Thoughts on the Future

I have always been content without a college degree. I went to college for two semesters but chose to drop out because I hated it that much. In fact, I can remember calling John on my first day of college crying and telling him that I never wanted to go back. I continued to go and struggled horribly for another two semesters until I just decided that it wasn't for me and quit. I honestly don't think there's shame in that and I'm truly happy that I got to get married, have babies, and focus on being a homemaker. How awesome is that??

I'm not a student. It's very hard for me to do well in school for some reason. I can study for hours and get a C when many others I know don't study at all and get an A! I'm not trying to cling to the past but I'll never forget studying and studying and studying for a biology exam in high school, only to get a 75 or so, and my teacher came up to me after class and said, "You're not glorifying God with your work ethic." Yeah, that stung. I did try and I did give it my best... It just wasn't good enough. I think from that point on I played the stupid ditz or the troublemaker or the comedian because it was so much easier to pretend that I didn't care. I also have quite a hard time focusing or sitting still. To this day, even in church, I have to really, really work on paying attention.. Even though my dad's the pastor and is an absolutely phenomenal speaker. It's just how I'm wired.

Despite my contentment without my degree, I have to admit that I look at the degree that others have in my family and it sort of makes me feel a bit inferior if I focus on it. Out of John's brother and his wife, John's sister, my brother and his wife, and my sister and her husband... Everyone, including John, has some sort of college degree- but me. Not a one of them was scared off by the challenge of college and they committed themselves completely their schooling successfully. While I don't want to work outside of the home now, I can't help but wonder what their futures are like as opposed to mine. Take my sister (Love you, Alison!), for example... She's an RN and even though she's taking a break to raise her precious family, when they grow she will have that wonderful career to focus on. As for me, I'll probably serve in the cafeteria at school or wait more and more tables. There's not shame in that but I just want MORE for my future.

Ever since I had Brooke and was blown away by the care that the nurses gave me, I have longed to be a nurse... Secretly, of course, but I don't feel like I'm smart enough to ever complete the necessary schooling. Then when I had Adrienne the longing got deeper and just last week when Brooke was in the hospital, it was even more magnified. I can think of nothing more rewarding (short of being a mommy and a wife, of course) than being a nurse and getting to interact with people and to actually do more for them than serving them food. John and I had a long talk today and over the next several years I'm going to pray about maybe going back to school when the kids are in school. He even suggestd that I meet with a college counselor to discuss me taking a few online classes over the next several years to get any prerequisite classes out of the way. It's a long way off, for sure, and it may never happen but I am truly excited at the prospect. It would be amazing to have an exciting career to look forward to when the kids are grown and it would also be nice to have the ability to contribute financially one day. Again, I just don't know.

I almost deleted this entire post because it probably sounds like such a joke but I decided against. After all, these are my thoughts... They're not right or wrong!