Monday, March 28, 2011

Bailey Quinn

I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl yesterday at 8:15 in the morning. She weighed in at 8 pounds, 2 ounces... My smallest baby! It was a long C-Section that resulted in excessive blood loss, thanks to lovely scar tissue. The process was worth it, though, when I heard my daughter make her entrance into the world and my eyes caught a glimpse of her beauty. I stayed in the OR to get put back together while Bailey went with her daddy into the nursery after about 5 minutes with me.

About an hour later I was finally in my room and asking for my baby. As soon as I saw John's face I knew... I would not be enjoying my baby. Apparently my girl has some type of respiratory infection and they quickly gave her an IV and oxygen and put tubes down her throat. Then, they broke the news to me... Bailey would need to be shipped off to another hospital with a higher level of care because this hospital only has a high needs nursery, not a NICU per say. I wept like a baby. Adrienne had a very similar problem but was able to stay within the walls of this hospital. That was hard enough but this is a million times harder as John has had to go back and forth and I've been able to do nothing. The pediatrician on call at this hospital was a very rude foreign woman who told me that "because I didn't have her normally this problem resulted" Yeah, not the best thing to tell a mother who already feels like crap.

So right now I sit here and wait.. I'm in no condition to leave the hospital and neither is Bailey. I have grown to love her through pictures and stories about her temperament but I have yet to really experience her. I'm fearful that she will bond with so many others before she'll bond with me and that's hard to handle. I've been pumping like crazy trying to get my milk to come in but that has yielded very little results. There are not words to express how hard this is.

Here are a few pictures that John took of her yesterday. She is absolutely beautiful and I must stare at this picture in amazement for at least half of the day. Oh how I long to have my arms full. I repeat... This. Is. HARD.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

All Things Work Together for Good

I love that verse in the Bible that says, "For we know that all things work together for good for those that love God and are called according to His purpose." Sometimes in the midst of things we forget that, don't we? We forget God's promises and allow ourselves to be overwhelmed with circumstances instead of just giving it completely to God before worrying. At least I know I do, anyways.

I was in a horrible mood yesterday for much of the day. Just really upset and disappointed and altogether not myself. It was awful to feel that way and despite wanting to snap out of it not really ever succeeding at that. What a waste of time that was, looking back on it.

To top everything off, last night around 5 o'clock or so Adrienne came down with a 102 degree fever. It was weird... She was mostly herself and had a wonderful appetite but she had this fever. We put her to bed and she slept through the night but woke up again with a fever in the morning. I was, admittedly, distraught. I was so upset that she was going to be sick for Bailey's arrival and unable to be around her new sister. See? I always go to the worst possible scenario. I took her to the walk-in and it looks like she has a UTI. She's now on antibiotics and she should be feeling much better soon. Poor baby! Just think though... I would have felt completely helpless from a hospital bed if Bailey had arrived yesterday. My heart would have been so torn between my children. Being home allowed me to be able to get her the care she needed and love on her properly.

We also had another huge blessing this morning! We have been a one-car-family for quite some time now. We knew that packing all three girls into the back of our little Chevy Malibu would be less than ideal but there were no vans that were meeting our criteria for months on end. We wanted something really cheap with minimal rust an not major issues and we were willing to watch Craig's List like hawks and just be really patient in our search. We prayerfully considered each vehicle and at many times throughout our search we were tempted to go into debt for a really nice van but we didn't feel like that was God's plan for us. Last night around 7, lo and behold, someone posted a Chrysler Town and Country that meet all or our requirements and when we went to see it, it was exactly what had hoped it would be! John's dad is a mechanic and he came with us and declared that it was a sound purchase. It's an older van but the inside is immaculate and it has all leather interior. It's beautiful and we feel very blessed. To top it all off, the guy who sold it to us turned out to be a retired cop and he told John to give him a call if any issues arise with it in the weeks ahead and they'll work together.

That just goes to show me that God really did have a plan... One to proper us, not one to harm us or make our life more difficult, and one that was altogether better than our own. On top of that, we had an extra day with Brooke and Adrienne before adding a new life into the mix.

