John started his new shift today. It was really hard because he hasn't worked since Monday night so I'm missing him HORRIBLY right now. This transition is going to be difficult in many aspects, but I'm really trying to have a positive attitude. It's not easy though...
I often wonder why God placed ME, of all people, with a cop. I love my husband dearly and I would marry him over and over again without thinking twice, but his job is so isolating at times and I'm the type of person that NEEDS to be with people constantly. I don't enjoy down time or solitude... I like to be going, doing, talking, laughing, etc... I look at other people who have normal schedules and it's hard for me not to envy the time that they have with their families. They don't have to spend nights, weekends, and holiday alone like we do. I can't even imagine that type of lifestyle. Through the mist of this all, I'm trying to discover what exactly God wants to teach me. Maybe he wants me to depend more on Him and less on John? I just don't know but I'm praying that God grants me peace as I try to live according to this new schedule.
Brooke and I had a VERY rough go of it tonight. We were in the car with my parents on the way to the mall and somehow Brooke got angry with me and smacked me on the face. Obviously that is NOT something we tolerate so I told her to say sorry. No lie, for about 20 minutes the child REFUSED to say it. She looked right at me in the eyes and said, "No sorry." I was shocked at her audacity. Every time she refused to say sorry I would smack her hand and finally she cracked and said sorry. I was crying by the time we were done because I was so hurt that I had to hurt her hand and it killed me that she was so blatantly disobedient. It was the most frustrating thing ever. Times like that really make me long for John...
Well, I'm off to go occupy myself. I guess I can mop my clean floor or iron John's outfit tomorrow. I'll figure something out, I'm sure.
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