Adrienne's Birth Story

I'll admit, I've been struggling with the events of Adrienne's birth a little bit. Obviously I'm thrilled about her arrival and I know that it's a miracle anytime a precious new life enters the world, but sometimes I feel like her birth wasn't as special as it should have been. Here's our story...

On Wednesday, May 27Th, John and I got up at 5:30 in the morning to make it to the hospital by 6:30 for our scheduled C-Section. My surgery was scheduled for 8 that morning but they had to get me hooked up to an IV and monitor the baby's heartbeat before I could go into the operating room. Upon arriving, the nurses got us all settled in our room, I talked with the anesthesiologist a bit about the spinal, my doctor ran over the procedure with me and reassured me that everything would be okay, and then we just waited. Two other women were delivering babies (vaginally, of course) so my doctor had to delay us about half hour so he could finish taking care of the other women. Man, tacking on those additional thirty minutes to my wait was NOT fun!

Despite many reservations about having another C-Section, I really managed to stay calm throughout that morning. John was an amazing friend and support and I think that the whole situation was just so surreal to me that it didn't hit me until we got into the operating room. John couldn't be in the operating room with me while they were administering my spinal so I walked in there with the anesthesiologist and was greeted by a few nurses. The room was stark white with bright lights and it was freezing. I remember thinking how freaky it was to be in that room... Especially without John. With Brooke's C-Section I had been in labor for so long that I didn't have time to observe my surroundings, but my awareness this time really worked towards my disadvantage. I became very, very afraid as soon as they sat me on the operating table and all of the emotions just hit me right there. It occurred to me that I WAS having a C-Section and there was no going back... I really was going to forgo my so-desired VBAC, even though I had never really wanted to. At that moment I was also petrified about so many things- Dying on the operating table, being a mother to two, recovering after the surgery, etc, etc.. That's when my tears started. I just sat there crying, like a fool, I'm sure, and I remember my doctor saying, "Jillian, you're going to make me cry!" That certainly helped lighten the mood a bit though and the nurses were very sensitive, which helped greatly.

After my slight emotional breakdown, the anesthesiologist gave me my spinal. I knew that my legs would go numb and all of that and with Brooke, it didn't faze me, but this time around, I seriously couldn't handle it. I tried to move my leg and realized that I couldn't control the lower half of my body and suddenly I became claustrophobic in my own body. I just can't describe it. I started to feel panicked because of how horrible I felt and then I started vomiting uncontrollably and I couldn't seem to stop for the entire surgery, regardless of what medicine they gave me to help me. I also lost all feelings in my arms and hands, the room was spinning out of control, and everything went blurry. Also, I had an allergic reaction to the spinal that made me itch everywhere. They strapped my arms to table so I couldn't even reach up to scratch my face and it was seriously driving me insane. I was begging to scratch my face and the anesthesiologist said that I couldn't have my hands released. She also told me that she was going to need to put me to sleep because I was hyperventilating and of course I begged for her not to. I looked over at the nurse and I said, "Listen, I can't do this. I'm trying but I don't want to have this surgery." She said, "Honey, it's okay. Just settle down." Finally, they brought John into see me and I started to regain a little bit of my composure at that point and thankfully avoided being put to sleep.

After about 10 minutes or so, Adrienne made her arrival into the world at 9:01... Except it really wasn't a joyful moment because it was filled with fear. She wasn't crying and I said, "What's wrong?? Can I see my baby? Why is she not crying?" I just sensed that there was a problem. One nurse yelled over, "I'm just clearing out her lungs so she can breathe. She'll be okay." I kept begging to see her and they couldn't let me at that point. Finally Adrienne started to gurgle and I said, "Why's she gurgling?" The doctor said, "Because she wants to have minty fresh breath." I guess the humor was helpful at that point, I don't know. I then got more concerned as the nurses were rushing around so I said, "She's not okay, is she?" One nurse said, "Honey, if she's not okay, I promise we'll tell you." I said, "No, I don't think you will." The room filled with laughter and the anesthesiologist said, "You're a true type A personality, aren't ya, Jillian?" More laughter resounded. After a long, long wait the nurse came over to my bed with Adrienne and said, "This is your baby but she has to go to the nursery." My eyesight was still blurry and I was kind of out of it from the narcotics and I said, "Please, can I touch her. Could you please let me be with her?" The nurse told me no and left quickly. I sent John to be by Adrienne's side, despite the fact that I wanted his support, and I was left the OR alone to be sewed up. That was a pretty a low point because I was a new mother, yet I couldn't even see or enjoy my baby at that point. My doctor said that she had ingested too much amniotic fluid which is "very common for C-Section babies." I remember thinking that I had caused her to be sick because I'm the one who HAD to have the stupid C-Section.

After the surgery was completed, I was wheeled into the recovery room. I was still without John and the nurses couldn't get my uterus to harden so they started rushing around and paging my doctor repeatedly. I just had this pit in my stomach and despite still being mostly numb from the spinal, every time they would massage my uterus, I was in horrible, horrible pain. I was scared about how much blood I was losing and I worried about Adrienne, all at once. Finally they gave me a shot and then some Pitocin in my IV and my uterus cooperated. When that whole issue was taken care of, I said, "Okay, I'm ready for my baby." The nurses said, "Oh, well you'll have her in a bit... Maybe when you go to your room." I was very upset because I was expecting to see her almost immediately.

After going into my room, John told me that Adrienne was still being looked over by the doctors and that she couldn't be with us. So, there was our entire family waiting to see our new baby and Brooke was there with her "I'm A Big Sister" shirt and a card for her sister... Yet, all they got to see was a very upset me. It was awful. I felt so empty and helpless at that point.

John had spent the rest of that afternoon going back and forth between the special care nursery and my room. He would come back by my side and I would beg him to be with Adrienne. He must have felt so torn. A bit later in the day, they informed us that 1) Adrienne would be needing an IV and that 2) she would not be allowed to leave the special care nursery with all of the monitors and machines until at least the next day. At that point I hadn't even met her for more than 2 seconds so needless to say, I was heartbroken.

After about 8 hours, the nurses let me get out of bed and go to the nursery to see Adrienne. Getting out of bed was one of the most painful experiences, especially since it was shortly after my C-Section, yet I was letting nothing stop me from meeting my baby. When I saw her in the nursery, I was alarmed by the machines and everything that she was hooked onto and it just broke my heart. I was able to hold her for a few minutes but they took her from me when an alarm that her oxygen levels were low kept sounding. I wasn't able to nurse her or anything for that entire day and it was just awful.

Finally, at about 10 AM the next morning, Adrienne was brought to me with NO STRINGS ATTACHED and she and I were able to finally bond. Those hours were priceless and I will never forget how extremely special they were to me.

So, there you have it... Adrienne's birth story. While it was rocky and nothing really went as I had planned, I need to remember that I have beautiful, healthy baby to show for all of that and she is no less special because her arrival wasn't picture perfect!