Our Little Republican

Disclaimer: If you are in favor of Obama/Biden, this post might offend you.

The other day we were driving and John saw an Obama sign. He said, "Obama stinks!" The next thing I know, Brooke was in the back seat saying "Mama stinks." Of course I smacked my dear husband because I do NOT want her repeating that over and over.. The mama part, that is. So John said, "Barack stinks, not mama." Now she says, "Barack stinks!" And occasionally she mixes that in with "Mama stinks." Lol! We sometimes forget that we have a little mocking bird named Brooke and that maybe we should use better discretion in what things we say in front of her.

Then it occurred to me... Maybe we should teach her the optimistic things about this election. So we started saying, "McCain is nice!" We had hoped that she would forget all about Obama and only talk about McCain but that didn't work. She kept repeating, "Barack stinks. McCain nice." My oh my. My child is going to say that in front of the wrong person and start a political uproar! Lol

This original incident happened on Friday evening and I've been hoping that Miss Brooke will forget about her newly discovered words, but they just keep popping up. All day long yesterday I had to hear about McCain and Obama from her and today has been more of the same. What am I going to do with her? :-)

I have no shame in telling people who I'm voting for and why I'm voting for them, but we all know that there's a proper time and place for that. I'm not ashamed of what I believe or how I feel politically, however, I'm not sure if my baby broadcasting my feelings on this election is the best thing ever.

I find myself wondering if things like this ever happen to anyone else but me.... Lol

The Most Precious Sound

Brooke has always really enjoyed music. In fact, she walks around all day requesting "me-sock" (music) or for me to "sing." Lately, her favorite song has been There's Something About That Name so she'll come up to me and say "Mommy, sing Jesus." The cutest part is that when she says the "Jesus" part of that sentence she sings that word in the perfect key that that song starts in. So sweet!

Anyways, lately she has become more fluent in singing this song. This first part of the song goes like this:

"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there's just something about that name. Master, Savior, Jesus, like the fragrance after the rain."

This is Brooke's rendition:

"Jesus, Jesus, Jeeeee-sus, some-fin bout that Naynay (Nathan).
Master, Savior Jeeeee-sus, fragrance after rain, rain pitter patter (which is part of our song that we sing about rain)"

Not only does this song paste an enormous smile across my face, but it breaks my heart over how precious and beautiful it sounds. Hearing my little girl sing such special words with that little glimmer in her eyes fills me with joy like none other. The thing that makes me happiest, however, is knowing that it's praise to Jesus and that to Him, it sounds as beautiful as the most gifted vocalist in the world. Isn't that something?

So Blessed

Lately I've been REALLY struggling with not being pregnant. I know it sounds stupid because I have the most amazing, precious little girl that I could ever ask for, but it's so hard to accept that it's just not happening. When we decided to have Brooke, we didn't have to try at all... it just happened on its own. I think that that very fact alone is what's making me get so restless because it made me assume that baby #2would follow suit. Boy was I ever wrong! It's also hard because I know a lot of people that are pregnant and while I'm not jealous of them, I greatly wish that I could join them. Watching their bellies grow and seeing them prepare for the excitement of new life only makes my heart ache even more for another baby.

I'm learning each day to trust God's perfect plan and KNOW that His ways are higher than my ways. I'm trying to lean on scripture and my relationship with God to get me through this time of waiting that seems to weigh so heavily on my mind. If I didn't have that, I'm not really sure what hope I would have!

I heard this song, Blessed, by Martina McBride, and the words really said a lot to me:

I have been kissed by the sun each morning
Put my feet on a hardwood floor
I get to hear my children laughin'
Down the hall through the bedroom door
Sometimes I sit on my front porch swing
Just soakin' up the day
I think to myself, I think to myself
This world is a beautiful place

I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed

Across a crowded room
I know you know what I'm thinkin'
By the way I look at you
And when we're lying in the quiet
And no words have to be said
I think to myself, I think to myself
This love is a beautiful gift

I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed

When I'm...
When I'm singing my kids to sleep
When I feel you holding me
I know

I am so blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed oh yes
i have been blessed, oh yeah yeah

It's one of those songs that made me think and it caused me to realize that I have an amazing, blessed life. Even if I never have another baby, God has given me a life that is full of abundant already. So, intead of being frustrted over the fact that baby #2 is taking an awfully long time to come into our lives, I'm going to rejoice in what I DO have and be thankful for my many blessings... Or at least I'll try harder, anyways:-)

Bye Bye, Florida:-(

It seems as though it's time to get back into the "real world!" We got home from Florida late Monday night and now John has to go back to work tonight:-( I keep remembering this time last week and how our vacation had just started, which kills me! I suppose all good things must come to an end though.

