Tuesday, December 30, 2008

One Sleepless Night

Last night was the WORST NIGHT EVER. Holy cow! My happy, seemingly-healthy little girl went to bed at 8:30 but that was certainly NOT the last I saw of her. Here's how our wonderful (HA) night unfolded:

- She woke up around 10:30 screaming hysterically and was pretty much inconsolable. She laid on my chest and rested, dozing off for a few minutes here and there. John usually gets home around 11:30 so my intention was to snuggle with her until then and then put her back in her crib. Well, unfortunately, when John got home she wanted NOTHING in the universe but to lay on her daddy's chest and every time we tried to put her back in her crib she would freak. Because she's a great sleeper and it's never and issue in our house, we let her sleep with us. We all fell asleep around 12:30 or so...

- At 1, I woke up to Brooke coughing really hard. Suddenly the coughing turned in vomiting. FUN! Luckily I spared our bed and our sheets of Brookie throw up, which is awesome. After getting cleaned up and consoling the poor girl, we all tried to go back to sleep. I didn't sleep well because I was on "high alert" for throw up. Seriously, every time the kid coughed I would get a towel ready to catch potential throw up. Thankfully there was none to catch the rest of the night!

- At 3:30 Brooke woke up screaming and shaking. I kissed her and she was burning up. My poor baby! I gave her Ibuprofen but it took both of us a long while to fall back asleep. She started doing this twitching thing so I sat there awake, just petrified that she would have a febrile seizure. Oh, the life of a mother!

-From 7- 7:30 Brooke was screaming again. I'm not sure what that was all about because she fell back asleep until 10 after that.

I am so confused because we've had a really good, "normal" day today. There hasn't been another fever, dirty diaper, throw up-incident, or grumpiness and she's had a great appetite and everything. This is how last night ended too, though, so I'm kind of nervous about tonight. WISH ME LUCK! I seriously NEED sleep so bad!

On a more positive note, this is John's very last night on the evening shift. Amazing, huh? I got through it and I surprised myself by really finding ways to enjoy it. I'm proud of my progress, if I do say so myself:-) The better news is that John will be working (drum roll, please).... THE DAY SHIFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The county's human health services building is always staffed with two deputies for safety purposes and John's one that they're putting in that position. The hours for this shift are 7:30-4, Monday through Friday, and he gets holidays, nights, and weekends OFF! So exciting! This is a 6-month rotation so he'll be over there until the end of June. Not too shabby, huh? John's never worked in one building all day long like this... He's used to being on the road patrolling, making arrests, etc, so I'm just praying that he won't go crazy being couped up.

I took all of my Christmas decorations down tonight, mopped all of the floors with my beloved new Wonder Mop (which has transformed my whole life! Lol) , and vacuumed so I think I deserve to curl up in bed with my Fun Dip (my nightly addiction) and wait for my husband to get home! It's a deal!

Monday, December 29, 2008

Poor, Pitiful Brookie:-(

My Brookie has had an interesting day! She woke up this morning at 8:30 (which is about an hour early for her) so I put her on my chest and brought her back to our bed. She rested quietly for about 15 minutes and then she started to throw up. It was just a mucousy throw up because she had nothing in her belly, so thankfully I was able to catch in a napkin that I had on the nightstand. She drifted off peacefully to sleep before she woke up to throw up again at 9:30.

I thought that our day would be a long day of throwing up constantly, but it turned into a far better day than that. She never threw up again! She was really thirsty at about 10 this morning and was also asking to eat. I reluctantly gave her some water and some dry cereal, but she proved to be fine. She has had some diarrhea and a low grade fever of 100, but other than that, she has been really happy and content. We took a long nap in my bed after John went to work and when she woke up she was begging for pizza, of all things. We ended up going to John's parents house, where they ordered pizza upon Brooke's request, and my girl at an ENTIRE piece of extra cheese pizza, apple sauce, and a rice crispy treat. I was leery about giving her much of anything to eat, but she was begging for food and had kept everything down all day so I thought she should whatever sounded good to her.

I had a really enjoyable day with my girl! We hung out in our PJ's and played with all of her new Christmas toys, watched a few "tartoons" while snuggled up in my bed, read lots of books, and cuddled a whole lot. There's nothing more gratifying than caring for someone who needs you so much. I love being a mommy so much and on days like today, I feel like a GREAT mom for some reason.

Anyways, the girl is sleeping soundly and I'm just hoping that tomorrow she's all better. I'm also hoping I don't get sick too. Wish me luck!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Never Caught Up...

I'm starting to get really annoyed at my house because no matter how much I clean and clean and clean... It's NOT clean enough. I just don't get it. I feel like I could spend all day everyday cleaning and my house would never be up to my standards. It frustrates the living fire out of me!

Brooke's messes don't bug me because 1) she's my world and everything that comes with her is worth it and 2) she's a great "cleaner-upper." She definitely caught her mommy's cleaning bug and I am just fine with that:-) She rarely makes a big mess anyways because she gets very upset when she does and cries, "Messy! Need napkin!" Lol

As for Chipper messes (remember, the chocolate lab puppy who unfortunately lives in our home), I have NO patience. I find it impossible to have a clean house with him because every time I vacuum he gets a paper or a diaper or a crayon or any other object and rips it to pieces all over the place. I seriously don't know why I ever bother putting the vacuum away! I also try to mop the kitchen floor every day (or every other day when we're super busy) and it NEVER looks clean because I always have dog print everywhere, due to him spilling his water bowl every time he eats. Whoever thought of the idea of animals living in human homes... What were you thinking????????

Right now my house is also less tidy because of all of our many new Christmas gifts that don't have a home. Luckily Brooke's insane amount of new toys are stored happily in her playroom behind a closed door, but as for all of our stuff... We have no clue where to put everything! We have this humongous bag of stocking stuffers full of candy, gum, beef jerky, etc... And I have yet to find a home for it. It's so frustrating trying to find places for our new items to be stored. I guess it's a good problem to have though, right?

So, without further ado, I now need to go mop, do a few dishes, finish the laundry, scrub the toilet, and rid all glass surfaces and appliances of toddler fingerprints. Seriously, didn't I just do all of this????????????????????? I think I might lose my mind!

Friday, December 26, 2008

A Christmas to Remember!

We have been so very busy over the last couple of days, but we had an amazing Christmas! We are so blessed to have so many to celebrate with us and love us. Here's how our holiday looked:

*Christmas Eve-

John had to work in the evening but he spent the morning finishing up his shopping so Brooke and I just hung around the house. That evening I went to my sister's to have Mexican food with my family (our traditional feast, of course) and then I swung by John's grandma's house to spend some time with that side of the family. Luckily it was slow enough in the county for John to be able to stop by and visit with all of us at his grandma's. That made my night!

*Christmas Day-

We had "4 Christmases" so we were VERY busy.

1. We woke up around 8:45 and John made us a nice breakfast before we opened presents. That would have been a nice enough Christmas present because I ALWAYS make breakfast, but he went all out on presents for me. He got me the most kind and thoughtful stocking you can imagine with all of my favorite things and then he got me some amazing gifts... 2 pairs of maternity jeans, new perfume (that smells amazing), a cast iron stove top grill that I've wanted for ages, a beautiful picture for my wall, socks, and some other little things. As for Brooke, she LOVED opening her presents and was hilarious because she could have cared less about the gifts.. She just wanted to open the boxes! At one point we looked over and she was opening gifts that we were going to be taking to people later in the day. Lol! We really enjoyed our morning at home for so many wonderful reasons!

2. We went to John's grandma's at 11 to exchange gifts with his large extended family. We draw names there because it would be ridiculously expensive to buy for everyone. We got so many nice gifts there that it was overwhelming. I think we left with a HUGE bag of presents plus lots of gift cards. People are so generous, let me tell ya.

3. We went to my parent's house to exchange presents with my family. It was only my parents, my sister and her kids (Nathan and Jenna) because Luke was sick (poor guy!) and my brother and his wife were out of town. It was very nice, despite the fact that so many were missing. We opened gifts, which included some awesome new maternity dress clothes for me, a precious piggy bank (from my sister) and a beautiful necklace for Brooke (to match her bracelet), John's Sport's Illustrated subscription, etc... I could seriously keep listing things! After that the kids played- or FOUGHT might be a better description! We then settled down to an amazing lunch of prime rib, twice-baked potatoes, broccoli and cheese, homemade rolls, and corn. It was a very nice afternoon!

4. Lastly, we went to John's parent's house to exchange gifts with his parents and siblings. As if we hadn't already been spoiled rotten, everyone there went all out on us too! I got some wicked cool maternity clothes (HOORAY!) plus a bunch of nice things for around the house that I had been wanting, and then John got a GPS, which has been a much desired thing for us. We always have to borrow one from my brother or John's brother when we go out of town. Brooke also made out like a bandit with two Mr. Potato Head's, an Aqua Doodle, an Magna Doodle, blocks, more balls for her ball pit, and an electric princess bike that moves when she pushes a button. It's a shame nobody loves us, huh?

When we finally got home we unloaded all of bags full of gifts into the living room and I'm telling you, you could not walk in there because of all of the presents. We kind of left the majority of the mess (which was hard!) and snuggled up to Christmas Vacation.

This has a been a crazy Christmas season, but yesterday was really special for so many reasons and all the chaos of planning and shopping was worth it. I hope that everyone else had just as merry of a Christmas as my family did!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Home Alone

This morning John took Brooke Christmas shopping and I had the house to myself for like three hours. I love my husband and my baby so very much, but holy cow, I can accomplish SO much around this house when they aren't here! I was a cleaning machine and I got a crazy amount of work done. Check it out:

-All of our laundry is folded and put away
-Every single wood floor has been cleaned (Mind you, I have no mop so I had to do it all on my hands and knees)
-All of our carpets have been vacuumed
-Every piece of wood furniture has been polished
-The fridge got some much needed attention and is now cleaned out
-I scrubbed both bathrooms
-All of our appliances and glass surfaces are now free of fingerprints

I feel so happy when I read that list:-) Lol! These are things that I routinely do around the house, but being able to do them all in one big space of time and not having anyone to interrupt me was heaven for a clean freak such as myself. I'm telling you... There are few things more gratifying than sitting back and looking at a spotless house. It's just the best!

