Emotional Roller Coaster

After I had Brooke I remember being highly emotional. I had a lot of very, very negative thoughts regarding her birth, the weather was dreary, and John was working a weird schedule. Though I was happy that she was a part of our lives, I still couldn't stop crying and feeling sad. I kind of thought that this time around would be more of the same, but luckily, I just get weepy from time-to-time and I'm not perpetually feeling down in the dumps.

It's hard because Brooke has been sick. She woke up this morning throwing up and seriously, she has probably had 15 diarrhea diapers all day. That alone is enough to make a person grow weary, let alone a woman who just had a baby five days ago. She has been sick since Adrienne has been here and that has made for a fussy toddler. It's breaking my heart because she really wants little to do with me and every time I try to help her, she screams for "daddy." Seeing her transfer all of her needs onto John has been a tough pill for me to swallow. I'm used to being the one who she look to for everything.

I'm also struggling because I'm so sore. I think that I'm doing well, considering that I had major abdominal surgery a few days ago, but it still hurts to get up and down and playing on the floor is highly uncomfortable. I want so desperately to take Brooke on walks in the wagon and run around with her outside, but I'm temporarily not capable of that. It's so difficult for me to not be able to enjoy Brooke to the fullest and it's also hard to not be able to carry on with my normal tasks around the house. Relying on others to do so much for me has really been hard.

I'm DYING to get out of this house. I'm the type that needs to be out and about but that has not been a possibility with Brooke being sick and me recovering. Tomorrow should be encouraging though because we are taking Adrienne to the doctor and Brooke for a haircut. I can't wait!

Another thing that I struggle with is looking at the future... I'm already thinking ahead to next week when John is at work and my mom is at work (She's taking off Thursday and Friday to be with me during John's first days back). I'm already wondering how I'll feel when I'm really on my own with these two girls. I wonder how I'll fill my time and how we'll ever get into a routine. I just wish that I could focus on today and not worry about down the road and how we'll make things work.

I hope that nobody who reads this thinks that I'm horribly depressed, because that couldn't be farther from the truth. I might have a touch of the Baby Blues, which is TOTALLY normal, but I seriously love my life and Miss Adrienne is the perfect addition to our family:-) I think it's just hard because Brooke and I have had pretty much the same routine for the past 27 months and now things are just being switched up a little. We'll get back to where we need to be though! And besides, nobody ever said that raising a family would be easy!

Welcome, Miss Adrienne Reese!!

We got home from the hospital around 11:30 today and it feels great to start living our lives as a family of 4! The original plan was to stay in the hospital until tomorrow but I really felt that I needed to be home for Brooke and worked very hard to get out of there today like I did.

As many of you may have heard, Adrienne was having difficulty breathing after her birth and they discovered that she had swallowed large amount of amniotic fluid. I saw her in the operating room for about 30 seconds, at best, and then they whisked her away from me quickly. Little did I know at the time, but I wouldn't be able to see her until about 5 that night. The first time we officially met she was attached to tubes and monitors and IV's and it was absolutely heartbreaking. It the polar opposite of what I wanted to be experiencing on the day of her birth. I held her briefly in the special care nursery but other than that, she wasn't allowed in our room and she wasn't able to nurse either:-( It was just awful! They also informed me that she would need to stay in the special care nursery overnight, which was the worst news I could have heard. I was eager to nurse her and love her but it was just NOT happening. Finally, at 9 or so, they brought me a pump so I could express a tiny bit of milk for her and I was able to give her a first taste of my milk through a medicine dropper.

Yesterday morning she was brought into our room at about 9:30 and it felt amazing to love her and be with her without all those tubes and machines attached! We stumbled through our first nursing session and it was a lot tougher than it was with Brooke because Adrienne had to go so long without depending on nursing for nutrients, due to the IV. We're both working hard at nursing now and I think she just might be getting the hang of it!

Adrienne weighed in at a whopping 8 pounds, 9 ounces and she was 20.5 inches long. She's really tiny though so it doesn't seem like she's a huge baby, even though that number is big. Her discharge weight was 8 pounds and they said that she lost a little extra weight because 1) they got rid of lots of fluid and 2) she didn't eat for the first day. She makes the sweetest noises and her cries really sound like a goat! Lol! I am absolutely in love with the newest addition to our family and I can't wait for the wonderful days ahead:-)

Brooke is doing great and adjusting well to being a big sister. Unfortunately she came down with the stomach bug and while we were in the hospital she was throwing up, running a fever, and having awful diarrhea. I was pretty emotional over that because I felt so torn about where I should be and who I should be taking care of. Luckily we're all reunited now and Brooke is doing remarkably better!

