Sunday, May 31, 2009

Emotional Roller Coaster

After I had Brooke I remember being highly emotional. I had a lot of very, very negative thoughts regarding her birth, the weather was dreary, and John was working a weird schedule. Though I was happy that she was a part of our lives, I still couldn't stop crying and feeling sad. I kind of thought that this time around would be more of the same, but luckily, I just get weepy from time-to-time and I'm not perpetually feeling down in the dumps.

It's hard because Brooke has been sick. She woke up this morning throwing up and seriously, she has probably had 15 diarrhea diapers all day. That alone is enough to make a person grow weary, let alone a woman who just had a baby five days ago. She has been sick since Adrienne has been here and that has made for a fussy toddler. It's breaking my heart because she really wants little to do with me and every time I try to help her, she screams for "daddy." Seeing her transfer all of her needs onto John has been a tough pill for me to swallow. I'm used to being the one who she look to for everything.

I'm also struggling because I'm so sore. I think that I'm doing well, considering that I had major abdominal surgery a few days ago, but it still hurts to get up and down and playing on the floor is highly uncomfortable. I want so desperately to take Brooke on walks in the wagon and run around with her outside, but I'm temporarily not capable of that. It's so difficult for me to not be able to enjoy Brooke to the fullest and it's also hard to not be able to carry on with my normal tasks around the house. Relying on others to do so much for me has really been hard.

I'm DYING to get out of this house. I'm the type that needs to be out and about but that has not been a possibility with Brooke being sick and me recovering. Tomorrow should be encouraging though because we are taking Adrienne to the doctor and Brooke for a haircut. I can't wait!

Another thing that I struggle with is looking at the future... I'm already thinking ahead to next week when John is at work and my mom is at work (She's taking off Thursday and Friday to be with me during John's first days back). I'm already wondering how I'll feel when I'm really on my own with these two girls. I wonder how I'll fill my time and how we'll ever get into a routine. I just wish that I could focus on today and not worry about down the road and how we'll make things work.

I hope that nobody who reads this thinks that I'm horribly depressed, because that couldn't be farther from the truth. I might have a touch of the Baby Blues, which is TOTALLY normal, but I seriously love my life and Miss Adrienne is the perfect addition to our family:-) I think it's just hard because Brooke and I have had pretty much the same routine for the past 27 months and now things are just being switched up a little. We'll get back to where we need to be though! And besides, nobody ever said that raising a family would be easy!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Welcome, Miss Adrienne Reese!!

We got home from the hospital around 11:30 today and it feels great to start living our lives as a family of 4! The original plan was to stay in the hospital until tomorrow but I really felt that I needed to be home for Brooke and worked very hard to get out of there today like I did.

As many of you may have heard, Adrienne was having difficulty breathing after her birth and they discovered that she had swallowed large amount of amniotic fluid. I saw her in the operating room for about 30 seconds, at best, and then they whisked her away from me quickly. Little did I know at the time, but I wouldn't be able to see her until about 5 that night. The first time we officially met she was attached to tubes and monitors and IV's and it was absolutely heartbreaking. It the polar opposite of what I wanted to be experiencing on the day of her birth. I held her briefly in the special care nursery but other than that, she wasn't allowed in our room and she wasn't able to nurse either:-( It was just awful! They also informed me that she would need to stay in the special care nursery overnight, which was the worst news I could have heard. I was eager to nurse her and love her but it was just NOT happening. Finally, at 9 or so, they brought me a pump so I could express a tiny bit of milk for her and I was able to give her a first taste of my milk through a medicine dropper.

Yesterday morning she was brought into our room at about 9:30 and it felt amazing to love her and be with her without all those tubes and machines attached! We stumbled through our first nursing session and it was a lot tougher than it was with Brooke because Adrienne had to go so long without depending on nursing for nutrients, due to the IV. We're both working hard at nursing now and I think she just might be getting the hang of it!

Adrienne weighed in at a whopping 8 pounds, 9 ounces and she was 20.5 inches long. She's really tiny though so it doesn't seem like she's a huge baby, even though that number is big. Her discharge weight was 8 pounds and they said that she lost a little extra weight because 1) they got rid of lots of fluid and 2) she didn't eat for the first day. She makes the sweetest noises and her cries really sound like a goat! Lol! I am absolutely in love with the newest addition to our family and I can't wait for the wonderful days ahead:-)

Brooke is doing great and adjusting well to being a big sister. Unfortunately she came down with the stomach bug and while we were in the hospital she was throwing up, running a fever, and having awful diarrhea. I was pretty emotional over that because I felt so torn about where I should be and who I should be taking care of. Luckily we're all reunited now and Brooke is doing remarkably better!

