I know that everything that I'm about to say is irrational but I just have to say it because I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now. The thing that's on my mind tonight is money. I HATE money and anything regarding it. It's just ridiculous. Even though we have money in the bank, enough money to pay our bills, a good income, and most importantly, God has promised to supply all of our needs, I always find myself worried sick about financial issues.
All of this is weighing so heavily on me is because lately we have been spending money like it's going out of style. Right now we're putting in a propane furnace... We budgeted the furnace cost but we never even thought to figure in the $600 cost of filling our propane tanks. Though we had the money, it still really stung to have to spend it. Another expense that I'm lamenting over is the the stupid electrical company. They notified us that the meter in our last house wasn't working properly so to be "fair" we owe them $400 for the estimated energy usage. That's just ridiculous. It's THEIR fault that their meter wasn't working correctly. We're also landscaping, installing gutters, setting up our pool, adjusting to a higher mortgage payment, and paying an arm and a leg for gas. It's madness I tell ya. MADNESS.
My human nature tells me to worry about this and that God doesn't have it figured out. My human nature also leads me down scary paths where I worry about our future... Will we ever be able to put braces on our kids teeth, send them to college, pay for the wedding of their dreams, or help them buy their first car? My parents did all of those things for me and it's only natural that I would want to that and more for my kids.
I worry, worry, worry about all of these important things.. And then I look at John. He's amazing. He's everything I'm not. He looks at our bills and expenses and he doesn't even bat an eyelash. He constantly reassures me that we're doing absolutely fine and he is forever reminding me that God will provide for all of our needs. Granted, we've never hit financial turmoil in our marriage, but still, we've had our ups and downs. Even in the down times, John has not wavered from God's promises and truths. That is such an inspiration to me!
Every time I think thoughts like this I am humbled by how weak I really am. God always comes through and it seriously amazes me. He mysteriously sends extra checks or blessings our way at times like this and it's so crazy. For example, right after Brooke was born we some extra car expenses come up. We had money in savings for them but because we were adjusting to living off of only one income, things were just a little bit tighter than normal. I was worrying and complaining because I HATE to take money out of savings.. HATE. Anyways, the next day we got a $1,300 check in the mail saying that we had overpaid our escrow account. That is NOT a coincidence.
I love how the Bible gives us the perfect and ONLY guide to financial success and freedom. With absolute truth like that there should be no room for questioning in my mind. If we continue to tithe and honor God with our "first fruits" and are good stewards of what He has given us, it's incredible to think of the blessing. We serve an awesome God and I don't know why I ever doubt Him. Shame on me! When will I ever learn?
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