Yearning For Another One...

I was at the mall today and everywhere I looked I saw pregnant women. Darn it, they were so stinking cute and I just wanted to steal their big, fat bellies away from them. Why didn't I enjoy being pregnant as much as I should have?

I've just been very reminiscent about my pregnancy lately because I keep thinking "this time last year I was..." I was remembering attending holiday functions as a big pregnant woman and not really having to be too concerned about my over-consumption of all of the goodies. I also loved dressing up in my cute maternity clothes and going to Christmas parties. I also find myself thinking about how this time last year I was about 3 months away from giving birth to Brooke and I just couldn't wait. How amazing and surreal that felt!

I failed to mention the other day that I scheduled Brooke's ONE YEAR doctor appointment. The receptionist said, "It went fast, didn't it?" I just stood there thinking about how her life and been really, the blink of an eye, a vapor. I don't remember all the wonderful details of what it was like to be pregnant or to have a newborn in my arms. All I have is this seemingly distant memory of those times in my life. I have been thinking that if these last 9 months of Brookie's short little life have flown like this, then what will the rest of her life be like? It's going to go by so fast and that breaks my heart!

John and I aren't trying to have a baby now and we won't be for a while, but every time I remember how much I enjoyed pregnancy, labor, and how amazing being a mom is, it makes me want to be pregnant NOW. Whenever I have thoughts like this going through my mind is when I just so happen to see a million pregnant ladies in one day. That does NOT help my overly-sentimental mind cope with the fact that right now is not a good time for us to have a baby!!

Here's what I decided though, the longer I hold off getting pregnant, the longer I have with Brooke ALONE. These days now are precious and before I know it, I'll have 3 or 4 (if John allows it!) kids swarming around me and I'll wish that I had cherished each and every solitary moment for what it was.

So, here's to slowing down and embracing every millisecond of Brooke's fastly moving life!

"Seize the day, seize whatever you can
'Cause life slips away just like hourglass sand
Seize the day, pray for grace from God's hand
Then nothing will stand in your way
Seize the day." - Carolyn Arends