Sunday, April 13, 2008

The Not-So-Glamorous Account Of Being A Cop's Wife

Before John got his job, the thought of having my husband (well, fiance at the time) as a cop seemed so sexy, so intriguing... So COOL. I would look at police officers and think that they were so important and I wished so badly that John was in their shoes. I couldn't imagine anything more exciting than being the wife of a cop.

Now that John has met his life-long ambition of being a police officer, I'm beaming with pride. He's a wonderful, clean, hard-working cop who treats people with respect, regardless of what predicament he finds them in. He is someone who wants to make a difference and truly serve his community. From being around other law enforcement officers, I know that my husband is a rare find because many of them are a disappointing opposite of John. I'm also proud of John because of how hard he worked to get to where he's at. Police jobs are VERY hard to come by in our area and he had to go through many written tests, physical tests, and an in depth interview process to be hired. Even after John was given his job, he still had a long road ahead of him to become the cop he had dreamed of being... He had to attend a rigorous 6-month-long academy, which was pure torture at many times. Then he had to come back to his police station and pass his 6-week field training tests and finally go through a 6-month probationary period.

With all that being said, I think it's pretty obvious to deduce that I support my husband a 100 million percent. I'm extremely thankful because his job pays the bills and allows us a comfortable lifestyle, in which I get to stay home with Brookie. However, I have to tell ya.. I'm getting sick of the inconveniences of his abnormal schedule. I'm not complaining because I knew that I would have to make sacrifices by marrying a police officer, but sometimes I just wish that my husband could have a predictable, steady schedule. It's just so difficult because he never has the same days off from week to week so our life changes and varies so much. On top of that, him working nights has really put an added strain on our typical flow of things. He wakes up at around 3 in the afternoon and we spend a few hours together, but by 8 he's out for a nap before he leaves for work at 10:30. Lately I've been crying after he leaves because I just miss him so much. I want so badly to sleep next to him and just be near him.

What really evoked my emotions that caused me to write this post was a conversation John and I had a few hours ago. We were talking about some of the dangers involved with his job. It's weird because when he was first a cop I used to be worried sick about him, but after a while, those thoughts faded because I was more familiar with what his job entailed. However, when we were discussing some things that he's dealing with at work, my heart just stopped and I got this huge pit in my stomach. I was just learning to be okay with my husband carrying a gun and chasing "bad guys" and now suddenly, I'm afraid again. I despise that feeling that I get every time my phone doesn't ring when I think that he's supposed to be calling me or every time he's a few minutes late getting home from work. My heart sinks when I don't know that he's okay.

When I thought of John being a cop, I envisioned us going to police picnics, hanging out with police wives, and having this "brotherhood" of people that we shared our lives with... You know, like in the movies. While John has some great friends at work who I know watch his back, it seems like most of the people he works with are drunks and adulterers. I know that that's the real world but I just thought that police officers would be distinguished and mature. I never anticipated that John would work so many childish men who really didn't care too much about their jobs and/or their families.

It's funny because when I was in college I sat next to a cop's wife in one of my classes. I kind of looked up to her because I thought it was so amazing that she was married to a cop. Ha! I told her that my boyfriend wanted to be a cop and she said, "Oh honey, you don't want to marry a cop! The boy a few rows over is studying to be a doctor. Go hook up with him!" Lol! I couldn't imagine what she meant but it's all making a little bit more sense now! Don't get me wrong... In a heartbeat, I'd marry John all over again, police officer and all, but it would be nice if he was in a more predictable, less scary line of work. My dream job for him would be a 9-5 job where he had nights, weekends and holidays off. I know that I should just keep dreaming though!

I hope this post doesn't sound all miserable or anything, because that certainly wasn't my intent. I'm just releasing some of these feelings instead of bottling them up. I do want to emphasize that I'm EXTREMELY blessed and happy and John's crazy schedule doesn't change any of that! And besides, John looks so hot in his uniform that it's all worth it anyways:-)

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Jillian,
Your post gets at the heart of it. Even though I haven't had to experience Rob being deployed yet, it's one of those scary thoughts I've learned to suppress. Lately though, it's reared it's ugly head a few times and I get really scared. I can not imagine my life without Rob. If he were to get killed overseas I would be devastated. And again, I went into this knowing what I was getting myself into. All I, and you, can do is pray that God will keep them safe and bring them home.