Daddy's Little Girl

John and Brooke are really precious together. I know that I have said this a million times over and over again, but it never gets old watching my husband be such an attentive and caring daddy to our little girl. As she grows older, their bond becomes even more apparent, which causes me to be eager for the years ahead. It's amazing to me because John has this influence on her that nobody else has... Not even me. Brooke very rarely gives John a hard time or is disobedient towards him (though trust me, there are moments) and she obviously respects him an awful lot.

John's happy to have a tea party with Brooke or to play with dolls, but he and Brooke also wrestle and play all sorts of crazy things together. I love watching them play because he does things with her that I would never dream of doing! No matter what the two of them are up to, however, they always end the day with snuggle time and then John puts her down to bed. I love when John gets home from work because he totally takes the lead with Brooke and I get a bit of a break!

Each night before Brooke goes to bed she and John read a special book called, I'd Be Your Princess.



For those of you out there with little princesses, I totally recommend this book. It's all about a little girl being her daddy's princess, but it also talks about having noble character and inner beauty. The pictures are gorgeous and Brooke LOVES it so much. In fact, sometimes I think that we read that book a million times a day! She would much rather her daddy read it to her but while he's at work, she'll settle for me!

I had such a great daddy growing up... He was affectionate, generous, attentive, goofy, yet firm when I needed him to be, and I always knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that he loved me. He still plays a major role in my life and his influence on me is apparent. I love seeing this same pattern being repeated in my own household because I know that girls who have good relationships with their fathers are shown to have higher self-esteem (among many other things). I don't know how single moms do it!

I'm thankful for my little family and I am SO excited to see John with the next princess, as well as any other babies that are in our future. Life is so, so wonderful, especially when you take a few minutes to look at how amazing things really are.

True Confessions of Motherhood

I have some thoughts that I would like to get out of me so bare with me. I feel it necessary to preface this entire post with this... I love being a stay-at-home-mom and I enjoy caring for my daughter. In fact, I love my baby so much that even if I HATED being home, I would still stay chose to "only" be a homemaker because I feel like it is absolutely vital to her upbringing.

With all that being said, I have been silently struggling lately. I struggle with filling my time and with not knowing what to do with myself while John's at work. For most of Brooke's life I have tried to stay out of the house as much as possible... Meeting my mom for lunch, going shopping with my sister, running errands, etc.. Those things are harmless, in my eyes, but when they are done in excess they are extremely exhausting for both Brooke and me. I keep telling myself that I need to be home more and I always, always say that I'll work on that, but taking the next step and actually doing that has been really hard for me. I love staying home and reading books, playing with blocks, and pushing baby dolls around in strollers, but can I really do that for 50 hours a week? I'm not sure...

My mom stayed home with my two siblings and me, which makes her a great resource for me in this area. I spilled my heart to her today and she said that I need to take being a stay-at-home-mom one day at a time. I can't look at it like I have 50 hours a week or X number of years at home... I have to look at today and today only. She also said that I just need to build a life for myself at home and be completely happy with it. She suggested that I find a hobby around the house or that I do more baking. Lastly, she told me to keep a couple of days a week as my "out days." For instance, I cook dinner for our church on Wednesday nights so she suggested that I go shopping for that one day and to make an outing to look forward to each week. Her advice really meant a lot to me and I think that I'll start really work on being in the house A LOT more.

Perhaps my frustrations lie in the fact that it's freezing here so there is virtually nothing to do? Something tells me that when I can spend my days at the park, in our pool, or walking the neighborhood that I'll start to feel a lot better about things and that the days will fly. I'm sure hoping that's the case, anyways!

I would also say that many of these feelings are probably related to Adrienne's coming arrival, as well. I am thrilled about her being a part of our family, but I also have to wonder how this already-messed-up routine will do when we welcome her into our lives. I know in my heart of hearts that it will all work out okay and as soon as she's born I won't be able to imagine life without her in it. However, I think that the anticipation and questioning are all normal when life is about to change drastically.