We had such a wonderful time in Florida! I couldn't have asked for more well behaved baby either. Brooke was a trooper! She slept through the night every night and was happy to do just about anything but go to the beach. She HATES the beach because of the sand. We took her there many times throughout the trip and every time, without fail, she says, "All done beach. Messy sand. Bye bye ocean." She make me laugh!

We did a lot of fun things while we were there... Shopping at the outlet malls, eating at really nice seafood restaurants, swimming at their beautiful pool, going to the Tampa Bay zoo, and just driving around and enjoying the gorgeous homes and ocean. It was perfect! Every night we rented a movie and went for ice cream. It was a nice way to wind down!

On the way home we taught Brooke to say "bye bye" to wherever we were leaving on the plane. In Atlanta she said, "Bye bye, Lana." And in Detroit it was "Bye bye, Troit." It was so cute!

Sarah went on vacation with us and she was an enormous help with Brooke! Brooke is in love with her and it was really great having her there. Sarah is so busy with school and work so it was awesome to have a whole week to enjoy being with her.

I just uploaded all of my trip pictures on my Facebook account and I don't feel like putting them on her just now. I'll try to get around to soon though!

It's A MIRACLE!!!

It seems as though we're leaving for vacation today!!!!!!!! The storm apparently isn't going to hit Tampa (as of now, anyways). The projected path today doesn't involve Tampa at all! We're expecting some delays in last leg of our flight... Which is Atlanta to Sarasota because they said there might be heavy wind from the storm. We don't mind delays, as long as we get there! All I have to say is that God is Good.

Please pray for a safe trip for us! I'll be back sometime next week.

Ugh, The Uncertainty Of It All!

So, things are still kind of up in the air about our vacation tomorrow. I HATE that. I would rather have a definite NO answer than an "I don't know." That's just how I am. It would kind of be nice to know what our plans are!

Here's the deal... The airline offered us a weather waver, meaning that we can reschedule our flight for Wednesday until next Tuesday, because of the unpredictability of the storm. HOWEVER, we've been watching the weather non-stop and they don't seem to think that the Tampa area is going to get hammered, like they previously thought. There will definitely be a lot of rain, but they don't think it's likely for it to upgrade into the hurricane that they once thought it would because it's moving faster, meaning doesn't have as much time to build over the ocean before making landfall, and because it is not well organized. That was a couple of minutes ago so who knows what the story will be the next time I turn the TV on! The new projected path of the storm has the system skimming the Tampa area so who knows? All this to say: Our plan is to wait until first thing in the morning to decide if we want to wait or not. Hopefully another 12 hours will give the meteorologists and airlines more insight into the situation so we can be better equipped to make our decision!

I'll try to give an update as to what we decide to do, but I have fifty million things on my plate tomorrow (if we go) so I'm not sure if I'll be able to. I sure hope this whole ordeal all works itself out!

If You're Thinking Of Getting A Puppy... READ THIS FIRST.

Last night we went out to dinner, only to come home and find that stupid Chipper was out of his cage. I had put him in there before we left, so I took full responsibility for him getting out, assuming that I hadn't latched the cage properly. John wasn't too happy with me because there was clean laundry, coin wrappers, my purse, shoes, and urine all over the house. Trust me, I was livid too but I thought I had caused the problem so I kept my mouth shut.

