For those of you who have been reading my blog for a while, you know that something that I have had a really hard time accepting is that I will not be attempting to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) with Adrienne. My C-Section with Brooke caused a lot of emotions and guilt on my part and even though I have come to grips with that whole aspect of it, it does not change my desire to try to do things naturally this time around.
My C-Section has been scheduled for May 27Th since late December so you would think that I would not even question the best mode of delivery for Adrienne and that I would be at peace with it. Wrong! I'm truly wrestling inside as the date of the schedule C-Section quickly approaches. One of the things that has always been somewhat reassuring to me is that Adrienne has been in the transverse position, meaning that I would not be able to deliver her naturally even I had wanted to. However, yesterday my doctor notified me that he thinks she has moved to the head down position. Now that I realize that I could try for my much wanted VBAC, I'm DYING inside. I wish that I could just go for it but the doctor doesn't think it's the most prudent decision and I can't help but wonder if I would be foolish to not heed his advice.
Another thing on my mind is an article that I read yesterday in the waiting room at the doctor's office. This lady wrote about how she had a scheduled C-Section with her first baby (because the baby was breech) and when she chose to have a VBAC the next time she said, "Labor is like driving on the freeway at 4:30... something to be avoided." WRONG! Labor is NOT something to avoided... It is a beautiful, natural process that God has intended for the female body to accomplish. There is nothing more empowering and wonderful than being in labor to bring a healthy life into the world. That lady continued to say that she would never suggest a VBAC because it's just too much work to be in labor and I completely disagree. This is going to sound silly, but I feel like when people hear that I'm having a scheduled C-Section that they think it's because I don't want to be in labor or that I'm just lazy and taking the easy way out. I hate that stereotype because that is NOT why I'm doing this dreaded C-Section.
So, with exactly 8 weeks left until Adrienne's birthday, I'm struggling and I shouldn't be. I should be ridiculously excited but my fears and frustrations of this whole surgery are somewhat surpassing the joy. When will I ever come to grips with this???
2 comments:
That's so hard. It's so hard to make decisions like that. I was juggling the same basic issues when I was about to induce this time. There's so many points on the line between "women have been laboring for centuries without doctors" and "modern medicine". Does that even make sense? As annoying as it sounds, at least both ways you end up with a beautiful baby girl! Hope you can come to peace with a decision before it's time!
I'm so sorry you are struggling with this but you have to think of your main goal---getting Adrienne out safely! Having labor or not you still are carrying a miracle and no matter how she is born you are no less of a woman if you didn't experience the labor part. You will end up with a healthy beautiful baby girl and that's what matters most! I will be praying that the Lord will give you the peace that only He can give!
By the way...breastfeeding is going great! Thank you so much for your encouragement! I never would have made it! We still need to do lunch!!! :0)
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