John has been absolutely AMAZING. He has to be the world's best husband and father, as he has taken on all the needs of our family completely upon himself. I have been sore and I obviously supposed to take it easy and he has allowed me to do absolutely nothing. This whole experience has deepened and intensified my love for him more than I ever thought possible.

As for me, I will elaborate more at another time, but the C-Section was horrible. Really, many of my fears came true and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. That, combined with Adrienne quickly leaving me in the operating room, made for a very emotional, trying process. I love my daughters so much and would love to have another baby one day, but the experience I had this time around truly makes me question if we'll have another one.

Anyways, I'm off to snuggle with my wonderful husband while Adrienne sleeps. It probably won't last long but I look forward to a few quiet minutes with my man!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Today Is THE Day!!

It's 5:30 and I'm just about ready to leave for the hospital to have my baby. I never thought the day would sneak up on us this fast! I had a HORRIBLE night's sleep last night... I didn't fall asleep until after midnight and then I was WIDE awake from 2-4. I kept singing the song (In my head, of course), "I Saw God Today." I thought I would share the lyrics with you because they are perfect for the occasion!

I just walked down the street to the coffee shop
had to take a break
I'd been by her side for eighteen hours straight
I saw a flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk
pushing up through the concrete
like it was planted right there for me to see
the flashin' lights, the honkin' horns
all seemed to fade away
in the shadow of that hospital at 5:08
I saw God today

I've been to church
I've read the book
I know He's here, but I don't look
near as often as I should
Yeah, I know I should
His fingerprints are everywhere
I'd just slow down to stop and stare
opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today

I saw a couple walking by they were holding hands
Man, she had that glow
yeah I couldn't help but notice she was starting to show
I stood there for a minute takin' in the sky
lost in that sunset
a splash of amber melted in the shades of red


I got my face pressed up against the nursery glass
She's sleeping like a rock
My name on her wrist wearing tiny pink socks
She's got my nose, she's got her mama's eyes
My brand new baby girl
She's a miracle

Nice song, huh? It makes me cry, every time.

Alrighty, the next time I get on here I will officially be a mommy to TWO princesses! Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers and prayers as we start this big journey today!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Last Minute Thoughts

I have a few things to jot down but I'm not sure if they'll make much sense at this point. I'll certainly try to arrange them nicely, though!

First of all, our day today didn't go quite according to plan. John's work desperately needed a deputy to stay on until 11 today and because John is the wonderful provider that he is, he agreed to do it. I was bummed at first because I just knew that our special day would be ruined by his lack of sleep, but he was so wonderful:-) My poor husband was so very tired but I could tell that he was fighting it so hard to make our day everything that we had hoped it would be. So, on absolutely NO sleep John managed to be a fun-loving daddy at Chuck E. Cheese and he didn't miss a beat! He also took me to get my eyebrows waxed, to Wal Mart, and to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. We had such an amazing day, despite the no sleep part for John.

In other news, John got a call from his lieutenant this afternoon, which is always scary. Remember the job that he had for 3 months at the county's mental health facility? Well, another deputy quit and because John is trained over there, he'll be over there for at least the month of June. Of course this is good for ME- John will be here at night and he'll have weekends off. BUT, it really stinks for him because he was really starting to adjust to the night shift and his body was finally cooperating. I think it's so unfair that they're switching him again, even though the schedule is ideal for me. Oh well, I guess we'll adjust again. We always do.

Now, here's a few words for my precious Brooke:

Dearest Brooke,

Tomorrow is the big day... Adrienne will arrive and you will become a big sister! I am so excited to see you as you meet her for the first time because I know that you will do great with her. You are always so kind a gentle around babies and I can only imagine how amazing of a sister you will be!

Mommy has loved these past two years that we have spent together. Because you were my first baby, you and I had countless hours of one-on-one time and those were precious moments for me. I vividly remember all of your firsts- Your first baby foods that you tasted (you hated most of them!), your first steps, your first word (which was "duck," by the way), your first tooth, and on and on the list goes. I want you to know that even though our family is growing tomorrow, I will still take every bit as much joy and pleasure in watching you succeed and thrive and I will always have enough love in my heart for you.

Thanks for all that you have taught me, baby. You helped me learn the "ropes" of motherhood by being my firstborn. Thanks to you, I know so much about caring for babies and I think that Adrienne will really appreciate that! You have also taught mommy so much about patience, selflessness, love and just life in general. Because of you, I see the world in a much different light. You have changed me in so many ways.