Anyways, last night at 10:30 John left for work and made sure that 1) Chipper was locked in his cage, and 2) that all the doors were locked. At about 12 A.M. I heard somebody in my house. My heart was beating out of my chest. I heard a door open and then I heard someone walking. I thought maybe John was coming home to get something but I looked out the window and his police car was nowhere to be found. Frantically I tried calling him to ask him to come home... Only to have no answer. In the midst of my fear I reminded myself that I needed to stay calm and make sure that Brooke was safe so with much apprehension I walked down the stairs. Lo and behold, standing right in front of me was Chipper. I've never been so happy to see that filthy creature in all my life! Lol! It seems as though that rotten dog has learned to get out of his cage. The wheels in my head got to turning... Was someone in the house that let him out to mess with my head? I was still totally freaked out. I finally called John and he came over and did a thorough search of the house to reassure me. All checked out well, of course.

This experience just confirmed even further that I hate my dog and that I hate being home alone. Those two things really worked against me last night!

So, to you puppy-wanters out there... They may seem cute, but they're worse than children and they cause nothing but trouble AND they smell. However, mine's wonderful so if you want him you can HAVE him! Lol

Bummed Out BIG Time:-(

I am in such a crappy mood right now and for a VERY good reason... Hurricane Fay. I know that weather is unpredictable and all, but her projected is expected to take her to Tampa on Tuesday, which is when we're supposed to arrive in Tampa. We have been counting down the days and hours until this well-needed vacation and if this sets us off then I'll seriously freak out. Why the heck does stuff like this happen to me? I'm just praying that the hurricane 1) weakens and dies down or 2) takes another course. I know that the world doesn't revolve around me and that people get their plans and LIVES ruined by hurricanes all the time and thinking about that is kind of helping me to maintain the proper perspective... It's so not easy though:-(

Today has been kind of a slower day. My brother and his wife, my sister and her husband and son (Nathan) are all in Kitty Hawk, NC for vacation. My parents are in Washington DC for a few days before they drive down to Kitty Hawk to meet everyone. My in-laws are out of town with my brother-in-law and his wife, and John worked last night so he's sleeping. I'm not saying that I'm not self-sufficient or anything, but I do enjoy having people to spend time with... Especially on Saturdays. For some reason I can't stand the thought of being alone on Saturdays. I guess it's because that's when family's usually get together and John never gets them off. Today is okay but I'm REALLY dreading tomorrow, too. I'll be the only one from my side of the family and John's side of the family at church so I won't have anyone to go to lunch with or to help me with Brooke or anything. I have friends there and all but I'm used to being surrounded by my family at church. It's just not going to be the same!

In much more optimistic news, Brookie turned 18 months old yesterday! I seriously can't even believe that. Where, oh where, did the time go? It's hard to think that 18months ago from today I was holding my tiny baby, just learning how to nurse her, and recovering from that horrible C-Section. How soon we forget those first days! I can't wait to do it again!

Okay, it's time for housework. PLEASE PRAY FOR HURRICANE FAY TO DIE!

New "Brooke-isms"

Brooke is blossoming like crazy. Holy cow! Her vocabulary has sky-rocketed yet again and her little personality is seriously cracking me up every 5 seconds. Here are some sweet (or not so sweet!) things that my girl is doing/saying now:

*If she's in her highchair eating and you happen to get up for even a second, she points to you and says, "sit" and gets very angry until you do. I guess she learned that from me always forcing her to sit at the table until everyone's done?

*We have always affectionately referred to her as "B." In the mornings now she goes to her step stool by the bathroom sink, picks up her tooth brush, and says, "B's brush!" At that point she expects me to put the water on so she can splash water all over the bathroom with her toothbrush. It's hilarious to watch!

*Unfortunately Brooke has learned that my name is not just mommy, but also Jillian.
Now she refers to me as Jillian, but with a goofy grin on her face and a giggle, because she knows that I'll correct her. Today John was yelling my name down the stairs so Brooke comes to me, pulls on my pant leg and says "Come, Jillian." My, oh my.

*She loves to sing! Some of her favorites are "Jesus Loves Me," "There's Something About That Name" and "O-I" (which is a VBS song). She can't sing the whole entire songs like Nathan can (not YET anyways!), but she knows the key words.

*When she gets mad at Chipper, she points to him and says, "Night night. Cage. Treat." The stupid dog seriously follows her and she locks him in the cage and gives him a treat. That thrills me, but when she lets him out I'm a little less than impressed. Lol

*She now repeats the phrase "Let me see" throughout the day. I'm not sure why she learned this one because I don't think I say it a lot but I guess I do. Today I had something that she wanted in my hand and she kept saying that, in hopes of taking it from me.