Okay, as lame as this sounds, the Duggar's have a special on TV tonight that I'm eager to watch so I better be going to watch it. As much as that family perplexes me, I just can't seem to get enough of them. Am I the only one????

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Who Has Time to Blog Anymore????

I have been SO busy so I'm going to do a very random post today. Bare with me!

*Friday was my 16-week appointment! Everything went really well except I had a little scare... It took the doctor a minute or so to find the baby's heartbeat. It worried me SO much because he's never not been able to find it immediately. He said, "I'm just going to need you to move your pants down a little bit more" and kept searching, but alas, there was my baby's beautiful heartbeat. The doctor says that it's very fast and healthy so I felt MUCH better. Phew! We also scheduled the BIG ultrasound for January 19Th, but I think I'm going to call and schedule it for the prior week because the lady at the front desk booked it for 5 weeks from Friday, not 4. NOT cool for an anxious mom-in-waiting! Lol!

*We ended up getting snowed in, as predicted, on Friday, but we had a GREAT day watching movies, making homemade pizza, and playing with Brooke. It's rare that all three of us get to stay home all day together. I loved it!

*Saturday we did some mega Christmas shopping! We went in the morning and got a bunch of people off of our list(and found some MEGA bargains) but then we had to come home to ship John off to our church's Live Nativity. He had to help set up, be a wise man (which meant standing in the cold for two hours), and then break everything down. What a trooper! Brookie and I stopped by for a few minutes but it was too cold to stay out long. After that, John's parents took Brooke so we could finish her Christmas shopping! We went to Target and finished up buying her gifts and then caught a late night showing of the new movie, Yes Man. It was a great day overall!

*Today we woke up to MORE snow... About 6 inches or so. YUCK! I couldn't make it to church early for worship practice because they hadn't even plowed our roads yet and I wasn't about to drive over all of that so we got there just in time for Sunday School.

Alrighty, I have so much to do around the house to get caught up from being so busy. The work NEVER ends, does it?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Snow, Snow... GO AWAY!!!

I am fed up with snow and it's only December. It is going to be SUCH a long winter at this rate! We just had that storm last Thursday and then a small storm on Tuesday night (about 4-5 inches). Now we're expected to have a HUGE storm tomorrow which is expected to dump 15 inches or so of snow on us. If THAT's not bad enough, we're supposed to get another MEGA storm on Sunday night and then another one on Wednesday night (Christmas Eve). ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????????????? I need to move to Hawaii or something!

I'm semi-excited about tomorrow's storm though because John's off and I look forward to being snowed in with him home! I have my 16-week doctor's appointment at 9:45 tomorrow that I'm hoping we make. We should be fine because the snow isn't supposed to start until 7 tomorrow morning. I then have plans to make homemade pizza and watch Christmas movies tomorrow. Fun, fun, fun! If you're going to live in this nasty weather, you have to learn to enjoy being trapped in the house!

I've decided that I don't hate snow when it's falling.. It's quite beautiful, actually! I just hate the aftermath: A driveway packed with snow, scraping off snow-covered cars, slushy roads and sidewalks, brown snow after it has been driven on, and wet socks every time you step in a pile of snow. I wish Spring was closer but it's so very far away:-(

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I Hope Brooke is "Fixed!"

Brooke woke up this morning absolutely livid. She was extremely angry and she screamed so hard that she actually started to throw up (thankfully she had nothing in her belly so it was just a tiny bit of mucous). She then laid on my chest for two hours, refusing to move or eat. Finally she looked up at me and said, "Ear hurts, mommy." She had been tugging at her left ear for several days, on top of not sleeping, so I didn't doubt that what she was saying was true!

I took her to the doctor to have her checked out and as it turns out, her left ear (the ear that she's been messing with) was full of wax that was lodged in her ear canal. The doctor had to scrape it out and there was TONS of it. He said that the excess wax likely caused discomfort and some difficulty hearing out of that ear, which would explain the fussing and restlessness. I've had that happen to me before and I know from experience that it caused me to feel kind of dizzy and it hurt like heck. I can identify with the poor girl! Thankfully the doctor took care of her and she was happy for the rest of the day. Hopefully her normal sleeping patterns return soon!

I'm so excited for Deliver Me tonight on The Discovery Healthy Channel. Does anyone else love that show besides me? It's the highlight of my Tuesday night! It's a show about three friends who are OBGYN's and not only does it show you their patients, but you also get to see inside of their personal lives and homes. It's my favorite! Alrighty, off to clean a little before my show...

Monday, December 15, 2008

Sleeping Struggles?

I just got back from the most wonderful visit with my new niece and let me say, she is absolutely precious! I can already tell we're going to be buddies:-) Brooke and Nathan did a great job of keeping one another busy tonight so that allowed for some special moments with Jenna. I can't wait to watch her grow!

Now onto something less pleasant... SLEEP. Brooke has been a great sleeper for a long, long time now but recently we're having some issues with her. First of all, she has refused to take a nap for the last 5 days, despite us leaving her in her crib for over an hour. I know she needs her nap still because she's grumpy without it and falls asleep in the car if we go anywhere in the evenings. It's so frustrating for her to be refusing naps! Also, at nighttime, she SCREAMS hysterically if we turn the light in her room off. I've been leaving it on for her and then turning it off after she falls asleep, but something tells me that I should just teach her that sleeping with the lights off is not a big deal. I don't know... Lastly, she's been waking up in the middle of the night saying, "Afraid!" The other night she was up at 2:30, which is totally NOT normal. She sleeps until 9:30 most mornings, which is my saving grace at this point, but I have not idea what her issue is!

I feel so wiped out now because I have this constant awareness in my sleep of Brooke. Do you know what I mean? She hasn't been sleeping well so I'm always expecting to hear her, which doesn't allow me to sleep very soundly. I've also been enjoying an afternoon nap during her nap time for the last couple of months, but I haven't been able to have that over these last couple of days. I'm so exhausted that I could fall asleep right in front of this computer! I hope Brooke reverts back to her old ways QUICKLY!

Alrighty, I'm off to take a nice hot shower and then relax while I wait for John to get home. Let's keep our fingers crossed for a good night's sleep tonight!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Welcome, Miss Jenna Caroline!!

This is going to be short and sweet because I'm exhuasted, but I would just like to congratulate my sister and her husband, Luke, on the birth of their little princess! Jenna was born around 1:30 this afternoon, weighing in a 7 pounds, 11 ounces and is absolutely gorgeous. Isn't life such a miracle? I'm so in love with my niece and thankful that God brought her into our family safely:-)

Friday, December 12, 2008

All I Want for Christmas is... A VBAC!!

I've been thinking a lot about giving birth lately... Probably because my sister is four days past her due date and is expected to deliver any day now. That's enough to make any pregnant woman's mind stir. I'm so silly... I have 5 months left of my pregnancy but I'm SO concerned about having the repeat C-Section. I know that I have months to plan and prepare and get used to the idea, but do you know what occurred to me? I'm petrified of being on that operating table again. I know this odd because I have been through it before, but I think that's why I'm so apprehensive. There are times at night when I can't sleep because I think of my fears that I'll have before the surgery and I know these are things I have to do deal with.

I've thought long and hard and this is why I think that my C-Section was so "traumatic" for me...

1. I felt like a total failure as a woman because despite laboring and pushing (non-medicated) I couldn't get the "the job" done naturally. That killed me for a long, long time.

2. Because I was going through a midwife (who obviously couldn't perform the C-Section), I was forced to have some stranger deliver Brooke. I was used to a kind and sensitive midwife and the doctor who took over was a gruff man who I just couldn't relate to.

3. During my surgery I was looking around and happened to look up at the lights above the operating table... I actually SAW THEM CUTTING ME in the reflection of the stainless steel fixture. That was horrible... I'll never look at the lights again.

4. This is what kills me and still brings me to tears to this moment... I only got to see Brooke for a few seconds before they took her into the nursery. I could hear her crying the whole time and I wanted nothing more than to hold her for the first time. Finally they finished my surgery and took me into the recovery room. I looked at the nurse and said, "Okay, please get me my baby!" She said, "Jillian, you have to have a sponge bath first because you're not sanitary for your baby." I said, "I don't care. She's crying. She needs me. Please don't give me a sponge bath." So, after hearing my newborn baby screaming uncontrollably in the other room, I lied helpless and numb on the bed without being able to help her... All for a stupid sponge bath. That was the worst feeling as a new mother.

5. I had this vision of my whole family coming in and welcoming Brooke into the world, but instead they told me that only one person could be in the recovery room with me at a time. Instead of this big celebration that I had so desired, each family member had a rushed 30 second visit with Brooke to make way for the next person.

6. The recovery was miserable. I had a horrible reaction to the spinal, which resulted in an awful rash over my entire body. In addition, the pain medication for after the surgery sedated me to the point of not enjoying Brooke so I refused to take it, which resulted in some unnecessary complications. I realize that that part is my fault...

I know that I have A LOT to be thankful for because I have a thriving, healthy, gorgeous little girl, but those instances of sadness with her birth cause so much anxiety within me. This time will be different for a number of reasons though... First of all, John will take off extra time to help me recover because we'll know what to expect in that area. Also, I will have a relationship with the doctor who performs the C-Section so I think I'll be so much more at ease. Another good thing this time around is that I won't have labored for hours and hours on end so I won't be dirty and sweaty which means... No sponge bath! I can have my baby quicker:-) Lastly, I have gotten over feeling "inadequate" for not being able to do this all naturally, so there will be none of those feelings associated with this C-Section. Those feelings are something that I asked God to take from me.

I suppose that the only thing that remains is my fear of having surgery... It's awful but I'm horrified that I'll die on the operating room table and leave John with two kids. I realize that C-Sections are routinely done and they are so commonly practiced, but there's just always a chance that something could go wrong.