So, if you're reading this and you know me in real life, I ask that you don't allow this to taint your view of me as a mother. I'm kind of in a transitional, emotional phase of my life right now (hence the growing belly!), but it does not take from the joy I have in raising my daughter or being a mother. I just felt like I needed to be opened and honest, without skirting around what was really on my mind!

I NEED Spring!

Right now I'm going stir crazy in this house. I usually feel this way in March and April when I know that Spring is fast approaching, but today is only February 20Th. I'm in trouble! The last couple of weeks have provided some Spring-like temperatures in the upper 50's and there has also been lots of sunshine, which is rare for upstate New York. However, it snowed about 4 inches or so on Wednesday night, leaving the ground snow-covered once again. I almost wish the nice weather had never come because now I'm just angry that it left so soon.

I want to go outside for long walks. I want to take Brooke to the park. I want to sleep with my windows wide open. I want to turn off this expensive heat. I want to hear birds chirping, especially when I wake up in the morning. I want to wear short sleeves. I want to see our perennial flowers come back to life. I want to put Brooke in all of her beautiful sun dresses and Capri pants. I want to be able to get in my car without having to warm it up. I want to replace the sound of snow blowers running with the sound of lawns being mowed. I want crisp, clean rain showers and thunderstorms. I want to go to the ice cream store. I want to grill all manner of food on the grill without freezing my butt off. I want to set up our patio furniture once again. I want all of these things so badly but I feel like Spring is light years away. AHHHH!

Every year I tell myself that I'm going to make "peace" with winter and just enjoy my life, regardless of weather, but I'm here to say that this crappy New York weather is NOT for me. I don't know many people who were made for these depressing, long winters of being couped up in the house.

So, everyone do me a favor and "think Spring." Maybe we can all think it into fruition together?? Somehow I doubt that but it's worth a shot!

Closure, At Last

I had my 25-week doctor visit today and I got some of my biggest fears about my C-Section completely RESOLVED!!! I feel like a new woman and like a tremendous weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Here's what I'm so excited about:

1. I had an adverse reaction to the staples that they used on my incision with my last C-Section. My skin is so sensitive as it is and the staples caused the incision to be weepy and bloody. It was also REALLY painful to move at all until they were out. I asked my doctor about what they could do differently this time and as it turns out, my doctor doesn't even use staples anymore!!!!!!! Yay! So I don't have to worry about this anymore, which was a huge concern that I had. Instead he'll be using stitches that dissolve and glue. Much better!

2. This one is the biggest deal in the world to me... Adrienne will NOT leave the operating room until she leaves with me to go into the recovery room. YAY!!! I could have cried when I realized that this was a possibility. Brooke was taken away from me because she had swallowed maconium, but also because I had been in labor for so, so long they wanted to check her for any signs of distress. The doctor said that in planned C-Sections babies don't generally leave their mommies unless something goes drastically wrong. Even if the baby swallows maconium this time, they should be able to do everything right in the operating room. Knowing that Adrienne won't be in the next room screaming without me even seeing her and that my whole family won't get to enjoy her while I'm on the operating table is amazing news to me. It's going to be SO different this time!

3. The doctor said that the baby is definitely still breach. As I have previously said, I kind of hope that she stays breach so that I will know for sure that I could NOT have delivered naturally. He said there's a decent chance she'll move but I jokingly told him to appease me and tell and tell me she's breach even if she's not. Lol! It sounds weird but I seriously hope she stays put. We'll see in the weeks ahead.

I have to admit, for the first time, I am EXCITED about this birth. I have always wanted the baby but the delivery has been such a dark cloud over me that I have failed to enjoy the process. Now that my facts are in order and I'm prepared, I am really not dreading this repeat C-Section as much as I have in the past. I knew I would come around one day and today is the day! Thank you, God!