*Her latest frustration is being "stuck." Any time she's picked up when she doesn't want to be, in bed when she doesn't want to sleep, in her car seat, etc... She SCREAMS "stuck." I could laugh about this one all day. What a goof!

*She's actually starting to eat a little bit better, which is BIG deal for us. Today she ate breakfast AND dinner, with no problem. Lunch was a no, but hey, at least we tried. I'm hoping I didn't jinx us by saying this!

*She's still sleeping great! She sleeps in her crib from 8-8 and then comes into our bed until about 9:30 to sleep and nurse. I'm loving these late mornings! She's still taking a 1.5-2 hour nap on top of that too. I hardly know what to do with all of this sleep.

*Papa (my dad) taught her to ask for permission so now every time she wants something she comes up and asks for "mission." Good job, Papa!

*We always ask her if she wants a brother or a sister and she says "sister." I sure hope we can give that to her sooner than later (or a brother)!

*Her obsession with her cousin, Nathan, is still growing strong. She talks about him constantly and every time she sees him she bursts out into laughter. It's so precious watching those two grow together.

Wow, I could keep going if my brain would remember all of the other cute Brookie things, but I think that's all that's coming to my mind now. She's a real blast and I LOVE this age. That rough patch from a couple of weeks ago is long forgotten and I'm overwhelmingly happy about my life and where we're at.

Love Struck

Brooke and I both had our hair cut at Tristyn's mom's house this afternoon. She has a salon in her house and everything and she's been cutting hair for ages, which put my mind at ease about Brooke being such a wiggle worm. Anyways, Brooke was super annoyed that she had to sit still for her haircut, but once Robin (Tristyn's mom) was done cutting it, it looked absolutely beautiful! It's super, super curly now (even more so than before!) and she looks so grown up.

The real fun began when it was my turn to have my hair cut. Hudson, Tristyn's almost 2-year-old son, was there hanging out and he and Brooke were so in awe of each other. They exchanged kisses and hugs and Hudson even told her that he loved her. Lol! I must admit that I was kind of disappointed that Brooke didn't play hard to get, but I figured their interaction was supervised so nothing could go too terrible wrong:-) Ever since Brookie was born we've joked that Hudson was her boyfriend and if we continue at this rate, then we might as well start planning the wedding now. So silly to think about!

Brooke has been such a good, good girl over these last couple of days! Oh my goodness! It's so wonderful to have her back. She keeps me laughing all day long and she has returned to that content, goof ball of a baby that I had. I seriously was moments shy of a meltdown due to prolonged exposure to excessive fussing but she's completely gotten her act together. YAY!!

Alright, John's off tonight and tomorrow night so it's time to relax with him. So exciting!

The Mystery Is Solved!!

Brooke has been extremely fussy and miserable lately and it's been pretty frustrating for me. I was starting to wonder why my content little girl went but this morning she showed up and stayed all day:-) I couldn't imagine what the heck had gotten into her to make her have the sudden change of heart, but finally I realized that her top two eye-teeth have poked through at last!! Hopefully the worst is over and she'll be happier now.

I was pretty sick today with my allergies. I have had horrible allergies my whole life, except for when I was on allergy shots (which I quit when I got pregnant with Brooke). I have been wanting to go back on them but we're trying for baby #2 so it just seems pointless. I have this expensive allergy medication regimen which involves three pills, eye drops, and an inhaler, yet I still find no relief. I woke up this morning with my eyes glued shut and when I finally got them opened they were bright red and so irritated that my vision was blurry. NOT fun:-( I continued to feel this way for the entire day and Brooke's change of attitude made it possible for me to go through this day. I'm not sure how I would have handled a grump on a day such as today!

During Brooke's nap all I wanted to do was die from feeling so allergic, but my housework was too demanding for me to be able to relax. I got so much done so I was happy that I fought through it! ALL of my laundry is done, my floors are mopped, and my bathrooms are clean. Ahh, the satisfaction! Lol! I even made a really good dinner... I put tilapia, zucchini, lemon, red onions, butter, garlic, salt, pepper and broccoli in foil and had John through them on the grill when he woke up. They were AMAZING! I served it over wild rice pilaf and it was perfect. Cooking in the summer is so easy!