I still have a tremendous desire to have a VBAC. I want it so bad and I would love to be able to avoid all of the hassles of a C-Section, but my doctor does not think that's a very prudent decision. We've discussed all the pros and cons and the bottom line is that my pelvis is small. Instead of trying to argue the facts, I would like to just prepare myself for the inevitable C-Section that I'll be having in May.

I keep reminding myself... The main objective here is to have a healthy baby. How he/she gets her shouldn't matter!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Snow Day

The weather here is absolutely AWFUL! We're supposed to get an inch of ice as a base and 9+ inches of snow on top of it, which makes driving pretty much impossible. We woke up this morning to sleet and freezing rain so we didn't dare go out. Then John left for work at 2 this afternoon, so it's been a pretty boring day, to say the least. I'm the type of person that likes to get at out at least once a day and when I don't I start to feel a little bit stir crazy! I didn't even get out of my PJ's today, which only ever happens when I'm deathly ill.

When John left I was really dreading the rest of the day because I was so eager to get out and go somewhere, but Brooke and I ended up really enjoying our time at home! We played with blocks, made dinner, did lots of laundry, changed the sheets on the beds, had a nice long bath, played with dolls, and colored. She refused to take a nap today (after babbling and fussing in her crib for an hour) so I was worried she would be a wreck, but she was in a great mood! She went down to bed about a half hour early to make up for it though.

John has called me from work several times and he keeps telling me how awful the roads are and how many accidents he has had to go take care of. I hate thinking about him out there in the freezing weather but I also hate to think about him driving all over the place. I know it's wrong, but I worry so much about his safety on days like this. I will be VERY relieved when he comes home safely tonight!

Now that my princess is sleeping I think I'm going to try to lay down and get rid of this nasty headache. The second trimester is famous for giving me yucky headaches... But it's for such a great cause:-)

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Happy Birthday, John!

Today is John's 26Th birthday! Wow, I'm seriously married to an old man now, huh? Lol! I know that that's young but I've known him since he was 18 and have been with him since he was 21, so 26 just sounds really old to me.

We have had a wonderful day of celebrating today! First of all, Miss Brooke didn't wake up until 10! She usually sleeps from anywhere between 9 and 9:30.. But 10??!?!?!??!?! Anyways, I'm sure that John enjoyed the gift of sleeping in! We went for a nice lunch with John's mom and brother and then came home for a relaxing afternoon. Tonight we went to my parent's house where we ate John's favorite meal... Bacon cheeseburgers! My dad even grilled them for us in the dead of winter. Thanks, Daddy! My parents also had a nice ice cream cake for John, which is his favorite, so they were very thoughtful and sweet when they thought of his party. My siblings and parents also had some nice gifts for John, too! On Saturday John's family is having a joint party for the both of us so I look forward to that. After that it seems like our birthday festivities will be over for another year.

I'm going to cut this short so I can go spend some time with the birthday boy! He has training at work tomorrow from 8-4 which stinks because we won't be able to stay up real late tonight, but it's also good because he'll have tomorrow night off. Anyways, time to go relax with my man!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Our Amazing Trip to Albany

We just got back a few hours ago from our trip to Albany. We had such a wonderful time, despite missing Brooke so much. It was really a great time for John and me to spend some quality time talking, laughing, and catching up. I'm all for a romantic trip with my husband from time-to-time. I love that guy so much:-)

Anyways, yesterday we checked into the hotel, which was absolutely beautiful. Then we walked all around downtown Albany, where we found a nice place to eat a late lunch/early dinner. After that we still had a couple of hours before the show so we went back to the hotel for a long, relaxing nap. It was heaven!

We saw the Trans-Siberian Orchestra in concert and they were seriously phenomenal! Their music, in and of itself, is breathtaking, but seeing them in concert was insane! They have a light show with all of their songs and it is intriguing. Even John, who is not a music lover like me, was amazed at the performance. If you've never been to see them in concert, you should definitely go! It's crazy because they play typical orchestra songs with electric guitars, drums, electric keyboards, and two insanely amazing violin players. I always thought of the violin as a conservative, tranquil instrument, but the way these people played it was so unique. The whole thing was INCREDIBLE and I was very sad when it was over.

After the show last night we walked back to the hotel (which only took us about two minutes) and ordered some take-out from a local Italian place. It was a lot of fun doing that because we don't generally do stuff like that!

Today we did lots of shopping at two of Albany's enormous malls and then we went to The Cheesecake Factory for lunch. It was our second time at that restaurant and we are in love with that place. HOLY COW! Everyone needs to go there because there's just no place like it. We don't have one right by us so it's such a big treat to be able to go there.

When we got home, we were thrilled to see Brookie and she was semi-interested in seeing us. I've really enjoyed loving on her and playing with her this evening. She's such a precious little girl:-)

Now that we're home I'm sad because our trip is over and I don't have this to look forward to anymore, but I'm really happy over the wonderful time we had. It's nice to get away, but it's always nice to come home, too! Luckily John took off tomorrow, which is his birthday, so tonight we're watching a movie and then spending the whole day together tomorrow. YAY!

Oh, and I have to point out that my sister is due with her second baby today and I was VERY thankful that my niece didn't come yesterday because I would have been sad to miss her birth. Okay, little girl.... Please come out NOW!!

Friday, December 5, 2008

The Girl that Keeps her Mommy Laughing

Brooke is so funny! I don't think that 60 seconds ever go by (when she's awake) that I don't find something the laugh about. She's hilarious! Here are some of her latest antics...

*She likes to put the "eee" sound on the end of her words. For instance, she'll say, "Go to Sam's Clubeee (Which, by the way is her favorite place in the world, Alissa!)." She also likes to call Chipper "Chippy," and call her crib her "pibby." It's really funny because she looks at me and laughs every time she adds this sound to her words so I know that she does it to get my attention. It certainly works!

*She's now reverted to saying "peeya" instead of "please." I don't get why she does these things but it's funny to hear her say her words differently.

*Instead of saying "I am," Brooke says, "I min." All day long I hear, "I min getting juice." "I min getting stickers." Etc, etc, etc... She's got the right concept but the wrong word. She'll get there soon!

*I get weekly pregnancy updates to my email account and one day Brooke saw me looking at a picture of what the baby should look like at this point. Now every morning she runs over to the computer and says, "See brother sister!" She gets VERY upset if I don't let her, too. She also saw me reading Tristyn's blog one day, which has Hudson's picture on it, so now we have to rotate back and forth between Hudson and "brother sister." It's great times!

*Brooke's latest thing is questions that start with "can." She said to me today, "Can Brookie sit on counter?" Such a big girl sentence! Whenever she gets mad she yells, "Can Brookie bite this?" Today she tried to bite her wall after she asked that question. It was all I could do to not laugh at her!

*Brooke loves to go to Barnes and Noble (almost as much as she likes to go to Sam's Clubee) so all day long we hear about going to "Oboe's." Most mornings that's all she talks about. One time when we were there the play area was swarmed with kids so we told Brooke to go play and that the kids wouldn't hurt her. Now she says, "Go Oboe's. Kids no hurt you there." Good memory, kiddo!

*Brooke REALLY enjoys our "Pissmas" tree and stares at it constantly. She rarely touches it, which has been a pleasant surprise to me!

*Brooke brought me a diaper today and said, "Mommy, Brookie needs fresh diaper." It occurred to me that I DO say that a lot, but it cracked me up coming from her. She's always saying "Need go potty" and she lets me know immediately after dirtying her diaper so I'm hoping that soon she'll be ready to potty train. I don't want to push it too early though.

I seriously cannot believe how much Brooke is growing! She speaks in complete sentences all the time and I spend most of my days astounded by what she's capable of. Holy cow! It's funny, because when Brooke was a baby I used to worry about the toddler years and if I would enjoy them and/or know how to handle them, but these times have proven to be wonderful, amazing adventures and I truly can say that I am in love with Brooke and motherhood. I can't believe I was ever afraid of these days!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Hormone City

Do you ever feel like a complete and total basketcase? Well I do from time-to-time and today was just my day to be a hormonal wreck. My poor husband! He handled my freak outs very well, but it leaves me feeling so insane!

The first instance happened today after lunch when stupid Chipper (I HATE that dog) pulled a wooden spoon out of a pot of Ramen Noodles. I was upset because he made a mess of my freshly cleaned floors from what was on the spoon (that he, by the way, obtained by climbing on my counter) and because he chewed the spoon in half. Normally I would have screamed at the dumb dog and gotten angry, but today I just sat there like a mad woman and cried hysterically. I complained to John that I should never clean or have nice things because the dog won't allow it. John was wonderful! He said, "Honey, calm down! We can buy wooden spoons and we can clean the floor. Settle down!" I replied angrily, "That was NICE wooden spoon." Lol.. Seriously, I freaked out big time over a WOODEN SPOON!

The second instance is a bit more legitimate, in my opinion... I was in a hurry to run some errands before my sister's baby shower tonight so I locked up and ran out the door. I strapped Brooke in her seat, buckled my seatbelt, and when I went to start the car I realized that I locked my keys in the house:-( John was at shift briefing and work and he doesn't get a signal at the office, so I could't even have him bale me out. I sat in the freezing car and bawled because I was just so frustrated and spent at that point, which is a rididculous way to respond, I realize. Thank God for good old dad, though, because he has a key to my house and drove out to let me in as soon as I called him. He even gave me a hug to wipe my tears!

