A couple weeks ago a group of people from church was talking about having children. One lady (who was visiting) said that she used to put effort into her appearance before children and now she just doesn't care. She continued and said that she used to want to spend time with her husband but now she's too busy for that, also. Then she said to my brother (who is expecting his first baby in September), "Enjoy the time now because children just zap you." My brother and his wife said, "We're scared now!" I was trying to be polite and welcoming to this individual but I was coming unglued! I LOVE my children and while they require effort and time sacrifices, I didn't just throw the old Jillian out the window, along with my spouse, the day I became a mother!
I took my brother aside after class and tried to give him my take on parenting. I remember being afraid (though excited) about how parenting would change my world when I was pregnant with Brooke and comments like that would have really discouraged me. I tried to explain to him that though parenting is challenging it's even more rewarding! It's not some infliction or a horrible lifestyle that includes no fun. John and I haven't really stopped doing things but we've just simply incorporated our children into our plans. It was an adjustment, sure, but it doesn't mean that you stop living your life. I just don't get people!
The whole comment that she made about her spouse really frustrated me. This may sound harsh but seriously, I had my husband FIRST. I love my children and I will always, always meet their needs and care for them but making time for John and his needs is just as much of a priority. I get so sad when I hear about couples who split up after they become empty-nesters because they suddenly realize that all they ever had in common was their children. Obviously John and I have kids together but above that, we are best friends and we love to laugh together, "play" together, and just BE together. Children add to what we have as a couple... Not take away.
John and I had Brooke 13 months after we got married and believe it or not, people made rude comments on the timing. I'm not saying that having a baby that quickly into a marriage is for everyone but I'm really proud of the way that our relationship has matured through it all. One person that I worked with while pregnant with Brooke said that they baby would ruin my marriage. I guess that just all goes back to the fact that people have no respect for vows they made to love, honor, and cherish "from this day forward." I guess that's another topic that could really get me going right now. Lol
I am so thankful for my children. They are gifts from Jesus and I am blessed beyond belief that He chose for them to live in MY home. Sure, I can't be selfish anymore and I always have to meet their needs but life is still abundant and rich and I can honestly say that I love my husband more today than I ever have!
2 comments:
Wow, I didn't realize you had Brooke so soon after getting married! Marissa was born 10 months after we were married. Lol. We recently calculated and there have only been about 5 months where I wasn't pregnant or nursing for our entire marriage (between both girls and 2 miscarriages). Seems ridiculous now, but we didn't really plan it that way!
I hate how some people focus on the negative of having kids, when all that really matters are the positives!
sounds like YOU have your priorities right! I remember being scared of peoples' negative comments about "life after children" BUT I'm with you life is different but even better than imaginable! The good just gets better :-) I love my husband even more seeing him in the role as a dad. We didn't give any of our hobbies up because we had a child - we just found ways to incorporate her and she brings so much joy to everything we do as a family. It is sad to think of people letting children be a "negative" thing in their marriage/family. Or losing sight of themselves merely because you have children. What a great post and reminder to find the JOY our lives have to offer. :-)
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