I'll admit that I am a little sad right now because I am about to change your life so much. Change is good but sometimes it's a little scary, too! I keep thinking about my sister, Aunt Alison, and how much I loved growing up with her and having her for my best friend. I hope that tomorrow that I'll be giving you what I had growing up... A sister who was there for me through everything and who I had more fun with than you could even begin to imagine. Before I know it, you and Adrienne will be buddies and I can't wait to watch you grow to love your sister like I love mine.

Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you, princess, and you will always be our baby, no matter how big you get or who comes into our lives. Never forget just how special you are and how much you mean to our family.

With all my love,


Monday, May 25, 2009

Nesting Fanatic

I seriously went NUTS today around the house. Brooke went down for an early nap, (due to having an awful, horrible, rotten, sleepless night last night) and I had originally planned on conking out on the couch. I, however, decided against it because I'm having a baby in two days and so much needed to be done! I'm SO glad that I fought through the exhaustion because in my 4 hour cleaning spree today, I got the following accomplished:

*Our family room has hard wood floors so dust and things tend to settle underneath the couches and area rug. I completely cleared out the room and swept and mopped the floor.

*I dusted ALL surfaces... High and low.

*I did every stitch of laundry- This means that it's all folded and put away, too.

*I bleached and scrubbed all of our indoor trashcans. Let me just say, that was very gratifying!

*I scrubbed the top of the refrigerator.

*I deep cleaned both bathrooms.

*I cleaned and organized Brooke's toy room.

*I vacuumed upstairs and downstairs.

*The drapes in our family room needed to be washed so I took them down, washed them, dried them outside (so they wouldn't shrink), ironed them, and then hung them back up.

Wow, that list doesn't seem very long now that I look over it, but I assure you that my house is SPOTLESS. I feel much better about Miss Adrienne's arrival now that I know that housework is all caught up. It's such a great feeling:-)

In other news, Brooke has still been out of sorts. She had an AWFUL night filled with crying and moaning and restlessness last night. We were both up constantly. Today she was mostly fine, except for about an hour before bedtime. She was a disaster at that point but luckily she went down easily and I haven't heard a peep from her since.

Tomorrow we have a special day planned... John's waking up at noon (because he works tonight) and we're going to take Brookie to pick out a birthday card for Adrienne and run some last minute errands. Then, we're going to Chuck E. Cheese, out to dinner, and then to Coldstone for ice cream. It should be a very special day for my family of 3 before we are a family of 4. I can't wait!

Alrighty, I'm off to try to get some rest. I think I'll sleep well after all of that hard work today!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Disaster Child... BUT, For A Reason

These last couple of days have seriously left me FRIED. Brooke has been a weepy, temperamental, non-complaint, non-sleeping disaster. These are the days in the motherhood where you think you might lose your mind!

This morning she woke up screaming at 5, which is always fun, and she was so awful and disobedient while we were getting ready to go to church that she had 3 spankings before we left at 8. Unbelievable! She was also grumpy and miserable in the church nursery and she would cry for no apparent reason. When we got home she had a heart attack because I didn't give her macaroni and cheese for lunch. An onlooker would have seriously thought that I had just beaten my kid to a pulp or something because Brooke was absolutely beside herself. LONG morning...

***I have to take a quick pause because she just woke up screaming. I think it's going to be a long night... ***

Anyways, the point to this story is that I made an important discovery today... Brooke has cut her first two-year-molar! Quite the accomplishment, huh? So many things are making sense to me all of the sudden and now that I know that she's actually suffering, I think it will be easier for me to be compassionate. I'm not saying that I blame every ounce of her attitude on this tooth, but I do think that a great deal of it is related. After all, molars are hard work!

With only three more days until we welcome Adrienne into our lives, I really hope that Brooke shapes up so we can enjoy them to the fullest. We'll never get these precious times back.

Friday, May 22, 2009

She Has My Genes

I have to be the world's most allergic person. Seriously, the term "seasonal allergies" simply does NOT apply to me because I sniffle, sneeze, cough, and itch all year round. It's horrible. I have tried numerous medications but I never really get 100 percent relief.

I had suspected that Brooke had some allergies because she had been waking up with puffy, runny eyes and she often has a runny nose. Over the last few days my suspicions have been confirmed because my allergies have been out of controland she has been a wreck right along side me. I feel so bad for her because I know just how awful she feels. I was hoping that it was just a cold but it's been far too prolonged to be simply that and her snot is clear, which is indicative of allergies.

