone to bed I sigh a huge sigh of relief. I pick up loose ends around the house, tripping on a million toys in process, and somehow the quietness seems odd to me. After all, the days are filled with anything BUT silence!

When I finish tidying up, I go upstairs and tiptoe into my daughters' rooms, so as to not wake them. Brooke is sprawled out on her bed to the point that her tiny 32 pound self seems to completely fill it. Adrienne is lying on her belly with her butt way up into the air... One finger in her "booper" (or belly button) and her thumb on the other hand is in her mouth. As for Bailey, she is on her belly resting soundly and peacefully. She is so at rest that I have to feel her chest to make sure she is still breathing. They all look so angelic and I just stare at them because I'm taken back by their incredible beauty. In that moment, I can't believe that these children are actually mine.

Then, something happens in the silence... I begin to wish for that day back, regardless of how rough it may have been. If only I could have loved them more. If only I could have not lost my temper while playing referee during their hundredth fight. If only I could have put the broom down and read them another book. If only I could have acted more excited over their accomplishments. If only I could have hugged them longer or soaked up their slobbery kisses more.

There is just something about my babies when they're sleeping. They inspire me to make tomorrow better and to fill it with as much love as I possibly can.

Oh to be Computer Savvy!

2011-08-06T23:13:00.002-04:00

I just spent over an hour working on this darn blog to get it to look like.... This. UGH! Maybe running AND blog design are two things I should throw out the window? Perhaps I'll just stick to being a mommy and cooking and cutting out coupons for now:)

Changes are Coming

2011-08-05T21:37:00.002-04:00

This Fall is going to be strange, to say the least. Brookie will be going to Pre-K and it will be the first time that I've sent her to any type of school. I've never dropped her off with a bunch of strangers before so this is going to be HARD.

We wrestled with decision for so many months. I was going to send her to preschool last year but seeing as how I HATE school, I kind of wanted to keep her out of that structure for as long as I could. This year I really didn't want to send her off but after much thought, I realized that it would be a disservice to shove her out the door to kindergarten next year without first letting her test the waters.

She'll be attending the universal Pre-K program in our school district which will either be from 8:15- 10:45 in the morning or from 11:30 to 2 in the afternoon 5 days a week. We requested the morning program but have yet to hear if we got it or not. Either way, picking her up and dropping her off will pretty much consume my day.

We were going to send her to a private preschool here in our little town but the curriculum and facility didn't nearly compare to the public school program. We would have spent the money on it if we felt it was best for her but the universal Pre-K gets rave reviews from everyone we talk to. When we met with the teachers for the screening we were amazed at how they brought Brooke out of her shell and related to her. It was really reassuring! It's also nice because she'll be with the same kids that will attend kindergarten with her next year and she'll also be in the same building for the rest of her elementary school career.

It's going to be convenient that John works nights because he gets home at 7:30 in the morning. That way he'll either be able to run her down to school or sit with Adrienne and Bailey so I won't have to lug them out each morning. They have bus transportation but there is NO way my baby girl is getting on that bus! She seems to think she'll be fine but that's why I'm the mom here:-)

We went today and got her all news clothes and shoes for school and her daddy will be taking her for a trip to pick out her new lunchbox and backpack. It's really setting in that my oldest baby is about to go off into this big, cruel world. It helps that she's so excited and beaming with happiness every time someone asks her about it. I know she'll succeed but the thought of being away from her every day is a little hard to swallow.

Man, I never thought this day would come so quickly. It's just Pre-K but I'm starting to realize that she'll never again just be home as my baby with no agenda. Kind of sad but VERY exciting for her! I'm so looking forward to watching my girl as she grows and adjusts to this next phase of her life.

Running.... BLEK!

2011-08-04T21:39:00.002-04:00

Well, after taking my entire pregnancy with Bailey off from exercising, plus the first 4 months of her life, I decided it was time to get back into the swing of things. I really am not the type that enjoys physical activity but I LOVE how it makes me feel about myself. It boosts my self image and confidence. Not to mention, it's super good for you, too!

I had been super into aerobics while losing the baby weight from Adrienne and I really enjoyed it. However, having THREE kids now, it's hard to find time alone to fit in the aerobics. Even if John watches the girls for me, they are still present and interested in what I'm doing. It's not that I so much mind that but I feel guilty if someone gets in a fight or starts crying and I don't acknowledge what's going on.

So, my sister had been doing this program called "Couch to 5K" which trains you to go from not running at all to running a, you guessed it, 5K (3.1 miles). She looks great from her running and seems to really be making amazing strides so I jumped on her "band wagon." I'm now on week 2 of this whole process and I HATE it. Not just a little bit but with a passion. The problem is that I have a bad case of asthma and I wake up at night gasping for breath so you can imagine what running does to these awful lungs of mine. I come home from my runs feeling like I'm going to die but I keep telling myself that this is normal and that my endurance will increase. It has to, RIGHT???

I'm also wondering what will happen if I end up enjoying the running... Will I be able to run in the ice and snow? And will my lungs allow me to run, even in the Fall where I usually get EXTREMELY sick? Fall is, by far, the worst season for my asthma and I often end up with at least one trip the hospital. It's horrible. I guess I'm afraid that I'll finally start to succeed at this and then my body will shut down, like it does every year.

Who knows... Maybe in a couple of weeks I'll feel better about running. As for now, I really do hate it. I'm stubborn, though, and I am dead set on succeeding at this.. Even if it kicks my butt... and my lungs!

4-Month Stats

2011-08-02T20:43:00.000-04:00

Well, it seems as though my littlest girl is not so little after all! She had her 4-month appointment today and she weighed in at a whopping 16 pounds, 5 ounces and was 24. inches long. She's in the 95th percentile for weight and 75th for height!! Wow.

I went back and looked at her bigger sisters' stats and Brookie was 15 pounds and Adrienne was 15.5. It's funny to me because Bailey was my smallest baby at birth by a few ounces and she's now my biggest baby. The other girls were shorter than her at this age though so she probably gets some of that extra weight from her length.

It's hilarious to me because my girls stop growing once they hit one, basically. They get big SUPER quick and level off once they start moving around. Adrienne was 20 pounds at 1 and is now only 23 pounds. It's hard to believe that she and Bailey are only about 7 pounds apart.

I'm always happy to get a clean bill of health for my baby, chubby and all! I'm so thankful for her in every way:-)

Summer Sickness

2011-07-31T22:36:00.002-04:00

It's been an exhausting couple of days around here! I thought that we would skate through this summer without anyone getting sick but that's been anything but the case. Blek!

Brooke started running a fever early, early on Thursday morning. I didn't come back until late that evening, which was kind of weird. Her fever would get really high really quick (in the 104's!) but when she didn't have the fever, she acted completely fine- Normal amount of appetite and energy. Weird. I ended up taking her to the doctor where they gave her a broad spectrum antibiotic to treat a bladder infection because her urine had white blood cells and other bacteria in it. They sent the urine out for a culture and if it comes back fine after all we're supposing that a virus was causing the fever. Either way, the fever has been gone since we started the antibiotic. It could very well be a coincidence, though.

John came down with pink eye on Wednesday and then Bailey, of all people, caught it and started showing symptoms on Saturday. She actually had a fever and was having lots of diarrhea and other stomach issues. The doctor said that sometimes the bug that causes pink eye can cause other irritants in the body. She has been extra fussy when she's awake but also extra sleepy. She's had one bad night of being up crying off and on but other than that, she has continued to sleep through the night, despite not feeling great.

I'm praying that nobody else catches any of this! We've been shackled with somebody being sick since Wednesday and it's NOT fun! My eyes have been itching but I'm so allergic that it's not uncommon. If I wake up with pink eye I won't be happy!!! I must wash my hands every 2 seconds to avoid it at ALL costs.

Children are wonderful blessings but goodness gracious.. Isn't it the worst when they're sick? It's just awful. Let's hope that we finish the remaining weeks of summer without anymore sickness!

5 Gallons of Change

2011-07-27T21:13:00.002-04:00

In our laundry room sits a mostly empty 5-gallon water jug. As for the part that's not empty... It's filled with our loose change. We have big dreams for this water jug, let me tell ya! In a few years, it will be our funds to go to Disney World.

Once upon a time when John and I were dating, we saved all of our change. Little did we know that it would FULLY fund our honeymoon, which was a 5 day Cruise to Key West and Mexico. It was over $1200 to pay for our cruise and our airfare and we hardly felt the sting of paying for it because we just rolled up our change. So when John saw this empty water jug that we have now, he got the wonderful idea to use it to save for something our whole family could appreciate.

I think that this is a great lesson to our children! It not only shows them that things cost money... And in this case, A LOT of it, but it also shows them to wait patiently for something really big. Brooke is so precious because when we started throwing our change into this jug she also began to throw in her spare money. She did it with such joy and excitement but it somehow broke my heart. Then, when I thought about it, I realized what an awesome teaching tool this whole jug has turned into!

This jug to me stands for so much more in our lives right now. We could go to Disney World if we wanted to but it doesn't mean we should. We really try to live a minimalistic lifestyle and enjoy living on less now so our future has a brighter picture. The massive amounts of coupons that I clip, the older cars that we drive, the infrequent trips to restaurants... These are all things that kind of fall into our "5 gallon jug" lifestyle. We are learning so many lessons on the way!

Conflicted

2011-07-23T23:06:00.003-04:00

After I had Bailey I started to have some nasty stomach problems. My stomach gets very upset and I have issues if eat fatty foods or heavier meals. At first I thought that it was just because I was recovering from the surgery and all but it hasn't gone away. I also started using Weight Watchers to lose the baby weight and I figured that the new diet was what was bothering my stomach. I don't eat fatty, greasy foods very often anymore so when I do my stomach goes nuts.

I wasn't overly concerned about any of this until the weight started coming off faster than it had been. A few weeks ago I lost 4 pounds, where I had been losing weight steadily at like 1.5 pounds a week. The weight is still come off a little quicker and I had myself convinced that I had cancer or something was really wrong. I went to the doctor and she sent me for an ultrasound on my gall bladder. I was relieved that she thought there was something up with that and that she didn't think anything bigger was going on. As it turns out, there are some polyps on my gall bladder, which apparently can grow when the gall bladder doesn't properly operate. She said that she needs to do a dye test of my gall bladder to watch its actual functions to be 100 percent positive that that's the culprit. However... The test would leave me radioactive for 24 hours so I couldn't hold Bailey, or any of the girls, for that matter. This test would be impossible because of that.

So I'm in a rough spot.. The doctor says she has reason to believe that I'll need my gall bladder removed but they can't really be certain without doing the test that I can't have done. She said that they could send me to at Gastroentorologist and they could use a scope to go into the gall bladder but that sounds like an awful lot of work. She also said that while the symptoms I'm having are frustrating that they aren't life threatening or worrisome in and of them self. As of now, I think I'm just going to wait until Bailey's older and deal with the annoyance of the issues I'm having. It will only help me achieve my weight loss goals, right??

I'm also dealing with some nasty sinus and allergy issues, which is pretty much my life. The doctor thinks that I would benefit greatly from sinus surgery and am going to see another doctor about that in a few weeks. I'm excited about that appointment because I would LOVE to feel better but I'm a little anxious about the word "surgery."

I'm starting to feel like a lab rat or a head case... One or the other. Between the severe allergies and asthma, all the sinus issues, and now the gall bladder I might as well just apply for a new body! I'm only 25... Aren't I supposed to feel well???

A Year Ago

2011-07-22T20:13:00.002-04:00

It's hard to believe that exactly a year ago from today I found out that I was pregnant with Bailey! I never really had the chance to write about how I found out that incredible news because I didn't want to announce my pregnancy until I was further along so today seems like a good day to tell the story.

It was the week of Vacation Bible School at our church and it was HOT. I remember that John and I had been talking a lot about whether or not we would have a third baby and we had pretty much decided that we would stop at two. Then, on the first day of Bible school we were swarmed with kids and that only added to our feelings of wanting to be done. Lol

I had been feeling a little run down that week but because I was doing all of the cooking for church I thought that that was the culprit. I had another really strange symptom, though... I was dropping EVERYTHING. When I'm pregnant I don't what it is but I always drop and spill things left and right. It was so bad that my friend, Lindsey, who was working with me even noticed how clumsy I was being. I took a Dollar Store pregnancy test that night and got a faint line but decided that it looked more like an evaporation line than a positive and I just brushed it off.

