After I had Brooke I remember being highly emotional. I had a lot of very, very negative thoughts regarding her birth, the weather was dreary, and John was working a weird schedule. Though I was happy that she was a part of our lives, I still couldn't stop crying and feeling sad. I kind of thought that this time around would be more of the same, but luckily, I just get weepy from time-to-time and I'm not perpetually feeling down in the dumps.
It's hard because Brooke has been sick. She woke up this morning throwing up and seriously, she has probably had 15 diarrhea diapers all day. That alone is enough to make a person grow weary, let alone a woman who just had a baby five days ago. She has been sick since Adrienne has been here and that has made for a fussy toddler. It's breaking my heart because she really wants little to do with me and every time I try to help her, she screams for "daddy." Seeing her transfer all of her needs onto John has been a tough pill for me to swallow. I'm used to being the one who she look to for everything.
I'm also struggling because I'm so sore. I think that I'm doing well, considering that I had major abdominal surgery a few days ago, but it still hurts to get up and down and playing on the floor is highly uncomfortable. I want so desperately to take Brooke on walks in the wagon and run around with her outside, but I'm temporarily not capable of that. It's so difficult for me to not be able to enjoy Brooke to the fullest and it's also hard to not be able to carry on with my normal tasks around the house. Relying on others to do so much for me has really been hard.
I'm DYING to get out of this house. I'm the type that needs to be out and about but that has not been a possibility with Brooke being sick and me recovering. Tomorrow should be encouraging though because we are taking Adrienne to the doctor and Brooke for a haircut. I can't wait!
Another thing that I struggle with is looking at the future... I'm already thinking ahead to next week when John is at work and my mom is at work (She's taking off Thursday and Friday to be with me during John's first days back). I'm already wondering how I'll feel when I'm really on my own with these two girls. I wonder how I'll fill my time and how we'll ever get into a routine. I just wish that I could focus on today and not worry about down the road and how we'll make things work.
I hope that nobody who reads this thinks that I'm horribly depressed, because that couldn't be farther from the truth. I might have a touch of the Baby Blues, which is TOTALLY normal, but I seriously love my life and Miss Adrienne is the perfect addition to our family:-) I think it's just hard because Brooke and I have had pretty much the same routine for the past 27 months and now things are just being switched up a little. We'll get back to where we need to be though! And besides, nobody ever said that raising a family would be easy!
2 comments:
Ugh, I can't believe you are dealing with a sick toddler right now! Horrible timing, huh?
Don't worry too much about the future. I'm 3+ months into 2 girls, and I still don't have a great routine for the three of us at home. It takes time, and the hardest thing is getting other things done! Of course the kids get fed and clothed, but the house? HA! Don't let yourself feel guilty about it yet...for a while!
That was the one thing that I worried about and dreaded the most...the day that I would be alone with the boys by myself. And surprisingly...it went really well! There is hope...:0) Your worries and anxiety are totally normal and expected when going through such a big life change!
Post a Comment