I feel really sad for Brooke because I really, really feel her pain. My allergies are my arch nemesis and they are often the source of my exhaustion and frustration. UGH! I called the doctor and they said that she could take some Benedryl at night but I do NOT want to subject her to that nasty groggy feeling the next morning. Who really wants to feel that way? They also said that if I bring her in they can look into an antihistamine or something for her but I don't really love the idea of doping the poor kid up! Besides, allergy medicines make me EXTREMELY thirsty and groggy. Again, why would I want that for my girl?

I hope that this is just a short lived allergen that Brooke has to something that's blooming right now. That would be great! I hate that I have to chase her around the park with a tissue and they her little eyes are all itchy. It just breaks a mommy's heart!

Does anyone know anything about toddler's with allergies? If you do, please clue me in!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

All Work, No Sleep

Poor John has not been able to catch a break lately. Here it is, the final few days before the birth of our baby, and he's been a working a machine. It seems like the man never sleeps!

He worked Sunday night and then stayed up until almost 1 with me yesterday so I didn't have to go to the doctor alone. I never asked him to do this, either... He just didn't want me to be there by myself. Even after we got home he only slept until 4:30 because he didn't want to miss the whole night with us. I could not convince him to sleep any longer!

After only a few hours of sleep yesterday, John had a crazy night at work last night. Then, this morning they asked him to do an extra 5 hours of overtime. There is a massive business in our area that was doing mega layoffs today and they wanted a cop there in case things got sketchy. Because they money is so great for stuff like that, John couldn't refuse. The worst part was that he didn't have his debit card so he couldn't even grab some food and it was in a secure building that I couldn't go in to:-( Luckily my brother works there and brought him a snack, but still, that broke my heart! Anyways, he got home around 12:15 and woke up around 5. The poor guy looked so tired all night.

Luckily, tonight is his Friday so he'll at least get a decent night's sleep tomorrow night.... BUT, on Thursday, his day off, he has to go to Syracuse for an all day training course. YUCK! He has to leave at 7 that morning and he probably won't be home until after 7 that night. He just can't catch a break this week!

I am so thankful that my husband is such a hard worker and that he provides for us so well, but I get so sad when I think about how tired and spent he must feel. I try to lavish him with extra love (like I ever need an excuse!) during strenuous times such as these, but I never feel like I can adequately thank him for being so wonderful. He was such a good catch:-) As I lay my head on my comfy feather pillow tonight, all I'll be able to think about is how my exhausted husband is out there working so Brooke and I (and Adrienne, too) can be provided for.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Signing my Life Away

This morning I had my final prenatal visit. How in the world could that be? That means that the next time I see my doctor will be on the morning of Adrienne's birth, which is next week. I never thought that my due date would be staring me in the face so quickly!

Everything went pretty well at the doctor's today. It was basically just a routine visit with an extended discussion on the C-Section. I've been struggling a lot with fear regarding the surgery, which will come as a shock to nobody, but when I had to read and sign the consent form for the procedure today, it really hit me hard. The nurse gave us the form to read over while we waited for the doctor. John told me that they listed every single possible circumstance that could go wrong on the form and that reading it would only freak me out so I should just sign it and be done with it. I thought that his advice was good but we had to wait 45 minutes for the doctor to come in so I ended up reading it out of boredom. I know that there are risks involved with ANY birth but a list a mile long of things that could happen put butterflies in my stomach. Why didn't I listen to my husband? He knows me so well! I shed a few tears and John came to my rescue by simply hugging me and reassuring me. About a half an hour later the doctor came in and reassured me, as well. I know that I'm in wonderful medical hands but even better than that, I know that I am in the hands of my Jesus who has it ALL figured out!

The doctor thinks that Adrienne will weigh in the mid to upper 7 pound range. He said that she feels about 7 pounds right now and with 9 days to go, she'll probably gain about half a pound. He said that he'll be really surprised if she's as big as Brooke was, which is 8 pounds, 4 ounces.

Another thing that bummed me out a little bit today was that the doctor told me that Adrienne will be born within the first 10 minutes of the surgery but I will need an additional hour to be "put back together." I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a ball of negativity, but I HATE that I can't enjoy that first hour of my daughter's life with her like mothers who deliver vaginally. I so badly want to love her, nurse her, and admire her instead of lying on a cold operating room table alone. With Brooke, I sent John in the nursery with her because I really didn't want her to be without one of us. I had a midwife who kind of filled in for John after he left the operating room, but this time I won't have anyone like that in there so it will be a little odd. The doctor said that Adrienne can stay in the operating room for a little bit but they won't keep her in there for the whole entire hour. Ugh...