The next day we were at Bible School and I had finished cleaning up the kitchen and needed a few groceries. While John finished doing the games and the girls stayed in their classes I ran out to get those errands out of the way. As I walked by the pregnancy tests on the shelf, they were calling out to me. I couldn't help but buy one just to make sure that the previous test was accurately negative. I got back to church and there was still like an hour left to kill so I went back and forth to the car... One time leaving the pregnancy test in there, another time shoving it in my bag, and so on. I couldn't decide if I really wanted to pee on it at church.

Because I was completely certain that the test would be negative, I went ahead and peed on it in the church bathroom. BIG MISTAKE. It was a First Response pink dye test and when the bright pink line quickly appeared I just about had a heart attack. It was the most unexpected shock of my lifetime, to say the least. We certainly were NOT trying to have a baby!! I could hardly compose myself.

John was outside with the kids and I was shaking. I went out to hug him just to get some type of reassurance or comfort. He said, "Baby, what's wrong?" I said, "Oh nothing... We'll talk later." He got worried... "Jillian, did you lose your debit card again? What's wrong??" I then told him that it was MUCH MORE than that. Lol. And for lack of better words to say, I blurted out, "I'm pregnant." He just held me as I cried and a million kids ran all around the church yard while I melted in his arms.

It's a funny memory to look back on that time. It's not that I didn't think I could handle another baby or not already love the baby that was growing inside of me... I was just shocked. It was a lot to process and definitely a lot to think about. Now that it's all said and done, though, I can't imagine never knowing Bailey's beautiful face. Never having the experience of being pregnant with her. Never knowing the joy of her smile or the music of her laughter. I am so thankful that God added another little life to our family! I'm pretty positive that He won't be doing that again though! Lol

"Terrible Two?"

2011-07-20T21:34:00.003-04:00

I've always been one of those parents that hates the phrase "terrible twos." After all, if you say that something is going to be terrible, chances are, it will inevitably turn out that way. I've strayed away from that terminology for so long but I must say, right now I'm starting to see that that's why there is such a phase in a child's life called "terrible." Lol

My sweet Adrienne... Where do I begin with her? She was the baby that slept completely through the night at 2 weeks of age and never looked back. She was happy to do just about anything, never minded being put down anywhere, and kind of fell into whatever schedule we were on without ever skipping a beat. Now, though, things seem much different... She's TWO. Oh.My.Word. I never expected this type of strong will out of a child who was the absolute picture of perfection as a baby. I feel like everything we do lately has been an uphill battle- Getting her shoes on, getting dress, buckling her car seat, eating, or whatever else. She's also very ritualistic and likes to do things in a certain order and if something is slightly off, she FREAKS. Whenever she uses the potty SHE has to shut the light off and then shut the door. Heaven help you if you forget to let her do it or walk out of the bathroom without lifting her up to the light switch. On and on the list goes. These types of battles exhaust me to no end.

Adrienne is also extremely, extremely moody. You never know if she's going to be grumpy and mean or goofy and smiling. Her mood changes so frequently and if she's in a good mood, you sure as heck try to keep it that way! The good news is that she's absolutely hilarious and genuinely nice when she's not in one of her awful moods. She makes the funniest comments and she's quite the character!

I was at my wits end the other day with her because it was one of those days where I had just had enough. After struggling with her at every turn she came up to me, put her hand on my back and said, "It's okay. Don't be afraid. The thunder won't hurt you." Haha. She wasn't even trying to be funny, though. She just saw I was upset and somehow knew that I comforted her with that phrase nights earlier and she thought it would do the same for me. Guess what? It worked!

So I guess that sometimes two CAN be terrible and in the midst of a crazy day it sometimes seems impossible to manage all that I have on my plate. However, in the lighthearted moments I can't help but think that two is wonderful and worth it a million times over.

Freaky

2011-07-19T22:21:00.002-04:00

Yesterday morning John came home from work and found some rather disturbing "artwork" on our sidewalks... There were witch symbols, written using Brooke's sidewalk chalk, and underneath them it said, "We won't die." That means that somebody not only came onto our front porch and got the chalk but then they also chose to write freaky and awful things on OUR property.

John researched some of the symbols that were written and one of them stood for "anarchy." Apparently it's part of some teenage movement these days that basically throws out laws and authorities and laughs at anyone trying to tell them what to do. Maybe I'm off base on this but I'm pretty sure that that feels like a personal attack on my husband, as he enforces the law.

Back in April of 2009 we had our trashcans burned in front of our house one night. That had me freaked out for a long time because that also felt like an attack on John, as we live in his jurisdiction. I had finally gotten over that and brushed it off as an isolated incident and now this!

I had a really hard time sleeping last night. I know that God watches over our house and protects us. I know that he's greater than any witchcraft or evil powers that be but it's still unsettling. To make matters worse, at 4 this morning my phone rang. Anytime I get a call in the middle of the night the first thing that goes to my mind is that John is hurt or something is wrong. It turned out to be Time Warner to let us know that our home security system detected motion in our living room. Our alarm was going off and I was too out of it to even hear it. Anyways, they were going to contact the police but I told them not to since I could obviously just call them myself. John came home quickly and it turned out to be that nobody was in the house but I'm still a little anxious about why in the universe that motion detector went off. It really makes you think....

John's working tonight and I must say, even with the home security system, I'm not at ease. Every noise has my heart in my throat and I HATE feeling like this. I know that a bunch of punk kids probably did that to our sidewalks but it's still horrifying to think of what's going on around this house while I sleep here ALONE!

Sold Out!

2011-07-17T21:27:00.003-04:00

Last weekend we had a yard sale at John's parents' house because they live on a main road and we thought that we would get lots of customers. We got plenty of customers but even after sitting out there for 2 days in a row, we didn't make as big of a dent in all of stuff that we had hoped to. Despite having lots left, we made $170!

We decided to do it all over again this weekend at our house just because we already had all of the stuff priced and throwing it out in another yard sale seemed more logical than putting it away. Boy were we right! Our yard sale opened up on Friday morning and within 5 minutes we made $150!!! Our brand new Pack and Play (that we bought for Bailey, only to have her hate it) and baby swing went first thing that morning and after that, we were satisfied. However, much to our surprise, we went on to more than double our earnings throughout the next 2 days! I'm excited about the money but I'm even more excited to have all of this space back in my house.

Even though we made lots of money over the last few weeks, it's safe to say that I don't want to have another yard sale for a very long time. Man alive, it was A LOT of work and exhausting, too. It will be at least another year before I'm even remotely ready to do it again!

A Perfect Day

2011-07-12T21:35:00.002-04:00

I love how God just gives you incredible, stress-free days mixed in the middle of all of the challenging ones while raising children. It seems to me like one wonderful day, like I had today, makes up for about 10 of the awful ones.

The girls were just so awesome today.. Compliant, happy, goofy, sweet. Bailey slept 14 hours last night, Adrienne slept til 9, and Brooke slept until 8. Maybe the amazing sleep was part of this equation to an awesome day? I don't know but whatever it was, it sure made for one of those days where motherhood seems all worth it. The highlights of my day were the stolen moments that I had with each of my girls individually to just dote on them, tickle them, and tell them how loved they are. Whenever I can get time with one of them all alone simply for the fact that I want to shower my love on them is precious time.

This afternoon we built a "tent" in the living room and after we made our "campfire" we read library books for at least half and hour. Bailey was sleeping in her bed so Adrienne got to rest on my lap while Brooke snuggled right up under my arm. We flipped through book after book and it was such a special way to spend our time together.

Man, I have my days where being a mommy seems like such an impossible task. I wonder how I have the strength for the daily challenges we face but today has left me rejuvenated and full of joy! I am so thankful for the three precious children that God has entrusted to me! I'm SO blessed.

"Free" Lemonade!

2011-07-11T21:26:00.002-04:00

We had a huge family yard sale this past weekend and to help occupy Brooke's
time we let her have her own lemonade stand. We were originally going to put it out and charge 25 or 50 cents a glass but John's aunt had an even better idea- A tip jar! We put out a sign that said, "Free homemade lemonade! Tips are appreciated!" That girl made out like a bandit, too!

It was so funny because at first Brooke was timid and wouldn't call attention to her lemonade stand but after a few hours she would randomly go up to people and say, "Would you like some lemonade?" Some people would ask, "How much is it?" She would say, "It's free, but if you want to give me a tip you can!" She was so innocent about it, too, because regardless, she got to pour it out of her spout all by herself! She was so proud of herself and it was so much fun to watch her.

When it was all said and done, my girl walked away with almost 35 dollars over the course of 2 days. What a profitable business for a little girl!

Gone Are the Days of Blogging....

2011-07-08T23:12:00.002-04:00

Man, I've neglected my blog so much lately. I love to write about our adventures but when you have three kids and beautiful summer weather it's hard to find the time and motivation.

Let's see... What's new? We thoroughly enjoyed celebrating the 4Th! John happened to have the ENTIRE holiday off which was a huge treat:-) We took the girls to the fireworks TWICE and despite the fact that everyone was exhausted after the second night, it was completely worth it. Adrienne was unenthused by them (which is totally her personality) and Brooke was amazed and couldn't get enough of them. Bailey slept peacefully through them on both nights so that was an added bonus. We also went to a parade and had a huge family barbecue/pool party at our house. Yes, we were very patriotic because we definitely went all out! Lol.

Bailey moved into her room last Saturday night and I cried like a baby! I wondered how the transition would go but she has started sleeping even longer stretches than she was in our room. Lately she's been sleeping from 9 at night til 8 the next morning. It's BLISS!! I'm not really sure why God gives me the babies that sleep but I'll take it without absolutely NO complaining!! She's also started to take a regular nap from me from 2 in the afternoon til about 4:30 or 5. This is very handy when it comes to getting dinner together!

Adrienne is doing quite well with the potty training. She'll go days on end without any accidents but then she'll have one day where she has many. She's in panties full time but I look forward to the day when she'll be on auto pilot when it comes to the potty and where I don't have to constantly ask her or worry about her needing to go! I'm pretty impressed with her, though, and all the hard work is paying off. She's EXTREMELY stubborn so sometimes getting her to go before we leave the house or simply because I think she needs to is a big battle. If I let her go on her own she's fine but heaven help me if I ask her. Fighting with her is draining! She's a two-year-old through and through!

I have nothing new to report about Miss Brooke but I feel bad not giving her her own paragraph like the other girls. I'm such a mom, right? She has been exceptionally nice to Adrienne lately and she treats both of her sisters like her daughters. Lol. I love it! She's such a cleaner, organizer, and helper and sometimes I have to tell that child to just be 4. Man alive! She acts like she's 30 sometimes but that's what makes her uniquely Brooke. She is so much like her mama that it's not even funny!

We're in the midst of a two day yard sale at John's parents' house and after 10ish hours our in the sun today I'm completely dead. We made $100 bucks though which is decent for what we sold! Brooke had a lemonade stand that was for tips only and made a whopping 12 bucks off it today. What a profitable business for her! Haha! Anyways, I better get my butt to bed to do it all over again tomorrow. It feels nice to get rid of clutter though so I'm certainly NOT complaining!

Desires of My Heart

2011-06-30T21:49:00.002-04:00

There's this wonderful verse in the Bible that says that God gives us the "hidden desires of our hearts." Now, I'm no theologian, but I don't think that that means that he's some cosmic genie who grants us our every wish or dream. Instead, I think that it means that when we're walking with Him, our desires become HIS desires and the things that our on our hearts are from Him.

With that being said, I just cannot shake the desire to go back to school to get my nursing degree. This has been on my heart since Adrienne was a baby but I've kept passing it off as some silly little dream of mine. It all stems from my love of people, specifically new mothers, and my passion for breastfeeding and teaching other women what I've learned. I'm so drawn to women in that stage of their lives and I so desire to love them and affirm them the way that need to be. My long term dream would be to work as a labor and delivery nurse and maybe even become lactation consultant one day far down the road.

I really feel like my place is in the home now and that the girls need to be my number one responsibility. Because of that, I definitely don't see myself going to school full time or anything while the girls are still home all day. I would ideally like to get my prerequisites out of the way online or perhaps start taking one evening class a semester while John stays home with the girls. Then, when Bailey goes to kindergarten I can think about doing the hardcore nursing classes.

John keeps encouraging me to go to the local community college to talk to them about the best course to take for this dream of mine but I keep doubting myself. I was NEVER a student. In fact, I was the student who had to try hard for B's and C's and I had a very hard time concentrating and staying focused in class. Also, I think of the expense that this will bring upon us and with our conviction to not go into debt, this would mean that we would have to save up before this could even take place. Then I wonder if this isn't really a desire from God but instead, a selfish desire for me to fulfill my own dreams and not His.