Alright, I'm off to watch the Olympics, which are my latest weakness. I just can't seem to get enough of them!

To Wean Or Not To Wean? That Is The Question...

I'm struggling with the whole weaning issue with Brooke. Here's what's going on: She's only nursing once a day, which is first thing in the mornings. However, lately it's been hit or miss. Right now she hasn't nursed in 3 mornings and she doesn't act bothered by it or upset by it. In fact, when she wakes up in the mornings, the first thing she asks for now is milk (from her cup). You may be thinking "So? What's her problem then?" Well, the problem is that if she wakes up early (like 6 A.M. or so) then I can get her back to sleep for at least another hour and half by bringing her back to bed with me and latching her on. I hate throwing that heavy artillery down the drain! Besides, I can't think of a more relaxing way to spend my morning than snuggling with and nursing my girl. Ugh, she's just too big:-(

I know that I could cut nursing out 100 percent and it would be no problem because Brooke's taken the lead with weaning. I've really felt strongly about child-led weaning and that's something that I'm really proud that we could do. Just a few months ago she was completely attached to nursing and it amazes me just how quickly she's changed her mind about it. She used to follow me around all day asking to "nass" and screaming and now she comes up to me with a big smile on her face and says "nass" with a little giggle. I'm really choked up now as I reminisce about those countless days and hours we spent on the living room coach breastfeeding and while I know that I don't want to nurse her until she's 7, I wish that I could have those quiet mommy-Brookie moments back.

So I guess my question is when do I say "enough is enough?" I still have milk ( not much, but some) and tomorrow morning if she asks I'm not going to refuse it to her. At what point do I draw the line though? I just don't know! This subject is so hard because it's very emotional for me. I want to do what's best for Brooke and at this point I'm not sure what the best thing is. I wish I had all the answers...

18-Month-Checkup

Miss Brooke had her 18-month doctor visit today. First and foremost, I cannot believe that my little baby is almost a year and a half old. Where in the universe did the time go???? Wow! Anyways, she's 22 pounds and 30.5 inches long. The doctor said that because she's healthy and thriving, he's not worried about her weight. She's just a tiny little thing and that's okay! Everything else checked out good and he was happy with her developmental progress. So, thank God for a healthy baby!

Brooke's fussing got a little bit better yesterday, though we certainly had our moments. Trust me! I will say, though, that we went out to Olive Garden last night and she was the model child. She sat in her highchair happily, ate a TON of dinner (which is a major rarity for her), and didn't so much as fuss the entire meal. People around us complimented us about how well behaved she was and of course we were proud. We've worked VERY hard to teach her to sit in a restaurant and to wait for us to be done eating to get up. So she DOES listen, after all!! Anyways, today has been a great day too. John's off, which helps, but she was happy and goofy while we were out and about running errands. She's sleeping soundly now and I'm hoping that she wakes up in a good mood.

There's nothing else too new or interesting in our camp. It's the same old, same old but all is well. I'm looking forward to enjoy John again tonight, as he's off. We're going to watch the Olympics opening ceremony and I'm so excited!

Trouble In Paradise

I don't want to complain, but I'm having a really rough day today. Brooke has been a disaster since she woke up this morning and she did not stop crying, screaming, and throwing temper tantrums all day. She has been quite the handful for the last couple of days, but today was super bad. She was extremely clingy and if it hadn't have been for my sister-in-law, Sarah, being over, I think I would have lost my mind. I've had a nasty headache and a pretty much inconsolable baby and that is a dangerous combination.

This is an example to show our day on a small scale: Tonight during church, I went to pick Brooke up and she said, "No, no, no, no, no, no!" She also arched her back and made it almost impossible for me to hold her. When I told her not to be mean to mommy she tried to bite me. I removed her from the crowd of people, took her into the church nursery, and spanked her. I then asked her to tell me that she was sorry and she bit me AGAIN. We went through the whole spanking routine again and finally she said sorry. She then continued to hit my mom (a BIG no-no) and repeat "no" to me every time that I tried to hold her or get her attention throughout the course of the night. NOT FUN. My day was FILLED with incidents such as this.

