Monday, December 7, 2009

Struggling with the Struggle

I have been feeling perpetually discouraged and exhaustion over Brooke lately, to be completely honest. She and I go head to head on just about everything and it seriously wears me down after a while. It's increasingly more difficult for me when I see her giving John NO attitude and obeying him completely. He's a great dad and I'm happy over their amazing relationship but it sometimes makes me feel sad that she's not that same kid for me.

Brooke's a great kid. Really. She's kind hearted and loving. She's amazing with her sister and it's obvious that she adores her. She's helpful (MOST of the time). In this short time, she has gone from being not potty trained to being 100 perfect potty trained.. Even staying dry at night and for naps. She is compliant when it comes to most things and I often hear from others how sweet she is. Yes, my Brookie is all of the above things. However, she gives me an attitude about everything.

Just this morning she had a fit because I told her it was time to leave the house. She freaked out, said she wouldn't go, and then started screaming. This would be manageable if it was an isolated incident but these types of things happen ALL DAY LONG. Her latest thing is telling me, "No, cuz I'm gonna be afraid," whenever she's asked to do something. Another popular excuse is, "No thanks. Not now cuz my X hurts." (Insert any imaginable body part for X, by the way)

I'm also struggling because when other people are around, it's like I don't exist. We were at my in-law's house for another joint birthday part for John and me and once she saw her relatives, it's like I was seriously not there. Anytime I would try to talk to her or get her to do something (like put her PJ's on before leaving) she would either ignore me or flip out. I know that she sees me so often and that I shouldn't take it personally, but it's hard to have your child treat you like that when you live and breathe for them.

I'm not sure why she's resisting ME so much lately. Is it simply her age and only a short phase that will pass as quickly as it started? Is it her adjusting to Adrienne's permanence now that she's starting to be awake more and more interactive? Or is it what I fear the most... That Brooke and I will just clash for the rest of our lives? I know that I'm probably going to be the stern parent while John will be the fun, easy-going parent, which is fine. I'm just concerned that she and I will butt heads on everything. Some parents mesh differently with different kids. One thing that I have to realize is that I'm not here to be Brooke's friend and I'm not here to seek her approval.. I'm here to be her mom and whether she appreciates it or not, that's my number 1 purpose in her life.

I have tried so hard to focus more special attention on Brooke lately. We have done countless activities together during Adrienne's nap or after she's down for the night. Despite my efforts, I have not noticed any change in her behavior towards me and it just stinks! Hopefully she'll snap out of this soon?

I knew that parenting was a difficult job but I didn't realize just HOW difficult it was until Brooke started this recent phase. I fear that it only gets harder?? They sure are worth it, though... Despite it all!

1 comment:

rccalyn said...

Marissa and I have gone through that on and off. And she's always listened to Dan better too. I think the fact that I'm ALWAYS around her has a lot to do with it. My mom and I always clashed especially hard because we were/are so much alike. It's hard though!