Bailey's first birthday is only a little more than month away! As this special day approaches, I find myself feeling a little sad. Whenever one of my daughters has a birthday it's always a little emotional for me anyways, but this particular date holds further significance... It will be the official end to our baby days in this household. Sure, Bailey will always be my baby (all of my girls will be), but we'll never again have an infant living under our roof... Unless, of course, by divine intervention. And trust me, it would take one!
Throughout the past months we have slowly rid ourselves of baby apparatuses galore.. Things like the baby swing, play mat, bouncy seat, bassinet, infant tub, etc... We have let go of almost all of our baby clothes and disposed of burp cloths. At first it was a little sad, but now it's a little freeing to have the extra space.
I find myself feeling very content over the fact that we're done having babies. I've loved these past five years that have been packed with welcoming three new lives into our home. There is nothing more precious to me than hearing a newborn's first cries or nursing one of my babies for the first time. It's all so special and sentimental and there is nothing else on the planet that is quite as wonderful. Even so, with each person around me that pops up pregnant, whether it be someone that I "know" on Facebook or in my daily interactions, my first reaction is a tiny tinge of jealousy. There... I said it! It doesn't take away from my happiness for them and it doesn't even mean that I want another baby. I think that it simply means that no matter how happy I am with my own situation, I'm going to still mourn the time that has passed by me so quickly.
It's very weird to be 26 years old and completely done having babies. When I go to school functions for Brooke. I'm the youngest mom there, by far. Most people these days aren't having babies so young and here I am, several years from even being 30, and I'm completely finished with such a significant portion of my life.
If I could change anything. I really wouldn't. There is something to be said for knowing what you want in life and going and getting it. I guess it's just a little weird to sit back and realize that what I always worked for and wanted is here and partially gone. I wish that I had enjoyed being big and pregnant more and that I hadn't wished away some of the more difficult weeks and months.
On a more positive side, however, I love knowing that my current little family of 5 is it. I love that we're complete and that we'll never again have to add to what we're building here.. Our routine, our family structure, etc.. Even though I'm content, though, I don't think that it's wrong to miss the times that are gone!
Monday, February 20, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
Happy 5th Birthday, Brooke!
Dear Brooke,
This past Wednesday you turned 5! I'm still in disbelief over how fast these first years of your life have come and gone. When I think about it, it makes me realize that I better hold on tight to each day because before I know it, you'll be grown.
This year has been a big year for you, my sweet girl! You became a big sister again and I have loved watching you grow into the nurturer that you are. If one of your sisters has a runny nose you take it upon yourself to get them a tissue. If you sense that one of them is in danger you come and get me right away. You also speak to your sisters with such love and gentleness. The way you treat them is so precious to me and your heart of kindness and compassion truly amazes me!
Another major milestone for you this year was that you started school for the first time. I have to be honest with you, those first few weeks of Pre-K were hard for mommy. I used to take you to school and slowly walk away from your classroom. I would secretly wait outside the door and make sure that you were adjusting okay and well received by your classmates. I would then pry myself from the door, only to walk outside and peer into the window of your classroom to check on you once more before heading back home. Then I would go home and cry and sense the emptiness of you being away from me. Now that you're adjusted and thriving in school, I feel much better leaving you each day. When you walk in all of the kids shout your name and they're always happy to see you. Not to mention, you're learning so much and growing my leaps and bounds. I still miss you but our new schedule seems a little bit more normal now.
I hope you now that there is not a day that passes where I don't just stop and stare at you in amazement over your beauty. Each day I am blown away by how much I love you and how incredibly blessed I am to be your mommy. Everyday you make me laugh and smile at least a dozen times and I love the way your crinkle your nose when you laugh. It's evident that your life makes mine so much better!
I'm so thankful for another year that we've had together! I'm so excited for the challenges and adventures that we will explore together in this coming year. I know that my heart will only grow to love you more through each step of the way.
Happy Birthday, princess!! I love you more than I could ever begin to tell you.
With All My Heart,
Mommy
This past Wednesday you turned 5! I'm still in disbelief over how fast these first years of your life have come and gone. When I think about it, it makes me realize that I better hold on tight to each day because before I know it, you'll be grown.
This year has been a big year for you, my sweet girl! You became a big sister again and I have loved watching you grow into the nurturer that you are. If one of your sisters has a runny nose you take it upon yourself to get them a tissue. If you sense that one of them is in danger you come and get me right away. You also speak to your sisters with such love and gentleness. The way you treat them is so precious to me and your heart of kindness and compassion truly amazes me!