The hospital has already told me that I might be "bumped" again in the morning but I'm determined to not fall apart over it this time. I will absolutely be disappointed but I'm not going to let circumstances steal my joy anymore and I'm going to let God's promises be my comfort!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Down In The Dumps

This has been a busy week for us. I was planning on having a baby today at noon so my week has been packed with cleaning and getting ready and then yesterday we took the girls for a family fun day which included Chuck E. Cheese, the mall, and dinner at Cracker Barrel. I was starting to feel emotional about the upcoming change but had made total peace with everything and I felt completely prepared for all that was about to take place.

When we got home I got a call from the hospital. I naively thought that it was to confirm my appointment for my C-Section but instead it was to delay it until 5 this afternoon. Obviously I was bummed because those five extra hours seemed like a lot to me but I got over it.

Last night was an awful night... I was up all night with an upset stomach and I was altogether anxious, excited and eager for the day that was ahead of us. I woke up this morning feeling exhausted and sick to my stomach but thrilled to be meeting my baby. Then... It all changed. The hospital called back to say that my C-Section was delayed again... Not sometime later today, not tomorrow, but SUNDAY morning. Unreal. I tried to stay composed because I know it's not their fault.. Apparently so many women are in labor that they have absolutely no beds. However, it just stinks that everything was completely planned on my end- the girls' care and everything, and it was all for nothing.

I'm trying to perk up but I have been in a funk this morning. I should be in a hospital bed right now waiting to meet Bailey. I should be on the edge of my seat with excitement. Today should have been a day of new life and completing our family. So many things should have been today and somehow, none of them are. I think I'll go wallow in self pity now....

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Wrapping Things Up

I had my very last prenatal visit on Friday... And come to think of it, not just my last one for this pregnancy but my last one ever. Being pregnant is such a special and exciting time but I'm truly at peace with being done and I can't wait to be able to call my family complete!

I must admit, that last appointment was kind of emotional for me. We went over all of the many risk factors and all of that wonderful stuff that they have to tell you. I asked a lot of questions, got lots of answers, and signed the consent form. All of this left me feeling humbled. As humans, we like to plan and "control" things but when you place your life and safety in the hands of a doctor and put yourself on an operating table, you are completely helpless. It's scary to be reminded of that but thankfully I have a wonderful doctor and a far better God! I struggle with fear so much in this area but I'm really working on not being such a wreck over the C-Section and allowing this time to be joyous and exciting.

Once again, the doctor doesn't think the baby will be quite 8 pounds. I always love to speculate over how much she'll weigh and I can't wait until Friday when we'll finally know! AHH!! So many questions will be answered in a few days and I'm eager to put a face to the precious Bailey that I only know from being in my womb.

These next few days should drag by. In fact, I'm not looking forward to this long week because it seems like Friday will never be here! I am completely ready for this princess to make her arrival so all I really have to do is enjoy my girls this week. John will be off for 14 days starting Wednesday and we're all so excited! Thursday will include a special family day with the girls where they'll call the shots. So far the agenda includes going to Chuck E. Cheese and Cracker Barrel so that should be a nice way to spend time together before the big day.

Just think... This time next week I'll have my girl in my arms! Depending on how things work out, we may even be home. I just have to wait patiently in the mean time. Do you think that's even possible me?!?!?!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

A Touch of Spring

We got a rare beautiful day around here today! I can remember cold temperatures and hard frosts in May so we really don't expect much in lovely New York... Especially in March. It was about 60 degrees and the sun shone brightly. I grew up in Texas for the first 10 years of my life and when it was 60 degrees outside, people wore winter coats and scarves. Because of that, it's always comical to see girls in spaghetti straps, mini skirts, and flip flops on a day like today. I'm laughing out loud as a I replay back some of the images from my trip to Wal Mart today. Haha

It was so refreshing to be able to take the girls outside to play this afternoon. They didn't even have to wear their coats! They were running around the backyard as John grilled (yes, we even cooked out!!) our dinner and it was precious. I could tell that they were just as sick of being cooped up all winter as I was. After we ate, we took a nice long walk where Brookie rode her bike and Adrienne rode in the wagon. The wheels are kind of turning in my head about the logistics of take three of them on a walk (especially by myself!) but I'm sure there's an easy solution.