There are so many unknowns about next Wednesday and I am SO eager to put them behind me. I know that I have to take this delivery for what it is- A precious miracle of life- and not worry so much about all of the details. This is a joyous, wonderful time and I don't want to miss out on that because of fear. I'm working on it, I promise!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Showered with Gifts and Love!

My church graciously threw me a baby shower today! I was actually REALLY anxious about it because I had specifically asked for them not to go through the trouble for me, but when I got there and realized how happy people were to bless me, I felt a lot better. It's not that I wasn't grateful for people thinking of me and loving me... It's just that I didn't feel as though it was necessary for my second baby.

Anyways, I was blessed enough to receive many, many nice gifts! Here's some of the things that I got:

*A new Skip Hop diaper bag that I've been wanting for ages. I LOVE IT!!!
*New hooded towels and wash clothes that I would have had to replace anyways because Brooke's were worn.
*New burp clothes (I'm HOPING for a non-reflux baby this time!!)
*Tons and tons and tons of beautiful clothes. One lady even got Brooke and Adrienne gorgeous matching dresses from Gymboree!
*A homemade quilt
*The Angel Care baby monitor- Which will help me not worry about SIDS so much.
*A double stroller!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Baby soap, lotion, and sponge bath wipes... All of which I was actually running low on!
*Accessories such as onesies, socks, and bows

Everything was really special and the generosity of everyone definitely blew me away! I think it's safe to say that Adrienne is well set:-) I have a few small things that I need to run out and get, but other than that, I'm ready for my girl's debut in 10 days! I can't wait!

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Blossoming Brooke

John has been off for the last two nights so we have been running around and keeping very, very busy. I feel like we save every ounce of work that needs to be done for his days off. In the midst of the work we always manage to have lots of fun together, too, so I'm definitely NOT complaining!

Brooke has been a new kid lately. Seriously, ever since that day at the park last week, she has grown into this fearless child. I hardly know her anymore! We were at some friend's house last night and they have a big slide that Brooke could NOT get enough of. She didn't even ask for help and if we dared to assist her in any way she got very upset. They also had a big trampoline and she asked to go on it. I was extremely timid because she was the smallest kid there but all of the older kids were told that they couldn't jump high when she was on it. She got on and shook with fear with the first movement anyone made, but after that, she would laugh hysterically and she was going crazy on there! I was dumbfounded!

Brooke has also opened up to people, as well as things and situations. This old man said "hi" to her yesterday and instead of getting all timid and hiding behind me, she said, "Hi, nice man." I usually have to convince her first to be nice to strangers (or sometimes people we even know!) but she is starting to be much more outgoing on her own. It's crazy because it's a 100 percent turn around for her!

I was cracking up yesterday because I was thinking of all the many restaurants, stores, etc.. that Brooke can identify just by looking at the signs- Target, Panera, Moe's, Wendy's, McDonald's, our bank, Lowe's, Arby's, KFC- which she calls "mac and cheese store," Sam's Club, Wal Mart, Wegman's or "Augmins," Babies R Us, and Taco Bell. She's so funny because every time we pass a gas station she says, "There's gasoline!!! Get gas, mommy!" Lol! The smallest thing excite my little girl, apparently!

Things have been going so extremely well with Brooke, lately. Some phases are really hard and they leave me wanting to bang my head on the wall, but when we have such good weeks like this one has been, I feel so encouraged. She has been so obedient, happy, and adventurous and with little instances for spankings recently, we can focus more on having fun and enjoying her! I am VERY thankful for these happy times because they only help me feel more confident about soon being the mother of two!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Two Weeks To Go!

Two weeks from today is my due date. Unbelievable! To think that this time in two weeks that all of my fear about the C-Section will be behind me is an incredible, reassuring thought. My questions about Adrienne... Her weight, who she'll look like, the amount of hair she'll have, how she will nurse, etc.. will mostly be answered, too. I can't even believe or really process how close it is!

I had my 37-week doctor's appointment today and everything went really well! I was told that my C-Section is at 8 A.M., which is new information, and that we have to be there at 6:30. That should be a fun morning, huh? I go next Monday for a bunch of pre-op testing and things and that pretty much rounds out my prenatal care. These weekly trips to the doctor are soon coming to an end!