Brooke's eye-teeth are coming in, for which I've been giving her Tylenol regularly. HOWEVER, I refuse to justify her actions by her teeth. While some of it may be because she's in discomfort, I'm doing her a major disservice by passing ALL of her negative behavior off onto her teething. My job as her mommy is to discipline her in order to set a good foundation for her future, not to make excuses for her.

I have to confess that I'm struggling with my perpetually fussy toddler. I've always prided myself on being a patient, loving mom. In fact, I don't feel successful at many things in life, but being Brooke's mom has always been an area that I feel particularly strong in. When she is so mean and grumpy, I feel like it's my fault somehow. I have not been able to settle her down over these last couple of days and that really bothers me. If I, her mommy, can't fix her, then who can? I realize that I'm not doing any good by beating myself up but it's just so easy to do when I'm mentally and physically exhausted.

On the way home from church, John (the softy daddy) gave Brooke a cookie. She finished it and this is how our night ended:



You can't see the chocolate all over her face and legs in this picture, but all I have to say is this picture alone erases my crazy day. For the most part anyways... Lol

Only Two More Weeks...

Until we leave for VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited! We have so many fun things planned and it's going to be perfect! I look forward to just being with my family and actually get to sleep with John for an entire week. If only it was always vacation...

Does anyone else ever feel like they're too busy wishing things away? For instance, I'm wishing these next two weeks away to get closer and closer to Florida, but it seems to me like we should be able to enjoy each and every day, without wishing for the next "something." This is something I always struggle with. When I was engaged, I wished away that time away so I could be married. When I was pregnant, I wished the time away so I could meet Brooke. Now that I want to have another baby, I'm wishing this time of trying away so I can just I can be pregnant and enjoy all of the wonderful things that come with that. I wish John's days at work away so we can have his days off. When it's Summer, I wish for Fall. When it's Thanksgiving, I wish for Christmas. You get my drift, I wish too much of my life away. I don't think that's right. I think that every day... boring, slow, exciting, mundane, happy, sad... is worth being enjoyed and given the opportunity for greatness.

I always have to remind myself to slow down and smell roses. The life that I have is a wonderful, amazing life and I don't want to wake up when I'm 75 and wonder why the heck I didn't seize the days that I had. I bet I'll wish that I enjoyed boring days spent at home with nothing to do. I don't know. I'm not trying to get too deep today but I was just thinking that I really should start living for today and not tomorrow.

So TODAY!!! What's wonderful about it? It's beautiful outside, my baby is happy, John made it home from work safely this morning, I have many people to love me, I have a cool house to rescue me from the sweltering heat outside, AND Sarah (MY DAWG) is coming over for a girl's night tonight!!! See? That wasn't so hard:-)

Separation Anxiety?

Brooke never went through the whole separation anxiety faze that so many babies seem to go through. I was relieved because I've seen moms who have not been able to leave their babies without them freaking out. However, over the last couple of days Brooke has been super clingy and attached to me. This is so not like her!

Today I went to church earlier than John and Brooke because I had worship practice and John said that when Brooke woke up she screamed hysterically for me and was very upset that I wasn't there. Poor thing! When they got to church she continued to be super clingy to me and she didn't even want to see her family members, who she ordinarily loves. I went to put her in the church nursery and she cried, which is something she never does. She loves being in there and playing with all of her friends and toys. It's just so odd!

Tonight she woke up at 9 (after going down at 7:45) yelling for me. She never does that type of thing so John and I figured that something was bothering her. After letting her fuss for a few minutes, we decided to pick her up and she lied on my chest and snuggled for like half an hour. She didn't even ask to nurse, which still has me surprised, and she wouldn't even go to John. ONLY to me. Wow!

I must admit that I love that my little girl wants me so very bad. She's always been such a busy, independent, content baby who has liked doing things on her own. Her sudden infatuation with me is kind of nice because she's full of hugs, snuggles, and kisses for me and that just makes me the most happy woman in the universe!

Mourning For A Stranger

I am really shaken up by the death of a police officer in one of our local police forces. You hear about cops being killed often, but when it happens in California, Georgia, Florida, etc... it's easy to pass it off and act like it never happened. However, this officer was killed about 20 minutes from where we live and John knows people who were close to him through law enforcement. We've been inundated with stories about him, newscasts in his honor, and articles in the newspaper. It's kind of hard not to think about it a lot.