As we were walking today it was kind of like I was "coming out" about my pregnancy. All of the neighbors commented on my large belly, many claiming that they had no clue that I was even pregnant. We're not antisocial but these cold winters leave us indoors a lot and when we're out, I'm bundled up pretty snug so I guess that explains why they didn't notice. So yes, the HUGE secret of my pregnancy is now finally out. Lol

I feel so rejuvenated by this gorgeous day, despite the fact that the trees are still brown, the grass is dead, and the flowers show no signs up new life just yet. I could focus on all of that or the fact that next week's forecast has temperatures back in the low 40's at times but instead I'll just be thankful for today:-) Winters are awful in this cold state but seriously, when Spring gets here, there is no greater feeling. I never remember appreciating beautiful weather half as much as I do now!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Can I be Honest?

To tell the truth, I hate change. With each new season of life and every addition to our family, I'm overwhelmed with anxiety about the transition. I can remember hating high school with every fiber of my being (and that's putting it lightly) but still crying on my last day before I graduated. I can also remember being so excited and ready to get married but becoming an emotional wreck when all of my stuff was moved into my new home. I guess I'm just wired that way and you would think I would learn to just realize that and give all of my worries to God but it's a struggle for me, nonetheless.

Please don't think that this is at all a reflection of my feelings and love for my daughter who is still in the womb, but the thought of managing three children is leaving me with so many worries. How do I say it? Life right now is pretty close to perfect- The girls are on a great routine, one that gives John and me plenty of alone time and more than enough sleep. When we go anywhere, John and I each strap one girl into her car seat and head out. Then, when we get to our destination we pretty much have no issues... Both girls cooperate beautifully at stores and restaurants and it's not stressful to be out and about. When John is working I feel confidant enough to get out of the house with the girls and I never worry if I'll be able to manage them or not. John and I also have some freedom now as far as being able to go on date nights and movies from time-to-time.

Here's the beauty of it though, the very instant that I hear that baby cry I will be completely fine. I know this in my heart but translating that into my brain that likes to over-analyze and stew over things is hard. I love Bailey already but when I see her precious little face and hold her, suddenly none of these so-called worries will matter to me anymore. I've been down this road before and I know all of this to be true!

I'm going to do my best to spend these next ten days prayerfully waiting instead of sinfully worrying! I also have tons to do so I'm sure that will help keep me occupied. Things are going to be wonderful when it's all said and done.. I just know it.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

What A LONG Week!

Oh my, I am so happy to be turning the page on this week and starting a new one! I know that I had posted that the girls were sick and then miraculously better but that was not the case... Brooke went on to throw up all night Tuesday night, act fine Wednesday but throw up all night, and then Adrienne threw up all night Thursday night. It was just NUTS. John was working all of those nights so I was juggling throw up, dirty carpets, and laundry in the middle of the night all on my one. I'm exhausted just thinking about it! Oh yes, not to mention, I got sick somewhere in the middle of that time, along with John.

When I put the girls to bed on Thursday night I really just knew in my heart of hearts and that the sickness was over. I had a great feeling about it so when that was proven to not be the case, I was so frustrated. I'll admit, Friday I was in a funk.. Just so sick of not sleeping and sick of not getting out of the house. I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that that horrible bug is behind us now. Adrienne has been pretty sleepy and rundown still but it's draining to be sick and up all night throwing up so I think we're just playing catch up.

There was a point in this week where I truly didn't see an end in sight. Bailey will be here a week from Friday and I was honestly wondering if I was still have sick kiddos at that point! I called my mom and had a good cry and said that I had no idea how I would get to the store to buy her socks, tights, and burp cloths (her last few needs) and she miraculously provided them for me! I realize that I was being irrational but in my crazy mind, I was freaking out about all that still needed to be done at that point. The good news is, though, that now we are all set to have a baby!

I am most thankful that one of my biggest anxieties about the girls sharing a room was proven to be a complete non-issue. I had wondered if one of them got sick if both of them would be up all night but seriously, it wasn't a problem at all. They are doing wonderfully sharing a room now and I am so thankful that I don't have to worry about these silly things anymore!

Each and every time one of my girls get sick I am reminded of how blessed I am to be able to stay home with them. I don't have to worry about calling in to a job or the financial consequences of missing work because my kids are my career. Sick babies need their mama and I am so appreciative to my husband for working so hard so I don't ever have to make that tough call!

