The events of this day have been extremely saddening and heartbreaking. They have taken my family by complete surprise and they just don't make sense at all. My sister, Alison, suffered a miscarriage. Without making a spectical out of her and devulging the private matters of her life, I would just like to take a minute to get some of my many thoughts out.
It's really hard for me because I have had a miscarriage before. I know the pain (both physical and emotional) that is involved and how awful it is to "get back into the swing of things." I just wanted to move on with my life but I couldn't forget about the precious life that was once forming inside of me. Knowing that that's how my sister is feeling is the worst part. I never wanted her to have to endure that and I wish that I could take it for her. I wish that she could have been spared of the pain that miscarriages bring.
That whole miscarriage ordeal in my life never made sense to me... Until today. When I heard about my sister I realized that God could actually USE that horrible event in my life to minister to her. While I don't have all of the answers and there are no words that will completely "fix" my sister, it felt so good to give her a hug and truly be able to emphasize with her.
I just don't understand why God does things like this. I'm not angry, I'm not losing my faith, and I'm not doubting God's plan or sovreignty. I just honestly want to know what His purpose is in creating such a precious life only to take it so early. While there are so many things that we won't know on this side of eternity, I still really want answers.
I was feeling extremely down and struggling with some really intense emotions. Then at church tonight we sang the song, Because He Lives. This is what the chorus says:
Because He Lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, all fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future!
And life is worth the living just because He lives.
That song really spoke to me at that time because I was reminded that Jesus dying on the cross and then rising again gives us VICTORY! Though we may be uncertain about life's difficulties and question the things we face, we can be reassured that He's living! He conquered death and surely He can conquer anything and everything that faces us in this life. He knows our pain, our need for healing, and our sadness. He holds our lives, our futures, our family, that precious baby... EVERYTHING... in the palm of His hands. I have to lean on that or I have no other hope.
The next days and weeks will be difficult for my sister and our family. Please keep her in prayer and she heals from this.
1 comment:
Hey Jillian,
I can completely empathize with your situation and what you're going through. No, I've never had a miscarriage, buy my sister-in-law suffered 2 within a few months of each other. It was heart wrenching and reading your entry brought tears to my eyes remembering the pain I went through, and still do when I think of it. It is something that is horrible and we may never know God's purpose for this event, but can only use the situation to grow from. My heart and prayers are with you and Allison. It is truly a very difficult time and you're right that there really aren't any words to help comfort, just actions. Again, I will be thinking of you and your family, God bless.
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