Heavy Hearted

A couple of weeks ago there was this video circulating on Facebook called "Why Cops Don't Smile." A lot of people from John's department were posting it so I thought I would check it out. For all of you police wives out there that worry, do not look at it. For me, it gave me chills all over my entire body and bad dreams for many nights. It was a true video... And that's probably why it was so sad and so scary.

With that being said, I have been worrying more and more and John each night as he leaves for work. This is an endless battle with me. Most of the time I'm at peace with his career but I do go through seasons of doubt and fear. Have you ever woken up in a cold sweat and wondered if your husband was alive? That happens to me from time to time... Especially after that darn video! John has also been working a lot of overtime so that doesn't help my cause for worry, either.

Then, on Monday, one of John's co-workers who was a dispatcher for his department was crushed in a horrible farm accident. The details aren't super important here, I guess. All that matters is that despite living for a few days he ultimately died on Wednesday evening. He left behind 3 kids and a wife and I seriously have been dying for them. John worked closely with this man and always spoke highly of him. He apparently had a smile that would light up a room and a voice that would cause you to feel warm and secure. He was just one of those people that everyone liked. I know John is hurting through this loss, along with a lot of other people from work, but can you imagine his poor family?

These thoughts all kind of tie together for me into one single sentence... Life is short. Seize the day, make every moment count, and live like today was your last. I like to think that by worrying about John or keeping him home more that he'll be out of harm's way but that's just not true. Cop or no cop, on duty or off, young or old, those that we love can be taken from us in the blink of an eye.