I jokingly told my doctor that my mom and sister couldn't believe how big my belly was getting. I thought that he would laugh because they are his patients too, but he said, very clinically and straight-faced, "Well, you did have some significant growth this last week." Lol! He had the tape-measure to prove it so I wasn't going to argue but it wasn't quite the answer I was looking for!! Lol

The only other interesting tidbit of information that he gave me was that Adrienne is VERY low down. He said that her head is right down there and ready to go. That would encourage me a little if I was actually delivering vaginally, but we all know that that's not the case.

I'm feeling pretty good about things. I can't say that I'm not anxious about the delivery, the recovery, and how Brooke will do, but I'm getting more and more eager to meet my precious baby and I know that everything will work out great. I've been in this crazy nesting mode over the last couple of days and it feels great to be able to prepare for my little one's arrival! My dad painted the nursery on Monday and now that that's behind us I just have to do a few more things in there and the room will be done. I feel MUCH better with this completed!

My church is throwing me a shower on Sunday. I know... A shower for my second girl is UNBELIEVABLE and totally NOT necessary! For months now women have been asking me if I wanted one and I told probably 4 people no. However, a bunch of them got together and overruled me. I truly appreciate what everyone wants to do to bless me but I just feel so undeserving of a shower because I feel that they are for first babies. I guess I should just shut up and be thankful, huh?

Alrighty, well I'm off to get some rest. John just left for the night so I'll probably cuddle up to something girly on TV and relax. I miss my husband but he's OFF TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Big, Brave Brooke

I am so proud of Brooke right now! We went to the park tonight and I was really thinking that it would be a repeat of our last horrible trip. I was almost positive, in fact. When we pulled up we saw that there was a T-Ball game going on in the field so the park was swarming with kids big and small. I just knew that we were in for a long night.

HOWEVER, Brooke did great! She played with all of the other kids and even made some friends. As she saw the other little kids running all over the place she started to follow them and she went down all 4 slides by herself with NO coaxing or help from John or me. Unbelievable! One of the slides is so big that I even cringed (internally, of course) as Brooke braved it for the first time. I saw a whole new side of Brooke... She threw rocks and everything and she didn't even ask for a napkin after she touched them! Lol

It was quite funny because after Brooke got a little bit more comfortable she began to boss the other kids around... "Little boy, it's my turn." "Little girl, go down the slide." Ha! I just had to laugh at how bossy she was and even more, I had to laugh at how the other kids obeyed Queen Brookie!

Watching Brooke succeed and conquer her fears was really awesome as a mom! I was overwhelmed with pride and excitement for her. I'm sure the other moms wondered what the big deal was that my kid was going down the slides but they don't know the whole story so I guess it wouldn't make sense!

Monday, May 11, 2009


Yesterday, as we all know, was Mothers' Day. John really is a wonderful, compassionate husband and he often recognizes and thanks me for being a mom to Brooke. Because of that, I didn't feel like yesterday was extraordinarily different from all other days but I still felt very special! Our trip to Lancaster was my big gift and then yesterday morning I woke up to a nice card from John and Brooke. We then spent our afternoon with family- First we had lunch with my family and then later John's family came over for a barbecue. I couldn't have asked for a nicer day!

As I was working around the house to prepare for our cookout yesterday, I thought to myself... "So THIS is what it is to be a mommy, huh?" See, in my pre-motherhood mindset, I thought that on Mothers' Day that all mothers should get to be queens and not be allowed to lift a finger. Much on the contrary, I found myself using Brooke's nap time yesterday to do laundry, mop the floors, dust, vacuum, cook, and scrub the toilets. As I folded Brooke's tiny clothes and hung up John's uniforms, it hit me... THIS is what it means to be a wife and mommy and I LOVE it. I love that my family depends on me to meet their needs around the home. I love that I am called to care for them and to ensure that they are clothed, fed, etc... That, to me, is motherhood at its best! My lone dream as a child and teenager was to be a mother and when I think that that has actually come into fruition, it reaffirms to me how much I love it!

On top of all of the other wonderful things that yesterday carried for me, I also had the privilege of feeling my precious, unborn baby kicking me like crazy. What a joy it is to be able to share those moments with Adrienne and for her to constantly remind me of her beautiful presence!

The sweetest sound of my day yesterday was hearing John and Brooke wrestling and laughing hysterically together. It has to be one of my greatest joys as a mother to watch the two of them adoring each other. Their relationship is so special and it puts the biggest smile on my face!

I am so blessed and I find myself growing more and more content with where I'm at in life. I could not have asked for a more wonderful husband and family!

Happy (belated) Mothers' Day to all of my fellow mommies out there!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

One Last Hoorah

With Adrienne's arrival being in the very near future, John and I wanted to do something extra special for just the two of us. When you're nursing a newborn on demand on top of raising a toddler, it's a little bit difficult to get away! So, John planned a nice trip to Lancaster, Pa for us and we left yesterday afternoon. We had a wonderful time, though it was a short trip, and I feel refreshed now!