All I know is that my children are going to grow- Quicker than I can possibly even fathom right now. While waiting tables and serving in the lunch line at school are all fine and dandy, I'll never be qualified to do anything more than that if I don't go out on this very far limb. If I follow through with this, I could potentially work part time and as the girls need me less and less I could work more.

Maybe this post sounds like an impossible plan or maybe you're reading this thinking I'm nuts? Who knows. I just want to do the very best thing for not only my future by for that of my family. As of now, I'm prayerfully considering what God would have me to do and I'm thankful that it is He who leads and guides me and that I don't have to merely speculate about what's best here!

Slow Down, Bailey!!

2011-06-23T21:25:00.003-04:00

Doesn't babyhood go by so quickly? It's amazing how much growth takes place in the first year of a child's life, especially the newborn months. I tell ya- Bailey isn't even three months yet and I hardly remember her as a tiny, lethargic newborn. She's so full of life and personality now and it's hard to believe that a few short months ago all she did was sleep.

On Father's Day two very important things happened that I forgot to make note of... For starters, she rolled from her back to her belly. It was the weirdest thing because she hasn't even rolled from her belly to her back yet, which babies usually do first. It was a completely unexpected surprise!! My mom and John were right there to observe this exciting happening in our house, too, so it was extra special. Watching my babies accomplish new things will never grow old! Also, that same night my girl slept completely through the night!!!! She was waking up once a night to eat (though she was hardly eating much) and she decided that she was going to kick that habit to the curb. I'm loving not having to get up at night anymore!

The new medicine that the doctor in Syracuse put her on has given us a baby that is a MILLION times more content and happy. She spends most of her awake time kicking her feet, smiling, and making deep conversations. She's a talker and a cooer and she absolutely captivates me! Being a mommy is the hardest job on the planet but oh so worth it.

Father's Day

2011-06-19T22:06:00.002-04:00

I don't have any clue how old I was when it started but my dad and I had a nightly ritual while I was growing up. In fact, it lasted until my last night home before getting married. Wow, that made me feel a little teary eyed! Anyways, here's how it went:

Dad: Do I love you when you're a good girl?
Me: Yes.
Dad: Do I love you when you're a bad girl?
Me: Yes.
Dad: How come I love you?
Me: Because God gave me to you.
Dad: What did God tell me to do?
Me: Love me and take care of me
Dad: Everything okay in your life?
Me: Yes.
Dad: Anything you want to take about?
Me: No.
Dad: Boys?
Me: NO! (Even when I was engaged I didn't admit it!)
Dad: Guess what?
Me: I'm the guy!

When I look back on my childhood and remember this special nightly routine that we shared I feel so blessed. Each night, for the whole sixty seconds this process took, I knew that I had my Daddy's undivided attention as he tucked me into bed. I love how he constantly left the door to communication wide opened for me and how this time daily reconnected us. It's funny to me that I've been on my own for over five years now but I will never, ever forget this. My Daddy was the person who understood me to the fullest extent and I felt so much pride having him for my father.

Thanks to an amazing Daddy, the man I would marry had large shoes to fill. I wanted someone to adore me and be as sensitive to my quirky, scatterbrained ways as he was and before meeting John, I wasn't sure if that was possible. I am so thankful that God sent him into my life to not only be my husband but also, the incredible, adoring father to our girls that my father always was to me. As I think of the ways my dad loved me as a little girl (and all throughout my life) and how secure that made me feel, I feel so blessed to know that that's how our girls will feel when they look at John!

Happy Father's Day to my wonderful Dad and amazing husband. They are special to me in so many ways on everyday of the year but this special "Hallmark" holiday simply gives me an excuse to brag on them! :-)

Back in Town

2011-06-17T21:09:00.002-04:00

We got in last night from our short trip to Syracuse. It was a quick, yet refreshing, trip for my little family! Sometimes just getting away for a bit is all you need.

Bailey's appointment was pretty uneventful. The doctor said that it's just a severe case of reflux, which I'm having a hard time believing. She doesn't spit up like my other reflux babies- She vomits. It's frustrating but I keep telling myself that she's the doctor and she came very highly recommended so I should just trust her. I guess the reason I was a little upset was because she didn't even look at any of her labs or X-Rays from when Bailey was in the hospital. Instead she asked, "What did they say about her X-Rays?" I would have felt much better having her look them over. Anyways, she put her on a stronger dose of Pepcid and I'm happy to report that Bailey is at least more content now. I'm thrilled about that! On the other hand, she suggested that I express my milk and thicken her feedings with rice cereal. I'm really not into feeding my babies anything but breastmilk until they are at least 6 months old so that was hard to hear. She said that the more often I can feed her this way, the better. This is hard for me because Bailey won't take a bottle and also, I want the closeness of nursing her, not just the nutritional benefits. I'm not quite sure how this will all work out...

As for the rest of the trip, we had a great time! The zoo was a lot of fun and it was the perfect sized zoo to not be overwhelming or too extremely time consuming for the girls. I lost our camera charger so unfortunately I couldn't catch any pictures. It's so typical me!

This was our first overnight outing since Bailey's been here and I'm amazed at the amount of work it was to pack for just one night. Her vomiting issues only add to that because not only does SHE go through lots of clothes, so do we. Lol. She's so worth it though:-)

Birth Envy

2011-06-14T23:16:00.003-04:00

I've always said that having a natural, med-free delivery is something that you have to want with all of your heart. It's incredibly challenging and if you don't want to go and get it, forget about it. Well, with Brooke, I wanted it. I wanted it so very bad and I tried extremely hard. Long story short, I labored for about 15 hours and pushed for three hours without any medication whatsoever, only to result in a C-Section delivery. She had aspirated meconium so she was taken from me in the OR to be suctioned out and all and it was about 30 minutes or so before I met her.

Then, Adrienne came along. I reluctantly opted for the a repeat C-Section just because my doctor didn't think I was a good candidate for a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) and truthfully, I didn't think I could handle another "failure" if I tried again. During the months leading up to her delivery I really prayed about my emotions and fears regarding the impending C-Section and dealt with a lot of my issues with it. I finally got over being jealous of others who just popped babies out and realized that so many women out there were probably jealous of MY ability to simply have babies. When Adrienne came out she was sick and they quickly whisked her away to the special care nursery, where I wouldn't get to meet her until about 8 hours later. The first time I held her was when she was hooked up to wires and IV's and monitors and I didn't even get to nurse her on the day of her birth.

I finally got over having to have C-Section and not having my babies get put on my chest directly after their births, like they would be in a natural delivery, and after time, I got over not even getting to meet my baby after her entrance into the world. When it was time for Bailey to be born everyone assured me that it would be "the birth I always wanted" and so many said that "nothing would go wrong." However, she came out even sicker than Adrienne had been and she was shipped off to another hospital. Just knowing that I really didn't even meet my baby until she was over 48 hours old still breaks my heart. In fact, there's a song that says, "On the day of your first breath, a brand new life on your mama's chest" and I can't even listen to it because I never had Bailey's precious body on my chest on the day of her birth- Or Adrienne's, for that matter.

I'm honestly over the simple truth that I had three deliveries and all of them weren't what I wanted. I know that my struggles don't compare to those of women who can't get pregnant or those that deliver babies who aren't even alive. I try to focus on just how healthy and amazing my girls are, despite their less-than-wonderful debuts, but every so often it hits me. In fact, what prompted me to spill all of these thoughts is that somebody on Facebook just posted pictures of their baby on their chest right after birth. That just gets me every time because I wanted that so bad. It's not that I don't want it for others but it's that I want it too.

I'm not sure if the fact that I'm not having anymore babies makes it better or worse. Part of me feels worse because I know that there really won't ever be a "better birth." I think that I'm mostly relieved though because I can't imagine going through all of those experiences again. It's probably best to stop while I'm ahead with my three precious girls! I definitely need to count my blessing instead of focusing on these things that don't matter.

Help Is On the Way

2011-06-12T21:53:00.004-04:00

Bailey's vomiting issues have been out of control lately. She will soak through an entire bath towel in seconds during one of her spells. It's also forceful and frequent and it's just running the poor girl's life. My heart breaks for my girl.

Our pediatrician spoke to one of his colleagues in Syracuse (which is a little over an hour drive from here) and he got Bailey an appointment with her on Wednesday. I am so thankful for this because I'm not sure how much more of this we can take. We've tried a multitude of medicines- Axid, Previcid and Pepcid. We've tried various styles of feedings- Small and frequent, large and infrequent. We've tried different positions- Holding her still, holding her upright, not laying her flat after eating. The bottom line is that nothing but nothing works.

I'm going through about 2 or 3 outfits a day caring for this child. She's drenching outfit after outfit, burp cloth after burp cloth, and blanket after blanket. My couches, my carpets, and sheets are constant targets as well and it's A LOT of work. Her issues make feeding her a neverending task because as soon as she throws up she wants to eat again. It's a constant stream or frustration. However, that's not what bothers me the most. Her crying and restlessness and obvious discomfort is what gets to me. I just look at her big blue eyes so filled with pain and it makes me want to cry every single time.

My other girls had reflux as babies but there were so many differences between them and Bailey. I'm kind of convinced that something else is going on in there because of how awful things are but am hoping to be wrong. Regardless, I will feel world's better after speaking to the specialist.

As an added bonus to this much needed appointment, we're making a trip of this appointment. We're going to get a hotel, go to a nice dinner, and then take the girls to the zoo the next day. You would think we were going Disney World or something because they are so excited. It doesn't take much to make them happy and I love that about them:-)

So wish us luck. I'm hoping to have some solid answers on what's going on with Miss Bailey in just a few days. Let's hope this doctor is a miracle worker!

Letting Go of Fear

2011-06-10T14:29:00.003-04:00

In a nearby county, a police officer walked into a home to handle a domestic disturbance- as my husband often does- and he was instantly shot in the head and killed. To make the story even more tragic, he left behind an 18-month-old and a wife who was 9 months pregnant. In fact, the news of his death was so horrible for her that she actually went into labor that day. Does it get much more awful than that?

Every time a police officer dies, whether it be in California or Texas or anywhere else, it shakes me. Then, when a police officer dies in New York it feels a little bit more scary. When it's several counties away, like this was, it's magnified by about 100. We like to think of these things as being "isolated incidents"- but they're not. We also like to believe that they're so far away that they'll never happen- but again, they're just not.

I quickly learned that this police officer was also a youth pastor for a church that partners with our church's association and it devastated me even more. He was apparently a wonderful man who was impacting so many around him through his service to the Lord. A member of our church actually knew him had worked with him previously and his death has shaken so many that knew him- and even those that didn't.

I can't really go into a lot of detail but my husband has been in situations where the very fact that he came home alive was a miracle. One of these incidents happened the weekend before Adrienne was born and I distinctly remember saying to him, "What if you hadn't have come home? How would I have brought another child into the world alone, let alone raise her?" When I think of the fear that I had over something that didn't happen, I am brought to tears over that man's poor widow who is facing my absolute worst fear, and I'm sure hers, as well.

What a reminder that nothing should be taken for granted. Each night that I send my man out the door I pray for his safety that God would look over him. I make sure that we never leave one another with harsh words or without saying, "I love you." Both of us strive to do that. Sometimes I try to ignore the dangers of my husband's job for my own peace of mind but that's just ignorance on my part. True peace of mind only comes from laying my burdens down at the feet of Jesus and leaving them there. I do the first part pretty well but then I always seem to pick them back up again every time I feel like my security has been shaken. That's not true faith, though, and as I'm finding, the only way to ever feel unmoved and unshaken by the craziness around us is through absolute, total, and complete faith.

Unplanned Potty Training

2011-06-07T21:40:00.003-04:00

It has always been my theory that children will potty train easily when they are completely ready. I didn't force the issue with Brooke and lo and behold... She just picked it up one day. That was my plan with Adrienne, too, and I expected her to be in diapers for at least a few more months. That was completely fine with me because honestly speaking, when you have a newborn, it's kind of easier not having to monitor potty trips and bathroom visits for another child!

I was in complete shock on Monday morning when Adrienne said, "I don't wear diapers. I wear Nancy." To explain.. We bought her Fancy Nancy panties on her birthday to perhaps spark some interest in potty training. I put them on her because we were going to be home all day and I expected the day to be disastrous. However, my little girl SHOCKED me by finishing out the day with not one single accident. It was pretty incredible.

She had another good day today, as well. We had to go to gymnastics for Brooke and then we had a picnic with my sister and sister-in-law. The picnic wasn't the best setting for a newly potty training toddler but my girl still managed to not wet her pants! After we left the picnic she dribbled a little in her panties because she didn't make it to the potty on time but all things considered, that's not bad! This afternoon at home she did poop her pants but I expected that. That's was a big hurdle for Brooke for a bit when she became potty trained. I'm just trying to be patient and loving, despite feeling completely overwhelmed by this latest project! It's hard work to be in the midst of potty training and feeling like you constantly have to be on watch for the next potty break.