Luckily I pulled myself together and enjoyed the shower! Sometimes I feel like I have no control of my emotions and I just need to snap myself out of being a spaz. I guess it comes with the territory but there's not excuse to be a maniac!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

The Gourmet Tastes of Brooke

Brooke cracks me up with her eating habits. Remember how I used to complain on and on about what a horrible eater she was? Well, all that has changed now... Thankfully! She is a GREAT eater- IF she has the foods that she loves the most in front of her. Here's her list of "acceptable foods:"

*For breakfast:
Pancakes
Waffles
French Toast
Cereal
Crackers with peanut butter on them
Oatmeal
Cream of Wheat
NO eggs

*For lunch/dinner:
Chicken nuggets- If you ask Brooke, she would tell you that they had to be from McDonald's. She seriously hyperventilates and screams "MCDONALD'S every time we drive past one. She hates french fries so she always gets apples with her Happy Meal instead, so I feel less guilty.
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, or as she says, "Mocky cheese." This is another one of those foods that she gets very excited about. She'll eat the delicious homemade stuff, but with hesitation and much begging from me.
Soup- Put it in broth and the kid will eat it. It's a phenomenon!
Pizza- Especially from Sam's Club
Taco's- The kid can polish off an entire Taco Supreme on her own (PLUS an entire bowl of refried beans)
Tortilla chips with refried beans

*For snacks:
Yogurt
Shredded Cheese
Bananas- NOT cut up though... Only if she can have the whole thing.
Dry Cereal
Pretzels
Cheese Sticks
Some occasional cookies and candy (No diet can be perfect, right?)
Green beans (She like them cold out of the can)

She'll usually eat a great breakfast, an equally as wonderful lunch, and then for dinner refuse to eat much of anything. We always have a nice dinner and the things that John and I would consider nice are not on Brooke's "okay list," but I figure that if I keep trying to introduce them to her she'll cave. She drinks lots of milk through the day, on top of those two solid meals, so I don't worry that she's hungry anymore. She's a tiny little thing so it just doesn't take much to fill her!

Alrighty, I'm off to go do some laundry and mop all the wood floors. BLEH! I took yesterday off and now look at me... It was worth it though:-)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

A Wonderful Birthday

Today is my 23Rd birthday and it has been a great day! John, along with many of my family members, has gone out of his way to make me feel like royalty... Then again, I always feel loved and special, so I guess today wasn't too different.

Anyways, we woke up this morning and John took me to Cracker Barrel because I LOVE breakfast and I especially love eating it from there. At the restaurant he and Brooke each gave me a special card and then I got my present. Ready for what John came up with? On Sunday he's taking me to Albany (It's about a 3.5 hour drive) to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra in concert. They play amazing Christmas music and hearing them just gives me the chills! For the night, we're staying at the Crown Plaza and I can't wait! It's going to be a wonderful, romantic couple of days with us, filled with lots of couple time and a nice dinner out. As much as we love our baby, it's always nice to be able to get away and focus solely on one another.

This afternoon we decorated our Christmas tree and our entire house, too! It's a true Christmas fest over here! Brooke slept for 3.5 hours this afternoon so I also got a good nap in too! During Brooke's nap I put garland on the stair-rail and when she woke up she went down the stairs and said, "What is that?" She then REFUSED to touch it and cried. Lol! I love that kid:-) I definitely need to take some pictures of my house though because it's sure looking festive around here!

Tonight my mom made me homemade taco's, at my request of course, and Alison made me a beautiful, delicious chocolate cake. For my birthday Alison and Amanda (my brother's wife) got me new silverware (that they gave me a week ago so I would have it on Thanksgiving) and today my mom and dad got me two really nice new pairs of MUCH needed shoes and some dishes to go with my pattern. Oh yes, and Ali also got me a McDonald's gift card so I can buy some fountain sodas. They're my favorite!

John and I are about to watch a Christmas movie. I can't wait!

Thanks to everyone who made my birthday so special by sending me messages and thinking of me. It means a lot!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Completely Inappropriate

****Update to the rude person who anonymously left me a comment: I don't care if people read my blog... I care if people read my blog and JUDGE me. There's an enormous difference.

To the "anonymous commenter" on my previous post:

1) I do NOT need parental advice from a total stranger. If I knew you and respected you it would be one thing, but really, I never asked for someone I never met to tell me that how I raise my child is wrong.

2) What are you? A stalker? I publish my thoughts and I realize that they're subject to being reviewed, but it's just a little rude for you to read about my life, judge my parental decisions, and then not even tell me who you are.

3) I believe in spanking and the smacking of the hand, yet I am still a loving mother. Nothing YOU tell me will change that. I raise my child according to Biblical principles and I strongly feel that an occasional spanking is necessary. When my husband or I spank our child it is followed by prayer and love and ALWAYS a hug and kiss. And just for the record, I set a good example for my daughter so I don't need you to tell me that I'm not being a good mom by smacking my child's hand. I guess you think you're a better mother than me, but I happen to know that I'm a darn good mother.

Who are people? They think they can just barge into your personal thoughts and tell you how to raise your kids? Get a life.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Christmas Frustrations

I am a Christmas fanatic. Seriously... I'm a freak about Christmas movies, music, cookies, decorating, lights, caroling, etc... And do you know what? I think I own more Christmas socks than anyone I know (Thanks to John) :-) It's a wonderful, beautiful holiday and each year after it's over I get sad. I'm also one of those people that starts to celebrate super early and I usually annoy people by listening to Christmas music in late September.

HOWEVER, I'm sick and gosh darned tired of the way that our society "perverts" the birthday of the King of Kings. It's all about rushing out to get the best deal on stupid gifts or going into debt to buy presents for everyone and their brother. In my opinion, it's ridiculous. Did you hear that a Wal Mart employee in LA was actually killed on Black Friday because all of these eager shoppers plowed over him???? I happen to wonder if that makes Jesus sad that His birthday has been tainted so badly. This is not what Christmas is about.

I wish that I didn't have to support the stores during Christmas time, but unfortunately, I can't boycott this disturbing interpretation of the holiday because it would only hurt the people I buy for. I would be completely happy if I didn't have to give or receive a single present on Christmas... All I want is to enjoy the season for the miracle of Christ's birth and enjoy this special time of year without the hectic stress of shopping for so many people.

I assure you that I, of all people, am not a Scrooge... I just want Christmas to be a time of joy and not about stress. A song from my childhood comes to mind...

Come on, ring those bells,
Light the Christmas tree,
Jesus is the King
Born for you and me!
Come on, ring those bells,
Everybody say, "Jesus we remember it's your birthday!"


My goal is to remember Jesus' birthday in the midst of all of the holiday chaos. After all, just because the world doesn't seem to remember, why should I stop too?

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

I had a wonderful day today! For the first time I hosted my very own Thanksgiving and if I do say so myself, everything turned out great. I have no catastrophes to report. I was the most satisfied with my turkey... It was cooked just perfectly and several people said that it was the most moist turkey they had ever had. Now THAT is a compliment:-) Now that the day is nearing the end, my back is sore, my neck hurts, and my feet are on fire, but that all comes with the territory! It's so worth it.

Despite my exhaustion, I wanted to take a few minutes and say what I'm the most thankful for:

*My wonderful husband who loves and supports me and provides a good living for us so I can stay home with our baby (soon to be babies!!). I can truly say that he is my best friend and I am so thankful to be his wife and to grow with him.

*Brooke! She is just amazing and every day I find something new to love about her. I look at her and my heart melts every single time. Not a day goes by that I'm not thankful to be her mommy!

*Baby #2! I'm 13 weeks along today and even though I don't know much about this baby yet, I'm already in love. I'm thankful that God is entrusting another child into our care. It very humbling.

*Godly parents. I am so lucky to have not only amazing parents, but in-laws too. Both my parents and John's parents have been married for over 25 years, which gives us a great example of marriage, and they also are Godly, faithful people who encourage us in our walk of life. I'm thankful to have so many examples of how to live my life.

*All of my basic needs are met... My beautiful home, food, clothing, cars, gas, money to pay the bills, and money in the bank. These are all material things that God could take away at any point, but I am thankful for His provision in our lives.

*My siblings. Between John's family and mine I have 7 siblings and I am blessed enough to see all of them often. I'm thankful for their friendship and support!

*God didn't just promise us eternal life one day in the future (which in and of itself is incredible), but He promised us an abundant life here on Earth and He equips us with all of the things we need to be prosperous. I'm thankful for the Lord's love and guidance.

I could go on and on about what I'm thankful for! God has so been so good to my family and me and while I like to recognize that on Thanksgiving, I hope to be as thankful all year long!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Thanksgiving Chaos

I've been aloof these last couple of days because I've been busy cleaning and doing lots of prep work for Thanksgiving tomorrow. I'm hosting about 20 people (John's family) and am SO excited, but there is still so much to be done!

Yesterday I did all of the shopping (and trust me, I spent a small fortune) and then last night I made homemade pumpkin pies with Patty and the brine for the turkey. So far today I've wrestled with our 25-pound turkey to get it into the brining solution and made a pistachio encrusted cheese log for one of the appetizers tomorrow. I'm about to go downstairs and make Jello pretzel salad, cheesecakes, and then chop up all of many veggies to make my life more easy tomorrow. I also have to clean like crazy and do a bunch of stuff around the house, but that's so hard because every time I clean up a mess another one is made.

Tomorrow I have to make homemade yeast rolls, assemble my apple cranberry stuffing, make ALL of my appetizer trays (cheese and crackers with sausage and pepperoni, stuffed mushrooms, veggies and homemade dip, pickle/olive tray), set up the tables, peel lots of potatoes, make sweet potato casserole, etc,etc, etc... CRAZY! I'm thinking that I'm not going to be seeing much of the parade tomorrow but it's okay. I love to entertain and I'm so very excited! I'm also excited that John and I won't have to leave the house at all tomorrow and that we don't have to hop from relative to relative. YAY! I'll miss my family but they're coming over for dessert after their dinner so I'll be able to see them a bit.

I'm so anxious about my turkey. What if it's raw? What if it's burnt? What if it's not done on time? YIKES! I love cooking and feel very comfortable in the kitchen but turkeys are a mystery to me, as this is my first one. Wish me luck!

Alrighty, everyone have a great Thanksgiving! I'll be on tomorrow to write my list of what I'm thankful for. I don't want to lose sight of that in the midst of my crazy schedule of planning for the holiday!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Daddy and Brookie's Sunday Tradition

Ever since John has been on this new shift we have really enjoyed having him around on Sunday mornings to go to Sunday School and church with us! It almost makes this shift worth it!