For those of you that have never been to Lancaster, you have to go! I have been there many times but it never gets old going there. Seeing the Amish people has always been a fascination of mine for whatever reason and I could drive the countrysides to see their farms for hours on end. Their simple way of life is definitely enviable compared to our face-paced, rushed lifestyle! Here are some highlights of our trip:

*One of my most FAVORITE parts of the trip was totally unexpected... I have been craving Chick-Fil-A (an amazing fast food restaurant that we don't have up north) for ages now. Before our trip I looked on the restaurant's website to see the nearest one to Lancaster and they said that the closest one was about 40 miles away. I was bummed. Anyways, about an hour before we arrived to our hotel, I saw a glorious sign... CHICK-FIL-A! You better believe we stopped immediately:-) It a was a delicious surprise treat for me. Now, if I could just get some more of that right about now...

*Yesterday we went to the huge outlet malls that they have. We got some Nike wind pants for me to come home from the hospital in, a new hat for John, and some cute little outfits for Adrienne. Other than those couple of things, there wasn't anything else that we just had to have.

*Last night we ate at one of the local Amish restaurants that they had and the food was out of this world. Everything was homemade too!

*Today we woke up pretty early so we could get a head start. We went out to a breakfast buffet in the middle of Amish country, along with a long ride. Fun, fun!

*We did some shopping at local furniture stores, bakeries, and farmers' markets. We didn't really see anything worth buying but we had fun looking!

*We went on a horse and buggy ride through Amish country this afternoon!!!!! This was BY FAR my favorite part of the trip and I enjoyed every minute of it. Our driver was an Amish guy so I drilled him with my many inquisitions. What can I say? These people amaze me! He took us through an Amish farm and we could see it up-close-and-personal. I'm so nosey so that really made me happy!

All in all, our trip was wonderful. We missed Brookie horribly but it's not often that we get to go away by ourselves so we soaked up the opportunity! As with any other trip, I'm sad that it's over but I'm always happy to be home.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Precious Moments

Brooke has been giving me a run for my money lately. She's just a very particular kid and we often argue about trivial things such as what shoes she'll wear, what bow she'll wear, whether or not she has a napkin or a paper towel, whether or not she has her snack in a plastic bag or a bowl, etc... It seems like lately she has been bucking me on EVERYTHING and while I know that this is her coming into her own, it's exhausting!

Today, I confess, was one of those days that brought tears to my eyes at several points. I know that me being 36 weeks pregnant and not sleeping well probably lessens my tolerance, but it's safe to say that my Brooke had me baffled by bedtime. Bedtime came and I will truly cherish the time that my daughter and I shared tonight. She wanted to look through her baby album instead of reading some bedtime stories so we did just that. We flipped through the pictures surrounding her birth and first few days home from the hospital and each time she saw herself she would laugh and say, "There I am again!" She was truly fascinated that she was once tiny and she wanted to know all about when she was in the hospital with mommy and daddy. We snuggled for a good half hour and laughed and talked while looking at pictures. It was also a really great way for me to explain a few things about Adrienne's birth and how she'll be when she first comes out. As I prayed with my little girl and tucked her into bed, tears filled my eyes. Those precious moments meant the universe to me and the reaffirmed my desire to be THE BEST mommy I can possibly be for my girls.

I beat myself up so much over motherhood. I'm not sure why I do this but I always have. Some days I feel like I'm Super Mom and like I could conquer the world of parenting, but on the long days that are filled with hurdles, I end up wishing I could push a rewind button and do things over the right way. Being a mom is so hard because as moms, we really DO want the very best things for our children and knowing that we will never achieve perfection for them is hard... Or at least it is for me. I am extremely thankful that God gave me an extra-special time with Brooke tonight that reminded me of how amazing being a mom really is!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Waiting is Making Me CRAZY!

Adrienne is scheduled to be born exactly 3 weeks from tomorrow. When I still had 12 weeks left, 3 weeks would have sounded so close but now that we're down to the wire I feel like I will NEVER have this baby. I'm not physically sick of being pregnant... Just emotionally, I think.