I keep telling myself that if we tough this week out and don't put diapers back on her that it will be worth it. She's doing great but it's even still a huge undertaking for me during this stage of our lives!

Shift Work

2011-06-02T21:34:00.003-04:00

My husband has been a cop for just shy of 5 and a half years now. The hours have obviously not been ideal through the years and we've had to make sacrifices but it's what we signed up for when John went into this profession. After spending the past 3 years or more on the overnight shift, John's body is finally saying "enough" and he's completely worn down.

I just feel so bad for my husband... He gets awful headaches, is unable to sleep well during the day, and feels altogether weak, exhausted, and dizzy. This started about 2 months ago and after going to the doctor twice for this, nobody can figure what's going on. All his blood work comes back normal as well as a Cat-Scan and EKG. What gives?

If he's physically in good health then it's looks like this shift is just not cutting it anymore. He doesn't have enough seniority to get the coveted day shift so the only alternative is the dreaded evening shift, which is from 3 in the afternoon until 11 at night. This is the shift where we don't have dinner as a family, the girls don't have their Daddy tuck him in, and where John misses out on family-get -togethers, parties, etc... What's worse, though... Being present in body but not in mind because you're so exhausted or just not being there because you're working? That's a hard thing to chose between because they both are difficult.

I'm trying so hard to support my husband in whatever decision he makes. I'll admit, the evening shift is a very lonely shift for me. It's hard to make friends because all the women I know have husbands with "regular" jobs and don't want to hang out at 3 or 4 in the afternoon. However, my husband's health and well being has got to come first. It won't always be so hard... I mean ONE day he'll get to be on the day shift.

Do any of you fellow police wives out there have any advice for me? Did any of your husband go through this? I would give anything to help him and find an answer to stop this madness.

Check-Ups Galore

2011-05-31T21:20:00.002-04:00

What a busy day we had today! Bailey and Adrienne were scheduled for their well baby appointments (Bailey for 2 months, Adrienne for 2 years) and then late last night Brookie started running a high fever. Thankfully they got them all in together and made the whole process as painless as possible but it was still a daunting task. Here's how they all checked out...

Brooke:

All of the usual suspects for high fevers checked out great. She has been having some accidents that are NOT like her so I had mentioned a possible UTI. Sure enough, her urine showed bacteria in it. However, before putting her on an antibiotic they said they really wanted to get the culture back in order to give her the proper one. At the time that seemed reasonable but since then I have been on the phone with the doctor due to Brooke having a pesky fever in the mid 104's. It's been awful and the poor girl is pitiful! They said they would call back in the morning with more information on what medicine she'll be on but it's just SO frustrating that she's so sick right now. It breaks my heart! She also weighed in today at mere 133 pounds with shoes and jeans on. What a peanut!

Adrienne:

All checked out great with her! She weighed in at 24 pounds, 12 ounces and is 33 inches tall... 25th percentile for weight and 50th for height. She, too, is just a peanut! My girls always get super big as babies, stop growing once they get mobile, and stay tiny. That's the trend thus far, anyways. The doctor was quite pleased with her development!

Bailey:

She is a chubby girl for now... 13 pounds, 12 ounces and 22 inches long- 95Th percentile for weight, 50Th for height. I'm telling you, though, the other girls were within a pound of that at this age, also. I must make whole milk or something:-) Lol. The reflux has still been a HUGE problem for us and the doctor was concerned about that. Even though she's gaining weight it's still a problem because I literally have to feed her constantly. She almost always throws up everything I give to her so it takes me an hour of feeding her sometimes to get it to stay down. It makes managing the other two girls difficult at times. Anyways, he had determined that she needed to see a specialist to figure out why she's vomiting so much so often and then, it happened... She threw up everywhere. It wasn't near the amount that she usually vomits but nonetheless, the doctor grew MUCH more concerned when he saw it with his own two eyes. He said that it's not safe for her, obviously, and there's no reason why that amount would be normal by any means. That kind of made me feel good because it validated my fears about all this. At the same time, though, it made me more nervous because if the doctor is concerned, should I be, too? He's supposed to be calling me within a couple of days with a plan of attack. He said he wanted to think about it and talk to some other doctors as to what test and/or medications that should be included in the plan. I just want her to get better!

In other Bailey news, she had her Roto Virus oral vaccine (which she threw up, go figure) and then three shots. She was PITIFUL and I cried right along with her! She has been grumpy and tired this afternoon and has been exceptionally sleepy.

So, that's the scoop on my girls. We have a few minor issues but in the grand scheme of things, my girls are growing strong and healthy! Thank you, God! We are incredibly blessed:-)

Happy Birthday, Adrienne!!

2011-05-27T21:22:00.004-04:00

My precious Adrienne,

It's hard for me to believe that two whole years have passed since I first met you. I looked into your big blue eyes and instantly fell in love with you. It's amazing how my heart grew the day that you were born!

Through your life I am continually reminded to appreciate the small things in my own.. The beautiful blue bird outside the window in the morning, the raindrops falling from the sky and even the dandelions that are taking over our yard. You are continually amazed by the beautiful, yet common, things around you and I love that about you. You live life so large and everything seems to be a gift to you!

I love the way that you can light up a room with your goofiness or crazy dancing, spinning, or twirling. Your timely jokes and lighthearted smiles make our family that much more happy. You don't really take too much in life seriously and when somebody makes you made you just get over it. It's so funny that even though I'm the mommy here, YOU are the one teaching ME!

These past few months have been crazy with a new baby sister and all but you have been so loving to Bailey and you're a huge help to me. In the midst of all of the change in our lives, my love for you has never changed and I will always, always look at you as my baby.

You have such a beautiful personality, my sweet daughter. You are so much like your Daddy.. You love your time to yourself, you are often quiet and you have to take your time warming up to new people. To go along with that, you are also fiercely stubborn, absolutely afraid of NOTHING and so extremely tough. You have about a million scabs and bruises on you from falling countless times. It never seems to bother you and you rarely shed a tear. Most of all, though, you are incredibly sweet and hate to see people sad. You have a HUGE heart!

I cannot wait to watch you grow, princess! The past two years have meant the world to me.. To be there for you every step of the way and to be the one you want when you're sad or happy or hurt or excited. I love being your Mommy and am SO proud of you and in this life of change and uncertainty, that is one thing that you can always depend on. I love you so incredible much!

With all my heart,
Mama

Flying Solo

2011-05-24T20:40:00.002-04:00

The good Lord knew what he was doing by sending me my husband so early in life. It is a well known and continually proven fact that I'm just not good on my own. I'm not saying I'm an idiot who needs someone to walk her through every step but I definitely need to be kept company. If John isn't here I think of who I can call or send a text message to because I SO enjoy human interaction.

John left last evening to go to some shooting school for work and he won't be home until late tomorrow night. When his work asked him to go they also told him that they knew he had just had a baby and that it might be too much for me. What kind of wife would I be if I didn't allow him to have this opportunity though?? So of course I gave him my blessing and reassured him that I would be fine. Three days without him is obviously a lot of work for me but mostly, I'm just LONELY. I tell him everything and without his presence in this house things are just.... Empty. I sent him a message yesterday saying, "I'm so glad you're just out of town and not dead." Lol. I can't even imagine.

There is just something about a Daddy that makes children behave. At least in our house, anyways. He's also my best friend and I genuinely LOVE being with him so I'm kind of down in the dumps. I VERY much look forward to tomorrow night when he comes back home!

All of you military wives and single moms out there get mega credit from me. I don't see how you all do it on your own for so long. WOW!

The Night Crew

2011-05-19T23:18:00.002-04:00

Lately I've been feeling like a one of those night crews that goes into offices and cleans late at night after everyone has gone home. In my case, however, I tiptoe around sleeping children and cringe every time they stir.

The only way that I'm staying on top of things lately is devoting at least an hour (most times more) to the house every night. I lay down with John from 9-10 while he naps before work and then I get up while he gets ready and start working. I ship him off at 10:30 and then finish up my work. I've always been a "night owl" so it doesn't really bother me, though I do miss the rest and relaxation of the nighttime hours.

For now this is the only reasonable solution that I've been able to find. If I become too engrossed in housework during the day I feel bad for the girls. I would rather play another game of Memory with Brooke or let Adrienne fix my hair... again! A little bit of housework is totally doable but when I do most of it at night all I have to do is clean as we go during the day.

As for the laundry, I think the easiest time of day to hang up the girls' clothes is when they're sleeping. I've always done it that way, even since Brooke was a baby. If I hang up clothes during the day I have to haul all the girls upstairs, make sure they're not too crazy while they're up there because John is sleeping, and then pick up all their messes they make while they're waiting for me. Oh yes, and break up about a million fights. If I wait until the late hours of the night then it only takes a few minutes. With a baby that throws up constantly and soaks multiple outfits, blankets and burp cloths a day, I feel like all I do is laundry but this method has me staying on top of things.

I'm just trying so hard to be the noble woman that the Bible speaks about in Proverbs. I love the part that says (and I'm paraphrasing here) that she doesn't worry when the weather gets cold because she's taken care of her family's winter clothes- mending them, cleaning them, whatever. The weight of running a home and caring for her family is on that woman and I strive to be more like her!

The New Normal

2011-05-13T14:51:00.002-04:00

I am so excited because life feels "normal" again!! Adjusting to a new baby always requires coming up with a new routine to suite the latest addition but I'm happy to say that things are going great!

I'm most happy because Bailey is starting to develop her own little personality. She started smiling on her one-month birthday and she shows off her gorgeous dimples every time. It completely melts me and steals my heart! She has also started cooing a little bit and despite throwing up constantly (no joke) she is an extremely content and easy-going little creature. She has also fallen into somewhat of a schedule and for that I'm thankful! She sleeps in her bed for on 4-6 hour stretch each night and she always goes down between 9 and 10. I have started using those nighttime hours for housework and laundry because it's the only way that I'm staying on top of things. John gets ready for work at 10 and that's when I start working so it doesn't take time away from him.

As for me, it's so awesome to feel physically normal again. After all those months of pregnancy and then recovering from the C-Section, it's nice to be back to plain old me. I have also been on a diet to lose those pesky pregnancy pounds and when I went for my postpartum visit the other day I was VERY happy to hear that I'm one pound lighter than I was at my first prenatal visit!! It's nice to work so hard and get results!

My big girls are also doing quite well and they adore Bailey... A little TOO much sometimes but that's okay:-) Adrienne has been a bit challenging but I attribute that to her age and not to the new baby. I just can't believe that she'll be TWO in a few weeks. Where has the time gone?

I'm also happy because I'm not afraid of going out alone with all three of the girls anymore. I used to avoid the grocery store (even for a quick trip) or other outings if John wasn't present but not anymore. I've conquered my fear!

I'm absolutely loving the complete feeling that I feel when I think of my sweet little family! Things are sometimes crazy and stressful with three kiddos around but I wouldn't trade either of them for anything in the universe!

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T16:24:00.002-04:00

Happy Mother's Day to all you fellow mothers out there! These little beauties right here are what it's all about:-) Enjoy your day!

Circus Fun!!

2011-05-06T22:58:00.002-04:00

My husband is amazing! Can't a girl just brag? I love how he is constantly seeking fun and exciting things for our family to do together. When he heard about the circus coming to a location near us he jumped on the opportunity to buy tickets for us to go. It didn't matter to him that it would be a lot of work to cart our three children there near their bedtime or that it would cost him money. I'm more practical about stuff like this but he keeps life fun!

We ended up having the best time with our little family! My initial thought was that Bailey and I should stay home because it would be too much work to take all three of them. However, she ended up sleeping for most of the time so we had some really awesome quality time with the older girls. John got the girls cotton candy, popcorn, nachos, and a pretzel with cheese sauce and went way over the top to treat all of us like royalty! The girls were in heaven! At one point John took the girls for a walk they came back with light up wands that they were SO proud of.

Bailey woke up close to the end to nurse and when I went to burp her she miraculously puked over the burp cloth and onto the lady's hair in front of us. YIKES! It was during the flying trapeze event and everyone was so enamored by that that she didn't even notice. I certainly didn't tell her and the poor thing probably had a nice surprise when she got home. Lol. That Bailey and her throw up!