The officer who was killed was talking to a car along side the road and a drunk driver ran right into him. Of course this scares me to death because how many times during the night... the week... the month... the year... does John pull someone over and stand on the side of the road? That's what he does. That's a crucial part of his job. It just hits me where it hurts because every night that John goes to work I tell him to be careful. Along with "I love you," those are my final words to him as he walks out the door. The man who was killed was "careful." He wasn't doing anything extremely dangerous (or any more dangerous than what he usually does), yet his life was still taken. John can be as careful as he's supposed to be by taking extra steps to do things right, but he can't prevent a crazed lunatic from killing him on the side of the road.

As I looked at the newspaper and read about his widow, I just pictured myself in that position. I never want to be known as John's widow. I stand by his side with great honor and pride and I completely support what he does and who he is to the community, but I do NOT want my husband to be called to give up his life for law enforcement. Maybe I'm just extremely selfish? What scares me the most is that he would take a bullet for his partner and that he puts all risks aside and goes into some extremely dangerous situations. My husband is one heck of a cop and it puts butterflies in my stomach knowing that he wouldn't be half the cop that he is if he wasn't willing to do those things. I know that we need somebody to "protect and serve" but sometimes I ask God why my husband is the one doing it.

I'm pretty heartbroken over this situation. It seems like Satan is really using this to instill worry and doubt in my mind because I've been waking up panicked in the middle of the night that something has happened to John. I'm dwelling on it so frequently that I feel perpetually anxious about my husband's profession. I know that God has told us to "Cast all of our cares on Him, because He cares for us!" but sometimes I feel like my worries are so insurmountable that I can never get past them. That's where faith comes in, I suppose.

I have to take peace in knowing that God's will can't be moved or shaken and that when he chooses to take someone from this Earth that it's all in His perfect plan and timing. That's a fact that I'm leaning on right now. It helps me realize that whether John's a cop, a postman, a business man, a mechanic, etc... God will take him when it's his time to go.

Our Romantic Getaway

We just got back from out little trip and we couldn't have had a nicer time away. The only thing that could have made it better was having Brooke with us! While I missed Brooke horribly the whole entire time (even in the middle of the night), John and I really reconnected and enjoyed some quality time together.

The hotel was gorgeous and extremely clean and comfortable. We had been there before so we expected that it would be wonderful! We went for lots of nice walks, did a bunch of shopping, ate at great restaurants (The Cheesecake Factory, being one of them!!), and we also went to the Buffalo Bill's training camp for John. There was a great mixture of things that both he and I liked to do so we were well entertained!

Last night at dinner we were sitting in the restaurant and while we were enjoying ourselves and having a great time, but I just had this aching in my heart for Brooke. It amazes me how I can never, ever go back to my life before her, not even for a day if I wanted to. While I'm away from her she still consumes me because I'm endlessly concerned about her well-being and the truth is that she makes life so much more interesting and fun when she's around. I loved being with John but it's safe to say that we're never going to feel complete without our baby by our side.

As for Brooke, apparently she did really well with her grandparents! She spent the afternoon and evening with them yesterday and they did a lot of fun things with her. They put her to bed in her Pack and Play while she was awake and she drifted off to sleep. She woke up a few hours later wondering where she was but my sister-in-law took Brooke in her room and they drifted off to sleep until 9 this morning! Patty had to work today so Sarah took care of Brooke today and did an amazing job! Sarah fixed her breakfast, took her for a walk, gave her lunch, put her down for a 2 hour nap, took her to the park, and then out to dinner. Sign that girl up! Any time we tried to call Brooke over the last few days she didn't even want to talk to us because she was too wrapped up in being busy and happy with her family. That made me happy that she wasn't sad but it also made me feel kind of sad because she's so independent. When we went to pick Brooke up this evening she did't even want us and as soon as I picked her up she asked for her grandma. Would it have killed her to have missed me just a little:-( Lol! It's all good. I know that she loves me and that I'm always gonna be her mama. That's all that matters:-)

Well, I have a BUNCH of work to do around the house because we're hosting a church picnic here tomorrow night. I unpacked when I walked in the door so luckily that's behind me! Thank goodness for that!