Anyways, I am on the worship team at church, which means that I have to be there at 8:15 on Sunday mornings. When John didn't come to church I would have to bring Brooke and my dad would watch her while I practiced, but there's a new "ritual" in our house now and it's absolutely precious... John and Brooke use that time to go to McDonald's for pancakes. It's their special thing that they do each week and Brooke seriously talks about it all the time! Last night I said to her, "Hey Brookie, where do you go on Sunday mornings?" She screamed, "Donald's pancakes!!" I said, "Who takes you?" To which she replied, "Daddy take you pancakes." She then started to clap her hands and say, "YAY! B's cited (excited)!" It was the most adorable thing ever!

After worship practice my sister drops me off at McDonald's to meet my little family. When I walk in I see my beautiful daughter and my amazing husband, who is the best daddy, and they're sitting there laughing and talking. It melts my heart to watch the two of them together and sometimes I don't want to interrupt their special one-on-one time because it means so much to both of them. They don't mind if I barge in though:-)

It's the silly things like McDonald's pancakes that mean the world to a toddler. Isn't that special how simple they are and how something so small could mean so much? I hope this Sunday morning tradition continues for the years to come because it is so cute!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Such A Loner

Sometimes I feel sad for Brooke because she prefers to be alone so much. I know it sounds weird because she's happy and that's just her preference much of the time, but I don't ever want her to not get the "grease" because she's not the "squeaky wheel." Do you know what I mean? Just because she doesn't demand attention (except from people she's SUPER comfortable with), doesn't mean that she doesn't need it.

For example, last night Brooke and I were invited over to eat dinner with some people from church. My parents were there with Nathan (because they were babysitting) and the couple was also watching their grandchild, who is a five-year-old little girl. The little girl set up her kid table and thought it would be fun to eat with Nathan and Brooke. I was thinking that it would be a HORRIBLE thing because Brooke would eat nothing and be up constantly, but she shocked the fire out of me and sat there the entire dinner and tons and tons of food. I was so proud of how well she did. Anyways, to get to my point, the two older kids got up and left Brooke and she was just sitting there eating her fish, totally unphased by the fact that the two kids left her. I, on the other hand, was heartbroken that she was sitting all alone, and ran over to join her. The whole rest of the night the other kids were running all over like crazy but Brooke was content to sit in the living room with her dolly and not join in on the fun with the other kids.

Today we were at Barnes and Noble so Brooke could enjoy the amazing area that they have for kids. Once we got there and saw that there were many other kids there, Brooke got really quiet and apprehensive about playing and it took some coaxing on my part to get her off of my leg! The other kids were running like wild animals and she was just happy to sit back and watch. When she finally started to play this one little girl kept taking Brooke's things from her and she just looked up at her with those big, blue eyes and said, "Here go!"

These are all cute stories, but because I'm such a type-A personality and am extremely outgoing, I have no idea what it feels like to be introverted or shy. John is the same as Brooke... He enjoys solitude and being alone sometimes. He's content to sit back and watch when he's in an unfamiliar situation. He has done great in life so I'm sure that Brooke will be just fine, even though she's reserved.

This also sounds weird, but I'm kind of concerned that baby #2 will be much more high maintenance than Brooke and command my attention more. Brooke was an easy, easy, EASY baby so I think I have it coming. Regardless, I never want my special little princess to be lost in the shuffle because she's so happy to be alone.

I realize my kid is only 21-months-old and I'm already worried about silly things like this. Everyone can laugh now! Lol! I just care so much about her and I never, ever want to think about her being sad. Something tells me that it's not going to get any easier...

Friday, November 21, 2008

The Sweet Sound of a Heartbeat

I had my 12-week doctor appointment today and everything went great! I was a little anxious just because of the problems I had in the beginning of the pregnancy, but everything checked out perfectly! I was so nervous that the doctor would have a hard time finding the baby's heartbeat and that I would then panic, but much to my reassurance he found it right away... On the first place he tried, at that!! He or she has a heart rate somewhere in the 160's and hearing it was the most beautiful sound in the world. It never gets old, does it?

In other news, I have a non-sleeping toddler on my hands today. Brooke never gives me any trouble whatsoever about nap time or bedtime, but today, she screamed on and off throughout her nap (after falling asleep after 20 minutes of moaning and fussing) and tonight she screamed for 15 minutes or so before going to sleep. This is so not like her! I'm not quick to blame it on an ear infection or anything because she's not running a fever (and she always runs a high fever with ear infections). She did just get over a little cold though so there's a possibility. I'm going to see how she does tonight and then decide what to do with her in the morning.

The gosh darned furniture man was a no show again today. Isn't that ridiculous? UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!! He told me that he would be by at some point today and he didn't so much as give me a phone call. Who REALLY runs business like that? It's a family run business so it's not like I can go over his head and run to upper management or something because that's HIM. This place has been in business for 30 years and I just don't see how they've managed to be successful with this type of customer service. You bette believe he'll be getting a piece of my mind tomorrow.

Alrighty, only a couple of hours before John comes home. YAY! I'm off to clean up this messy house.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

It's Always Something

I think that Murphy's Law was made for ME... "If something can go wrong, it will!" I love my life, but it's filled with so many chaotic inconveniences that sometimes I get discouraged. Let me demonstrate my point with my two latest crises:

*So, the new appliances are here! Let me just say... I LOVE my stove. It makes my kitchen look brand new and the fresh stove really brightens up the whole room. It also cooks great, which is obviously the most important thing. In addition, I love my new micro-hood, however, after my father-in-law and dad spent hours putting it up, I determined that it was too close to the stove and it looked stupid. Ugh:-( I wanted to cry. I had my mother-in-law and mom consoling me that "it looks nice from far away." Yeah... Not what I wanted to hear. It's also ridiculous because to use the knobs on my stove I practically have to bend myself in half and look under the micro-hood to see my controls in plain view. So, after convincing myself that I loved it and would live with it, my father-in-law told me that he would come (when he gets a free day) and move ALL of my cabinets up so he can move the micro-hood up. That's going to be so much work for him but he offered. I seriously owe him my life!

*My brand new (well, as of April) dining room table is now RUINED... Temporarily, at least. I was going to put a hot, hot casserole dish of manicotti on the table so I first put down a cloth, then a trivet, and lastly, I set my dish on top of them. Seems like a totally okay thing to do to a table, right? WRONG! When I removed the towel I found a huge, inconspicuous spot in the middle of my table where the varnish was completely stripped off. It looks AWFUL and I seriously can't even believe that that happened when I didn't put direct heat on the table. I am furious about this. So I called the furniture store and the guy was supposed to come over today to let me know if they would be fixing the table or replacing it never showed. I literally wasted my day waiting for him. Just my luck! He called me at like 5:30 to tell me that he would be by tomorrow, to which I told him that he would have to work solely around my schedule because I had given up enough of my time for his poor customer service already. How annoying and RUDE!

It's one thing after another with me! Both of those incidents happened on the same day so I was pretty upset that night, but I'm realizing that they're both materialistic things that I can't take to heaven so I should just stop stressing!!! It's hard when you take so much pride in your home, though, because you want everything to be perfect and nothing can be.

In other news, John had yesterday and today off and we have really been enjoying our time together... As always! Today we made lots and lots of amazing Christmas cookies together and had a nice dinner in. Brooke has been great and her attitude and behavior has improved greatly since those few horrible days last week. Either 1) she's truly learning how to behave appropriately, 2) she's putting on a show because daddy's home, or 3) last week was just an off week. We'll see!

Alrighty, I'm off to enjoy my wonderful husband:-) I so love having him home!!!!!

Monday, November 17, 2008

New Appliances!!!!!!!!

I am so extremely excited! My birthday is December 2Nd and John's is the 9Th, so for a joint birthday/Christmas present for John and me, my parents bought us a beautiful new stove and micro-hood to match. I knew that we would be getting these items eventually, but what I didn't realize is that I would have my new appliances by TOMORROW!!!!!!!!! I can hardly wait!

I am cooking Thanksgiving for 20 people and I had no clue how I would do it in my nasty old oven. It badly needed to be replaced because it was stone-age and it didn't work too well. The worst part about it was that one of the burners was crooked so every time I cooked on it my pans would keep falling off. It was great fun, let me tell ya! Anyways, I think my parents kind of sensed that I needed something reliable and nice for the huge endeavor of cooking Thanksgiving dinner, so they ordered my appliances early. Thanks mom and dad!

We were going to go with stainless steel appliances but I did NOT want to spend the next 15 years of my life cleaning up finger prints, so we ultimately ended up sticking with white appliances. I think that's for the best. Our fridge is white so it won't stick out like a sore thumb this way... Although, we want to get a new fridge in the near future anyways so it wasn't the biggest part of our decision.

Right now I have my microwave on a cart and I'm going to be so happy to have a nice fancy micro-hood so I can get rid of that cart once and for all. I can't wait to see how much nicer my kitchen looks after the new appliances are installed tomorrow!

John's in Buffalo right now watching the Bills/Browns game with his brother and friend from work. They got amazing seats so I'm so excited for him! I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that the Bill's win so John doesn't come home broken hearted. Lol! The game starts at 8:30 and it's a 4 hour drive home from Buffalo, so I don't imagine John will be home much before 4 or 5 in the morning. He has to work tomorrow afternoon too so it will be a long couple of days for me as I won't be seeing much of my husband.

Alrighty, I'm off to watch the game. Maybe I'll see John on TV if I'm lucky? Yeah right!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Terrible Two's????

Happy 21-month birthday, Brookie girl! Wow... 3 short months and my girl will be 2! Unbelievable! Where in the world did the time go?

