Letting Go of Fear

In a nearby county, a police officer walked into a home to handle a domestic disturbance- as my husband often does- and he was instantly shot in the head and killed. To make the story even more tragic, he left behind an 18-month-old and a wife who was 9 months pregnant. In fact, the news of his death was so horrible for her that she actually went into labor that day. Does it get much more awful than that?

Every time a police officer dies, whether it be in California or Texas or anywhere else, it shakes me. Then, when a police officer dies in New York it feels a little bit more scary. When it's several counties away, like this was, it's magnified by about 100. We like to think of these things as being "isolated incidents"- but they're not. We also like to believe that they're so far away that they'll never happen- but again, they're just not.

I quickly learned that this police officer was also a youth pastor for a church that partners with our church's association and it devastated me even more. He was apparently a wonderful man who was impacting so many around him through his service to the Lord. A member of our church actually knew him had worked with him previously and his death has shaken so many that knew him- and even those that didn't.

I can't really go into a lot of detail but my husband has been in situations where the very fact that he came home alive was a miracle. One of these incidents happened the weekend before Adrienne was born and I distinctly remember saying to him, "What if you hadn't have come home? How would I have brought another child into the world alone, let alone raise her?" When I think of the fear that I had over something that didn't happen, I am brought to tears over that man's poor widow who is facing my absolute worst fear, and I'm sure hers, as well.

What a reminder that nothing should be taken for granted. Each night that I send my man out the door I pray for his safety that God would look over him. I make sure that we never leave one another with harsh words or without saying, "I love you." Both of us strive to do that. Sometimes I try to ignore the dangers of my husband's job for my own peace of mind but that's just ignorance on my part. True peace of mind only comes from laying my burdens down at the feet of Jesus and leaving them there. I do the first part pretty well but then I always seem to pick them back up again every time I feel like my security has been shaken. That's not true faith, though, and as I'm finding, the only way to ever feel unmoved and unshaken by the craziness around us is through absolute, total, and complete faith.