This afternoon John's parents took Brooke so I could do some major packing. I got all of Brooke's packing for San Diego done. Yay for me! So that's out of the way and then I moved on to packing up my house in preparation to move. Everywhere I look I see empty cabinets, walls, bookcases, and closets. It doesn't feel like the warm, familiar home that I've lived in for the last 2 years. It feels like this cluttered, unwelcoming mess.
I feel so emotional about this move all of a sudden. This house, though it may be small, has been my HOME, where I've felt loved, safe, accepted, and secure. It's hard for me to fathom not pulling into this driveway after a long or busy day. Instead I'll go somewhere else. I know that we can't stay in this small house forever but it's so hard for me to think about leaving the first home that John and I ever owned.
I realize that once we get settled into the new place that it will soon become home. After all, home is not the walls around us, it's the people and the love. It's just so hard because we're not even 100 percent sure if the house will work out. We could go for our walk through tomorrow and find it to be still disheveled. What also makes this so hard is that we're leaving for vacation on Wednesday so we won't be able to get settled and get organized before we leave. I honestly don't know how I'm going to enjoy vacation with that hanging over my head.
Right now I feel like I want to relax in my home but with all of Earthly possessions in boxes and in disarray, I feel so out of sorts. I don't think that I could relax if I wanted to.
Life goes on, right? Change is hard but I'll live. I have so much to be thankful for and where I live won't change any of that.
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