The forecast is in the mid 50's this week, my girls are on the mend, I'm meeting my precious baby next week and life is just overall incredible. I have a countless list of things to be thankful for! Sometimes it takes a week of exhaustion and sickness to realize just how great you have it otherwise!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Random Happenings

Man, we have been so busy the last couple of days. On top of the usual stuff, we've been keeping our schedule full running errands and going to appointments.. All in preparation for Bailey. I've turned into a psycho... Like the baby will care if we all have had haircuts, eye exams, and dental appointments. Lol

John had this past weekend off and it was incredible! We went on a big date on Saturday night without the girls and that will most likely be one of our last outings alone for quite some time. I love nursing my babies but I know that it will strap me down until she's much older. Anyways, we went to Olive Garden for dinner, shopping for an outfit for me to come home from the hospital in, and then to a movie. John was so patient with me and wonderful as we shopped. I definitely picked a keeper:-) As much as we love the girls, it's always nice to reconnect with no interruptions.

I was extremely happy because after a night of bliss, John could also go to church with us on Sunday morning. Because of his schedule he can't often be there so it's a real treat when he is! We've been doing a marriage class at church on Sunday nights and we were SUPER bummed because the class was canceled this week thanks to a HUGE snowstorm. Despite it, though, we had a nice quiet night with the girls and were extra thankful that John didn't have to go out in it to work that night.

Monday morning met us with almost 2 feet of snow. It was insane! It's MARCH. When will this weather ever end????? Our snow had just melted and it was so nice to not have wet feet and pants every time we went outside but now we're revisiting that. UGH! I'm just thankful that we had so much help getting plowed out by our neighbors because it would have taken John all day.

Monday evening Adrienne started throwing up.. In the middle of the grocery store, no less. It was awful and I felt so bad for her! She was pitiful and continued to throw up until bedtime. Both girls went to bed at 8 and then Brooke woke up at 10 throwing up. I just knew I was in for a long night of it but after that, they both continued to sleep through the night and have been almost 100 percent today. That's my kind of bug! I'm kind of waiting to get it now, though, and I'm hoping that that's not the case!

I had my doctor's appointment today and after my appointment next week, that's it. CRAZY! The baby looks good and there's nothing new to report. She'll be in our arms in just a little over two weeks. Again, I say CRAZY!

Alright, I think that about sums up our not-so-quiet little life. It's a wonderful life, nonetheless!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

4 Year Stats

Brooke had her 4 year checkup today. I was pretty nervous because I knew she had to have some shots and no mother loves putting their child through uncomfortable circumstances. She did remarkably well, however, and she got a nice treat bag from her doctor filled with all sorts of girly treasures- Lip gloss, a head band, candy, stickers, a whistle, and a few other things.

She weighed in at 33 pounds and she is 38.25 inches tall! WOW! It was crazy to hear the nurse say she was 3 foot, 2 because I'm only 4 foot, 11. Before we know it she'll catch up to me.. Which isn't hard to do, by the way! She's in the 25Th percentile for both categories and remains a peanut. We've known that for a while though! She has had a pretty substantial growth spurt over the past month or so that was clearly defined by her growing out of her clothes and eating us out of house and home.

It's always nice to get a clean bill of health from the doctor... Especially when it's regarding one of my girls. Thank you, God, for healthy, beautiful daughters!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

The BIG Transition

Tuesday afternoon Adrienne's bed was delivered. We had a fun afternoon working in the girls' room together as a family. We got all the clothes put away, matching bedspreads put on the beds, and everything else organized. Adrienne was SO proud and excited that she laid in her bed the entire time sucking her thumb and giggling. It was so sweet!

Despite the excitement, bedtime wasn't quite as easy as I had hoped it would be. Adrienne didn't understand the whole deal so she first thought she was in there to play, keeping Brooke awake and making her very mad. Once we went in and "cracked the whip" and told Adrienne to settle down she got very sad and started crying to go in her crib. It broke my heart! We explained it to her again and she was fine after that and drifted quietly off to sleep. It really broke my heart, though, because I know change is hard for me as an adult so I can't even imagine what it must mean for her little world.

I slept like garbage last night because I wasn't sure what to expect. Every little noise had me convinced that Adrienne was up. However, I was pleasantly surprised when both girls slept great and straight through until almost 7:30. It was a huge relief! They snuggled with me for some cartoons and it was a perfect morning.

Tonight was even better than last night and I imagine we'll only improve more and more with each day! I can't believe that this has caused me so much anxiety because it really hasn't been that huge of a deal. It's been a little emotional but that's just kind of how things are in general right now. I finally feel ready for the baby though and my to-do list is VERY small:-)

Here are a few pictures of our big night...