I sit here with tears in my eyes because of the rough day we had... Yes, again. When I look at Brooke I see the pride of my life, the person I love with all of my heart, and this precious little baby who I live to take care of. However, lately, she's been so miserable and defiant so we've had to do a lot more spankings, time-outs, and other disciplinary measures. All of this is tearing me apart. Granted, she's generally a happy kid with a wonderful personality, but she has moments throughout the day where she becomes extremely willful and blatantly disobedient. It wouldn't be as bad, but once Brooke gets in one of these moods, it takes us about 20 minutes (at least) to get her back. Every spanking or smack of the hand that I inflict upon her is so painful for me and it kills me to know that this is just the very beginning of what it's like to raise a child properly.

I'm used to having a very compliant, happy-go-lucky toddler and this sudden stage of defiance has really taken me by storm. It was hard because Brooke woke up from her nap a complete monster and after 3 spanking and time in the corner, I thought that our rough patch of the day was behind us.... But, we went off to the grocery store for a few things, the child downright refused to sit in the cart and screamed hysterically when I tried to make her. This took a trip to the restroom for a spanking and it broke my heart to have to do that. Brooke is rarely misbehaved when we're in public... If she's going to act up, 95% of the time it's at home, for some reason. The whole incident at the store today was so hard on me, especially because John wasn't there.

I am so blessed to be Brooke's mom. I am. There's no denying that. I realize that she is God's child, not mine, and that I need to constantly be seeking Him for wisdom and strength the be the best parent I can be, but on days like this I just feel so discouraged. I try so hard to be a patient, loving mom yet I feel like a failure when I can't get Brooke to comply. I know that this is probably the song of every toddler's mom so I'll bank on the fact that this is normal?!!?? I'm already crying now... Can you imagine when she's a teenager? YIKES!

Friday, November 14, 2008

Breastfeeding at its WORST!

You know me, I'm the biggest "lactivist" on the face of the planet! Nursing is a beautiful, amazing, special thing and that's not even to mention to health benefits for baby and mommy. I so loved the 20+ months of breastfeeding that I shared with Brooke and eagerly await the nursing relationship that I'll have with baby #2!

I breastfed Brooke virtually everywhere... Restaurants, church, the mall, that old familiar bench in the middle of Wal Mart, in the car, on the ocean, in an airplane, at the park, etc... You name a place and I've probably nursed my baby there! I feel like breastfeeding mothers should have every bit as much of a right to feed their babies as formula-feeding mothers. Plain and simple. As much as I feel this way, I do also think that being discrete and modest is a HUGE part of breastfeeding in public. It's not hard these days because they make wonderful things like Bebe Au Lait's and it's a great compromise for those who want to nurse in public yet maintain a level of privacy.

Anyways, I saw this lady at the mall today with her five-year-old daughter, who was running all over creation, and her 6-month-old baby, who she was carrying in a sling. As it turns out, the lady ran a kiosk in the mall while caring for the kids. I was taking Brooke on some rides at the mall near this lady's kiosk so she came over and talked to me for a bit. She seemed really nice but maybe "eccentric" would be a nice way of calling her a hippy here! Lol! Anyways, she wandered back over to her little store in the middle of the mall (while her daughter, mind you, continued to follow me everywhere). The next thing I know, the lady has her shirt completely up with her breast exposed and she's feeding her baby while doing business with a customer!!!! I looked at her and seriously could not believe my eyes. Any person walking by could have seen her breasts and I do NOT think that's appropriate! Can you imagine walking through the mall with your young son and having to have that awkward moment with him? Even worse, what about a young girl (or even a girl my age... or ANY age) with her father. I think that people who breastfeed like that give people who modestly breastfeed, like my friends and me, a horrible name. It perverts something that is so beautiful and special.

In all fairness to this lady, I admire that she breastfeeds her baby and that she doesn't let the norms of society dictate where or how she can nurse, but for goodness sakes, cover up!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

First Trimester Blues

I just want to preface this entire post by saying that I LOVE being pregnant and consider it a true blessing and privilege to carry a life for 9 months. There's nothing like it! It's worth the heartburn, weight gain, exhaustion, nausea, constant peeing, uncomfortable nights when you get big, itchy belly, etc...

Even though I adore being pregnant, I'm feeling really down on my body lately. I totally remember feeling this way with Brooke when I started to out-grow some of my clothes and so I know that this is normal, but still. Right now my perception of my body is causing me to struggle really bad with my self-image because I'm only 11 weeks along, yet my pants are starting to get tight. I can still zip my non-maternity pants and squeeze into them but it's not comfortable and I feel squished the whole day. It's also hard because my C-Section incision has felt really itchy and extremely sensitive lately and having the snug pants so tight up against it drives me up a wall! Another issue I have is that the only maternity pants that I have in petite sizes (remember, I'm short) are full panel pants and I certainly don't need those yet! I only discovered Old Navy's petite maternity jeans when I was about 8-months pregnant with Brooke, so I never bought adjustable waist pants for early pregnancy with her, which is why I have NONE. Old Navy is having sale so I'm going to buy a few pairs of jeans and dress pants and I'm hoping that that will help my struggles some.

I just feel so stupid for needing adjustable waist pants at 11 weeks. Goodness, I'm not even in the 2Nd trimester and I'm already talking maternity clothes here. I know that it's normal to show earlier with subsequent pregnancies and with Brooke I started to get a little belly around 13 weeks, so this isn't THAT early, but mentally I feel like I'm just turning into some big fat cow. Once I have a real belly I'll enjoy it and love it, but until then, I think I might just stop looking at myself in the mirror!

On top of my ever-growing-waistline, I have zits on my face now too. ZITS! I never, ever break out (unless, of course, I'm pregnant). I have this huge pimple on my chin and several other blemishes scattered across my face. I'm not one to fuss over makeup and such... Usually I apply it in the morning and maybe touch up my blush in the afternoon. Lately, however, I've felt the need to constantly keep my face touched up because it's embarrassing to look like this. Again, I know that this is just part of it but it's hard for me to feel beautiful!

Bottom line: It's scary to see your body changing so much, even though you know it's normal. I was just starting to feel pretty good about my appearance after Brooke's birth and then I got pregnant. I'm THRILLED to be pregnant and I repeat.... It's so worth it! I just wish that I would stop battling myself and realize that this is only a minor, temporary feeling and that soon it will be a distant memory!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

A Tough Day at the Office

Wow, let me just be brutally honest and say that today was one of those days when I wished that I was really at "the office." People in the workforce get 1) lunch breaks, 2) restroom breaks (by themselves that is) and 3) they get off sometime around 5 or so. Unfortunately in this career of motherhood, though, we are always on the clock, regardless of any conditions that make our job less favorable or desirable. We mommies are warriors because we withstand the most difficult work situations possible!

If you haven't gathered by now, Brooke was an absolute terror today and I'm not sure why. She bucked me on all points today and was willful at every turn. Here are some lovely examples for your enjoyment (Ha... notice how I said your enjoyment!):

*This morning Brooke woke up and immediately asked for cereal. I said, "Okay, but let's get your diaper changed first." She then went over to her diapers, threw them everywhere and said, "No diaper change. CEREAL!" She then threw herself on the ground and kicked and screamed until I dealt with the situation. Nice "good morning" greeting for me, huh?

*During breakfast Brooke refused to sit, despite being in her highchair. She kept trying to wrangle her way out and whenever John or I told her to sit she would scream, "Brookie no sit!" Anyways, it's a rule in our house that she has to sit at the table until everyone is done (regardless of the meal or who's over) and so we enforced that. Finally we were all done with breakfast and we took Brooke out, only for her to get on the floor and scream, "BACK HIGHCHAIR!"

*I took Brooke upstairs so I could get dressed and after I was done I said, "Come on Brookie, let's go down stairs." Again, my drama queen toddler threw herself on the floor and yelled, "Brookie stay here." Long story short, it took 3 separate spankings (Real deal spankings... No slapping of the hand) followed by 3 prayers to get Brooke to 1) say sorry and 2) comply with me about going downstairs. It was HORRIBLE. I felt like I was talking to the wall and it truly broke my heart to have to spank my girl. I do it because I love her though....

*While I was brushing my teeth Brooke came in the bathroom with a bow and said, "Do hair." I said, with gobs of toothpaste in my mouth, "In a second baby." Of course she freaked out and threw a massive temper tantrum because I couldn't tend to her immediately.

*We had to run some errands and so I went to put Brooke's brown shoes on. She took them out of my hands, threw them and said, "Brown shoes yucky. Wear Nike's." I choose to pick my battles with my raging toddler so I wasn't going to make a big deal out of which shoes she wore, but I did care how she asked me for Nike's. I told her to ask mommy nicely and she refused to do that so we left the house with her wearing the "yucky brown shoes." Me oh my!

I could go on and on and on and on... Lunch was a nightmare, she was unhappy after her nap and freaked out any time I left the room, she had a fit during dinner tonight, etc, etc, etc... I think you get the point: Brooke was an absolutely miserable, grumpy girl today and it was VERY trying!

Though the day was very long, we had a wonderful finale to our day with a relaxing bath and then about an hour's worth of quality, happy time spent together before Brooke eagerly went to bed. God is so good like that though because He always gives me something amazing about motherhood each day to hold onto, which keeps me eagerly coming back for more each and every day!

Maybe my life would be easier if I went to the office every day, but ya know, the joy and satisfaction of being a mother is far superior than any other calling out there and each day that I spend with Brooke is a treasure. I have faith that tomorrow will be a better day and if for some reason it's not, God will give me the grace to get through!

Monday, November 10, 2008

My Wishful Thinking Got Me NOWHERE!

That whole concept of "wishing myself to be not sick" really backfired. Not only did I get the dreaded bug, but I also got a worse version of it than John and Brooke. Starting at 5:30 Sunday morning the throwing up started and I threw up at least every other hour until 1 this morning. It was a LIVING nightmare. Ugh!

I just want to say how thankful I am for my family though! First of all, John is the most amazing, attentive husband ever and he takes wonderful care of me. He's the kind of guy who will hold my hair back when I puke and dote all over me to encourage me. He's the BEST! Man, I love him so much:-) Unfortunately, though, John had to go to work yesterday afternoon, which would have left me alone with Brooke. My parents thankfully bailed me out by picking Brooke up before John left and taking amazing care of her. She ended up sleeping over at their house because I was still really sick and John wasn't yet home. She apparently had a blast and slept like a little angel for them. It's always nice to know that there's someone out there who loves your baby almost as much as you do!

