When I first found out I was pregnant I was a little bit overwhelmed. I remember telling myself that I had 9 whole months in front of me and that I wouldn't freak out until I had 9 weeks to go. Well, before I even knew what hit me, my C-Section in only 9 weeks away from today. HOLY COW! How did this happen???
I have so many anxieties going through my mind right now. First and foremost, I'm so NOT looking forward to the actual C-Section. Last time was really awful for so many reasons... I kind of "lost it" once I got into the operating room just because I was so afraid and then Adrienne was sick and I couldn't even be with her for the first 24 hours of her life. All of those factors have me worried sick but I'm trying to tell myself that worry is a sin and NOT of God so I should knock it off! I've been having random C-Section related nightmares for the past couple of nights and I know it's because my mind is focused so heavily on it.
I'm also starting to feel like time is quickly running short for Adrienne to be my "baby." I remember feeling very unsettled before Adrienne was born because I didn't want to misplace Brooke too much but she did wonderfully. Adrienne is actually more content and easy-going than Brooke ever was (if that's even possible!) so I'm confident that she'll handle it well. Change is just hard for someone like me to process. I like to be in control of things but that's just not life!
In addition, I'm beginning to feel tons of pressure to get everything done to prepare our home for a new baby. Cupboards and closets should probably get hit with some organization and I should probably start going through all of our newborn clothes to figure out what we'll need to buy. Next month Adrienne will be getting her big girl bed to match Brooke's (they'll be sharing a room) and so that's a huge burden to me right now. Will Adrienne transfer okay? How will it impact nap time and bedtime? There is just so much to be done and I know my busy mind won't rest until I do it!
Most importantly, however, I can't wait to meet my Bailey girl. I'm more curious about who she is with each passing day. Now that she's bigger and I can feel her movements almost constantly, I'm more mindful of her presence. I can't wait to enjoy her and have all of the sentiments of a newborn baby. She will be our last baby so this process has been a little bittersweet for me. When it's all said and done, however, I think it will just feel great to know that our family is complete.
1 comment:
awww no more babies?
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