Friday, August 12, 2011

The Day Where I Didn't Chose Joy

I really think that joy is something you have to aim for each day. True joy can only come from the Lord and if it's the real deal, you still have peace inside when your kids are acting up, when the baby won't nap, when getting dinner on the table is utter chaos. When you have joy, you just know it!

Well, this morning, I woke up defeated already. I know what the Bible says about the joy of the Lord being our strength but honestly, I was having a hard time leaning on that today. To put it best, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. The girls were up abnormally early, which is frustrating. I also knew that John would be working overtime tonight (going in at 7 instead of 11) and for some reason, that just makes me cast a dark shadow on the whole day. The morning was rough... Bailey wanted to nurse during her entire nap, even though she always takes a nap in her crib. Brooke had been begging for her nails to be painted and I kept promising her "when Bailey is done eating" and that took a better part of the morning. Adrienne was into the bathroom playing with the water over and over again. A bunch of little things seemed to be causing me stress and I was completely overwhelmed.

At about 9:45 I heard the front door open. I wasn't expecting any company, though I was so lonely that I wanted it desperately. In walked my wonderful Daddy, who is one of my favorite people in the universe. He brought me a huge fountain Diet Coke, which anyone who knows me knows that that's the way to my heart. Lol. It was such a blessing to see him. As if that wasn't enough, he said he had to run out to the car and get something. In he walked with a brand new Kitchen Aid stand mixer in cherry red!!!!!!!! I had mentioned to my parents that I wanted one a few weeks ago and I NEVER expected them to just go get it. I was so excited and felt SO loved that I cried. It was just amazing!

My Dad, who is also my pastor, gave me a great pep talk. Dads are great, aren't they? Especially MY Daddy:-) I felt a lot better afterwards and I was so, so excited to try out my new mixer!

Here's the thing though... I was happy about the mixer. I was happy that my Dad took time out of his busy day to come see me. BUT, as wonderful as those things are, I wasn't full of joy because of them. Not even the best of circumstances can give you joy. I know this because just as quickly as my happiness came it left.. When nap time didn't go quite as I had planned. It quickly diminished throughout the afternoon while the girls fought and while Bailey resisted her second nap of the day.

I was kind of in a fog tonight after John left for work. Exhausted. Frustrated. Lonely. Weary. Some days of parenting are like that. In my 4.5 years of being a Mommy I have learned that for every day like this there are many more awesome ones and you just have to trek through. I would like to say that next time I will chose joy and not let uncontrollable circumstances dictate my mood but I can't promise that. I'm only human and am never going to be the wife, the mom, the daughter, the child of God that I'm called to be. However, tomorrow is a new day and I CAN wake up determined to have joy and not allow this shifting world around me to bog me down!

No comments: