Monday, May 18, 2009

Signing my Life Away

This morning I had my final prenatal visit. How in the world could that be? That means that the next time I see my doctor will be on the morning of Adrienne's birth, which is next week. I never thought that my due date would be staring me in the face so quickly!

Everything went pretty well at the doctor's today. It was basically just a routine visit with an extended discussion on the C-Section. I've been struggling a lot with fear regarding the surgery, which will come as a shock to nobody, but when I had to read and sign the consent form for the procedure today, it really hit me hard. The nurse gave us the form to read over while we waited for the doctor. John told me that they listed every single possible circumstance that could go wrong on the form and that reading it would only freak me out so I should just sign it and be done with it. I thought that his advice was good but we had to wait 45 minutes for the doctor to come in so I ended up reading it out of boredom. I know that there are risks involved with ANY birth but a list a mile long of things that could happen put butterflies in my stomach. Why didn't I listen to my husband? He knows me so well! I shed a few tears and John came to my rescue by simply hugging me and reassuring me. About a half an hour later the doctor came in and reassured me, as well. I know that I'm in wonderful medical hands but even better than that, I know that I am in the hands of my Jesus who has it ALL figured out!

The doctor thinks that Adrienne will weigh in the mid to upper 7 pound range. He said that she feels about 7 pounds right now and with 9 days to go, she'll probably gain about half a pound. He said that he'll be really surprised if she's as big as Brooke was, which is 8 pounds, 4 ounces.

Another thing that bummed me out a little bit today was that the doctor told me that Adrienne will be born within the first 10 minutes of the surgery but I will need an additional hour to be "put back together." I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a ball of negativity, but I HATE that I can't enjoy that first hour of my daughter's life with her like mothers who deliver vaginally. I so badly want to love her, nurse her, and admire her instead of lying on a cold operating room table alone. With Brooke, I sent John in the nursery with her because I really didn't want her to be without one of us. I had a midwife who kind of filled in for John after he left the operating room, but this time I won't have anyone like that in there so it will be a little odd. The doctor said that Adrienne can stay in the operating room for a little bit but they won't keep her in there for the whole entire hour. Ugh...

There are so many unknowns about next Wednesday and I am SO eager to put them behind me. I know that I have to take this delivery for what it is- A precious miracle of life- and not worry so much about all of the details. This is a joyous, wonderful time and I don't want to miss out on that because of fear. I'm working on it, I promise!

1 comment:

Alison said...

Sounds like you're still working a lot of the details out in your head. Hang in there - everything is going to turn out perfectly. I just know it!