Bittersweet

Bailey's first birthday is only a little more than month away! As this special day approaches, I find myself feeling a little sad. Whenever one of my daughters has a birthday it's always a little emotional for me anyways, but this particular date holds further significance... It will be the official end to our baby days in this household. Sure, Bailey will always be my baby (all of my girls will be), but we'll never again have an infant living under our roof... Unless, of course, by divine intervention. And trust me, it would take one!

Throughout the past months we have slowly rid ourselves of baby apparatuses galore.. Things like the baby swing, play mat, bouncy seat, bassinet, infant tub, etc... We have let go of almost all of our baby clothes and disposed of burp cloths. At first it was a little sad, but now it's a little freeing to have the extra space.

I find myself feeling very content over the fact that we're done having babies. I've loved these past five years that have been packed with welcoming three new lives into our home. There is nothing more precious to me than hearing a newborn's first cries or nursing one of my babies for the first time. It's all so special and sentimental and there is nothing else on the planet that is quite as wonderful. Even so, with each person around me that pops up pregnant, whether it be someone that I "know" on Facebook or in my daily interactions, my first reaction is a tiny tinge of jealousy. There... I said it! It doesn't take away from my happiness for them and it doesn't even mean that I want another baby. I think that it simply means that no matter how happy I am with my own situation, I'm going to still mourn the time that has passed by me so quickly.

It's very weird to be 26 years old and completely done having babies. When I go to school functions for Brooke. I'm the youngest mom there, by far. Most people these days aren't having babies so young and here I am, several years from even being 30, and I'm completely finished with such a significant portion of my life.

If I could change anything. I really wouldn't. There is something to be said for knowing what you want in life and going and getting it. I guess it's just a little weird to sit back and realize that what I always worked for and wanted is here and partially gone. I wish that I had enjoyed being big and pregnant more and that I hadn't wished away some of the more difficult weeks and months.

On a more positive side, however, I love knowing that my current little family of 5 is it. I love that we're complete and that we'll never again have to add to what we're building here.. Our routine, our family structure, etc.. Even though I'm content, though, I don't think that it's wrong to miss the times that are gone!