Happy 13 month birthday to my beautiful baby girl!!!! 13 months have flown like crazy and suddenly I find myself as the mother of a toddler. Man, how I love that baby. She's just as precious as they come!
John and I were talking about our housing situation last night. There aren't a lot of houses on the market now so I was kind of down in the dumps. He said something so profound that made me reevaluate what I was feeling. He said, "Ya know, it doesn't matter where we live. It doesn't matter that we don't have a house now or what house we end up in. All that matters is that our daughter is healthy and strong and that we are so blessed to just have her." Together we talked about how this time last year she was so sick... She was constantly throwing up, going through lots of blood work, seeing special doctors to "fix" her, etc.. We were faced with the possibilities of taking her for bone marrow testing and few other scary, scary procedures. Honestly, it was my worst nightmare as a new mother.
As I rehash those memories while I write about all of this, my eyes are filled with tears. My tears last year were as a result of pain, anxiety, self-pity and worry, but this year, I am taken back by how God provided for us and took care of Brooke. If there was nothing wrong with her ever, the fact that she is HERE is a miracle in itself. However, I think that I am more mindful of how much of a miracle she really is, due to the hardships we endured to get her here.
Last night as I nursed Brooke before bed I just stared at her in awe and I cherished every second that she wanted to be still in my arms (Which, might I add, was NOT long). Also at this time last year, I was told that I had to stop breastfeeding because I was "doing more harm than good." A year later, I'm so glad that we still share that special ritual and that I didn't call it quits when it got tough. I'm truly reaping the benefits of that right now.
God has been so good to my family. I look back on the events of Brooke's life and am constantly reminded of that. I like to think that I would still be praising God and giving Him the glory, even if Brooke wasn't okay, but I'm not sure if I would, sadly enough. I'm not where I need to be in my Christian walk but God has really proved to me (as if He really needed to!) that He CAN really do anything and nothing in my life happens to me without His knowledge. As hard as Brooke's trials were last year, I am so glad that God used that in my life to shape me into His image and to strengthen my faith. Pretty cool, huh?
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