Another major milestone for you this year was that you started school for the first time. I have to be honest with you, those first few weeks of Pre-K were hard for mommy. I used to take you to school and slowly walk away from your classroom. I would secretly wait outside the door and make sure that you were adjusting okay and well received by your classmates. I would then pry myself from the door, only to walk outside and peer into the window of your classroom to check on you once more before heading back home. Then I would go home and cry and sense the emptiness of you being away from me. Now that you're adjusted and thriving in school, I feel much better leaving you each day. When you walk in all of the kids shout your name and they're always happy to see you. Not to mention, you're learning so much and growing my leaps and bounds. I still miss you but our new schedule seems a little bit more normal now.
I hope you now that there is not a day that passes where I don't just stop and stare at you in amazement over your beauty. Each day I am blown away by how much I love you and how incredibly blessed I am to be your mommy. Everyday you make me laugh and smile at least a dozen times and I love the way your crinkle your nose when you laugh. It's evident that your life makes mine so much better!
I'm so thankful for another year that we've had together! I'm so excited for the challenges and adventures that we will explore together in this coming year. I know that my heart will only grow to love you more through each step of the way.
Happy Birthday, princess!! I love you more than I could ever begin to tell you.
With All My Heart,
Mommy
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Those Darn Stairs
Well, life as we know it is now over. Bailey figured out how to climb up the stairs this week and it is consuming my life! You may ask, "Why the heck don't you just put up a gate?" What a good question! Our bottom four stairs are open and don't have a wall on both sides. It's hard to explain but my point is that it's impossible to put a gate up until you reach the 4th step... Which is high enough for her to still get hurt if she falls. What a pain!
The gate is a super huge pain in the neck because it's hard to climb over. I usually take it down when Bailey's sleeping and I have forgotten to put it back up several times. One time Brooke came running to the bathroom to tell me Bailey was on the stairs. I was expecting to see her on the bottom step but I was absolutely horrified to see that she had reached the very top of our staircase... She had climbed all 14 steps! I was majorly freaked out after that and have been far more diligent about putting the gate up.
I look forward to the novelty of the stairs wearing off. I'm not sure that will be anytime soon though, I'm afraid. It's amazing how something so common and ordinary can fascinate an almost-11-month-old! It's so exciting to watch them explore and discover the world around them but this just may be a discovery that I could do without!
The gate is a super huge pain in the neck because it's hard to climb over. I usually take it down when Bailey's sleeping and I have forgotten to put it back up several times. One time Brooke came running to the bathroom to tell me Bailey was on the stairs. I was expecting to see her on the bottom step but I was absolutely horrified to see that she had reached the very top of our staircase... She had climbed all 14 steps! I was majorly freaked out after that and have been far more diligent about putting the gate up.
I look forward to the novelty of the stairs wearing off. I'm not sure that will be anytime soon though, I'm afraid. It's amazing how something so common and ordinary can fascinate an almost-11-month-old! It's so exciting to watch them explore and discover the world around them but this just may be a discovery that I could do without!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
The Latest
For the past couple of weeks I have been tirelessly working on photo book Brooke's upcoming birthday. It's one of those books that you can create on Shutterfly and it took me at least 20 hours to get it ready. That explains my absence from the blogging world lately. I'm back, though! Have no fear. Here's the latest...
*Bailey continues to amaze us with her improvement! She has started taking steps and the other day she took 9 steps in a row. Life is really about to get crazy! She's also started taking regular naps again and I feel a tad bit more sane, consequently. I am extremely grateful to have a baby who isn't constantly screaming.
*Brooke was baptized today and it was very, very special. She accepted Jesus into her heart and went before the whole church and made her profession of faith. It was such a precious sight to see our pastor, my dad, baptize her because he baptized me at around the same age. It was such a big day for our girl and it brought tears of joy to my eyes!
*Adrienne hasn't had any "major stepping stones" like her sisters but I can't blog about them and not her! So, I will just say that she is absolutely hilarious lately and she makes life a lot of fun. She can be stubborn and difficult sometimes but her goofy ways and big kisses always make up for it. She melts my heart every single day.
*John and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary last Saturday. I cannot believe that 6 years have come and gone so quickly! I grown even more in love with my amazing man with each passing day and when I think about our future, I get excited. I love knowing that I have my best friend right beside me through each step:-) He and I got to go out for a late night dinner while my sister-in-law sat with the girls after bedtime. It was awesome!
That about sums up the past couple of weeks. I feel like lots more has gone on but these are definitely just the highlights! I hope to post more frequently in the future. We'll see how that goes!
