True Contentment

I haven't wanted to share too much about what's really going on inside my heart because it involves other members of my family. I didn't want to steal their thunder by sharing their news (in case people I know in real life read this blog) but now I can talk freely.. Both my sister and my sister-in-law (my brother's wife) are pregnant and due within days of each other! 

On Brooke's birthday, which was in February, I literally found out about both of the pregnancies simultaneously. It was so funny because we were at church and my sister-in-law pulled my sister and me aside to whisper her news and immediately after, my sister divulged her secret. It was crazy!  Maybe I was just overly emotional from it being Brooke's birthday, but after congratulating both of them, I went to the bathroom and cried.

I guess I had thought I was content with our decision to be done having babies, but in that moment, I wondered if I really was. It's so easy to say you're done, but when you see others around you experiencing the blessing of pregnancy and new life, it's a whole heck of a lot harder. For a couple of days after the big news I continued to feel a little bit sad. Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled about the precious babies but maybe feeling a little sorry for myself that I wouldn't be going through that amazing journey again.

I realized that being content wasn't some magical switch that I could switch on or off... It was a true attitude and mindset that could come from God and God alone. I just committed myself to praying about it and I asked a few trusted friends/family to join me. Let me just say, through the past few months I have grown more and more content by the second. I'm actually at the point now where I look at my sisters having babies and think how happy I am that it's NOT me. Lol. I'm truly excited to finally be an aunt to a baby without having one of my own.. I've never had my hands free to hold a new niece or nephew for very long so this is going to be great! Each of them found out their baby's gender this week and I even had some fun buying tiny little newborn outfits today. I'm pretty sure that would have been accompanied by tears a few months ago!

I am so thankful that I'm truly in a place where I can be happy to move on. There will be things that I will always miss about the whole process of bringing new life into the world... Even when I'm old and gray. Even so, I'm eager to see what God has in store for my family and me as we turn the page on this chapter of our lives.