My mom and sister took Brooke to the children's museum in Rochester today. They left yesterday afternoon, spent the night, and then headed out to the museum. I seriously couldn't wait for the moment when we were reunited, which was around 4 this afternoon. I did nothing but miss her for the entire 24 hour period and she was all that I could think about.
John had to work last night so it's not like we could even do anything romantic or fun together while Brooke was away so I ended up going out with my friend, Elaine, from church. We went to The Outback for some awesome steaks and then we did some shopping. I found myself thinking and talking only about Brooke. We could be discussing something and Brooke's name or a cute Brooke story would come up out of nowhere. Elaine has a 10-month-old little boy, so she knows what it's like, but who really wants to listen to someone carry on and on about their kid all night? Lol! I'm afraid that I'm turning into one of those mothers.
This morning John and I slept in until 10 and we woke up to the most beautiful rain ever. We laid around in our PJ's watching scary Halloween movies on the TV together. It was the perfect, romantic morning... Except, we just missed Brooke the whole time:-( I felt so lost without her. It was NOT the same watching TV without playing with blocks!
After John went to work I ran some errands and missed the presence of my princess as I was driving and shopping. The extra work of toting her and all of her stuff around is so worth it just to have her precious little smile beaming up at me or to hear that little raspy voice of hers. She just melts my heart so much!
Motherhood is a wonderful thing, but sometimes it scares me how much it has stolen my true identity. Do you know what I mean? I often feel that I'm nobody or that I do nothing important... unless I'm Brooke's mom. She is my total purpose and my life revolves around her and meeting her needs. I often forget that for the first 21 years of my life that I had other interests and purposes other than Brooke. Isn't that hard to believe? I used to work at a job that I loved (even though to many people it was stupid), have hobbies (such as acting, playing the piano, going out with friends), and be able to communicate about myself or my feelings without thinking of someone else. Never again, for the rest of my life, will I be able to be selfish again.
I love my life, but it's crazy to me to think that life can never go on as it was pre-baby. I am forever changed and the funny thing is that's okay:-) I truly feel like God created me just to be a mommy and there is no greater satisfaction than knowing that I'm accomplishing His will for my life by raising Brooke.
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