I hope that my girls look back on times likes those and remember the laughter and fun we shared as a family. After all, it's a big responsibility to give them the best childhood that we can! It's not like you get more than one chance.
Just watching the smiles on my girls' faces made the whole night so special and looking over at my husband who was in his glory was the best part. Sure, the animals and acrobats were pretty cool but they definitely weren't the main attraction for me!

One Box of Clothes

2011-05-02T18:21:00.003-04:00

It has been no secret that we are DONE having babies. I feel happy about that because I have this wonderful sense of completion when it comes to our family. It's also nice to be able to move forward, knowing that we'll never have to start over again. I'm totally at peace with being where we're at.

HOWEVER... There's this big box of maternity clothes in my bedroom that I've been having a hard time parting with. While I'm done have babies, I'm not quite as ready to never be pregnant again. It's kind of a weird mix emotions to be content but somehow having a hard time with this aspect of it. The thought of never having a baby again doesn't even remotely phase me but to never know the feeling of a baby inside of me again is what is sad.

It's silly because I don't want to give my box to someone I know because seeing the clothes on someone else would kind of make me a little sad. Silly, right? If I wasn't done it wouldn't be sad to see them on someone else but because I am, somehow it is. This is so irrational that I'm by no means expecting anyone to "get it." Lol

The bottom line is this... I've carried three precious babies in my womb, which is more than some women could ever even dream for, and for that I am blessed beyond measure. It's time to move on from this stage of my life and on to the next one. That brings me back to this question though... What about that darn box of clothes????

Update

2011-04-25T21:02:00.002-04:00

All is well with Miss Bailey! We were discharged from the hospital on Friday evening because all of her test results came back fine. All that showed up was reflux... Surprise, surprise! She's on some medicine to help reduce the acid in her stomach and make her vomiting less painful but it won't stop it. Even though the time in the hospital wasn't fun I'm kind of glad we got all the testing done because now I'm not as freaked out by the quantities of throw up that comes out of her little body! Today it was coming out her nose and that might have REALLY sent me over the edge if I was still so worried about things.

We had a wonderful Easter yesterday. I have lots of cute pictures to share but I definitely won't be accomplishing that tonight. While we enjoyed our day it was LONG. Our alarms were set for 6:45 because I had to be at worship practice by 8:30 so we had to do Easter baskets and all that early. We had church and lunch at my parents house, followed immediately by an early dinner with John's side of the family. Talk about a tiring day! It's worth it to be with family and all of that though.

I'm really looking forward to the next couple of days because the weather is supposed to be in the upper 70's!!!! We're supposed to have lots of rain though which will certainly screw up dreams of picnics, cookouts and trips to the park, I'm sure, but we'll take it! My girls are super sick of being cooped up and who in the universe could blame them? This has been an AWFUL winter!

Alrighty, all three girls are in bed so I should go be productive. If I don't do laundry as soon as it comes out of the dryer there's just not hope for it so laundry it is. Life will slow down one day, right???

What A Day!

2011-04-21T22:38:00.002-04:00

Today has been eventful, to say the least. As I've mentioned before, Bailey has acid reflux just like her sisters did. She has good days and bad days but last night she was really struggling and up spitting up quite a bit. Spit up for Bailey is more like vomit, not a little dribble from her mouth. Anyways, it was a long night, which is unusual for her, but I assumed that it was just a par for the course. Her struggles continued into this morning, which didn't alarm me, and we went about our day.

About 11 o'clock this morning she started throwing up green stuff. It's the stuff that you throw up when you have absolutely nothing left in your system. It was a massive quantity, which I'm used to, but it was crazy to me that it was green. In all my experience with my reflux babies I was still uncomfortable with it. I called the doctor's office to speak with a nurse, assuming that I was a worrying mother and that she would just reassure me. By the time they called back it was after one and they told me to come right on in so I woke John up and we got here as soon as we could.

After checking her out, the doctor thought she appeared to be dehydrated and sent her down for an ultrasound to check for an intestinal blockage. That all appeared to look okay but because she was vomiting so much after every feeding he decided to admit her. I was shocked... And still am. I expected to go to the doctor for a quick checkup to put my mind at ease and not to be typing from a hospital room tonight.

Once we got settled into our room they poked her 3 times to try to get an IV in but to no avail. It was awful to hear my precious girl screaming so hysterically:-( They decided that they would spare her the pain and administer her reflux medication through her mouth instead and just monitor her extra closely through the night. I'm kind of confused because they were supposed to give her fluids intravenously, hence the IV, but somehow it's okay that they aren't now. I guess they know what they're supposed to do! First thing in the morning they are going to do a barium test followed by an X-Ray that will reveal any abnormalities going on with her digestive system. I'm assuming that it will come back normal and am hoping to be out of here sometime tomorrow. I probably shouldn't bank on that though because it will leave me VERY disappointed if that's not the case.

I hate that my family is separated right now:-( It's so hard. Nobody wants to have a child in the hospital, obviously! So please say a prayer for my princess tonight. She's resting soundly now so I should probably attempt some sleep. Heaven knows I'm in desperate need!

My Sweet Adrienne

2011-04-20T22:14:00.003-04:00

I love all of my children the same... I can honestly say that not one of them has more of my heart than the others. I just love them differently and that's what makes it so much fun!

With that being said, lately Adrienne has been extra near and dear to my heart. I guess I just feel bad for her because she is SO quiet and hardly demands attention. She is also quite the loner. For instance, my sister has a 4.5 year old and a 2 year old and when they come over to play you can often find Brooke playing with them while Adrienne happily does her own thing. She doesn't feel left out... She's thrilled to be in her own quiet little world figuring things out for herself. This same scenario happens around our house all of the time, too. We'll all be hanging out together playing a game or doing a craft and Adrienne will quietly drift into the other room and do her own thing.

Sometimes I'm challenged by Adrienne's quietness. I know that sounds weird but I am SUCH an extroverted people person and dread being alone. If I'm alone, I pick up the phone and call someone because I can't stand to keep my thoughts to myself. Lol. I guess I kind of transfer all of that on to her and assuming she feels that way. Obviously she doesn't, though. It's also hard because Brooke is so bubbly and talkative and keeps me listening and Bailey is a newborn who demands attention... I NEVER want to neglect Adrienne just because she doesn't "ask" for me aknoweldge her. Does that make sense?

It's interesting because underneath her quietness is a silly little girl waiting to be unleashed. That girl has a great since of humor and unless you were to observe her in her comfort zone, you wouldn't realize it. She's also our tough cookie who hardly ever cries, has absolutely NO fear, and rarely gets her feelings hurt. I can kind of see her being our "Tom Boy" because she's always the one to wrestle with her daddy and holy cow, that girl has a great arm. The kid can seriously throw!

I just love that little girl so much and the very thought of her melts me. Her humoungus blue eyes pierce my heart and I can't imagine her any other way than she is!

Life with Three

2011-04-18T21:08:00.003-04:00

Let me just say, having three children is A LOT of work! It's definitely rewarding and worth it but there is always something to be done. Just meeting everyone's basic needs keeps me completely busy whether it's getting someone dressed or changed, feeding someone, getting something for someone, etc.. On top of that, there is also tons of housework, laundry and of course, lots of time for reading books to and and playing with the girls. It's no wonder why I feel like crashing every night at 8!

The first couple of days after we brought Bailey home were a little insane but our issues quickly resolved themselves. Taking care of all the girls definitely requires a lot of work, like I just got done saying, but I don't feel overwhelmed by it all anymore. I'm starting to get things down to a science, too, and figuring out the best methods for accomplishing things.

Right now I do miss the time I had to spend with Brooke and Adrienne. Before Bailey was born we would do a lot of baking and cooking together but having a newborn kind of puts baking on the back burner. She doesn't reliably nap anywhere right now so it's hard to start a project only to have to stop 5 minutes into it. I'm savoring these newborn days but at the same time am eager for the days of a more solid routine for Bailey.

I think my biggest struggle is trying to find time for the house. I'll admit, I require that things be very tidy and I feel frustrated if I go to bed with dirty laundry or dishes in the sink. When Bailey sleeps I go into hyper mode and try to get anything and everything done before she wakes up... She's like a ticking time bomb! Lol. While a clean house is wonderful, I think that time could probably be better served with some one-on-one time with Brooke or Adrienne. I spend time with them all day, obviously, but it probably means that much more to them when it's alone for a few minutes. It's just SO tough to keep all of these things in good balance.

Bailey is a VERY content and easy going baby and only cries when she needs something. That has definitely made for an easy transition and I'm so thankful for that! She also is a great little sleeper so I have no complaints whatsoever.

I absolutely love being a mommy to three and I can only imagine that it just gets better from here on out:-)For now, I just want to slow down and enjoy every minute!

The Story of Bailey Quinn

2011-04-11T14:50:00.002-04:00

Bailey's birth story really begins on Thursday, March 24Th. We had fun filled day with Brooke and Adrienne, assuming that it would be our last day as a family of 4. We went to Chuck E. Cheese, Cracker Barrel, and the mall and just soaked up the day to the best of our ability. When we got home, however, we got a call from the hospital informing us that my scheduled C-Section would be post posted due to there being so many women in labor. First it was pushed back to 5 P.M the next day (when it was supposed to be at noon) and then it was pushed back until Sunday.. a whole two days later. I was NOT a happy mama!

Sunday morning FINALLY came, despite the fact that I never thought it would arrive! We had dropped the girls off at my parents' house on Saturday night because we had to be at the hospital at 5:30 that morning. When we got to the hospital, they told me that my pulse was super high and asked if I was nervous... Which I was! However, once I hit it off with a really great nurse and settled in I was more at ease than I could remember feeling in a long time. John was amazingly calm, as well, and that was medicine for my soul!

Two hours after arriving at the hospital the nurse told me it was time. 9 months of waiting were about to come to an end! I walked into the freezing cold operating room, leaving John outside until I was completely prepped. The time where I have to part with him is usually when I lose it but I felt surprisingly okay with everything that was about to take place. They administered my spinal, which I hated but it quickly passed. As soon as they laid me down, my blood pressure dropped and I began to throw up and I literally did not stop for the entire surgery. It was awful!

They brought John into room after about 10 minutes and made the incision around 7:40. This being my third C-Section and all, I was expecting to hear a baby's cry within minutes. The other girls were out in minutes but Bailey wasn't delivered until 8:15, and whole 35 minutes later. I began to feel a familiar tugging and pressure and at last, my sweet girl had made her arrival! I'll never forget... "Welcome to the Hotel California" was on the radio at that exact moment. Kind of funny! Anyways, the nurse and doctors were all upbeat and they quickly brought her to me to show me the fruits of my labor. Adrienne was very sick at birth due to some breathing problems related to her having excess fluid in her lungs so I was really anxious that Bailey would follow in that same path. I just knew she was okay, though, because they let me look at her and enjoy her in the OR before sending her out to the nursery with her daddy.

After John left they finished sewing me up and all of that fun stuff. When my doctor pulled the gown down that was blocking my view of all that was going on, I noticed that his shirt was covered in blood, along with his mask. I was freaked out! He went on to tell me that they had encountered some scar tissue and cut into a blood vessel so I had lost about 1000 CC's of blood. My blood pressure was also very low at that point. He said that would monitor me closely and hopefully avoid a blood transfusion down the road. Apparently that is what had taken so long for them to get Bailey. They had to stop the bleeding before they could move on to deliver her. Interesting..

I went back to my room to recover and quickly asked for my phone so I could call my mom. I was so happy at that moment and I couldn't wait to brag about what I had just conquered. Halfway through that conversation, however, John came in the room with an upset look on his face. I remember saying, "NOT AGAIN!" Then he put his arm on me and said, "Yeah, honey, again." My mom was on the other end of the phone so when I hung up with her, she was greatly worried.

Before I knew it, Bailey had a tube in her throat, oxygen on her to help her breathe, and an IV in her arm:-( I had never even held her or really met her and the pediatrician told me that they would have to send her to another hops ital to adequately care for her. I can remember crying so hysterically that my contacts fell out of my eyes with all of the tears. I can't remember ever being so sad. I knew I would not get to be with her at all which was so, so awful as a mother. Adrienne wasn't as sick so they kept her in the hospital with me. It wasn't ideal but at least I could go down the hall in a wheelchair and see her. This was WAY different.

A team of strangers arrived shortly after that and brought my little girl down to my room in an incubator that was all packed to be loaded on the ambulance. They let me hold her for about 60 seconds and then they took her:-( I was in such a fog when they took her but I remember looking at the nurse and saying, "Don't give her formula." And then looking at another man, "You better drive safely." It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Awful, awful.