I realize that this has been a reoccurring theme with me lately, but I guess it can't hurt to repeat myself- The uncertainty of how things will work after the baby is born is really keeping me up at night. One of the things that is constantly on my mind is the actual delivery. Knowing that I'll be cut open is enough to drive chills up my spine but also knowing the risk involved with a C-Section (Or any delivery, for that matter) has me scared silly. I don't WANT this C-Section. I want Adrienne, but I think that if I didn't have this fear of the surgery hanging over me then I would be much calmer. With the fear of the C-Section also comes the fear of the recovery. How in the universe am I going to care for two kids and my house and my husband when I have this recovery to deal with? Sure, there are people that want to help us out, but there is only a certain amount other people can do for you. Lastly, I could worry for hours upon end about how Brooke will adjust to her baby sister and how I will make her feel as though she is still everything to John and me. I know that it will all work out but these are scary questions!

I have been trying to keep myself occupied to take my mind off of all of this. I've been engrossing myself in my housework, even more so than usual! I've also been really busy with friends, family, church and working in the yard. I'm fine during the day when I'm out and about but when I'm home alone after John leaves for work, I spend much of my time tossing and turning and worrying. Why in the world am I SUCH a worrier? I hate it. It is truly my besetting sin that I just can't kick.

God has been so faithful to my family and me. I could sit here and list thing after thing of how God has proven Himself to us, yet I don't even seem to believe that He has this all figured out. The Bible talks about how God is aware of when a measly sparrow falls out of his nest and here I am lacking faith. I want so badly to be delivered of these fears but it seems like I can't let go of them completely. Shame on me...

Sunday, May 3, 2009

A Not-So-Wonderful Trip to the Park

We had been promising Brooke that we would take her to the park and today we finally had the opportunity. We do A LOT of long walks around our neighborhood (which often include a detour to the ice cream store down the road) and other outside activities, but the park kept getting passed off.

Anyway, going to the park was an ENORMOUS let down for John and me. We were truly looking forward to playing with Brooke and watching her soak up the fun around her but she wouldn't have it! She REFUSED to walk because the ground was "messy." She had shoes on so I don't get it. She also refused to go down the slides... first because she was "afraid" and then because rocks were at the very bottom. She looked at John and one point and said, "Clean the slide, daddy!" John patiently wiped off the slide and Brooke still required major coaxing to go down it. For goodness sakes, it was a toddler slide that couldn't have been much taller than Brooke. It's not like we were trying to make her go down the enormous slide next to her!

Let's see... She was also afraid to ride the horsies at the park, despite the fact that riding them is all she talked about all winter. She shook with fear when we even mentioned the see-saw, even though my parents took her on one a couple of weeks ago. She was actually content on the swings but she didn't want to stay on them very long at all.

I just don't get it! Going to the park is supposed to be a treat... Especially after being cooped up all winter. By the looks of it, you would have thought that we were bringing our daughter there for a punishment. We kept encouraging her to try new things and to do new things but she just would NOT budge. It was actually kind of sad! It's sure going to be a long summer if all trips to the park go this horribly!

Friday, May 1, 2009

THIS Month!

I can finally say that I am due "this month!" Back in August, when I first found out I was pregnant, May seemed like an eternity away... But here we are. I am slightly fearful because I know that this month will fly and I have lots to accomplish before the baby comes.

I had my 35-week doctor's visit today and it was pretty uneventful, as usual. I was a little disappointed because even though Group B Strep is only contracted from a mother to a baby in a vaginal delivery they still wanted to test me for it just in case I don't have a C-Section.... Like if I deliver in a car or elevator somewhere. Lol! Anyways, I sat in the doctor's off.. disrobed, mind you... for about40 minutes waiting for him to see me. Fun. Finally he came in and got ready to do the swab test and then he said, "Wait! Your urine test from a couple of weeks ago showed that you have Group B Strep so this is fruitless." All that trouble and inconvenience for NOTHING. Oh well. So anyways, I'm GBS positive which means absolutely nothing for Adrienne OR me. I'm so glad that we have that figured out.

Now I'm down to weekly visits to the doctor, which will also aid in this month flying away from me, I'm sure. I have an appointment next Wednesday, another pre-op/check-up the next week, and the next week I DELIVER. Crazy, crazy. I repeat... This does NOT seem real.

Brooke was hilarious at the doctor's office today. John always jokes with her that we're going to name the baby "Babs" so when the nurse asked her what her sister's name was going to be, that was her response. Lol! She got a huge smile on her face and said, "No! It's actually Adrienne Reese." She's a good joker, my Brooke:-) She is usually extremely shy and reserved when she comes to the doctor with us but today she was a little more friendly with people than usual. I'm all for that!

Alrighty, it's time to send my wonderful husband off to work:-( He has tomorrow night and Sunday night off though so I can't complain too much.