I woke up at about 8 this morning and only had some lingering nausea and a whopping headache. I felt like I had been hit by a train, but that's an improvement from yesterday when I felt I would have been better off dead!! Lol! John and I went to pick up my Brookie from my parents which helped me get moving and back into the swing of things. I forced myself into eating a few bites of a sandwich for lunch and that was the key to my recovery. Now I finally have a little bit of energy and feel MUCH better!

Hopefully my family stays nice and healthy for a good, long while. These bugs sure know how to take a toll on people!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Sicko's

These past few days have been a real blast, let me tell ya. Yesterday morning John woke up throwing up with a stomach bug so he was sick and tired all day. Then at about 3:30 yesterday afternoon Brooke also started throwing up... Out of nowhere! It was the weirdest thing. I was literally drenched in Brooke's vomit, but somehow when you're a mom that's not so bad. Crazy. Anyways, she threw up a total of three times but then went to bed at around 8:45, only to sleep through the night. She woke up at 6 this morning, but then laid on my chest until 9:30 and slept soundly. This morning John and Brooke were back to their normal selves. Weird, huh?

Today has been a really good day.... We've managed to get out of the house and keep busy. Brooke, apart from being a little bit sleepy, is doing really well today and has been eating everything in sight. I am so thankful that this bug was a short one because having a baby with a stomach bug is the absolute pits. I don't think I can think of anything worse!

Ya know, it's funny... I obviously hate when Brookie is sick, but it's at these times that I feel like the best mom. I love nursing her back to health and being the one who knows what is best for her. She's also very snuggling and affectionate when she's sick and I love that time when she's so extremely reliant on me to hold her and cuddle with her. Last night we laid on the couch for hours just singing, reading stories, saying prayers, and loving on one another. If only the interruptions for throw up weren't in the middle of all that, it would have been the perfect night!

As for me, I'm feeling VERY sleepy and queasy myself, but I'm determined not to catch this nasty bug. I think (or hope!) that I can will myself into not getting it, but something tells me that I'm very silly for believing that. Lol! I cannot get sick because I have way too many responsibilities (especially on Sundays) to be ill.

I hope all of you stay healthy! I know this bug is circulating. Yucky!

Friday, November 7, 2008

A Different Kind of Night

Every night since John has been on the evening shift (the 1St of October) I have been occupying myself by keeping Brooke and me out of the house. We have had countless dinner invitations from friends and family and every single night we have accepted these gracious offers. However, last night I was invited over to my sister's house for dinner and you know what I said? "No, thanks!" I couldn't believe my ears because I'm the type who NEEDS people around and the thought of staying home by myself for the entire night kills me, but last night I just thought it would be nice to be home for a change. I'll admit, I almost called my sister back and told her that I changed my mind, but I decided that Brooke would enjoy being home and that it would be a nice change of pace. Let me tell you... We ended up having the nicest night!!

First we played with toys and cleaned up the house and then I made us a nice dinner. We ran out after dinner to get some things we needed to make John's dinner and when we came home we baked, cooked John's dinner, and then spent time with John from 7-7:30. After that it was bath time, snuggle time, story time, prayer time, and then bedtime for Brooke. The night went by surprisingly fast! The best part was when I put Brooke down for bed I had NO housework to do because I had already done it earlier in the night. Imagine that! I watched some good TV shows, did my devotionals, and then John was home right after 11! It went VERY smooth!

I'm not saying that I'm going to never go out while John's working, but I do think that I learned a valuable lesson last night... This is my home and being here, whether I'm alone or not, is a wonderful thing. Brooke and I also had a great time with one another and I think we both laughed hysterically for the entire night!

John's off tonight and tomorrow night so I really look forward to spending some quality time with him. His days off are always the best!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Working on my Attitude

I'm not going to lie... I have really, really struggled with the fact that Obama was elected as our president. When I look at that man I see a liberal, crowd-pleasing man who does not value or share my beliefs. However, when I saw John McCain, I didn't see the most Biblical or a perfect person, but I thought that his heroism, wisdom, and conservatism, plus his pro-choice stance, made him a wonderful candidate to be our nation's next president. The thought of being a citizen in a country where McCain was my president evoked a strong sense of pride and patriotism in me. In addition, I adored Sarah Palin and I simply could not get enough of her because she seemed so classy and educated, yet she was a plain old hockey mom. I thought she would have been a very charismatic and hard-working vice president. Now that this whole election process is over and the results were not in "my favor," I'm feeling kind of defeated.

I'm worried for our nation's future.... We have pulled so far away from God as it is, and I can't imagine what a non-Godly, liberal president will do. What scares me the most is that Obama is not supportive of Israel, God's chosen people. The USA has always supported Israel and I think that's why God's hand has remained on us... I fear what the repercussions will be of our country NOT supporting Israel. I'm also worried about gay rights, abortion, the economy, our coal industry, etc... I could go on and on about the things that frighten me. Really and truly, I could.

I was really touched tonight, though, when I was talking to Luke (my brother-and-law) and Patty (my mother-in-law) about these things. Luke reminded me that nobody but nobody comes into power with God ordaining it. God is not surprised, He is not shaken, and He is not moved. Why? Because He willed this to happen. Luke told me to meditate on that and to thank God for being the sovereign, in-control God that He is. As for Patty, she encouraged me to pray for Obama. Pray for Obama? That's something that I never really considered, sadly. Patty said, and I agree, that we cannot put it past God to change Obama's heart. I am going to commit to praying for him every single day and I hope that many other Christian's join me in this!

Whenever I start to let my attitude deteriorate or think negative thoughts, I'm going to remind myself of God's perfect plan and the promises in His word. After all, it's better than complaining and worrying, right?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I'm HIGHLY Disturbed

I SERIOUSLY CANNOT BELIEVE THAT OUR COUNTY ELECTED A MORONIC LIBERAL TO BE OUR PRESIDENT FOR THE NEXT 4 YEARS. I THINK I MIGHT CRY:-( I WISH THIS WAS JUST A BAD DREAM! EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO THROW UP NOW....

Monday, November 3, 2008

Is This Normal?

Brooke seriously cracks me up! I don't understand what her deal is lately because she's now mispronouncing words that's she's properly pronounced for months. Here are some examples...

*Now instead of saying, "kisses," Brooke says "pisses." Lol! She walks up to people and says, "Blow piss." I suppose there are worse 4-letter-words, but still! She also substitutes "p" for the "c" sound in "coming," which she now pronounces "poming"

*She now says "bammy" instead of "Grammy," or "bampy," instead of "Grampy."

In addition to saying things differently, Brooke has also started to stutter a little bit too. I notice it a lot when she's excited, which helps me not get too concerned, but it's still weird because it's from out of nowhere. She's always been able to speak very well without getting flustered, so this is totally foreign to me. I said to her the other day, "Do you want to go to Nathan's house" She got very excited and said, "G-g-go Na-na-Nathan's house." It's little instances like that where I noticed this stuttering problem the most.

I'm reassured by the fact that Brooke can, with the exception of very few things, say anything she wants. She can articulate if she's hurt, hungry, thirsty, tired, etc... She also speaks in complete sentences and enunciates her words like a champ. On top of all of that, she's constantly learning to say new words and understand their meanings.

I guess what has me concerned is that I feel like we've backtracked... Why would she start to mix up words now, out of the blue? When that came along with the stuttering, I thought immediately, "Oh no! It's neurological." Lol! I always jump off the deep end first. I've done some research though and from what I've heard it seems pretty normal for kids to start to stutter and get confused a little at this age because they are learning so much so quickly.

Has anyone else dealt with these types of speech issues? While it's cute, it kind of makes me nervous that everything isn't okay!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Trick-or-Treat!

We had a wonderful night taking Brooke trick-or-treating! John unfortunately had to work but his parents came over and helped me out. First I took Brooke out with John's dad for a bit while Patty stayed behind and passed out candy at our house for us. Then John came home for his dinner and Brooke helped him pass out candy for about half and hour. After that she went back out trick-or-treating with John's parents while I passed out candy to our 150 trick-or-treaters. Brooke came home with TONS of candy and she was so wired from all of the sugar. Lol! Some things in life are just worth it though:-) You should have seen the sparkle in her eyes and how giddy and silly she was. She was seriously running into the walls and cracking up hysterically over everything. I found myself laughing pretty hard too!

These pictures tell it all! Enjoy....

My little Buffalo Bill's cheerleader

Just look at those blue eyes!

Strutting her stuff!

Brookie and mommy

Brooke with her grandpa

Scoping out her massive stash of candy

Enjoying the fruits of her labor!

Just look at how sticky those hands are...


It's almost 9 and I FINALLY got her settled down and ready for bed. It took some effort on my part but now my little princess is sleeping soundly. I think I'll go watch a Christmas movie now. Fun times!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My Musical Baby

Brooke sings the most precious songs and it seriously melts my heart every time! A couple of weeks ago she was really into There's Just Something About that Name, but now it's Jesus Loves Me. All throughout the day she says, "Mommy, sing Bible tells me so." Lol! So of course we sing it constantly. This is her rendition...

Jesus loves me, know.
For Bible tells me so.
Him belong,
Weak but strong,
Yes, Jesus loves Brooke.
Yes, Jesus loves Brooke.
For Bible tells me so.


I'm telling you, each and every passing day this song sounds more and more like the real thing. It's so amazing to hear it! Listening to Brooke's little raspy voice sing is the most adorable thing ever!