I was in a tough spot.... Brooke and Adrienne was dressed in the "Big Sister" shirts ready to meet this baby they had heard so much about. My mom broke the news to them gently and when they came to visit me I had to put on a brave face. It was not easy. Shortly after, John and his parents went up to the other hospital with the girls for the day. My mother stayed by my side the entire day and wouldn't leave me... Which I'm so extremely thankful for. I would have otherwise lost it.

The next 2 days were spent with John shuffling back and forth between Bailey and me. I was deeply depressed and while I was motivated to get out of there for the baby, it was also hard to find the strength to get out of bed. The sounds of babies crying down the hall were a constant reminder of what I was missing. I'll never forget that horrible feeling the first time I realized that ALL the baby stuff had been removed from our room.. No cradle or blankets, diapers, or wipes. It was like she was dead. I know that sounds awful but that's how I felt.

It was also very hard because I pumped every two hours for days to encourage my milk to come in. I would pump for twenty minutes on each side and just cry when I looked down and saw no milk in the bottles. That meant that there was no food to send to my baby:-( She ended up having to eat a little of formula which KILLED me but I can't dwell on that.

I was finally released on Tuesday afternoon and I was quickly reunited with my sweet daughter. I can't even express how amazing and emotional that was. She was released from the hospital shortly after we went to pick her up and our new life had began!

There are so many things I could say about this experience... How robbed I felt of my daughter's first days, how depressed I felt, how lonely I was at times or how extremely empty my heart was. I could also mention that not one of my three births have been magical or what I wanted them to be. Those things are all true but the bigger picture is that I watched my husband draw near to the Lord in the midst of it and bring me along with him. He and I had such sweet moments together and I fell even more in love with him. It was incredible. I also was overwhelmed by the love and support from my family.

I feel so blessed because Bailey has been my best nurser, which is something that worried me while she was being formula fed in the NICU. I also have experienced little to no "Baby Blues," which is something I usually really struggle with. God has really taken care of me in these areas and through it all.

No matter how difficult it was getting her here, Bailey is here now and doing great. I suppose that that's really all that matters when it's all said and done!

Reflux... Take 3

2011-04-09T22:36:00.002-04:00

Both of my older girls had nasty acid reflux as babies. Brooke's was awful and Adrienne's was bad but better than Brooke's. My mom bought me two packages of burp cloths before Bailey was born and I jokingly told her that I wouldn't be needing them because she wouldn't have reflux. Well, I definitely jinxed myself because here we are again... Cleaning up baby puke all day long. It just breaks my heart!

I'm a little concerned that Bailey might be uncomfortable with all of this. Today she would pull away and scream every time I tried to feed her and it was a constant fight. She drenched me with spit up several times, along with the couch, the floor, her car seat, etc.. I can deal with the throw up but I don't want her to be in any pain. My other girls were "happy spitters" and never acted bothered so I'm hoping that today was just an off day for her as far as the grumpiness and difficulty eating.

I've been down this road three times so by now you would thing I would have it figured out. However, nothing could be farther from the truth! I find myself wondering if I can cut something out of my diet to make my breastmilk easier for her tolerate but I've found no common denominator. I then think back to Brooke's infancy and how me cutting out all dairy, soy, nuts, beef and eggs from diet did nothing to help her spit up. I would do anything to help this go away for Bailey.. I just don't know what the heck to do! It's also unnerving and scary to have a baby who throws up so much because I worry that she'll choke on it. It definitely freaks me out.

Speaking of throw up... A certain baby just woke up in her cradle covered. Time to go clean it up. Poor little princess!

Back to Reality

2011-04-06T20:38:00.003-04:00

Tonight is John's first night back to work after two wonderful weeks. We had the best time together as a family and I fell even more in love with my husband. The trials we faced with our plans being switched around and then Bailey being sick and away from us really helped us pull together as a couple. Tough times are never fun in the midst of them but when you can say that you've grown from them it helps put it into perspective.

I'm a little anxious about "flying solo" tomorrow. My incision is still a bit uncomfortable and I don't move around as easily as I would like to. I'm also not supposed to lift anything heavier than the baby, which is a hard rule to follow when you have a 22-month-old who still wants her mommy. Despite dreading John going back in, I think that tomorrow will be good for my confidence. I'm not ready to leave the house on my own but I'll get there eventually. We're definitely staying put for now!

My girls are doing so well and it is truly joy in this mama's heart to watch them all together. Brooke and Adrienne huddle around Bailey and speak sweet words to her and they call her "honey" and "sweetie" just like I do. It's hilarious but precious all at the same time. Adrienne told Bailey today, "I know, Bailey. I know." Haha. I dream of the day when they're older and I can already imagine the bond that will be shared between the three of them. It's so much fun to think about!

It's hard for me to believe that I once thought we had the perfect family without knowing Bailey. I remember seeing those 2 pink lines on the pregnancy test and having my heart beat with fear and shock but now I ask myself what this world would be like without her beautiful face in it. Isn't it amazing how God just opens up our hearts to love each new addition to our family? It's incredible!

Quick Update

2011-04-01T14:16:00.002-04:00

I haven't had time to update my blog but I wanted to drop in and let everyone know that we got home Tuesday evening and Bailey is doing great! We had a sweet reunion in the NICU and she nursed like a champ as soon as I tried to feed her. That was a major blessing after the former struggles we had had.

Life with three has been crazy and things seem so chaotic right now. I long for the day when this is "normal" but I know that the crazy pain I'm in is most of my problem.

I feel emotional over the events of this week and how differently I had wanted things to go. I feel so robbed of so much but I have to remember the bigger picture... My healthy and beautiful girlis here!

Thanks for the kind messages and prayers. Hopefully I can get around to blogging every now and then:-)

Bailey Quinn

2011-03-28T10:08:00.003-04:00

I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl yesterday at 8:15 in the morning. She weighed in at 8 pounds, 2 ounces... My smallest baby! It was a long C-Section that resulted in excessive blood loss, thanks to lovely scar tissue. The process was worth it, though, when I heard my daughter make her entrance into the world and my eyes caught a glimpse of her beauty. I stayed in the OR to get put back together while Bailey went with her daddy into the nursery after about 5 minutes with me.

About an hour later I was finally in my room and asking for my baby. As soon as I saw John's face I knew... I would not be enjoying my baby. Apparently my girl has some type of respiratory infection and they quickly gave her an IV and oxygen and put tubes down her throat. Then, they broke the news to me... Bailey would need to be shipped off to another hospital with a higher level of care because this hospital only has a high needs nursery, not a NICU per say. I wept like a baby. Adrienne had a very similar problem but was able to stay within the walls of this hospital. That was hard enough but this is a million times harder as John has had to go back and forth and I've been able to do nothing. The pediatrician on call at this hospital was a very rude foreign woman who told me that "because I didn't have her normally this problem resulted" Yeah, not the best thing to tell a mother who already feels like crap.

So right now I sit here and wait.. I'm in no condition to leave the hospital and neither is Bailey. I have grown to love her through pictures and stories about her temperament but I have yet to really experience her. I'm fearful that she will bond with so many others before she'll bond with me and that's hard to handle. I've been pumping like crazy trying to get my milk to come in but that has yielded very little results. There are not words to express how hard this is.

Here are a few pictures that John took of her yesterday. She is absolutely beautiful and I must stare at this picture in amazement for at least half of the day. Oh how I long to have my arms full. I repeat... This. Is. HARD.

All Things Work Together for Good

2011-03-26T15:20:00.002-04:00

I love that verse in the Bible that says, "For we know that all things work together for good for those that love God and are called according to His purpose." Sometimes in the midst of things we forget that, don't we? We forget God's promises and allow ourselves to be overwhelmed with circumstances instead of just giving it completely to God before worrying. At least I know I do, anyways.

I was in a horrible mood yesterday for much of the day. Just really upset and disappointed and altogether not myself. It was awful to feel that way and despite wanting to snap out of it not really ever succeeding at that. What a waste of time that was, looking back on it.

To top everything off, last night around 5 o'clock or so Adrienne came down with a 102 degree fever. It was weird... She was mostly herself and had a wonderful appetite but she had this fever. We put her to bed and she slept through the night but woke up again with a fever in the morning. I was, admittedly, distraught. I was so upset that she was going to be sick for Bailey's arrival and unable to be around her new sister. See? I always go to the worst possible scenario. I took her to the walk-in and it looks like she has a UTI. She's now on antibiotics and she should be feeling much better soon. Poor baby! Just think though... I would have felt completely helpless from a hospital bed if Bailey had arrived yesterday. My heart would have been so torn between my children. Being home allowed me to be able to get her the care she needed and love on her properly.

We also had another huge blessing this morning! We have been a one-car-family for quite some time now. We knew that packing all three girls into the back of our little Chevy Malibu would be less than ideal but there were no vans that were meeting our criteria for months on end. We wanted something really cheap with minimal rust an not major issues and we were willing to watch Craig's List like hawks and just be really patient in our search. We prayerfully considered each vehicle and at many times throughout our search we were tempted to go into debt for a really nice van but we didn't feel like that was God's plan for us. Last night around 7, lo and behold, someone posted a Chrysler Town and Country that meet all or our requirements and when we went to see it, it was exactly what had hoped it would be! John's dad is a mechanic and he came with us and declared that it was a sound purchase. It's an older van but the inside is immaculate and it has all leather interior. It's beautiful and we feel very blessed. To top it all off, the guy who sold it to us turned out to be a retired cop and he told John to give him a call if any issues arise with it in the weeks ahead and they'll work together.

That just goes to show me that God really did have a plan... One to proper us, not one to harm us or make our life more difficult, and one that was altogether better than our own. On top of that, we had an extra day with Brooke and Adrienne before adding a new life into the mix.

The hospital has already told me that I might be "bumped" again in the morning but I'm determined to not fall apart over it this time. I will absolutely be disappointed but I'm not going to let circumstances steal my joy anymore and I'm going to let God's promises be my comfort!

Down In The Dumps

2011-03-25T11:08:00.002-04:00

This has been a busy week for us. I was planning on having a baby today at noon so my week has been packed with cleaning and getting ready and then yesterday we took the girls for a family fun day which included Chuck E. Cheese, the mall, and dinner at Cracker Barrel. I was starting to feel emotional about the upcoming change but had made total peace with everything and I felt completely prepared for all that was about to take place.

When we got home I got a call from the hospital. I naively thought that it was to confirm my appointment for my C-Section but instead it was to delay it until 5 this afternoon. Obviously I was bummed because those five extra hours seemed like a lot to me but I got over it.

Last night was an awful night... I was up all night with an upset stomach and I was altogether anxious, excited and eager for the day that was ahead of us. I woke up this morning feeling exhausted and sick to my stomach but thrilled to be meeting my baby. Then... It all changed. The hospital called back to say that my C-Section was delayed again... Not sometime later today, not tomorrow, but SUNDAY morning. Unreal. I tried to stay composed because I know it's not their fault.. Apparently so many women are in labor that they have absolutely no beds. However, it just stinks that everything was completely planned on my end- the girls' care and everything, and it was all for nothing.

I'm trying to perk up but I have been in a funk this morning. I should be in a hospital bed right now waiting to meet Bailey. I should be on the edge of my seat with excitement. Today should have been a day of new life and completing our family. So many things should have been today and somehow, none of them are. I think I'll go wallow in self pity now....

Wrapping Things Up

2011-03-20T20:35:00.003-04:00

I had my very last prenatal visit on Friday... And come to think of it, not just my last one for this pregnancy but my last one ever. Being pregnant is such a special and exciting time but I'm truly at peace with being done and I can't wait to be able to call my family complete!

I must admit, that last appointment was kind of emotional for me. We went over all of the many risk factors and all of that wonderful stuff that they have to tell you. I asked a lot of questions, got lots of answers, and signed the consent form. All of this left me feeling humbled. As humans, we like to plan and "control" things but when you place your life and safety in the hands of a doctor and put yourself on an operating table, you are completely helpless. It's scary to be reminded of that but thankfully I have a wonderful doctor and a far better God! I struggle with fear so much in this area but I'm really working on not being such a wreck over the C-Section and allowing this time to be joyous and exciting.

Once again, the doctor doesn't think the baby will be quite 8 pounds. I always love to speculate over how much she'll weigh and I can't wait until Friday when we'll finally know! AHH!! So many questions will be answered in a few days and I'm eager to put a face to the precious Bailey that I only know from being in my womb.

These next few days should drag by. In fact, I'm not looking forward to this long week because it seems like Friday will never be here! I am completely ready for this princess to make her arrival so all I really have to do is enjoy my girls this week. John will be off for 14 days starting Wednesday and we're all so excited! Thursday will include a special family day with the girls where they'll call the shots. So far the agenda includes going to Chuck E. Cheese and Cracker Barrel so that should be a nice way to spend time together before the big day.

