There's an awesome verse in the Bible that say, "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4) Now that doesn't mean that God is some cosmic genie and that we can just snap our fingers and have our every wish granted. It does mean, however, that if our joy is truly in Him and we are completely locked in to His will for our lives then what we desire is going to be what He desires. Pretty cool thought, huh?
I bring this up mainly because I have some heavy stuff on my heart these days. I know so many pregnant women right now...I could probably spout off 15 names between the women I see on a regular basis and women that are old acquaintances that I talk to on Facebook. I wouldn't ever say that I was "jealous" of these women because I am so happy for each and every one of them... And I do say that with all sincerity. I just have this deep longing to be pregnant again and the timing is NOT right, nor will it be for a long time to come. Not only does my doctor suggest waiting 12-18 months after a C-Section to become pregnant again, but it's overall way too soon for us to have another baby. Brooke was 20 months old when we got pregnant with Adrienne and that timing was great. Seeing as how Adrienne is 8 months old now, that's over a year from now! Even though I know that now isn't our time, seeing all of these women show up pregnant is surprisingly making me feel kind of... Empty. It's a horrible thing to say, I realize. I have two beautiful daughters and an amazing life!
John and I had a long talk and as usual, I felt so much better after spilling my seemingly irrational thoughts to him. He was amazing and told me what I needed to hear. He said that when we have another baby we will be so happy that waited until the timing was right for OUR family and that none of these feelings will matter anymore when it's our turn again. Isn't that so true? When we hold that baby one day, THAT will be the best timing for us and in that moment, we will want nothing other than that.
I have been praying that God would help me to be content in the waiting. I want to enjoy precious moments with the girls and not wish the year away until we think about having another baby. I truly want my desires to be God's desires and right now, having another baby to scratch my "baby itch" would not be the best things for us. I keep focusing on the fact that if our family never grew again, our family life would still be beyond incredible with the children that God has given us already. We are blessed beyond measure!
I think another thing that kind of gets to me is that there will be a day when I will be done having babies and seeing pregnant women then will REALLY bring up these emotions. I obviously can't keep having babies because I love being pregnant or because I want to "keep up" or because I have a case of baby fever. When we officially "call it quits," I hope to be fully content with that decision. Ya know what though? I don't think that I'll ever get past the amazing experience of bringing new life into the world. As a woman, I think that it's something that I will always desire.
4 comments:
I totally know what you are feeling and I can honestly say that right now, I dont really feel that longing but after Hudson I definitely did! This time...its less so I am hoping that after a third, that feeling will totally disappear! I loved being pregnant as well and cherished every single kick and movement. I really cant wait to feel that again but to know that it will be the last time is really sad. I miss the excitement of every single appointment and the birth day and just everything about it. It is just soooo amazing but you are right, we cant keep having babies to satisfy our longing for pregnancy. I really wonder if when we are done, that God will definitively show us and take that longing away and turn it into memories that we can hold in our hearts forever. I am totally with ya...what are we going to do?!?!?!?!
It's kinda creepy to read something someone else wrote, only to find I could have written everything exactly the same way!
The time isn't right for us either, but we're happy now!
There is one more thing that makes me want to get pregnant A LOT sooner: I'm hoping to still be nursing Arianna, so I don't have to go through the HORRID first few weeks/months of painful nursing!
oh me too! I was just saying there is something in the water! 4 of my friends just told me all within a month. Hubby has been bringing it up too, he would love to have more first it was 7,WOW then 5 now he says 4...LOL we are at three and I still have 1 1/2yrs of RN school. So we will see
Yeah it's crazy how many people are having babies right now. There are 3 nurses pregnant at my new job. Honestly though, I have to say I don't have a baby 'itch' yet. I have to wait until I finish school or else plan it for a summer vacation. I'm just reveling in Brock for the time being. I think as he gets older and more self-sufficient, then I will wish for a new baby.
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