Brooke's Two-Year Check-Up

Brookie had her big two-year doctor appointment today and everything went very well! She weighs in at 24 pounds and 14 ounces and she is 34 inches long. She got so big! The doctor said that her weight is very, very healthy, though it is towards the lower end of the acceptable weight for her height. So, as of right now she is tall and skinny. He was extremely impressed by her verbal skills and he said that her development far exceeded his expectations.... Which is just what every mother likes to hear:-)

Brooke had to have the standard two-year-old blood work done today plus one shot that she wasn't caught up on:-( The shot didn't bother me but I had REALLY been dreading the blood work because it just brings back all of the memories from when we thought Brooke was so sick. They only needed the blood to test for lead poisoning so I asked the doctor if they could just do a finger prick. He agreed that Brooke had had a lot of blood work and that it would be nice to cut her some slack. When I got down to the lab, however, they informed me that they DON'T do finger pricks because it takes three minutes of squeezing the finger to get enough blood for lead testing. I was crushed. Anyways, thankfully Patty (John's mom) went with me so I wouldn't have to be strong on my own and between the two of us and the two phlebotomists, it really wasn't that bad. Brooke did GREAT and only cried for a second because her arm was being held. Immediately after she was done, she was completely happy and all she wanted to was play in the Elmo chair that they had. I got all worked up over virtually nothing, as usual.

In other news, we ordered Brooke's big girl furniture yesterday. YAY! It will be here in 20-30 days because they had to special order it for us. All we have to do is paint and get organized now. I'm so excited!!!!!!!!!!!

Alrighty, I'm off to get some rest while the princess rests. I'm expecting a good nap out of her after the shot. We'll see...

Happy Birthday, Brookie!

To my dearest Brookie,

I cannot believe that you are turning two today! It seems like just yesterday that we met for the first time and here you are turning into a little girl before my eyes. Sometimes I wish that I could stop you from growing up so quickly but at the same time, I'm eager and excited for you to grow because with each new stage of your life, I find something new about you to cherish.

Now that you are getting so big, I'm starting to see your personality shine through more and more each day. I have well discovered your likes and dislikes, how you react in new situations, what scares you, what excites you... Among many other things. Sometimes I think that you are exactly like your daddy... reserved, thoughtful, persistent... But then sometimes, I see little pieces of my personality in you. You are so special and God has made you uniquely Brooke! There's nobody just like you. I honestly cannot wait for the years ahead of us because I know that as you grow into God has intended for you to become then I will only find a million more things to admire about you.

I spend most of my days either staring at you in amazement or laughing hysterically at your silly ways. We have so much fun during our times together and I don't think two minutes go by that I don't feel blessed and honored to be your mommy! Thank you for always brightening my days. You will never know how much joy you give me!

In a few months, baby, things are going to change a whole lot. We are going to welcome Adrienne into our family and at first it might be a big adjustment for you (and mommy, too!), but I promise you that my heart will always be big enough for you, no matter how many brothers or sisters God gives you. You will always be my princess and my love for you will never, ever change... It will just continue to grow even more and more!

I hope you know today, on your second birthday, how much I adore you and how much you mean to our family. Daddy and I could not have a picked a more special little girl to live in our home!

I love you with all of my heart!

Love,
Mommy

Brookie's Party

As I mentioned yesterday, we had Brooke's party with our family tonight. Everything turned out perfectly and it was an overall nice time! All I really had to do was make pulled pork (which is really easy), clean, clean, clean, and decorate because my parents brought the ice cream and all of the drinks, John's mom brought the macaroni and cheese, and John's aunt made the cake. Thank you God for family!

Brooke got tons of nice things... She got basically everything she will need for her big girl bed- her comforter set (YAY!!!!), two pillows, a mattress pad, and the side rail to stop her from falling out. She also got a cute outfit for the Spring from Gymboree (my favorite place!), two dollies, LOTS of pennies to put in her bank (which is her favorite past time these days), a couple of other toys, and the most amazing Radio Flyer trike ever. On top of that, John's aunt and uncle are in the process of building her a bookshelf for her toy room, but it wasn't quite finished today. She has so many people that love her and that go out of their way to make her feel special!

I was broken hearted because I had charged our camera batteries all day and for some odd reason they didn't charge much at all... Leaving me camera-less:-( Luckily, John has this fancy phone with a really good camera on it so he was able to take some good pictures. It's still not the same though. Oh well... I can't dwell on that because I'll get too sad if I do!

It's been a LONG day getting ready for this party so I'm going to go cuddle up next to my man and get some rest!