Just think... This time next week I'll have my girl in my arms! Depending on how things work out, we may even be home. I just have to wait patiently in the mean time. Do you think that's even possible me?!?!?!

A Touch of Spring

2011-03-17T20:18:00.002-04:00

We got a rare beautiful day around here today! I can remember cold temperatures and hard frosts in May so we really don't expect much in lovely New York... Especially in March. It was about 60 degrees and the sun shone brightly. I grew up in Texas for the first 10 years of my life and when it was 60 degrees outside, people wore winter coats and scarves. Because of that, it's always comical to see girls in spaghetti straps, mini skirts, and flip flops on a day like today. I'm laughing out loud as a I replay back some of the images from my trip to Wal Mart today. Haha

It was so refreshing to be able to take the girls outside to play this afternoon. They didn't even have to wear their coats! They were running around the backyard as John grilled (yes, we even cooked out!!) our dinner and it was precious. I could tell that they were just as sick of being cooped up all winter as I was. After we ate, we took a nice long walk where Brookie rode her bike and Adrienne rode in the wagon. The wheels are kind of turning in my head about the logistics of take three of them on a walk (especially by myself!) but I'm sure there's an easy solution.

As we were walking today it was kind of like I was "coming out" about my pregnancy. All of the neighbors commented on my large belly, many claiming that they had no clue that I was even pregnant. We're not antisocial but these cold winters leave us indoors a lot and when we're out, I'm bundled up pretty snug so I guess that explains why they didn't notice. So yes, the HUGE secret of my pregnancy is now finally out. Lol

I feel so rejuvenated by this gorgeous day, despite the fact that the trees are still brown, the grass is dead, and the flowers show no signs up new life just yet. I could focus on all of that or the fact that next week's forecast has temperatures back in the low 40's at times but instead I'll just be thankful for today:-) Winters are awful in this cold state but seriously, when Spring gets here, there is no greater feeling. I never remember appreciating beautiful weather half as much as I do now!

Can I be Honest?

2011-03-15T22:38:00.002-04:00

To tell the truth, I hate change. With each new season of life and every addition to our family, I'm overwhelmed with anxiety about the transition. I can remember hating high school with every fiber of my being (and that's putting it lightly) but still crying on my last day before I graduated. I can also remember being so excited and ready to get married but becoming an emotional wreck when all of my stuff was moved into my new home. I guess I'm just wired that way and you would think I would learn to just realize that and give all of my worries to God but it's a struggle for me, nonetheless.

Please don't think that this is at all a reflection of my feelings and love for my daughter who is still in the womb, but the thought of managing three children is leaving me with so many worries. How do I say it? Life right now is pretty close to perfect- The girls are on a great routine, one that gives John and me plenty of alone time and more than enough sleep. When we go anywhere, John and I each strap one girl into her car seat and head out. Then, when we get to our destination we pretty much have no issues... Both girls cooperate beautifully at stores and restaurants and it's not stressful to be out and about. When John is working I feel confidant enough to get out of the house with the girls and I never worry if I'll be able to manage them or not. John and I also have some freedom now as far as being able to go on date nights and movies from time-to-time.

Here's the beauty of it though, the very instant that I hear that baby cry I will be completely fine. I know this in my heart but translating that into my brain that likes to over-analyze and stew over things is hard. I love Bailey already but when I see her precious little face and hold her, suddenly none of these so-called worries will matter to me anymore. I've been down this road before and I know all of this to be true!

I'm going to do my best to spend these next ten days prayerfully waiting instead of sinfully worrying! I also have tons to do so I'm sure that will help keep me occupied. Things are going to be wonderful when it's all said and done.. I just know it.

What A LONG Week!

2011-03-13T23:04:00.002-04:00

Oh my, I am so happy to be turning the page on this week and starting a new one! I know that I had posted that the girls were sick and then miraculously better but that was not the case... Brooke went on to throw up all night Tuesday night, act fine Wednesday but throw up all night, and then Adrienne threw up all night Thursday night. It was just NUTS. John was working all of those nights so I was juggling throw up, dirty carpets, and laundry in the middle of the night all on my one. I'm exhausted just thinking about it! Oh yes, not to mention, I got sick somewhere in the middle of that time, along with John.

When I put the girls to bed on Thursday night I really just knew in my heart of hearts and that the sickness was over. I had a great feeling about it so when that was proven to not be the case, I was so frustrated. I'll admit, Friday I was in a funk.. Just so sick of not sleeping and sick of not getting out of the house. I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that that horrible bug is behind us now. Adrienne has been pretty sleepy and rundown still but it's draining to be sick and up all night throwing up so I think we're just playing catch up.

There was a point in this week where I truly didn't see an end in sight. Bailey will be here a week from Friday and I was honestly wondering if I was still have sick kiddos at that point! I called my mom and had a good cry and said that I had no idea how I would get to the store to buy her socks, tights, and burp cloths (her last few needs) and she miraculously provided them for me! I realize that I was being irrational but in my crazy mind, I was freaking out about all that still needed to be done at that point. The good news is, though, that now we are all set to have a baby!

I am most thankful that one of my biggest anxieties about the girls sharing a room was proven to be a complete non-issue. I had wondered if one of them got sick if both of them would be up all night but seriously, it wasn't a problem at all. They are doing wonderfully sharing a room now and I am so thankful that I don't have to worry about these silly things anymore!

Each and every time one of my girls get sick I am reminded of how blessed I am to be able to stay home with them. I don't have to worry about calling in to a job or the financial consequences of missing work because my kids are my career. Sick babies need their mama and I am so appreciative to my husband for working so hard so I don't ever have to make that tough call!

The forecast is in the mid 50's this week, my girls are on the mend, I'm meeting my precious baby next week and life is just overall incredible. I have a countless list of things to be thankful for! Sometimes it takes a week of exhaustion and sickness to realize just how great you have it otherwise!

Random Happenings

2011-03-08T21:18:00.002-05:00

Man, we have been so busy the last couple of days. On top of the usual stuff, we've been keeping our schedule full running errands and going to appointments.. All in preparation for Bailey. I've turned into a psycho... Like the baby will care if we all have had haircuts, eye exams, and dental appointments. Lol

John had this past weekend off and it was incredible! We went on a big date on Saturday night without the girls and that will most likely be one of our last outings alone for quite some time. I love nursing my babies but I know that it will strap me down until she's much older. Anyways, we went to Olive Garden for dinner, shopping for an outfit for me to come home from the hospital in, and then to a movie. John was so patient with me and wonderful as we shopped. I definitely picked a keeper:-) As much as we love the girls, it's always nice to reconnect with no interruptions.

I was extremely happy because after a night of bliss, John could also go to church with us on Sunday morning. Because of his schedule he can't often be there so it's a real treat when he is! We've been doing a marriage class at church on Sunday nights and we were SUPER bummed because the class was canceled this week thanks to a HUGE snowstorm. Despite it, though, we had a nice quiet night with the girls and were extra thankful that John didn't have to go out in it to work that night.

Monday morning met us with almost 2 feet of snow. It was insane! It's MARCH. When will this weather ever end????? Our snow had just melted and it was so nice to not have wet feet and pants every time we went outside but now we're revisiting that. UGH! I'm just thankful that we had so much help getting plowed out by our neighbors because it would have taken John all day.

Monday evening Adrienne started throwing up.. In the middle of the grocery store, no less. It was awful and I felt so bad for her! She was pitiful and continued to throw up until bedtime. Both girls went to bed at 8 and then Brooke woke up at 10 throwing up. I just knew I was in for a long night of it but after that, they both continued to sleep through the night and have been almost 100 percent today. That's my kind of bug! I'm kind of waiting to get it now, though, and I'm hoping that that's not the case!

I had my doctor's appointment today and after my appointment next week, that's it. CRAZY! The baby looks good and there's nothing new to report. She'll be in our arms in just a little over two weeks. Again, I say CRAZY!

Alright, I think that about sums up our not-so-quiet little life. It's a wonderful life, nonetheless!

4 Year Stats

2011-03-03T18:21:00.002-05:00

Brooke had her 4 year checkup today. I was pretty nervous because I knew she had to have some shots and no mother loves putting their child through uncomfortable circumstances. She did remarkably well, however, and she got a nice treat bag from her doctor filled with all sorts of girly treasures- Lip gloss, a head band, candy, stickers, a whistle, and a few other things.

She weighed in at 33 pounds and she is 38.25 inches tall! WOW! It was crazy to hear the nurse say she was 3 foot, 2 because I'm only 4 foot, 11. Before we know it she'll catch up to me.. Which isn't hard to do, by the way! She's in the 25Th percentile for both categories and remains a peanut. We've known that for a while though! She has had a pretty substantial growth spurt over the past month or so that was clearly defined by her growing out of her clothes and eating us out of house and home.

It's always nice to get a clean bill of health from the doctor... Especially when it's regarding one of my girls. Thank you, God, for healthy, beautiful daughters!

The BIG Transition

2011-03-02T22:13:00.005-05:00

Tuesday afternoon Adrienne's bed was delivered. We had a fun afternoon working in the girls' room together as a family. We got all the clothes put away, matching bedspreads put on the beds, and everything else organized. Adrienne was SO proud and excited that she laid in her bed the entire time sucking her thumb and giggling. It was so sweet!

Despite the excitement, bedtime wasn't quite as easy as I had hoped it would be. Adrienne didn't understand the whole deal so she first thought she was in there to play, keeping Brooke awake and making her very mad. Once we went in and "cracked the whip" and told Adrienne to settle down she got very sad and started crying to go in her crib. It broke my heart! We explained it to her again and she was fine after that and drifted quietly off to sleep. It really broke my heart, though, because I know change is hard for me as an adult so I can't even imagine what it must mean for her little world.

I slept like garbage last night because I wasn't sure what to expect. Every little noise had me convinced that Adrienne was up. However, I was pleasantly surprised when both girls slept great and straight through until almost 7:30. It was a huge relief! They snuggled with me for some cartoons and it was a perfect morning.

Tonight was even better than last night and I imagine we'll only improve more and more with each day! I can't believe that this has caused me so much anxiety because it really hasn't been that huge of a deal. It's been a little emotional but that's just kind of how things are in general right now. I finally feel ready for the baby though and my to-do list is VERY small:-)

Here are a few pictures of our big night...

Doctor's Visit

2011-02-28T20:18:00.002-05:00

I had one of my last doctor's visits today... Only 2 more appointments to go after this one! I must say, with every pregnancy it's kind of sad to be so close to the end because I grow so attached to the staff. I really like my doctor and he's awesome but I especially LOVE his nurse and it will be sad to not see her. Life goes on!

Today was a more interesting appointment than some of the others. They asked if the baby was really active and though I wasn't worried, I said that her movements have been kind of infrequent lately. This is how all of my babies have been, though, and for some reason, they're just kind of mellow in the womb. Anyways, to be extra sure that the baby was okay they did a NST (Non Stress Test) and sure enough, she checked out fine. I knew that she was fine but truthfully, it was reassuring because she doesn't always make her presence known!

The doctor also did my Group B Strep test, which is pretty much just a formality when you're having a C-Section. Whatever. It's over and done with, thankfully! He then felt around and is still guessing that the baby will be under 8 pounds. Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it!

I'm getting SO excited about meeting this little girl. I've been so stressed out about getting everything in order for her arrival that sometimes I forgot what I'm actually working towards. It's pretty amazing to stop and think that in a little over 3 weeks I will be holding, nursing, and loving on my girl! I can't wait!

One-On-One

2011-02-26T22:12:00.002-05:00

As I mentioned briefly yesterday, Brooke has been having some issues with her attitude. She's a great kid and her behavior is incredible.. It's just that will and mouth on her that gets her into trouble. I have been trying to be extra patient with her because I know her life is changing just as much as mine is. I thought that spending some quality time with her would help her feel extra special and help us kind of reconnect.

I made plans for Adrienne this afternoon and let Brooke pretty much call the shots. It breaks my heart when I think about the simplicity of her requests... To go to McDonald's with nobody else (She listed our entire family who wasn't invited. Lol) and to go home and snuggle and watch cooking shows. I told her we could go to the movies or shop or whatever she wanted but that was what her little heart desired. She gets her fair share of Happy Meals and she snuggles with me daily but somehow the fact that we would be alone is what really excited her.

I must say, having just one child for the afternoon was almost a little bit weird! I was amazed at how easy it was and how getting our food and going to the potty wasn't quite so much work. Mostly, though, I just enjoyed the uninterrupted conversations and giggles with my oldest princess. I heard lots of funny stories and silly tidbits about her little life and somehow grew to love her even more. She and I then went home to snuggle for about an hour and then we played with puzzles and read books, all without interruption.