Another song that Brooke has been singing lately is Happy Birthday. It's weird because her obsession for the song came out of nowhere. She'll be sitting in the middle of the room and sing, "Happy Birthday to you, Mommy." She usually inserts the name of the person in the room. Lol! Sometimes she'll sing one phrase for each person or object in the room... This morning she sang happy birthday to Lamby and to oatmeal. It's hilarious! We've been talking a lot about Christmas so I told Brooke that it was almost Jesus' birthday so now she's really into singing Happy Birthday to Jesus. Too cute:-)

At church one night we were singing I've Got the Joy, and since then Nathan has been super into it. It's hilarious (and extremely cute!) when he sings it, too. I guess Brooke caught on because on the way home from church tonight, this is what I heard in the backseat....

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy, joy, joy (and so on and so forth!)
I'm so happy!


Way to go, Nathan, for teaching your cousin something so special! I think it's really sweet that she picked up on it.

I know how happy I get when I hear Brooke and Nathan singing songs to Jesus, but I can't even imagine the joy that He must get in heaven when He hears little toddlers singing praises to Him. I imagine that that it has to be some of the sweetest music to His ears. These kiddos are so impressionable and they're like sponges... It's so amazing to see when they are picking up good things, in a world full of so many "bads." I so look forward to more songs in the future!!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

I would like to share a classic "Jillian moment" because it's so typical of me. It's quite hilarious to me, but to other characters of the story, I'm not sure how funny it really is. Enjoy....

Today we took Brookie to Barnes and Noble to play in the kids' area. We LOVE going there because it really stimulates Brooke and there are lots of fun things to play with. While we were there a little girl, who I found out was 26-months-old, joined us with her mommy and her older brother. The mom and I got into a conversation so John wandered off to find sometime to read. He came back with 60,000 Baby Names. We were looking for different ways to spell "Adrienne" so we began to flip through the book. John got to the page with all the different variations of our beloved name that we've chosen (IF it's a girl) and he stumbled across the name "Adrianna." He said, "Hey honey, what do you think about Adrianna?" I said, in my less-than-tactful way, "YUCK! That just sounds stupid. It's taking 'Adrienne' one step too far." The mother of the fellow toddler that Brooke was playing with looked over at me and said, "Well that's my daughter's name and WE really love it." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I wanted to hide underarock!!!!! Do things like this happen to the rest of the world... Or just ME?

Minutes later the lady took her two kids to the bathroom. She looked over at me and said, "We'll be right back." However, I took that opportunity to high-tail it out of Barnes and Noble. I even bribed Brooke with a cookie from the Starbucks shop in the front of the store to prevent any opposition from her. I didn't want to confront the lady who I just insulted. Lol! Would you???!?!?!?!?

I got to thinking, though.... I love the name Brooke. John and I thought long and hard about what to name our princess and when we came up with the name, it didn't matter to us what anyone in the universe thought of it. So, similarly, why in the world would this lady care about what I, a totally ignorant stranger, thought of her daughter's name? Let's hope she thinks like me!

The moral of the story is... Think before you speak! Lol! I've always been guilty of saying exactly what I think and not really giving it too much forethought (though I can say that I've gotten better with age). This is ust another example of how I should sometimes bite my tongue and bite it hard!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Losing My Identity

My mom and sister took Brooke to the children's museum in Rochester today. They left yesterday afternoon, spent the night, and then headed out to the museum. I seriously couldn't wait for the moment when we were reunited, which was around 4 this afternoon. I did nothing but miss her for the entire 24 hour period and she was all that I could think about.

John had to work last night so it's not like we could even do anything romantic or fun together while Brooke was away so I ended up going out with my friend, Elaine, from church. We went to The Outback for some awesome steaks and then we did some shopping. I found myself thinking and talking only about Brooke. We could be discussing something and Brooke's name or a cute Brooke story would come up out of nowhere. Elaine has a 10-month-old little boy, so she knows what it's like, but who really wants to listen to someone carry on and on about their kid all night? Lol! I'm afraid that I'm turning into one of those mothers.

This morning John and I slept in until 10 and we woke up to the most beautiful rain ever. We laid around in our PJ's watching scary Halloween movies on the TV together. It was the perfect, romantic morning... Except, we just missed Brooke the whole time:-( I felt so lost without her. It was NOT the same watching TV without playing with blocks!

After John went to work I ran some errands and missed the presence of my princess as I was driving and shopping. The extra work of toting her and all of her stuff around is so worth it just to have her precious little smile beaming up at me or to hear that little raspy voice of hers. She just melts my heart so much!

Motherhood is a wonderful thing, but sometimes it scares me how much it has stolen my true identity. Do you know what I mean? I often feel that I'm nobody or that I do nothing important... unless I'm Brooke's mom. She is my total purpose and my life revolves around her and meeting her needs. I often forget that for the first 21 years of my life that I had other interests and purposes other than Brooke. Isn't that hard to believe? I used to work at a job that I loved (even though to many people it was stupid), have hobbies (such as acting, playing the piano, going out with friends), and be able to communicate about myself or my feelings without thinking of someone else. Never again, for the rest of my life, will I be able to be selfish again.

I love my life, but it's crazy to me to think that life can never go on as it was pre-baby. I am forever changed and the funny thing is that's okay:-) I truly feel like God created me just to be a mommy and there is no greater satisfaction than knowing that I'm accomplishing His will for my life by raising Brooke.

Friday, October 24, 2008

The BIG Appointment

It's with great joy and excitement that I inform you that our baby is doing great!!! He or she has a strong and healthy heartbeat and it was music to my ears to hear it! According to my ultrasound I'm 8 weeks, 6 days, but we're going to go by my LMP date, which makes me 8 weeks, 1 day and gives me a due date of June 4th! That will be such a nice time of year to have a baby. I can't wait:-)

I have the strongest sense (like I did with Brooke) that we're having another little girl. In fact, I just know we are. Every time I pray for the baby I always seem to naturally refer to it as a her. I seriously will fall off the table at my 20-week ultrasound if they tell me we're having a boy because I'm so prepared for another little girl. Don't get me wrong... I would love to have a little boy, I just don't think that I am. If my suspicions are right, our baby's name will be Adrian Reese and I've been mentioning that name an awful lot lately because I am so positive. I'll look pretty silly if it's a boy! Lol!

The doctor talk to me at length about my desire for a VBAC. I told him that I knew we had time to talk about it because I still have 32 weeks to go, but it's something that I think about a lot. He told me that he will support me in a VBAC if it's something I want to do, but he thinks that my best option will be for an elective C-Section. He said that I am not an ideal VBAC candidate and that he's afraid that I'll end up laboring and pushing to have a C-Section anyways. It's hard for me to accept that an educated doctor doesn't think that I can physically do it, but it's something I have to work through. If we do end up electing to have a C-Section, he said that we'll end up delivering the baby at the end of May. That's a lot to think about...

Okay, I'm going to go relax with John before he goes to work. I just wanted to share our happy news with everyone:-)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Feeling Kind of Anxious...

Tomorrow is my appointment with my OBGYN. If we hadn't have had the hiccup in the road last week then it would have been our first check-up for the baby. Part of me feels glad that the scare happened because as a result of that we've already seen the baby's heartbeat and had our first ultrasound. On the other hand, however, the spotting that I had has made me feel kind of neurotic about things. I obsess over my symptoms... If I'm cramping (or not cramping), if I'm not throwing up as much as I think I should be, if I have other distinct pregnancy symptoms, etc... I seriously over-analyze everything because I'm so anxious about losing this baby. I hate it because I know this is wrong!

I would like to say that tomorrow will "fix" all of my worrying problems and that I'll instantaneously have every little worry stripped away from me, but I'm pretty sure that I'll come up with new worries. I hate how I do this to myself. The Bible says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in all things prayers and petitions." If I trust the Bible and believe it to be absolute truth (which I definitely do!), then why am I continually plagued with worry? I'll admit, pregnancy is a very scary thing at first because there are so many unknowns, but that does NOT mean that God can't handle it. Gosh, Jillian, let itgo! I'm working on that...

I'm thankful that my appointment is at 9 tomorrow so I'll have it out of the way first thing in the morning. That will leave me less time to stew over the possibilities of what could be wrong. My mind likes to wander away from me while waiting! Please be praying for me tomorrow. I'll update as soon as I possibly can!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I Love My Husband:-)

I just want to take a minute and brag on my wonderful husband. A girl can do that from time to time, right?? Anyways, this is why I am extra appreciative of him today...

This afternoon we were really busy running errands and Brooke fell asleep on the way home... NOT GOOD. I was feeling very sleepy and looking forward to my nap, but I knew that she would wake up as soon as we got home. This is a new phase that she's been going through lately and it's VERY frustrating. Anyways, just as I predicted, she wouldn't go back to sleep and I was so extremely spent so John sent me to bed. Hey, I wasn't going to argue with him! I reluctantly went upstairs (feeling kind of guilty) and I told him to wake me after a half an hour, but of course he didn't listen. I woke up 2 hours later from the most restful, amazing nap that I've had in a long time. It was heaven sent!!

That was incredibly sweet of John and all, but what really made me smile was the amount of fun he and Brookie were having when I woke up. I swear to you... Every single toy that we own (and we have A LOT!) was either on or in use. I don't think I've ever heard so many toys going off at the same time:-) On top of that, the two of them were reading books, wrestling, and laughing hysterically. They enjoy each other when I'm awake too, but sometimes it's nice for them to have a couple of hours of one-on-one time with one another. It was a priceless scene that put a huge smile on my face!

When I tried to join in on all of the action Brooke was NOT having it. It was clear that she and daddy were having far too much fun and I was crashing the party. For the rest of the afternoon she was glued to John's hip and he had to do everything for her. I hate to admit it, but she really is a daddy's girl. I've pretty much known that since the first few hours of her life.

John was so happy that I got a nap and that made me feel good because I tend to beat myself up for taking time for myself. I always try so hard to be "super mom" and in my silly mind, "super mom" certainly doesn't need abundant amounts of rest. Lol

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful and helpful husband. It's like he lives to please me and help me as much as he can. I know I've said it before, but I seriously don't get how single moms do it! My husband is my rock and my number one support system!

Well, John's off tonight so I'm going to enjoy a nice, relaxing movie night with him. Have I mentioned lately that I love that guy??!? :-)