*Bailey continues to amaze us with her improvement! She has started taking steps and the other day she took 9 steps in a row. Life is really about to get crazy! She's also started taking regular naps again and I feel a tad bit more sane, consequently. I am extremely grateful to have a baby who isn't constantly screaming.
*Brooke was baptized today and it was very, very special. She accepted Jesus into her heart and went before the whole church and made her profession of faith. It was such a precious sight to see our pastor, my dad, baptize her because he baptized me at around the same age. It was such a big day for our girl and it brought tears of joy to my eyes!
*Adrienne hasn't had any "major stepping stones" like her sisters but I can't blog about them and not her! So, I will just say that she is absolutely hilarious lately and she makes life a lot of fun. She can be stubborn and difficult sometimes but her goofy ways and big kisses always make up for it. She melts my heart every single day.
*John and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary last Saturday. I cannot believe that 6 years have come and gone so quickly! I grown even more in love with my amazing man with each passing day and when I think about our future, I get excited. I love knowing that I have my best friend right beside me through each step:-) He and I got to go out for a late night dinner while my sister-in-law sat with the girls after bedtime. It was awesome!
That about sums up the past couple of weeks. I feel like lots more has gone on but these are definitely just the highlights! I hope to post more frequently in the future. We'll see how that goes!
Friday, January 27, 2012
The BIG Day
Bailey had her tubes put in today. I was obviously a little anxious but I was even more excited for her to have some relief from all of the pain she's been in.My main concern was that she couldn't eat for 4 hours beforehand and I thought that she would flip out from not being able to nurse. It's funny, though, because it really wasn't such a big deal, after all!
When we got to the surgery center it all sank in and I was super nervous. It really helped that Bailey was in surprisingly good spirits and not acting too upset that she couldn't nurse... Though she did try to push the issue a time or 2! I had woken her up in the middle of the night to feed her so she wasn't starving. Once they called us back, they got some vitals on her and we met with her doctor and anaesthesiologist. Before we knew it, she was gone. She gripped on tightly to me when they tried to take her and that was hard but I knew it was for her good.
John and I waited with some people from church who had come to support us. After about 15 minutes I went to go to the bathroom and on the way back I heard my baby flipping out. I peeked in a window of the recovery room and saw them struggling with her and I wanted to go right in and pry her out of the nurses' arms. A nurse walked by and said that someone would come get me when she was settled and I was thinking.. "I'M THE ONE WHO WILL SETTLE HER!!" Only a few seconds later they got me and she was so happy to be able to nurse. She did fuss for about 20 minutes but after that, she was a completely happy and normal baby. Praise God!
The doctor said that he was able to remove a great deal of mucous and fluids from her ears and that her ear drums were stretched and bulging from the pressure. He said that she was probably in a substantial amount of pain all this time. My poor baby! He told us that we should notice a great improvement in her right away and boy, was he right... John and I were amazed today at how happy and content Bailey was. We were able to actually put her down, she took a nap in her crib (usually she has to sleep next to me and nurse!) and she didn't even fuss going to bed. I can't even express how encouraged I feel about her improvement. I look forward to the days ahead!!
I am so thankful that this day that I had been dreading turned into such a great day! It could not have gone better and I feel so relieved for my precious baby.
When we got to the surgery center it all sank in and I was super nervous. It really helped that Bailey was in surprisingly good spirits and not acting too upset that she couldn't nurse... Though she did try to push the issue a time or 2! I had woken her up in the middle of the night to feed her so she wasn't starving. Once they called us back, they got some vitals on her and we met with her doctor and anaesthesiologist. Before we knew it, she was gone. She gripped on tightly to me when they tried to take her and that was hard but I knew it was for her good.
John and I waited with some people from church who had come to support us. After about 15 minutes I went to go to the bathroom and on the way back I heard my baby flipping out. I peeked in a window of the recovery room and saw them struggling with her and I wanted to go right in and pry her out of the nurses' arms. A nurse walked by and said that someone would come get me when she was settled and I was thinking.. "I'M THE ONE WHO WILL SETTLE HER!!" Only a few seconds later they got me and she was so happy to be able to nurse. She did fuss for about 20 minutes but after that, she was a completely happy and normal baby. Praise God!
The doctor said that he was able to remove a great deal of mucous and fluids from her ears and that her ear drums were stretched and bulging from the pressure. He said that she was probably in a substantial amount of pain all this time. My poor baby! He told us that we should notice a great improvement in her right away and boy, was he right... John and I were amazed today at how happy and content Bailey was. We were able to actually put her down, she took a nap in her crib (usually she has to sleep next to me and nurse!) and she didn't even fuss going to bed. I can't even express how encouraged I feel about her improvement. I look forward to the days ahead!!
