Today has been a VERY rough day. Brooke woke up much earlier than usual with a low grade temperature, a runny nose and a cough. She's been miserable all day long and at some points she has been inconsolable. From 11-12 she screamed hysterically and nothing I did would make her stop. NOTHING. She didn't even want to nurse or anything. I almost got in the car and drove her to the doctor because I thought something horrible was going on with her. It didn't come to that because I ended up putting her to sleep. Her nap only lasted for about half a hour but that was at least a little bit of a break for me.
The fussing, clinging, screaming, and grumpiness continued for the whole entire day. She wouldn't eat, she wouldn't nurse, and she would hardly drink anything. John was really no help because she only wanted ME. She wouldn't go to him at all and she freaked out every time I put her down. I had a nasty headache for much of the day and I'll admit that her being so extra needy didn't help that too much.
At around 7:30 tonight Brooke was begging to go to bed and she kept saying that she was sleepy. I put her in her crib and she completely flipped out on me. This process went on over and over again so I just ended up getting her out. She came downstairs and laid with me and she kept taking her head and smashing it into my mouth. This happened twice and it REALLY hurt but I thought that it was an accident. She did it 3more times in a row so now I have a cut in my lip from my teeth. At that point I had had it. I was at my wits end from the long, exhausting, frustrating day that we had had and I broke down. John picked Brooke up and put her in bed and of course she went right down for him.
I love my baby more than anything in the universe. Her pain is my pain and it breaks my heart when she's not feeling well. Even after a day like this, there is nothing more wonderful than being her mommy. However, at times like this I wonder what the heck I'm doing. I feel so inadequate, so run-down, so lost. I try so hard (harder than you can imagine) to best mom that I can possibly be and when I end my day crying in frustration and mental exhaustion I feel bad. Being a mom is my calling and if I can't do that right then what CAN I do?
I hope and pray that tomorrow is another day. I think that she just has a touch of a cold because John just got over one. John goes back to work tomorrow night and he's going in 4 hours early, which will be at 7. He's doing the same thing on Thursday and I seriously don't know what I'll do if Brooke is as miserable on those nights as she was today. One step at a time, right?
Okay, it's time to relax now. I'm going to go enjoy my husband while I can! Enough baby talk for one night!
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