That Yearning Question

Quite often I am asked that familiar question... "So, are you going to try for that little boy?" First of all, if we try again, it will be for a baby... Not for a boy or a girl. I don't understand why people would automatically assumed that I wouldn't want another little girl because that couldn't be farther from the truth. Second, I just don't know the answer to this reoccurring question!!

Here's the deal, I have always wanted 3 or 4 kids. However, after my 2 C-Sections, my doctor has strongly advised me to only have 1 more baby. He said that subsequent C-Sections get harder and harder and the risks increase. While I don't LOVE being told that it's best to stop at 3, I respect his judgement and I will most likely honor it. That still leaves me with the question... Will we have that 3rd baby? It's something I struggle answering because I want another baby so bad. I don't have this amazing feeling of completeness, like so many mothers say they do after their last baby. I want to be pregnant and experience all of the joys that go hand in hand with that and I want to add yet another dimension of love to our family.

I'm sure you're thinking... "Okay, so what's the problem. Why not have that third baby?" The problem is that children require resources. We are comfortable now. We can clothe our children nicely, we can afford to go out to dinner on Friday nights, we have a nice car and home, and we can save money. With me being a stay-at-home-mom, we definitely make sacrifices, for sure, but we do it with joy for our kids. We just don't know if one more would be too much or if we would be able to afford to help 3 kids out as much as we would be able to help only 2. I want to be able to help them buy their first cars, send them to college, pay for the weddings, etc... Like my parents did for my sibling and me.

Another thing that makes me wrestle this decision is that I'm so happy right now with my two girls. Even though I don't necessarily feel as though my family is complete, life with these two kids is wonderful enough now that I would be completely content.

Being faced with another C-Section makes the prospect of a third baby a little less wonderful, as well. I would GLADLY go through it again to have another baby, but it was really, really, really. Who said that childbirth was suppose to be easy though???

I'm NOT ready to say goodbye to my childbearing days but that's not a reason to keep having babies! I realize that I have a two-month-old and so my view of the future might be a bit skewed, but right now I'm just thinking about this matter a lot. I am so thankful that somewhere in God's big plan He's got my situation figured out because I sure as heck do NOT!