I am so thankful that this day that I had been dreading turned into such a great day! It could not have gone better and I feel so relieved for my precious baby.
Friday, January 20, 2012
So Long, Toothless Grin!
We have been waiting and waiting for Bailey to cut teeth. The other girls got their first teeth when they were 5 months old. Bailey, on the other hand has remained toothless for almost 10 months... Until today, that is! we woke up this morning with on tooth on the bottom. Both of her eye teeth are about to poke through, also!
I must confess... I'm a little sad to say goodbye to Bailey's toothless grin. I've always thought it was kind of cute that she had no teeth, even though all of her "friends" have lots of them. She's also super attached to breastfeeding and I was more than happy to not have to worry about her biting me with actual teeth. It's a little sad to turn the page onto the next chapter. Maybe I'm being a little overly sentimental on this one?
She does have another ear infection and she has this new teething thing going on but she's been pretty happy. I'm encouraged that she hasn't been a basket case. T poor thing must feel like garbage but she's been sleeping through the night and relatively happy. I'm extremely thankful for that!
The best part of Bailey's tooth discovery this morning was her big sisters... They were so excited for her that they couldn't contain themselves. They wanted to tell their grandparents and of course they wanted to feel it but Miss Bailey wouldn't allow that. I hope they're always this excited over one another's accomplishments!
I must confess... I'm a little sad to say goodbye to Bailey's toothless grin. I've always thought it was kind of cute that she had no teeth, even though all of her "friends" have lots of them. She's also super attached to breastfeeding and I was more than happy to not have to worry about her biting me with actual teeth. It's a little sad to turn the page onto the next chapter. Maybe I'm being a little overly sentimental on this one?
She does have another ear infection and she has this new teething thing going on but she's been pretty happy. I'm encouraged that she hasn't been a basket case. T poor thing must feel like garbage but she's been sleeping through the night and relatively happy. I'm extremely thankful for that!
The best part of Bailey's tooth discovery this morning was her big sisters... They were so excited for her that they couldn't contain themselves. They wanted to tell their grandparents and of course they wanted to feel it but Miss Bailey wouldn't allow that. I hope they're always this excited over one another's accomplishments!
Friday, January 13, 2012
It's A Hard Knock Life
My poor little Bailey hasn't felt well in so long and it's been very, very challenging around here. There are not words to describe just how thin I feel as though I'm being spread. Everything I do from going to the bathroom to cooking dinner is either done with Bailey in tow or with her screaming in the background. There are very few moments through the day when I'm not holding her and I feel so bad for the other girls who aren't getting the best of me. It's been rough. Mostly, though, I'm just feeling so sad for my baby who has got to be even more sick of this than I am!
It's been another long week... I took Bailey back to the doctor on Monday because she had thrush really bad from the last course of antibiotics she was on for her ears. The doctor discovered that both of her ears were severely infected still. He gave her an antibiotic shot in the office and then prescribed her an oral antibiotic. He told me to bring her back on Thursday to recheck her ears and I was shocked when he told me that her infection looked no better:-( So she had yet another shot and we were sent home with a new antibiotic to take. I have to take her back in tomorrow for another shot, too. It's just been A LOT to take care of.. The constant doctor trips, fighting with her over medicine, and mostly, having her be so grumpy and cranky all day, everyday.
I wish I had other things to write about besides ear infections but these weeks have been a blur! I feel like I'm just surviving and not achieving much these days. I've fallen behind on housework and laundry and various other things that I need to accomplish. I wish I was "Super Mom" during times like these:-(
It's been another long week... I took Bailey back to the doctor on Monday because she had thrush really bad from the last course of antibiotics she was on for her ears. The doctor discovered that both of her ears were severely infected still. He gave her an antibiotic shot in the office and then prescribed her an oral antibiotic. He told me to bring her back on Thursday to recheck her ears and I was shocked when he told me that her infection looked no better:-( So she had yet another shot and we were sent home with a new antibiotic to take. I have to take her back in tomorrow for another shot, too. It's just been A LOT to take care of.. The constant doctor trips, fighting with her over medicine, and mostly, having her be so grumpy and cranky all day, everyday.
I wish I had other things to write about besides ear infections but these weeks have been a blur! I feel like I'm just surviving and not achieving much these days. I've fallen behind on housework and laundry and various other things that I need to accomplish. I wish I was "Super Mom" during times like these:-(
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