I have faithfully stood by my idea of letting Brooke self-wean, assuming that one day she would "magically" not demand to nurse as much. There were times when I thought she would nurse until she was 12 but I kept reminding myself that when she was ready that she would let me know. I never wanted to pry her "security blanket" away from her and rock her world... I wanted it to be peaceful and natural.
Over the last couple of days, Brooke has completely cut out all of our nursing sessions, with the exceptions of the morning feeding. She even went without the morning feeding one day which didn't even seem normal to me. In a way her progress is cool because she's growing up and becoming more independent. However, it's also really, really sad for the same exact reasons.
I used to hear women say that their babies would ask for a hug instead of the breast and I never really knew what that meant until these recent days. Brooke now comes up to me and says "Up, please" and she is content to love me, hug me, and maybe even sit with me for a few minutes. Chipper (Dumb dog!!) knocked Brookie over today and she sat there screaming and it kind of sent a bittersweet dagger into my heart when she didn't ask to nurse in the midst of her fear. All she wanted was for me to hold her and reassure, through means other than the breast (juice, kisses, hugs, tickles). It was at that moment that I realized that we're hanging on to the intimate mother-daughter nursing relationship by a thread. We have very few moments of treasured nursing time a day and I can't even believe that we're at this point. Just yesterday I gave birth to her, it seems.
I will happily hold onto the morning session for as long as my girl wants to. It's not doing any harm and I love that that's the way we welcome the new day. I'm sure that the day where she refuses it is fastly approaching but for now, I'll enjoy every minute of it. We're trying to have baby #2 now and who knows what this morning session is doing to my cycles, but really, I just don't care. Brooke's needs trump my strong desire to have another baby, hands down.
So, with that being said, I'm going to go check on my big, independent, precious little girl and say a prayer of thanks for her. I can't not believe how very much I love her. It amazes me every day.
1 comment:
Wow! Seems like in your last post you just mentioned how much she was still nursing, and now this! What a big girl you have :-) It is such a weird thing to not nurse EVERYTIME something happens to upset them. And I definitely still miss that quiet time of cuddles now. But Marissa makes up for it in other ways! I felt kinda bad that I "nudged" Marissa toward weaning, and I wonder how long she would have nursed if I hadn't had a miscarriage, D & C, and some nasty antibiotics that the Dr. said would pass through to her. But she seemed ready enough that it didn't bother her too much. What a weird thing when your baby isn't a baby anymore! That morning feeding was my favorite too...
Post a Comment