At one point Brooke said to me, "We like being alone without Adrienne!" I had to explain to her that while we enjoy being alone sometimes, Adrienne is still just as important and special. I then compared it to when John and I go on a date without her and she seemed to get that. It's got to be a hard concept for a four-year-old!

Sometimes I struggle as I feel divided between my daughters. I never want them to even have room to sense favoritism because there is not an ounce of that in my heart. Despite the challenges of splitting myself evenly, the wonderful gift of giving my daughters each other is more than enough of a benefit to make up for it.

Super Mom Does NOT Live Here

2011-02-25T21:32:00.002-05:00

We were hit by yet another awful storm here in the Northeast, leaving us housebound. I enjoy being stuck in with my girls and the day really does fly by. The first half of our morning was wonderful... We had a nice breakfast with plenty of giggles and good conversation and then a nice long bath for the girls. After I tidied up from breakfast and all, we spent a good while on a paper chain with 28 links on it to help the girls be able to visualize the time until Bailey gets here. We had so much fun and I was thinking to myself how much I love being a mom and how I am maybe even kind of good at it.

Not long after that, my confidence was completely destroyed. I won't get into too many of the details but let's just say that Brooke was having some MAJOR attitude issues. It was this big ordeal and she was so angry and crying uncontrollably that she was quite the force to be reckoned with. She had me so upset inside that I sent her to her room and couldn't even deal with her until I took a few minutes to calm down. During that time I just broke into tears and was completely heartbroken over everything that was going on. In my four years of parenting, it was probably the biggest disciplinary challenge I've had to face.

All is well that ends well and of course my sweet princess has had a major transformation. Her attitude has been wonderful since her tantrum and I'm happy because that must mean I got through to her. The point of this whole story is that I am continually reminded of the fact that I don't have the power to be a good, or even decent, mom on my own power. If I depend on myself for the strength to get through each day then I might have some good days here and there but each time things get tough, I promise I'll fall flat on my butt every time. I need to daily be seeking God for His wisdom on raising my girls and relying less on my intuitions or parenting magazines. As the Bible says in Proverbs, "Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart. Lean not on your own understandings. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." I find that to be so reassuring, especially in the midst of challenges like today.

So, while I like to think that I'm "Super Mom," I am once again reminded that I most definitely am NOT. I'm just an average mom who needs all the help she can get from her savior just to get through each and every day. This parenting thing is TOUGH stuff but I'm thankful that I do not have to go at it on my own!

Making A Dent!

2011-02-24T22:14:00.002-05:00

I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record to anyone out there but getting ready for this baby is pretty much consuming my life these days. She will be here a month from tomorrow and I just cannot seem to get that through my brain!

I am thrilled because John had a three day weekend and we got so much accomplished around this house. The baby swing is assembled, the bouncy seat it out just waiting for its new occupant, and all of the newborn clothes are washed, sorted and put away. We got tons of cleaning and organizing done, as well, and John was a huge participant! I'm also excited because we bought Adrienne's mattress on Tuesday and her bed will be delivered next Tuesday. It's kind of sad to think that my precious girl will only be in her crib for a few more nights. I have to move on from that because I might cry if I think about it too long!

I'm kind of concerned about baby clothes and this bothers me because I didn't think it would be an issue. We have maybe 7 or 8 new newborn outfits that my family has randomly purchased for the baby, which is great, but we only have a hand full of other newborn outfits from the other girls that will be season appropriate. Brooke's newborn clothes were really warm winter clothes and Adrienne's newborn outfits are really springy. March is kind of a toss up so we need to be sure we have lots of in between things. I expect her to be in newborn clothes for a month or so and after that, I only have a few 0-3 things that are for Spring. We have tons of gorgeous sun dresses and summer outfits but it's New York so I doubt she'll be using those right away. So now I'm on the hunt for some little Spring outfits for my Bailey girl. The good news is that she has lots of sleepers, sleeping gowns, and gorgeous crochet bows!

Through all of this, I am so thankful for my husband. I've been super stressed, I'll admit, and he knows me well enough to sense that. Sometimes he'll just come put his arms around me and say, "It will get done, Babe, don't worry." Other times, he just gives me a look that lets me know that everything will work out. When he tells me things will work happen, I believe him. He's true to his word and doesn't just sit there and let me carry the weight of getting this house ready. It amazes me how crazy I am about that man and with each new stage of life, my admiration for him only grows. (You can go throw up now if you like!)

I still have a long list of things that I need to accomplish but I'm really trying just to enjoy this last month of pregnancy and chill out. Life will only get more crazy once she arrives so I should probably take a deep breath! Easier said than done.. Especially when you're me!

Matters of the Home

2011-02-21T20:39:00.003-05:00

I have encountered several "holier than thou" type women lately that claim that they never clean or do household chores while their children are awake. One person said, "My children need to know that they come before the mop and broom." While that statement may be true, there is a fine line between cleaning and being consumed with cleaning.

My thoughts are that I am called to be a keeper of the home. This sometimes means that I step away from playing with blocks and reading books to mop the floor or to do the dishes. My girls know that they are my priority but allowing them to have time during the day to play with each other alone does not diminish that. On top of that, if I just so happened to be mopping the floor it doesn't mean that I let them scream hysterically in the other room... Most of the time I'm required to stop several times to tend to different issues they have.

Furthermore, I feel as though it's VERY important to teach my daughters how to run a household. If they see me constantly "eating the bread of idleness," (as it is referred to in Proverbs) what kind of message is that sending to them? I try to include them in the different chores that I do and they really enjoy it! Both girls love "folding" laundry and Brooke already knows how to help me sort the lights, whites, and darks. If I'm vacuuming, they get their little toy vacuums out and follow me. If I'm hanging up clothes, I let them pass me hangers. I really don't think that they're too young to be included in these tasks and in the process, they're learning responsibility. These are small steps in teaching them how to keep their homes one day.

Besides, if I only cleaned after they went to bed at night or during nap time then what time would that leave for my husband? I absolutely love my children with every ounce of me but my husband has needs, too. If gave up the little chores I did throughout the day and used my evening time alone with him to make up for it, I would never get time with him. It just doesn't make sense to me.

So what about you? Where do you draw the line? Am I some evil mother for occasionally dragging out the mop and broom? I truly don't think so and not much of what anyone has to say could convince me of that. I am interested, however, on how the rest of you manage your homes.

Emotional Wreck

2011-02-18T22:15:00.002-05:00

Generally speaking, I'm an emotional person. I tend to cry if I'm happy, sad, angry, nervous, etc... Even when I'm not pregnant, I cry over songs on the radio and I tend to be overly sentimental. It's just how I'm wired. I'm not one to keep things bottled up, either, so I'm pretty sure that my husband deserves a trophy for putting up with me as of late! :)

I know it's completely normal but I have been flooded with deep emotions about Adrienne not being the "baby" anymore. I felt the same way with Brooke but quickly realized that she would always have the same place in my heart that she always did, despite the new addition to our family. Tonight Adrienne got hurt (nothing severe) and cried that pitiful little cry of hers and I had to choke back tears. Stupid, right? She just never cries.. She's my tough girl who has to be in LOTS of pain to complain. At that moment I just wondered how I would have time to fix the boo boos and heartaches of three girls. It's the little things these days that cause me to become irrationally emotional. I hate it!

My C-Section is five weeks from today, a mere 35 days so we're really getting down to the wire. I know that many of these emotions come with getting no sleep and when I'm exhausted, forget about it. I toss and turn all night long and can never seem to get solid rest these days. It's par for the course, I realize, but it does not help my already zany emotions.

Through it all, I am extra thankful for a husband who gets me. He knows I'm like this and he realizes that sometimes I just need to freak out and cry and then I'm a new woman. If he was as annoyed by all of this as I am, things could really get wacky. Lol

Happy Birthday, Brookie!

2011-02-15T21:52:00.002-05:00

Dear Brooke,

Today you turned four years old! I find myself asking more and more... "Where does the time go?" It's so hard for mommy to believe that you are no longer that little tiny baby but a big, independent preschooler!

Today we celebrated your life by doing lots and lots of fun things. You, of course, got to "call the shots" and pick what activities we did. For starters, you woke up very early requesting your special cereal... Trix. After a big bowl of that, we opened your presents. You were so excited! Next, you wanted to take a long bath with your new bath crayons, markers, and body paints. You and sissy had such a fun time in there and you smelled nice and clean when you were done. After that, we headed to Barnes and Noble to pick out your special birthday book. After all, it is our yearly tradition! You quickly picked out yet another Fancy Nancy book and you clearly weren't interested in anything else. I don't blame you, though, she's into all things pink and frilly, just like you! For lunch, you wanted pancakes at IHOP. Silly girl! Grammy and Papa met us there and we were all amazed at your big appetite! When you finished eating, they brought you a HUGE stack of chocolate pancakes with whipped cream, cherries and sprinkles and sang to you. You were in heaven! Last, but not least, we had your Wonder Pets birthday party tonight where all your family came and enjoyed themselves! We had fettuccine alfredo with chicken and broccoli, upon your request, along with a Ming-Ming cake and mint chocolate chip ice cream. You got LOTS of nice presents, too!

Brooke Madison, I simply cannot put into words how profoundly your life has changed mine. When I think back on the past four years... the challenges and struggles, the joys and laughter.. I am brought to tears. You have helped grow me into a stronger person and because of you, I have learned so much about life.

You have become so grown up lately, Princess. You're growing tall (but staying very thin!) and your beauty on the inside and out is incredible. You are kind and loving to others and you seem to take care of the people around you. Whenever you get a special treat you are the first to share it, without even being asked! You are gentle and loving with your sister, Adrienne, and when Bailey comes next month, I know you will be amazing with her, too. You have a helpful attitude and you love working alongside mommy in the kitchen and helping with the laundry. I am so blessed to have you around and above all, I am thankful to be your mama.

As the years go by, there is so much I can't wait to teach you and experience with you. There are so many "firsts" that are still ahead in your life and I am thrilled to know that I'm the one who is responsible for walking through those with you. It excites me when I think how extremely bright your future is!

I love you so much and I praise God for the day He brought you into our lives! You, my sweet daughter, are an amazing blessing to your daddy and me! Happy Birthday, baby.

With all my love,
Mama

33 Weeks!

2011-02-11T20:51:00.002-05:00

I had my 33 week prenatal visit today and things are looking good. It's hard to believe that in a mere 6 weeks from today my baby girl will be in my arms. I can't wait to introduce her to her sisters who have eagerly been kissing and feeling my belly every chance they get. Ah, I just love it:-)

A stupid "fear" of mine has been that this little princess will be like 9 and half pounds. I know it's silly because my love for her is not based on her weight! Brooke was 8 pounds, 4 ounces and was born on my due date. Adrienne was 8 pounds, 9 ounces but delivered a week early (because she was scheduled). However, she did retain a lot of fluid that landed her in the special care nursery and her discharge weight was well below that. Anyways, the only reason I don't want Bailey to come out huge is because they grow so quickly that it would be sad if she started out big already. The doctor said today, however, that she feels like the perfect size and he doesn't really think she's that big. I guess we'll see in a few weeks if he's right or not. I repeat... It doesn't matter. It's just kind of an interesting guessing game at this point.

I'm feeling really good about things right now! I had been a little stressed out about all that needs to be done but I have made an organized list and have been able to start crossing things off of it. I am most excited because Adrienne's big girl bed is on its way!!! It matches Brooke's bed and I have really beautiful matching comforters for them so I can't wait to see it all come together. The bed should be here in two weeks or so so that will give us only a month to get Adrienne acclaimated with her new sleeping situation. I sure hope it's enough time!

I have been getting diapers and wipes nearly free on Amazon so I'm stocked up pretty decently! I also have been given quite a few little outfits from my family so I feel like we have some really nice things for the baby. Oh yes, and I had been wanting a nice Pack N' Play for downstairs so Bailey can have a place to sleep during the day while she's tiny. I just don't feel comfortable having her nap upstairs away from me in the early months. So anyways, John bought me a beautiful Graco play pen with a changing table, diaper caddy, and bassinet. It's going to be so nice having it! I wanted one with Adrienne but just never got one but this time we agreed it would be worth the expense, desipte this being our last baby. That is all set up and Adrienne points to it and say, "Bailey's crib!" So sweet!

These days ahead should be fill of lots of joy and excitement. I just want to soak it all in and remember each and every moment. I still can't believe how close the time is. WOW!