I'm SO Nervous:-(

So, as some of you might know, Brooke's doctor ordered blood work on her about a month ago. She was throwing up so much and having a lot of problems in that area, so he thought he would check her blood to make sure everything was OK. Long story short, her blood work did not come back normal. She had a large amount of irregular white blood cells which are indicative of Leukemia. Of course my husband and I were VERY fearful to hear that word even used in the same sentence as our daughter's name.

It was a very, very rough time of fear. I was so lucky to have such wonderful family, friends, and an amazing husband because they all embraced me. They reminded me of God's provision and His sovereignty. God was reaching out for me, and in my fear, I closed him out. Finally, I allowed His peace to come over me and I told him that Brooke was his in the first place. NOT mine. Through God and the wonderful people He put in my life, I was able to relax much more.

We then had to wait to longest week in my entire life to take more blood. When they took the blood the next week, the number of abnormal blood cells decreased! That was great news because in Leukemia, each day you have progressively more abnormal white blood cells. The doctor said that she could possibly be fighting off an infection and that her body didn't have time to process the cells properly. He decided to wait 3 weeks to take her blood again because if it was just a virus, she would need time to rid her body of the irregular cells.

Well, today is the day that I have been anxious about. We're getting ready to go get MORE blood taken (this will be the 4th time). She screams so loud and she gets so mad that she holds her breath. Honestly, it's one of the worst things that I can imagine. It's sheer misery and I hate subjecting her to pain. John's amazing. He stays strong for both of us during the blood work, and I just stand there trying not to sob (which I always end up doing anyways). Because it's Friday, we probably won't know know the results until Monday. It will be a long weekend because Satan loves to just come in and try to defeat me. If you're reading this, would you please say a prayer for Brooke and for John and me? This has been a long battle in Brooke's short little life and I just so badly want closure. However, I have to accept God's will no matter what the outcome.

In more exciting news, today is John's day off. He doesn't go back in until Sunday night (he works 11 P.M until 7 A.M.). I love his days off. He is my best friend and I treasure the time we spend together. Surprisingly, his weird schedule works perfectly for our little family. At first, it was an adjustment because I missed sleeping next to him, but it's totally fine now. He sleeps during the day, which is just like him being at work, and then we have our evenings and some of our night together. We're also lucky because he works 4 days on and 2 days off. His work week just FLIES by.

Brooke is an amazing little sleeper! She sleeps from 11 (we're on daddy's weird schedule) until about 6 or 7. Occasionally she might wake up for a 3 or 4 o'clock feeding, but not usually. She wakes up when John comes in in the mornings and then she will eat and go back down until 9 or 10. She will sleep however long I let her. She LOVES to sleep. Usually in the mornings, I'm the one waking her up! Lol! I do have a confession though.. We co-sleep. So many people don't agree with it, but I'm under the belief that I'm the mommy and if it works for us then who cares what anyone else thinks. I blame the C-Section for starting the co-sleeping in the first place. I honestly couldn't sit up to get her out of her cradle, so I kept her right next to me from the very beginning. She has such bad reflux now that she chokes on her vomit, and I am not comfortable putting her down to choke in her sleep. I promise I'm not neurotic! It just doesn't set well with me to have her away from me. I would do co-sleeping all over again because it has worked SO well for us. I nurse her on my side and we both fall back asleep if she happens to wake up for a midnight snack. John works nights, so it is nice to have someone next to me! I do want to wean her from it though when the reflux settles down just because I want her to learn to sleep in her crib. I do NOT want a toddler in my bed.

Wow.. I rambled a lot today. Sorry! I hope everyone's doing well. :-) Have a fantastic day!