Sunday, September 30, 2007

A Change of Pace

Starting tonight our family has to adapt to John's totally new work schedule. Didn't it seem like we just adjusted to his last schedule? He will be working the graveyard shift, which goes from 11 P.M. until 7 in the morning. We've done this shift before and it actually works very well for our family when we finally get used to it.

The first month is usually pretty rough for all of us. John's circadian rhythm obviously gets all out of wack and it causes him to not sleep well during the days. This gives him headaches and he feels lousy much of the time he's awake. Though it's not his fault, I end up feeling very lonely and frustrated in the midst of all of this. For instance, he's now napping in preparation for his long night tonight. I WANT him to rest and do what's best for him, but in the proccess, I miss this time that we would normally be spending together. Brookie's sleeping now and this would regularly be our one-on-one time.

Another reason this whole thing makes me feel so sad inside is because I love being able to fall alseep lying next to my husband. I waited my whole life to get married and enjoy that with my husband. I also love the safety and protection having him next to me provides. It's so nice knowing that I have my own personal cop in my bed that will prevent anything bad from happening to me. When he's not here, any little noise that I hear in the night frightens me and causes my heart to start to race.

In addition, John working during the night also makes me more concerned for his safety. For some reason I just fear him being hurt or killed while I'm sleeping. I know that most of the people who are out driving at night are either drunk or coo-coo and I don't like that he has to be handling them in the dark and when there aren't a lot of other people around. Having my husband as a cop has brought on a lot of fear inside of me. Every time I hear of a police officer shooting my heart just sinks. I am so in love with John and I honestly don't think I could handle losing him.

I know that I have to give these feelings to God. It's not optional... It's 100 percent neccssary for my sanity, well-being, and rest. God will look over John and if he choses to take his life for some reason then he could take it no matter what his profession is.

I suppose that I should also think of all of the positive things about John's job such as the fact that we have a great benefits package and retirement plan, and most importantly, John's living his dream. Also, I'm so incredibly thankful that my husband works so hard and that he has afforded me the luxury to stay at home with Brooke. I know that I'm blessed to have a hard working man who does whatever it takes to provide for us. I'm trying to keep it all in perspective in order to maintain a positive attitude.

Oh the woes of a cop's wife. This all just sounded so glamarous in the beginning. Lol! I've decided that I love my husband but the fact that he's a cop isn't what it's cracked up to be in the movies! I'm just hoping that he stays on this shift for a good while so we don't have to adjust to another shift again soon. One day when he's not a rookie anymore he'll be able to pick a better shift. Yay for that day!!

OK, we'll I'm off to go pack the deputy's lunch... or midnight snack. I figure it's the least I can do for a man that works so hard for me!

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