Wow, next week I will be halfway through my pregnancy! I can hardly believe that. UNBELIEVABLE! Where did the last 19 weeks go? I am enjoying being pregnant so, so much and I think that that's because I'm making a conscious effort to savor each and every stage of this long wait. It's starting to get more exciting because I can feel this precious baby moving and kicking very often now! Over the last couple of weeks it has gone from that fluttering feeling to the obvious movements that I'm feeling now. I love it so much!
I'll admit, however, that with my pending ultrasound (that's a week from Monday), I've been a little bit anxious. I remember feeling this way before Brooke's big ultrasound at 18 weeks so I realize that this comes with the territory, but STILL! First of all, I worry that they'll find something wrong with this baby... There is a whole list of diseases and possible complications that scare the fire out of me! While I would obvious love a baby who had health problem, of course I prefer that my child can carry on a normal, healthy life. As trivial as this is, I also worry that the baby won't show us his/her gender. I want to know the sex so badly so we can plan the nursery and everything and buy the perfect clothes, but if we can't find out there's not much we can do about it! I have been agonizing over this a lot, which has lead me to some pretty insane dreams about this baby. It's exhausting to dream such crazy things every night! Lol
Brooke, who has always been excited for "brother/sister," told me yesterday, "No brother/sister!" Ever since then she's been shaking her head "no" when we ask her if she's excited for me to have the baby. While I know that you can't really take a 23-month-old too seriously, this has me a nervous wreck that we're screwing up her life and she'll be a jealous disaster. I have really been trying to make these months count for something great with her and I know that she knows she is loved very much... Hopefully that stands for something. I asked my sister today how long it took her after Jenna was born to stop feeling sad that it wasn't just Nathan anymore. Do you know what she told me? " The very second that Jenna was born." That really helped me out A LOT and I was reassured that your heart just grows and opens up to each new life the Lord blesses you with.
Alrighty, time to go relax with my husband after a crazy day. It's so nice having him home at night! I'm in heaven:-)