John has been absolutely AMAZING. He has to be the world's best husband and father, as he has taken on all the needs of our family completely upon himself. I have been sore and I obviously supposed to take it easy and he has allowed me to do absolutely nothing. This whole experience has deepened and intensified my love for him more than I ever thought possible.

As for me, I will elaborate more at another time, but the C-Section was horrible. Really, many of my fears came true and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. That, combined with Adrienne quickly leaving me in the operating room, made for a very emotional, trying process. I love my daughters so much and would love to have another baby one day, but the experience I had this time around truly makes me question if we'll have another one.

Anyways, I'm off to snuggle with my wonderful husband while Adrienne sleeps. It probably won't last long but I look forward to a few quiet minutes with my man!

Today Is THE Day!!

It's 5:30 and I'm just about ready to leave for the hospital to have my baby. I never thought the day would sneak up on us this fast! I had a HORRIBLE night's sleep last night... I didn't fall asleep until after midnight and then I was WIDE awake from 2-4. I kept singing the song (In my head, of course), "I Saw God Today." I thought I would share the lyrics with you because they are perfect for the occasion!


I just walked down the street to the coffee shop
had to take a break
I'd been by her side for eighteen hours straight
I saw a flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk
pushing up through the concrete
like it was planted right there for me to see
the flashin' lights, the honkin' horns
all seemed to fade away
in the shadow of that hospital at 5:08
I saw God today

Chorus:
I've been to church
I've read the book
I know He's here, but I don't look
near as often as I should
Yeah, I know I should
His fingerprints are everywhere
I'd just slow down to stop and stare
opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today

I saw a couple walking by they were holding hands
Man, she had that glow
yeah I couldn't help but notice she was starting to show
I stood there for a minute takin' in the sky
lost in that sunset
a splash of amber melted in the shades of red

Chorus

I got my face pressed up against the nursery glass
She's sleeping like a rock
My name on her wrist wearing tiny pink socks
She's got my nose, she's got her mama's eyes
My brand new baby girl
She's a miracle

Nice song, huh? It makes me cry, every time.

Alrighty, the next time I get on here I will officially be a mommy to TWO princesses! Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers and prayers as we start this big journey today!

Last Minute Thoughts

I have a few things to jot down but I'm not sure if they'll make much sense at this point. I'll certainly try to arrange them nicely, though!

First of all, our day today didn't go quite according to plan. John's work desperately needed a deputy to stay on until 11 today and because John is the wonderful provider that he is, he agreed to do it. I was bummed at first because I just knew that our special day would be ruined by his lack of sleep, but he was so wonderful:-) My poor husband was so very tired but I could tell that he was fighting it so hard to make our day everything that we had hoped it would be. So, on absolutely NO sleep John managed to be a fun-loving daddy at Chuck E. Cheese and he didn't miss a beat! He also took me to get my eyebrows waxed, to Wal Mart, and to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. We had such an amazing day, despite the no sleep part for John.

In other news, John got a call from his lieutenant this afternoon, which is always scary. Remember the job that he had for 3 months at the county's mental health facility? Well, another deputy quit and because John is trained over there, he'll be over there for at least the month of June. Of course this is good for ME- John will be here at night and he'll have weekends off. BUT, it really stinks for him because he was really starting to adjust to the night shift and his body was finally cooperating. I think it's so unfair that they're switching him again, even though the schedule is ideal for me. Oh well, I guess we'll adjust again. We always do.

Now, here's a few words for my precious Brooke:

Dearest Brooke,

Tomorrow is the big day... Adrienne will arrive and you will become a big sister! I am so excited to see you as you meet her for the first time because I know that you will do great with her. You are always so kind a gentle around babies and I can only imagine how amazing of a sister you will be!

Mommy has loved these past two years that we have spent together. Because you were my first baby, you and I had countless hours of one-on-one time and those were precious moments for me. I vividly remember all of your firsts- Your first baby foods that you tasted (you hated most of them!), your first steps, your first word (which was "duck," by the way), your first tooth, and on and on the list goes. I want you to know that even though our family is growing tomorrow, I will still take every bit as much joy and pleasure in watching you succeed and thrive and I will always have enough love in my heart for you.

Thanks for all that you have taught me, baby. You helped me learn the "ropes" of motherhood by being my firstborn. Thanks to you, I know so much about caring for babies and I think that Adrienne will really appreciate that! You have also taught mommy so much about patience, selflessness, love and just life in general. Because of you, I see the world in a much different light. You have changed me in so many ways.

I'll admit that I am a little sad right now because I am about to change your life so much. Change is good but sometimes it's a little scary, too! I keep thinking about my sister, Aunt Alison, and how much I loved growing up with her and having her for my best friend. I hope that tomorrow that I'll be giving you what I had growing up... A sister who was there for me through everything and who I had more fun with than you could even begin to imagine. Before I know it, you and Adrienne will be buddies and I can't wait to watch you grow to love your sister like I love mine.

Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you, princess, and you will always be our baby, no matter how big you get or who comes into our lives. Never forget just how special you are and how much you mean to our family.

With all my love,

Mama

Nesting Fanatic

I seriously went NUTS today around the house. Brooke went down for an early nap, (due to having an awful, horrible, rotten, sleepless night last night) and I had originally planned on conking out on the couch. I, however, decided against it because I'm having a baby in two days and so much needed to be done! I'm SO glad that I fought through the exhaustion because in my 4 hour cleaning spree today, I got the following accomplished:

*Our family room has hard wood floors so dust and things tend to settle underneath the couches and area rug. I completely cleared out the room and swept and mopped the floor.

*I dusted ALL surfaces... High and low.

*I did every stitch of laundry- This means that it's all folded and put away, too.

*I bleached and scrubbed all of our indoor trashcans. Let me just say, that was very gratifying!

*I scrubbed the top of the refrigerator.

*I deep cleaned both bathrooms.

*I cleaned and organized Brooke's toy room.

*I vacuumed upstairs and downstairs.

*The drapes in our family room needed to be washed so I took them down, washed them, dried them outside (so they wouldn't shrink), ironed them, and then hung them back up.

Wow, that list doesn't seem very long now that I look over it, but I assure you that my house is SPOTLESS. I feel much better about Miss Adrienne's arrival now that I know that housework is all caught up. It's such a great feeling:-)

In other news, Brooke has still been out of sorts. She had an AWFUL night filled with crying and moaning and restlessness last night. We were both up constantly. Today she was mostly fine, except for about an hour before bedtime. She was a disaster at that point but luckily she went down easily and I haven't heard a peep from her since.

Tomorrow we have a special day planned... John's waking up at noon (because he works tonight) and we're going to take Brookie to pick out a birthday card for Adrienne and run some last minute errands. Then, we're going to Chuck E. Cheese, out to dinner, and then to Coldstone for ice cream. It should be a very special day for my family of 3 before we are a family of 4. I can't wait!

Alrighty, I'm off to try to get some rest. I think I'll sleep well after all of that hard work today!

Disaster Child... BUT, For A Reason

These last couple of days have seriously left me FRIED. Brooke has been a weepy, temperamental, non-complaint, non-sleeping disaster. These are the days in the motherhood where you think you might lose your mind!

This morning she woke up screaming at 5, which is always fun, and she was so awful and disobedient while we were getting ready to go to church that she had 3 spankings before we left at 8. Unbelievable! She was also grumpy and miserable in the church nursery and she would cry for no apparent reason. When we got home she had a heart attack because I didn't give her macaroni and cheese for lunch. An onlooker would have seriously thought that I had just beaten my kid to a pulp or something because Brooke was absolutely beside herself. LONG morning...

***I have to take a quick pause because she just woke up screaming. I think it's going to be a long night... ***

Anyways, the point to this story is that I made an important discovery today... Brooke has cut her first two-year-molar! Quite the accomplishment, huh? So many things are making sense to me all of the sudden and now that I know that she's actually suffering, I think it will be easier for me to be compassionate. I'm not saying that I blame every ounce of her attitude on this tooth, but I do think that a great deal of it is related. After all, molars are hard work!

With only three more days until we welcome Adrienne into our lives, I really hope that Brooke shapes up so we can enjoy them to the fullest. We'll never get these precious times back.

She Has My Genes

I have to be the world's most allergic person. Seriously, the term "seasonal allergies" simply does NOT apply to me because I sniffle, sneeze, cough, and itch all year round. It's horrible. I have tried numerous medications but I never really get 100 percent relief.

I had suspected that Brooke had some allergies because she had been waking up with puffy, runny eyes and she often has a runny nose. Over the last few days my suspicions have been confirmed because my allergies have been out of controland she has been a wreck right along side me. I feel so bad for her because I know just how awful she feels. I was hoping that it was just a cold but it's been far too prolonged to be simply that and her snot is clear, which is indicative of allergies.

I feel really sad for Brooke because I really, really feel her pain. My allergies are my arch nemesis and they are often the source of my exhaustion and frustration. UGH! I called the doctor and they said that she could take some Benedryl at night but I do NOT want to subject her to that nasty groggy feeling the next morning. Who really wants to feel that way? They also said that if I bring her in they can look into an antihistamine or something for her but I don't really love the idea of doping the poor kid up! Besides, allergy medicines make me EXTREMELY thirsty and groggy. Again, why would I want that for my girl?

I hope that this is just a short lived allergen that Brooke has to something that's blooming right now. That would be great! I hate that I have to chase her around the park with a tissue and they her little eyes are all itchy. It just breaks a mommy's heart!

Does anyone know anything about toddler's with allergies? If you do, please clue me in!